The Day I Wish I Had

8 am: Woke up to the smell of gourmet coffee brewing, feeling invigorated and totally refreshed without the alarm clock's banshee wail. Noticed a full pack of cigarettes that had fallen beneath the bed as I reached for my fluffy bunny slippers. A good morning kiss from whatshisname before I booted him out with a phone number and empty promise and got ready for class.

8:30 am: Soaking in the jacuzzi whatshisname left behind, I looked over my reading assignments for the day's classes and realized I could grok every word of the books! 10:00 am: Arrived on campus to discover an early morning invasion of trained attack weasels had forced officials to cancel classes while pieces of the faculty were located and bagged. Went for a cappucino.

4:00 pm: Gay agenda meeting...plotted the takeover and corruption of America over iced tea and other nibblies.

4:05 pm: Decided it wasn't worth the effort. Went home and took a nap.

8:30 pm: Awoke from a strange dream in which I penned the Great American Novel and noticed the reams of paper filling my floor and the ballpoint pen gripped firmly in my paw.

8:31 pm: Vowed aloud that my powers should be used for good, not evil.

8:45 pm: Finished laughing.

Today's thought for the day:
Where have all the cowboys gone? And did they take Jeff Magnus with them?

I miss the snapshot, where is Jeff? And no, I never did get my picture taken with you all. I'm so bummed. I worry that I will now never get the chance! Come back Jeff! Please! I need my statistical fix!

As self-predicted, my job situation is a complete mess as a result of me getting a new job. I kid you not, I was offered a kickass substitute teaching position that has the potential of lasting several weeks in the music department with a gorgeous supporting teacher, making $87/day to teach three classes and what happens? I accept the position only to come home and on whim answer the phone, which I NEVER do - always let the machine get it, and who is on the phone? A man calling about that job in Rochester. I still want the job but it's just wacky that it took him so long to call and when he finally did it was only after I had found something cool here. But that's OK. I am worried though that I did not make a good impression. I wonder if he has the idea that I am only interested in this job because of the free RIT classes. That is a big reason but it's not hte only one. Really, it's not. But it is HUGE!

So in review, three good things happened to me today. I may have scored a cool job for the next few weeks, I may have a chance at this Rochester job and I met a really nice music teacher! yeah baby! Oh and a third thing that was cool - I found ten dollars in my jeans today! Woohoo! Wouldn't it be awful if all of these things didn't work out? If I didn't get the teaching job, didn't get the Rochester job, and didn't get to know the cutie pie teacher? Wow, I really know how to prepare myself to death! Literally!
A daylog after many days of absence here ... it was not that I was busy, more a lack of motivation (which is the reason why I fail to do about half of what I do not do: the other half should be attributed to simple stubborness and depravity).

After this horribly self-referential beginning, let me tell you that being a boss is bastard's work. Yes, I can see you all nod out there ... indeed it is. You must decide about other people's income ! And one is constantly torn between the Demon of Efficiency and the Demon of Tolerance

Demon of Efficiency: if you fired Mr. Foo and Mr. Bar you could hire one really good progo and your life would be easier.
Demon of Tolerance: WHAT ? You had actually promised a raise to Mr. Foo !
DoE: Yes, but in the last two weeks (probably because of the raise idea) he has been slacking like a pro ! He is not worth the chair he rests his sweaty butt on !
DoT: But, but (lip starts trembling) ... you too slack !
DoE: But you are the boss ! You can slack !

... and it goes on and on. Notice the conspicuous absence of any Angel in the dialog. I used to have an Angel of Reason but the various Demons outnumbered and defenestrated him (or her, one is never really sure with angels).
Woe is me, saith baffo. This being out of the way, I must say that a healthy amount of schyzophrenia allows me not to be crushed by my duties and by the possibilities of countless goatfucks: I just tune them out.

Bright, cheery Miss Nice was being crushed by the insanity of the place where we both work. The shifting deadlines, confused objectives and ridiculous requirements, combined with a healthy dose of all-around ignorance, were getting to her: being a smart young woman, she went on vacation. I am happy for her, but I miss the company.
Project Goosefood, now that we are being helped by outside consultants has accelerated its pace ... toward the granite wall that awaits it.
Someone had the brilliant idea to do construction and demolition work in the room where my beloved big, fragile, Sun servers are hosted. The fans promptly sucked in a bucketload of red brick dust, and distributed it inside the machines. I thank Eris for dust-sealed hard disks.
The person guilty for such an unspeakable act of stupidity said that they had covered the machines with a tarp, and that anyway it was unavoidable because those fans sure are powerful. He didn't even say he was sorry. He is a fuckwit. As soon as I can, I will pull the machines out.

In the other side of my job, the Long Haul Division, things are not bad. The new printer, a fine example of when Hewlett Packard gets it right, makes me happy every time I see it. It even has a little IR port, and I can print directly from my Palm Pilot.
My immediate mega boss is on holiday. I am keeping her posted with email, but if I were her, I would ignore it, at least for the first week.

