Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. And sometimes I feel like my whole world is on hold.

Okay, so the first two lines were stolen from The Peppers and the last was my own but still, it rings true.

I have been waiting on a new job that will change my whole life. I'll hvae a full time job which requires me to get my ass out of bed in the morning, I will have benefits so I can actually go to the doctor if need be, and I will be moving back to Rochester. I don't really know what to expect, as far as what life will be like. I wonder if it will be like the good ole days? Will I have tons of friends again, tons of stuff to do and tons of fun? I don't know, so many of my friends have left and those that have stayed have *gasp* grown up. I have changed so much myself but I wonder: how much have I really changed?

I think any of my friends will attest to the fact that I have definitely become more...shall we say...brave? But I don't know, maybe I am not more daring, maybe I am more self confident? I saw an interesting Behind the Music on VH1 last night. It was John Lennon, Behind the Music and they talked a lot about how insecure he was and unsure of himself. I thought that was the wackiest thing I had ever heard. How can possibly the most successful musician in history have a problem with self confidence? But yet somehow I understood. Btw, I am not trying to compare myself to John Lennon, I'm just remembering something and going on that side track of life called Debbie's personality.

So anyway, life is on hold. I should be looking for a new job but I can't seem to get myself to actually do it. I have it in the back of my mind that I am going to work at EDS and I am going to move to Rochester. I keep thinking that if I did apply for other jobs I would get offered one and then have to accept, only to find out the very next day that I have gotten the other, only to have to quit the one I just got. But then again, wouldn't it make sense to hurry up and get a new job so that I can get the other job sooner? Well, I think that makes sense but if I actually went and got a job then the plan wouldn't work and I woudln't get the other job and I would be stuck with a crappy job that I don't like. So think again....

Truth be told, I am lazy. It's so much easier to sit around and wait for this other job to come through. I might be fooling myself thinking that I can get it but I have a friend who is selling me to the company and I am CSHer, which is a definite bonus with this company. So I am perfectly content to sit on my ass and do nothing until the time comes...but when the hell is it going to come? I am anxious to start a new life! I wanna move and I wanna be closer to all my friends!

MarilynM and I went to high school together. I won't even mention how long ago that was but let's just say our ten year reunion is creeping up on us awfully quickly. We kind of lost touch atfer graduation and I never realized that she was living/working in Rochester too until I moved back here. Shortly after I moved back she moved back as well and we have become closer friends than we ever have. She is in Rochester for three weeks and I am so damn bored it's insane! I can't believe how little there is to do here! I thought it was bad enough when she was in town, we never really seemed to know what to do, but I have been reduced to hanging out at The Outback Steakhouse and Applebees by myself, drinking. It more than kind of sucks. So Marilyn, pack your shit and get your ass back here! I know you're reading this! And for God's sake, stop having fun without me! Ok, that last part was just a little selfish...

I get picked on because my day logs are so long. Well, you don't even know the half of it. This is nothing. I write my daylogs after I have already told 3,000 people my whole day's experience in great detail, which reminds me, I also saw the Stevie Nicks Behind the Music last night. I had forgotten how much I enjoy her music.

I'm so uninspired, not to mention tired. I thought it would be a good idea to start a journal/notebook type thing to help inspire myself. I decided I would write down how I spent my money every day, what I ate, how much I slept and how much I worked. My biggest goals right now are to have some money, lose some weight and get better sleep. Hence, the lists. I just started this last night and I filled five sides of paper with the details of my life, in list form for Friday and Saturday. I spent way too much money. But I did pay my car insurance bill and I paid it early which is seriously a first for me. In fact I paid it a week and a half early but since I usually wait to pay it until two days before the cancellation date, I actually paid it almost a month early! yeah me!

i have noticed a pattern in my sleeping. Although it appears to be erratic there is actually an order to it, in an odd sort of way. I don't have a pattern as far as the time I go to sleep is concerned, but I did notice that one night I will get 12 hours of sleep, the next 3, the next 14, and the next I won't sleep. Then I will go back and start all over at the 12 hour mark. Kind of strange isn't it? I would really like to do something about that though, I need more regualar sleep. I can't remember my dreams anymore. And I only got 3 hours of sleep last night so I am yawning like crazy as I type this. And I just fell asleep so its time to go!