The Day I Wish I Had

8 am: Woke up to the smell of gourmet coffee brewing, feeling invigorated and totally refreshed without the alarm clock's banshee wail. Noticed a full pack of cigarettes that had fallen beneath the bed as I reached for my fluffy bunny slippers. A good morning kiss from whatshisname before I booted him out with a phone number and empty promise and got ready for class.

8:30 am: Soaking in the jacuzzi whatshisname left behind, I looked over my reading assignments for the day's classes and realized I could grok every word of the books! 10:00 am: Arrived on campus to discover an early morning invasion of trained attack weasels had forced officials to cancel classes while pieces of the faculty were located and bagged. Went for a cappucino.

4:00 pm: Gay agenda meeting...plotted the takeover and corruption of America over iced tea and other nibblies.

4:05 pm: Decided it wasn't worth the effort. Went home and took a nap.

8:30 pm: Awoke from a strange dream in which I penned the Great American Novel and noticed the reams of paper filling my floor and the ballpoint pen gripped firmly in my paw.

8:31 pm: Vowed aloud that my powers should be used for good, not evil.

8:45 pm: Finished laughing.