I have re-read "Tristes Tropiques" by Claude Levy-Strauss: lovely.

Homesickness is slowly lifting, because I know that in two weeks' time I'll be in Italy for a fortnight. Joy. I miss my family.

12 September 2000, 10:00AM-10:00AM ADST

Found an annoying problem with timezones, above header is here to correct it.

Today I read a Sherlock Holmes story entitled A Case of Identity, tried playing some Oddworld and getting killed. Which is what some people seem to want to happen to my log.

Margaret has just arrived and has suggested walk to Bondi. I have agreed. It might take my mind off being docked an experience point by that annoying Level 2 or Higher person.

There, that's much better, but I still only have 3 XP.

Before going to dinner, we went over and had a look at the Sydney Harbour National Park and a really spectacular view. I can see why they think it is the best harbour in the world. The harbour bridge had its Olympic Rings on it and everyone was very impressed at the sunset.

After that, we had dinner. I had a Margareta Pizza and a Lemonade, followed by ice cream at the New Zealand Ice Cream place at Bondi. (don't you love hard links?)

Wow. Two votes for my log!

Woke up at 7:00AM. I normally have to wake up this early to get ready to go to school on time anyway I rationalise as I flip the laptop open and dial up.

Woo hoo!!! 5 votes! 5, 5, 5, 5, Stain' Alive.

Ahh... who knows what the , future holds?

Today is the day of the Opening Ceremony Rehersal of the Sydney Olympic Games. My sister is participating in it, so I get a free ticket. I'll keep all you noders informed in what happens in the momentous occasion.

7 Votes! Yeah!

Whoa, what a weekend this was. Apart from the pounding that still sings through my head, all I can think about is how I probably unwittingly saved the life of countless people.

College Station, Texas, a wonderful town, and temporary home of one of my very closest friends Allison Deen. Allison had a party this weekend and of course I was invited.
Arriving at 3:30 I was to say the least a little early, since the party didn't start until 7:00. Well the whole story revolves around this little propane grill that I was elected to bring back to the party from Allison's roomates friend, or something.
We picked up the grill and headed back to the house of the party. Upon arriving Allison decided she would rather use charcoal instead of propane. No big deal, that is a viable option with most grills. Tinfoil was laid down to collect the ashes, and the fire was set.
It was not long until we discovered that the coals were not burning well, and by now many hungry people had arrived.
"Use the gas!" came the idea we would later lament.
No big deal.
So Allison's sister's boyfriend and I are discussing geek things like Palm Pilots and his job with a prestigious computer company, when all of a sudden something fell from the bottom of the grill...
In the corner of my eye I can see it glowing red, so I take a look. It's the propane regulator!
As quick as I can I leap over the stairway and grab the glowing piece and toss it into the grass. And as if in one single movement was at the knob of the propane tank turning it off. The second it was off I heard the tank suck in the flame, but luckily I had already cut off the gas.

In hind sight : WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I got lucky and may have actually saved someone, but damn, that could have easily been the end of TaintedTex.

Last night was *not* one of the good nights. Last night was one of the nights that I forgot that manic depressives have. Fairly irresponsible, since I am one.

I was pretty manic all night - not irritating manic or anything, I just had a lot of enery/got a lot done. Did my homework, went out for coffee, came home ... to find a boy in my house.

See, it's normally not a problem to find a person of either gender in my house at any time of day or night. However, when my psuedo-roommate's boyfriend is out of town and she's actually around, it's not a good thing.

She defines herself by the men who are around, for a number of reasons in her past that are not within her control. However ...

When a man is in the house and he's REMOTELY attractive, she turns into uber-flirt mode. Normally, I can deal with it (although she *is* planning on marrying her current boyfriend, and I can see some obvious potential problems if her flirting gets out of control - she's monogamously challenged).

Last night, I couldn't. We all watched a movie in my room (the guy's a friend of mine, too). I thought it would be cool - she'd slept with this guy, but it was almost two years ago. I was wrong.

They spent the entire night flirting and acting like I was intruding when THEY were the ones invading my bed.

As the manic started to wear off, the depressive hit. I broke down, in an ugly, ugly way. However, because I'm also kind of obsessive, I can't let people see me cry, so they didn't see most of it.

Not that they would have cared.

I'm starting to question the value of that friendship ... and I'm neither manic nor depressed today. I just have to wonder what kind of friend actually makes me think that I'd have to grow a dick to have any sort of permanent value in her life.

I'm so sick of this shit.

I need to get a stable friend or two.

back | days | front

9:05 CET

I've finally succumbed to the temptation of noding whilst on a business trip...

I hate being here. We have to stand up for 90% of this tradeshow, with the other 10% comprising of walking or lifting heavy boxes. I suppose we have to do it to get the business however...

I'm at IBC, a broadcast industry tradeshow where Sony executives shake hands with the heads of the BBC, salespeople try to sell things that they don't understand and I have to use this icky laptop.

