Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. And sometimes I feel like my whole world is on hold.
Okay, so the first two lines were stolen from The Peppers
and the last was my own but still, it rings true.
I have been waiting on a new job that will change my whole life. I'll hvae a full time job
which requires me to get my ass out of bed in the morning, I will have benefits
so I can actually go to the doctor
if need be, and I will be moving back to Rochester
. I don't really know what to expect, as far as what life will be like. I wonder if it will be like the good ole days? Will I have tons of friends again, tons of stuff to do and tons of fun? I don't know, so many of my friends have left and those that have stayed have *gasp* grown up. I have changed so much myself but I wonder: how much have I really changed?
I think any of my friends will attest to the fact that I have definitely become more...shall we say...brave? But I don't know, maybe I am not more daring, maybe I am more self confident? I saw an interesting Behind the Music
last night. It was John Lennon
, Behind the Music and they talked a lot about how insecure he was and unsure of himself. I thought that was the wackiest thing I had ever heard. How can possibly the most successful musician
in history have a problem with self confidence? But yet somehow I understood. Btw, I am not trying to compare myself to John Lennon, I'm just remembering something and going on that side track of life called Debbie's personality.
So anyway, life is on hold. I should be looking for a new job but I can't seem to get myself to actually do it. I have it in the back of my mind that I am going to work at EDS and I am going to move to Rochester
. I keep thinking that if I did apply for other jobs I would get offered one and then have to accept, only to find out the very next day that I have gotten the other, only to have to quit the one I just got. But then again, wouldn't it make sense to hurry up and get a new job so that I can get the other job sooner? Well, I think that makes sense but if I actually went and got a job then the plan wouldn't work and I woudln't get the other job and I would be stuck with a crappy job that I don't like. So think again....
Truth be told, I am lazy. It's so much easier to sit around and wait for this other job to come through. I might be fooling myself thinking that I can get it but I have a friend who is selling me to the company and I am CSH
er, which is a definite bonus with this company. So I am perfectly content to sit on my ass and do nothing until the time comes...but when the hell is it going to come? I am anxious to start a new life! I wanna move and I wanna be closer to all my friends!
and I went to high school
together. I won't even mention how long ago that was but let's just say our ten year reunion is creeping up on us awfully quickly. We kind of lost touch atfer graduation
and I never realized that she was living/working in Rochester
too until I moved back here. Shortly after I moved back she moved back as well and we have become closer friends than we ever have. She is in Rochester for three weeks and I am so damn bored it's insane! I can't believe how little there is to do here! I thought it was bad enough when she was in town, we never really seemed to know what to do, but I have been reduced to hanging out at The Outback Steakhouse
by myself, drinking. It more than kind of sucks. So Marilyn, pack your shit and get your ass back here! I know you're reading this! And for God's sake, stop having fun without me! Ok, that last part was just a little selfish...
I get picked on because my day logs are so long. Well, you don't even know the half of it. This is nothing. I write my daylogs after I have already told 3,000 people my whole day's experience in great detail, which reminds me, I also saw the Stevie Nicks
Behind the Music last night. I had forgotten how much I enjoy her music.
I'm so uninspired, not to mention tired. I thought it would be a good idea to start a journal/notebook type thing to help inspire myself. I decided I would write down how I spent my money every day, what I ate, how much I slept and how much I worked. My biggest goals right now are to have some money, lose some weight and get better sleep. Hence, the lists. I just started this last night and I filled five sides of paper with the details of my life, in list form for Friday and Saturday. I spent way too much money. But I did pay my car insurance bill and I paid it early which is seriously a first for me. In fact I paid it a week and a half early but since I usually wait to pay it until two days before the cancellation date, I actually paid it almost a month early! yeah me!
i have noticed a pattern in my sleeping. Although it appears to be erratic
there is actually an order to it, in an odd sort of way. I don't have a pattern as far as the time I go to sleep is concerned, but I did notice that one night I will get 12 hours of sleep, the next 3, the next 14, and the next I won't sleep. Then I will go back and start all over at the 12 hour mark. Kind of strange isn't it? I would really like to do something about that though, I need more regualar sleep. I can't remember my dreams anymore. And I only got 3 hours of sleep last night so I am yawning like crazy as I type this. And I just fell asleep so its time to go!