As with many stressful situations in my life, I've found myself daydreaming more and more over the past week. I've been accused in the past of not paying attention by managers and friends. That is because I am not. I would rather be saving princesses, forming amazing eco companies that solve world pollution problems, writing amazing software or travelling to distant stars. This isn't to say that I don't consider what people are saying to be unimportant, but just sometimes I want to be elsewhere.

I had a wonderful moment on the train from Schiphol to RAI station; The perfect ambient beauty of global communication's 14:32 started echoing through my mind. Suddenly, I wasn't sitting on an uncomfortable train seat, I was floating in zero gravity in a huge space station with music all around me and a pristine unspoilt ocean planet looming huge in the viewing window. It's a little worrying to me that I can shut myself off from reality so totally, to the point where people can be trying to get my attention with little success.

11:25 CET

Two completely different people

I said to my two managers: "I want to try and pack up our show equipment completely tonight so that I can spend some time in Amsterdam central tomorrow morning before flying home."

My Project Leader thinks "Why the hell do you think you can slack off tomorrow when you're still on company time. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you don't get any free time from now on."

My General manager thinks "Good, dizzy has realised that to have fun later he has to put in extra effort now. I commend him on his priorities. He has been working hard and deserves to have a little free time."

Mental Note: My project leader is a bastard. He always has been and always will be. The best I can do is to turn the other cheek.

17:30 CET

Group Euphoria

There is only half an hour left of the trade show. Right now, there is a strange kind of group euphoria spreading among everyone on the Sony stand. Normally dour people are smiling, taciturn and withdrawn people are cracking jokes and laughing with child-like abandon. It's almost like a mass hysteria is gripping everyone here.

it's almost as though my feet have stopped hurting. It is so strange that my mental state has such an effect on my physical well-being

Well, I've never done a daylog before, but today was hellish, so maybe writing about it will help.

It was Monday, so I wasn't especially happy when I woke up. On the way to work, my car stalled on the 76, which, if you happen to be from Oceanside, you know the 76 is kind of an expressway, with traffic lights. Anyway, I'm stalled, and people are whizzing by at fantasic speed, and I'm trying to figure out how the hell to get my car off the road. While in the midst of this pondering, I hear a loud squeal behind me. I brace for an impact which never comes, then hear a sort of crunching noise. If you've ever heard a wreck, you know what I'm talking about. So I look behind me, and this poor girl had slammed on her brakes to keep from hitting me, and succeeded. The girl behind her, however, was not so fortunate. So at this point, I've caused a wreck, although apparently I'm not legally at fault, because the cop doesn't ticket me. I still feel like shit for causing an accident, however.

So I call a tow truck, and get my car towed to some auto shop, where they tell me it's going to cost five hundred dollars to replace my fuel pump. 'Fuck that,' I think, 'I'll do it myself.' So I have my car towed - again, good thing I have towing insurance - this time I tow it home, after stopping by Auto Zone and picking up a fuel pump, which, incidentally, was about a hundred and forty dollars. I get my car home. jack the fucker up, and discover that I'm missing a neccessary tool, which I now have to wait until tomorrow to purchase.

So now I've missed a whole day of work, with the prospect of missing most of the day tomorrow. Fucking wonderful. So what did I do? I did what every red-blooded American does in a situation like this. I got drunk. It's been a shitty day, I think I'll refrain from doing any noding tonight.



I had a strange dream last night, not enough to make a dream log I guess... I had (when I was awake =) written E-mail to my friend that night, and I dreamed that when I logged on to the mail machine and typed "from", I saw mail from a weird-adressed sender. It had an odd domain name, I think, but from the user part of the address, I knew that this was him. =)

(But in RL, I haven't got a reply - at least not via E-mail. So there.)

Some thoughts today that escaped my mentioning in yesterday: Many corporations still seem to favor "closed-source" programs. But the UML is the trend now, right? Unified Modelling Language, designed to avoid confusion when designing those awfully complicated systems. I heard UML's strength is that it's same everywhere (U in UML). Now, does this make stealing business plans easier, or what? "Good heavens", says the Management. =)

I have realized something through these OO courses: Design is important, and as the old boring comment goes, what is well designed is already half done... I just need to a) pick a design method that fits for me, and b) if the method says "don't do this with a computer", try to do it with a computer. =)

I have been hearing "Good programmer starts the project on paper without the computer" so many times, but I disagree. Why paper when we have GNU Dia and LyX? =)


I found something cool - something titled "RSA encryption, decryption and key generation with Perl/dc/gp", by Vipul Ved Prakash. An obfuscated RSA program shaped like... a dolphin. Sadly, only a few people truly understand dolphins, and this probably won't help... *g*


I updated my home page. Mostly reorganizing the studies-related Stuff, new directory for the digital media course, and stuff like that. Minor tweaks.


I made a picture for the home node - in case I, for some reason, get to level where I can put picture to my home node. Well, actually, I had the picture already inked; I just colored it now, using - of course - GIMP...


I got bored so I made a sirc script for handling E2 exclusively. Maybe I'll now start frequenting #everything. =) The script is just a quick hack that works for me (supposedly); if it blows up when you use it, please mail me. =)

Finished just before midnight - and uncovered a bug in GNU Recode while doing so: Recode translates " (single quote) to " when using html4 encoding. They bastards. Last time I checked, HTML 4.0 deprecated "... or was it something else that got deprecated?

Maybe recode would need an "Everything HTML encoding" that would, for example, translate [ and ] to [ and ] and so on...


I just noticed that I had used two Perl scripts - one of the first Perl scripts I wrote back in 1996 - until this month when I finally got Recode. Speak of dusty, dusty old programs. See? Legacy code isn't a necessary evil, it's evil that just simply hides. =)

Other stuff that happened today

  • For the first time, I sent GnuPG-encrypted E-mail. (I have sent one PGP-encrypted message before, and the recipient didn't even know how to open it... =)
  • I got myself a SourceForge account.

Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today: from Everything2 support for sirc my first perl program

Sydney. Am going to try to get a ticket (A$800-$1300) for the Olympic Games Closing Ceremony. So today I stood in a line outside a ticket bureau for 1-and-a-half hours before discovering it was just for the collection of pre-paid tickets. A foreign camera crew strolled past and filmed us waiting (the line went round the block). It's theoretically possible to buy tickets over the phone; I rang the number (137279) about 50 times during the day and it was always engaged. It's also possible to get them through the official website, but they can only be collected 4 working days after purchase.

Yesterday, gave in to the hysteria and bought a couple of Olympics t-shirts and pins ("Handcrafted in China"). Don't know what came over me. Saw pins of the 2000 Games in combination with those of the past e.g. Sydney 2000 plus London 1948 consists of the Australian flag and the Union Jack. There's a strange one for Sydney 2000 + Berlin 1936: strange in that instead of using what was the German flag of 1936 (the Third Reich's red, black and white swastika ensign?) it has the post-Wall unified Germany flag of today. Same with the pin for Moscow 1980--not the contemporary red and gold hammer-and-sickle but post-Communism's CIS tricolour.

Went to Circular Quay on Sunday. The last time I was there was late afternoon New Year's Eve 1999, when many thousands of people were already there, waiting for the fireworks; and a giant cursive "Eternity" in lighting and fireworks was on the side of the Harbor Bridge where the Olympic rings logo is now. On Sunday a triathlon trial run had just taken place. Pink buoys in Farm Cove. Police and sightseers everywhere, Hungarian athletes having their picture taken against the background of the Opera House sails.

A very large Olympics logo banner is suspended from a crane at the Naval Dockyards beyond Farm Cove. A huge representation of the 5 rings has been installed in Martin Place, and from time to time a fog of dry ice emerges from gratings in the ground at its base. There's a continuous blue line painted on the roads of the marathon route, for the runners to follow. "LOOK LEFT" AND "LOOK RIGHT" have been stencilled on the road surface at pedestrian crossings, like in London. Because of the Olympics, Daylight Saving began in the state of New South Wales on August 27, about seven or eight weeks earlier than it usually has in other years. So now it's Summer Time and it's not even spring yet.

September 9, 2000
September 14, 2000
September 15, 2000
September 18, 2000
September 24, 2000
September 29, 2000
September 30, 2000
October 1, 2000
October 2, 2000

I'm living my life vicariously through my roommate.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the kitchen with my roommate, Christen. Erika (my other roommate) had left for the day and wasn't coming home that evening. Christen was also heading off to spend the night elsewhere.

"You're not coming home tonight?" I ask.


"Sweet, I'm going to swim naked in the pool tonight!"

"Oh, I did that this morning," she answers with a giggle.
15:27 EET

I haven't written day log entries in a while, simply because nothing that meaningful has been going on in my life lately.
No, there still isn't.
But that has never kept me off daylogging for more than a few days, has it? :)

Once again, the work is seriously getting on my nerves. I missed the bus this morning due to no proper sleep on the last two nights, and got a healthy dose of whining & making fun from my boss and one of my collagues upon arriving at the office. As far as I am concerned, the general atmosphere here is downright terrible. I wish they would just sack me if my working hours don't please them. After all, it'a me who is doing them a favor, agreeing to work with an almost non-existent pay.
I really hope the trip to Tokyo becomes a reality, so there is even some motivation to sit here and take the bitching. A new 8-month project is supposed to start next week, and that long commitment to this firm simply scares me.

An old friend called yesterday. We were never that close, and simply lost touch during the last few years. I immediately realized he only called me because he needs something, and I was right. He's coming over today to pick up some CDs.
But at least he tried to make it seem a little less obvious, by providing a few minutes of chit-chat before getting to the point. Too bad his attempt failed miserably. I'm used to this though, so there won't be any hard feelings.

Hopefully I can overcome this noder's block soon, it's quite fustrating to watch other noders coming up with interesting stuff all the time. Continuing my work on synthesizers would be a possibility, but I am not satisfied with the quality of the existing ones. Wouldn't improving them first be better instead of noding for numbers? Or should I start noding something completely different?

My apologies to all of you who aren't interested in this senseless whining. I just needed to get some things off my chest, and this seemed to the best way. My next updates will most likely be more cheerful.

To be continued...

My life is a blank page... and I have writer's block.

The man is gone away. to utah. for weeks. i won't see him for a while. i am sad. but things will be okay.

on a lighter note, i was invited to go skydiving again (i jumped from 13k feet on my 21st birthday). for a long time i said i'd had enough, i didn't want to tempt fate too much by jumping again. but the opportunity has presented itself and i have accepted. the man may come too. sometime in the second week of october (but NOT the second friday, it's the 13th and i AINT going then).

more to come later this afternoon. currently i have a lot actual work to do. ciao.


i'm working on a pseudo-auto-noder. something which will append a list of the nodes written today and append them to a daylog if i've written one.

work is satisfying today. i am accomplishing a lot. it may be a long day but ah well, such is life. my dog and cat are used to me being late. i don't have a family and since my man is out of town there isn't anyone to put ahead of work.


i hadn't heard even a hint of this news, even though the article was posted on September 6, 2000. Apparently, Tori Amos had a baby girl. check it out at Rolling Stone:

Subway Log

I am waiting in the Berkeley BART, around midnight. This older man (short white ponytail under a faded purple baseball cap, white beard, gold-rimed eyeglasses, grey windbreaker, grey pants, large backpack) sits down next to me on the bench, but facing the other way and he flips through the discarded newspaper . . .
"Did you go to the Solano Stroll yesterday?"
"Um, no."
"You know where Solano is, right?"
"Oh yeah, in Albany."
"Albany-Berkeley. It was great. You would have loved it. A great number of townspeople, jugglers, strollers about. Great."
"It was really nice. What we need to do is get rid of the fucking cars. All the fucking cars."
"That is true."
"They're just a fucking mess. No one needs cars, they should walk. And bike."
"No argument here."
He belches repeatedly as he walks down the platform. He comes back, too soon.
"Did you see a movie? tonight?"
"Um, yeah."
"What movie?"
"For a Few Dollars More."
"For a Few Dollars More."
"A Fistfull of Dollars."
"Oh. A Spaghetti Western."
"Yeah, Sergio Leone directing Clint Eastwood."
"I saw The Art of War. Second time. You seen it yet? Great movie."
"Quite a recommendation, to talk to someone who has seen it twice."
"Yeah. What do you do for work?"
"I have an office job."
"I'm a consultant."
"What's your name?"
"(name changed to protect the innocent)"
"Mine's Daniel."
"Nice to meet you."
"When's your birthday?"
"April what?"
"I'm Taurus too. May ninth."
The distinguished moves on to accost another loiterer.
Presently I hear "Where's the fucking Richmond train?"

Ok so here I am in Chicago finally. Well yesterday was an experience - here's the story.

10:00 am - LA
I wake up in my hotel room. My head is telling me that that last pint of snakebite last night was probably a mistake. I turn on the TV and check my flight times. My flight is on schedule but there is a warning that flights to Chicago may experience delays due to weather. I don't pay much attention.

11:10 am - LA
I arrive at the check-in line and am dismayed by its length. I have to be checked in 20 minutes before departure and my flight leaves at 11:35. I resign myself to missing the flight and going on stand by, but when I get to the top of the line they tell me the flight has been delayed until 12:00 so I will be able to make it after all. Foolishly I think this is a good thing

11:50 am - LA
I board flight 1560 to Chicago

11:55 am - LA
I get off flight 1560 to Chicago. We have been told that due to bad weather in Chicago all inbound flights are grounded until further notice. We are asked to wait in the terminal. We are told it shouldnt be too long

2:30 pm - LA
I board flight 1560 to Chicago. We leave the gate and taxi out to the runway. The Captain comes on the PA and explains that we have been grounded again due to bad weather in Chicago. He explains that although it will be uncomfortable we will wait on the plane since it is not expected to take too long

5:30 pm - LA
We finally take off for Chicago

8:30 pm - mid-air
The captain tells us that due to bad weather in Chicago we have been diverted to Minneapolis

9:00 pm ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
We touch down in Minneapolis. The captain tells us that all gates are full so we will have to wait for a gate.

9:30 pm ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
We get a gate. We are given a 1800 number to call to book a new flight to Chicago. We are told that usually we would be put up in a hotel until our flight leaves, but apparently all hotels in Minneapolis are fully booked. We are invited to take the little pillows from the plane with us since we will probably have to sleep in the terminal.

9:45 pm ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
I finally find a free phone and ring the 1800 number. All flights to Chicago are fully booked until 11:30 am the next day. This is a problem since the course I am teaching in Chicago starts at 7:30 am. I book myself on that flight anyway since its the best option at present. I go and collect my luggage from the carousel

10:30 pm ( LA time ) = Minneapolis
I go back to the arrival gate. There doesn't seem much else to do. When I get there there is only only 10 people left and we all have reasons that we need to get to Chicago tonight. I have no idea where everyone else went.

11:00 pm ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
The gate is manned by some very stressed people. They are having to deal with flights from all over that have been diverted here. We have latched on to one lady in particular who is trying to get us to Chicago. She is doing a great job - at times she is one three separate phone calls and the radio at once. She is very thirsty but has run out of water. I go and buy her a bottle of evian from a vending machine. She deserved it.

11:30 pm ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
Our gate lady tells us she may be able to get us on a flight that has been diverted here but which will now be continuing on to Chicago. She tells us not to go anywhere.

12:00 am ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
The flight arrives but it turns out there was a miscalculation and the plane is overloaded for the amount of fuel they have left. She ends up actually having to take people off the plane.

12:30 am ( LA time ) - Minneapolis
Out gate lady finds another flight from Montreal that has some spare seats. We board. This plane has also been trying to get to chicago for the last 12 hours and they have run out of refreshments. I am beyond caring

03:30 am ( Chicago time ) - Chicago
We touch down in Chicago. The flight attendant tells us he is almost moved to tears to be able to say 'Welcome to Chicago'. There are people asleep on the luggage carousel. I guess its as hard to get out of Chicago today as it was to get in. I ring for a limo. They say they will be there in 20 minutes.

03:40 am - Chicago
I am sitting slumped on my suitcase with my akubra in my hand gazing hopefully at every limo that goes past. I notice a guy taking photographs of me. He comes over and tells me he is from some Chigaco newspaper and that they are doing a 24 hours at O'Hare airport special. He asks me how my traveling has been. I tell him. I tell him in explicit detail.

05:00 am - St Charles
Only 14 hours late, I arrive at the centre where preparation for the class I am to teach starts at 7:30. And to think I complained about a 3 hour delay in Melbourne

Kung's USA daylogs prev next, the original resume, along the lines of YOU OWE ME!!! FORTY ACRES AND A MULE, DAMMIT!!! STOP BOMBING VIEQUES, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! FREE LEONARD!!! FREE MUMIA!!! FREE HUEY!!! FREE BEER!!!, didn't work.

The revised version, pointing out my proficiency on a variety of stringed instruments and woodwinds, was also a flop.

The next version, the one that mentioned that I invented Perl, Java, and C#, did the trick; I was wined and dined by many large corporations (and, boy, can they pack it away!), before I decided on the winner, a European publisher that offered many fine perks, including mistresses and inclusion in the Royal Family of Norwegia.

You must, at least inside the borders of Norwegia, address me as "Your Eminence". Got it? I'm told that I now have diplomatic immunity here in New York City, and can get vouchers from the embassy to defray the cost of living next door to my new drinking buddy, Donald Trump.

I must go buy additional beds for the mistresses.

Tex: On behalf of everyone in College Station, thank you for your fast action with the propane tank. If you had ran in fear, you probably wouldn't have made it, I've heard blowing up one of those tanks can level half a city block.

I'm skipping my economics class, but it's nothing we didn't learn in high school. I have a paper on the historical significance of the Erie canal due on friday, which I'm putting off (as usual).

For the record, build #2000091208 of Mozilla has some really annoying bugs, like shortcut keys that are on all the damn time, not just when you hold down ctrl. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day for the lizard.
The last two weeks have been overwhelming and it showed at the doctors today. I go back the 14th for a three hour neuro exam and another two hour one next week.

Are you losing weight? he asked. I mean you look good, but are you still working out and walking?

I say yes to all that then blurt it all out about the dog and my sons starting school, one high school the other college and the one starting high school has sort of gotten lost in all the rush ....

oh yea what else I continue, Let me think oldest son bought his first car and when we went to the DQ to celebrate this guy came up to the car window and started playing with himself in front of me while my boys were inside. He was mentally disabled, his the supervisor came over and put him in the van...and I've been thinking about joining the dog in the bathroom and hiding if this is what's going on in the real world.

I interviewed a company for Job Development Friday. I want to interview a couple of more companies before I decide who to contract with. Oh she seemed so nice! I explained to her that the last job I had was a mess. I worked at PetSmart and part of the requirements was to memorize the company Mission Statement. I couldn't and it was required for my next raise. It was my first job since I had become disabled, they knew about my disability, but didn't know how to handle it, and neither did I. They gave me the raise anyway, soon grumbling was running around on the rumor mill.

Crap! I even kept answering the phone --

Hello, this is KMart, can I help you?

Suddenly the supervisor is saying I took a credit card wrong I have a warning they might lose $300.00, but she can't show me any paperwork about this transaction. Frustrated, I quit.

This is why I'm having someone help me get into a job. They'll transition me for 90 days and then I'm on my own. The paper she gave me has

Work Rules

*Be to work on time every workday.
*No running, yelling, throwing things, saying bad words, fighting, or doing other things that could hurt you or someone else.
*Always listen to your Rehabilitation Technician or Job Coach.

Ha! my husband laughed, You can do this. Doesn't say anything about snoopy dancing !

I fell off the horse and it's time to get back on, but at my own pace.

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7 (NRSV)


Sometimes, I hate my best friend. It's a terrible thing to say, but it's true. I have absolute contempt for him. Some of it, honestly comes from simple envy, but other times. He has this charm that draws people to him, I've watched beautiful people swarm around him. They ignore me. I've watched the clever people become enamored with him, they only want me for conversation. Someone once said that the real difference between me and Angel is simple; he smiles, I don't. He smiles even when he's unhappy, I often have a pensive expression even when I'm enjoying myself.

I don't think it's that simple though. Take Ramiro. Ramiro, Angel and I went to a club not two weeks ago. Angel went off to flirt with anything on two legs, and I stuck with Ramiro who was new to town and knew no one. I danced with Ramiro. He held my hand in the courtyard outside of the club. He had his arm around me possessively several times during the evening.

Later that night, Angel was piss-drunk and nearly passed out in the park across the street from the club. Ramiro was worried about being able to get home in time. He and I, and a couple that are friends of Angel's sat in the park. This strange guy wandered through and started to talk to the four of us. He gave me the creeps. He had two completely different stories for everything; first his name was Andrew, then Andreas, he had a house that was not his house. And there was just something about him in gereral that disturbed me, just a vague intuition of something wrong. I go to check on Angel and make sure he hasn't swallowed his tongue, and when I get back, Ramiro says that Andrew is going to take him home. He says goodbye to them. He did not say goodbye to me.

I called his house later that afternoon because I was annoyed that he had not said goodbye, but also secretly because I wanted to make sure he had made it home okay. He was not there. I called again the following monday, he was still not there. On wednesday I was getting nervous, what if this Andrew had killed Ramiro and stuffed him under his bed? His sister didn't seem worried. But he apparently had not been home since that night. I wondered what to do.

I found out he was fine yesterday. Not because he called me, but because on sunday he called Angel. He called Angel who was not worried about him. Angel who did not call him after. Angel who did not pay any attention to him at all that night. He was worried what Angel might think of him. That, I think was an even bigger slap in the face than his not bothering to say goodbye to me. He still has not called me.

And today I talked to Angel and heard him once more say something callous and unfeeling about someone who had a crush on him. It burns me up that so many people are concerned what Angel thinks, want Angel's friendship, desire his company when he's so unfeeling towards them. He is my best friend, and I know that he can be a good friend, but were he ever to treat me in the same way he treats others, I would never talk to him again and loyalty is one of my best qualities.

Today, I am sick and it's hard to feel attractive when your face is alternately pale and blotchy and you smell like Vick's Vaporub. So when Angel calls me to tell me how he's breaking the heart of some innocent nineteen-year-old, I am not in the mood to hear it. I am not in the mood to hear his phony laugh as he recounts his latest story of playing Estella. I lashed out him. We exchanged angry words.

Neither of us will apologize. One of us will call the other, and we'll pretend nothing has happened. But the reasons will still be there. I think sometimes I feel this way because I wish I had it in me to close myself off like that, to not care. I can't.

Woke up this morning.

Had a weird dream...wait...that goes elsewhere.

Unfortunately it is now dark when I get up (6:30 am PDT). That makes shifting my brain out of standby mode all the more difficult.

Turned on the news. I always hold my breath a short second before the TV turns itself on and I find out that the world didn't blow up overnight. No major disasters, no world leaders got assassinated. Just another slow news day.

My Cheerios are especially flavorful this morning and the milk hasn't turned sour yet. Bonus.

I take my daily Allegra to open my nasal passages. I've got a touch of an ear infection, so I dip a Q-tip in peroxide and swab it in my ear canal. Snap crackle pop! Read the San Jose Mercury sports section. Go Giants!! The magic number is 12.

Off to work. These days I'm working on my own so much there'd probably be only one person who would notice if I skipped out. And that person isn't my boss. But I'm a good soldier. To a degree anyhow, writing this isn't of bringing any increased value to the stockholders.

September in the San Francisco Bay Area is almost invariably sunny, so long as you are on the leeward side of the coastal mountains. But today is cloudy. Almost looks like it will rain, a rare event indeed.

How can I go home, with nothing to say. I know you're going to look at me that way. And say, what did you do out there, what did you decide? You said you needed time, and you had time. You Had Time by Ani DiFranco.

This is my lyric for the day. My quote. It's what I keep telling myself. I'm in the middle of this deconstruction/reconstruction period in my life. Suffice it to say that everything is messy. Maybe it would be easier if I relocated and did what I seem to think I need to do, but last time I did that, which was five years ago, I decided it was just be easier to forget. I wish I hadn't forgotten. It's just making things worse.

I freaked out on the bus ride home from class today. I can't concentrate on my homework. I can't concentrate in my classes. And it's only the third week! I'm not sure I want to be here. Here being classes. Here being school. My friend, Kara, asked if it was school that was the problem, or if it was life in general. She asked what I would do if I wasn't a student. She asked if anything sounded more appealing. I told her that I could be a waitress, and that would be more appealing. She responded with, "Girlface, you're a klutz. Do you really want to be a waitress and have to balance plates and cups and things? You walk into walls on a regular basis. Let's talk about that, shall we?" This is just insane. I had this feeling today that if I could just get away I would be fine. But, rationally I know, that whatever is brothering me here would catch up with me where ever I went. The problem is me. I can't get away from it. So, I don't know what I should be doing. Other than trying to study for the class that I skipped on monday that I have again tomorrow.

I don't know what to do with myself. Except to node and do the homework I can stomach. Maybe the answer will come to me. Who knows?

- | +

Looks like I'm a late one on recapping my day here. I just didn't have the urge last night, I have work to do now so I obviously have to procrastinate and do this instead.

On September 12, 2000 I committed a crime. At least I think so. That crime would be aiding and abetting a fugitive of the law. Here's how the story goes:

My day started off normally, get up late, take a shower, go to my Statistics class. After lamenting once again over the lack of female students (or at least good-looking ones) within my courses, I head on to work. I get to work and start doing my thing.

A friend there pulls me aside and tells me her friend, the palm reader (of September 9, 2000) has escaped a minimum security facility, by jumping through a window. She successfully hitchhiked to Rochester, and needs some help. And so, I go to the rescue.

I drove downtown and met her in front of the Hyatt. She had been hiding in the old subway systms, because apparently her father had alerted the cops that she'd probably try taking a bus back to Binghamton to see her baby daughter. And that was exactly her plan. But she saw them first and took off into the city. Now she needed my help. I drove her over to a mall right by my college, as she requested and another friend of hers was to drive over from Syracuse and take her back to Syracuse. As I was dropping her off she hinted that she'd hope I'd come back and talk to her until her friend arrived, after my night class. And off I went to class.

Learned a little more about use case diagrams and sequence diagrams, and multiplicity and crap like that. I was bored, I had already learned it and done my lab on the subject.

Afterwards I drove over to the mall and caught her just as she was leaving. Her friend could no longer come, she had no plan. I took her out to Wendy's for some dinner and agreed to take her to the bus station to exchange her ticket for one later on that she could catch. Eventually we got to the bust station and got everything settled. No cops, no father. I kept her company a little while and then she left on the 9:25 bus to Syracuse, which would eventually connect to Binghamton. Hopefully she'll get back to her daughter. And hopefully she won't get caught. She's a nice person, a free spirit. And her crimes were all in the past, she simply ahd never settled all of them, so warrants were still oustanding apparently. Oh and she gave me some sweetarts as a thank you, as well as another palm reading.

Well if you must ask, my girlfriend just, and I mean 7:32 p.m. PST on Sep. 12, 2000, locked my keys in my trunk! I was being nice to her by picking her up from ROP, but there was one catch, she had to sit in my car for 2 and a half hours while I was in my Computer Networking ROP. She said fine so I'm here at my work station when she comes screaming in the door, grabs me, and takes off to my car. She stops infront of it and said that she locked my keys in my trunk. Well I drive a '96 Dodge Neon with no power trunk. So I sit there, thinking as fast as McGuiver (execuse my spelling) and think that I have holes under my carpet behind my rear bench seat. So I take off the antenna from the Neon ahead of me (ironic isn't it) and the flash light from my glove compartment and attempt to snag my keys by the keychain and after many failed attempts, I finally got them. She apologized to me and I kissed her and told her to not to worry, and now you know what to do if it happens again, and I laughed.

For various reasons, I only had a few hours sleep the night before. I’d had a headache for nearly a full day. This morning I flew Detroit - Nashville - Raleigh, then drove to Charleston. A long day no matter how you look at it.

Sometimes when everything seems like so much work, there comes a payoff. A gentle time where I can relax and enjoy the world around me. And it happened just that way in Charleston! As I crested the rise approaching the city I saw the moon rising to the East. A nearly full moon, beautiful. For the first time in 24 hours I smiled, and realized that I hadn’t smiled in so long! The next morning my headache as gone and I had slept better than I had in weeks.

The next night I took some time to drive out to the beach near the house that I was considering, and went for a walk. The sand seemed to be the softest I’ve ever experienced. The water even seemed soft. The waves were moderate, along with the breeze. I realized I had probably walked too far when the sun set, and I’d have to find where I entered the beach in the dark. I started walking back, focusing only on getting there, but something made me stop about 3/4 of the way and look back. There was the moon again, now full. A huge red orb rising out of the ocean. I stood for I don’t know how long, staring.

Some cultures believe that when the sun sets, he is impregnating our mother earth. Throughout the night the sun gives the seed of life which will come to fruition. I think when the moon rises, she brings hope.

I forget that sometimes that I take things just too seriously. I get too wrapped up in what is going on around me, even if it won’t matter at all a hundred years from now.

I got lucky in Charleston. Or some great spirit smiled upon me. I found a really cool house to live in, and I can just afford it. I’ll be in debt for the next 30 years. But I’ve seen other people buy and live in houses without any ill effects. I think I can do it too. At least I hope so! I’m investing a lot in it.

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