Although the events in ny greatly overshadow the loss of hermetic, many of us here still wonder why, how, what could be going through his mind... Those who talked to him privately had a good idea. For the rest of you I thought i would post a link to a small note he left on a while ago. And, although it doesn't explain it all I think it's a good chunk of it.

I love you, too.

New Years Resolution: Read daylogs daily.

I feel that pretty much everything that needs to be said about Herm has been said. If you really want to know what I feel, go to: Also, I feel that my opinion of the whole wtc thing has been expressed. But here it is in a nutshell: You can't solve death with more death.

My great-uncle /msged me last night...part of the exercise of contacting all the family (an exercise I know well from my days of living in an earthquake zone). Possibly in reference to my daylog yesterday, he said:

Concentrate on the baby, don't think of such things.

I can't.

Everyone in the situation, the airline passengers, the people in the buildings and on the ground, even the terrorists, was some mother's baby. So are the civillians the warmongers are advocating bombing. Everyone was once as innocent, and as trusting, as the five month old curently creeping across my living room floor. Somewhere deep inside them all, before they died, that core of gentleness remained.

Loving one baby, I cannot help loving them all. Take care, beloved sons and daughters of your mothers.

And a thought strikes me. How much is all of this going to cost, in monetary terms? Billions?

I wish the US had spent those billions before this happened, bringing economic prosperity and justice to more of the world. Writing off third world debt. Feeding the hungry, helping the poor. Thinking beyond its own borders. Being good global citizens.

Would this terrible loss of life have happened then? Maybe, but maybe not. And even if it did, we'd have a much better moral position, even with people who don't like the US.

Can we start paying the next vast sum now, spending the money to create a world with greater justice and honor? Please?

I know - another Day Log about the terrible events of the last 24 hours but I'm doing this for me. I know we should node for others and all that, but I need to put my shaking hands to to the keyboard just to help clear my mind.

I am still stunned. I can't believe it - this is me, I rarely get worked up about world events. People I know and love yes, but the distant world - not usually. The last time I can remember feeling like this was years ago when 'we' declared war on Saddam Hussein. I spent the day then, as now, walking around like a zombie, flitting from thing to thing, never achieving, never finishing - in fact never even starting doing anything.

I am hurt to the very core of my existence that anyone could wish to cause so much harm, so much pain, to any living thing, let alone fellow human beings. Yes, I think that is it, that is what is making me feel this way. I see other tradgedies, earthquakes, floods, and feel saddened by what I see, but this - this act of violence - was deliberate and planned. They knew what was going to happen and rejoiced. They saw what happened and rejoiced. My children asked me why they were happy but I had no answer. There can surely be no answer. I can only tremble as I, also, ask WHY.

...and, with terror in my heart, I am also wondering... WHAT NEXT?

Later in the day I stood with many others for a minute's silence. My eyes filled with tears I could barely contain. A few minutes later I was sobbing - it helped a little, for a while, but there will never be enough tears in the world to wash away all the hurt.

I am sure with Hermetic's passing and the WTC disaster, the database is filling up with nodes, like this one, that are — um — less than strictly faithful to the rules. I know the editors will be patient and allow people to vent their feelings. They are good people; the support of the Management so far has been wonderful. I am sure some clean up work will have to be done later, but for the time being the community needs an outlet for its feelings. Everything2 is a great tool for that sort of thing. If you are growing impatient with all the nodes being published related to recent events, please be quiet for a little while and let those of us who need to lift our voices do so. Later we will clean up after ourselves. Maybe some enterprising soul will take the best of the best and amalgamate the best nodes into a single place and give all this stuff some organization. Who knows. Now back to our regularly scheduled daylog.

The dialogue I am having with myself is still between righteous anger and a plea for peace. I'm exhausted. I stayed up late at a Red Cross center, reading Mickey Spillane and waiting for my slot. Around midnight, the staff was circulating reminding us, ever so politely, that they would be open tomorrow. They had been going nonstop since they opened at 9 AM. I took the hint and went home. It was an amazing few hours at the blood bank. I got a sense of the positive that can come out of a thing like this. The grocery store donated food and water, as did a number of local restaurants. A guitarist played classical music and Beatles tunes. Folks were talking, watching television, sharing, comforting. Folks tired of waiting helped the staff sign people in, pass out literature, and keep things running smoothly. I left the center feeling better than I would have if I had stayed at home watching CNN.

Today I feel beat up. I have a mess of things to do that I cast aside yesterday as I vainly tried to gather information from the Web. I have meetings and emails to attend to. A senator was on television saying the wisest things I heard all day, and I am sorry that I cannot remember his name nor his exact quotation. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, that what we need to do is to go on doing our thing. When we give up our civil liberties, change the way we do business, and live in a state of constant fear, the terrorists win. So I am going to minimize my time on Everything2 today and try my damnedest to get some things done.

Plea for peace.

I know that noding your email is terribly bad form, but this message was so positive, I thought I would share it in the hope that it would lighten someone's load.

We can choose to create peace or war from the devastation that took place today.

If we focus on feelings of fear and anger, then war will grow. If we focus on peace and reconciliation, then war may be averted.

Let us remember that our focus determines our reality, and so contribute to peace and stability in the world by holding a vision of the world as we would like it to be.

Let affirmations of peace, unity and freedom among all peoples go out from us like a prayer, so the universe/God may respond with peace, unity and freedom.

Let us not escalate hate and fear, but plant seeds of universal brother/sisterhood everywhere we go.

Pray for all the people who were injured in this attack, for their families and loved ones, and for all people everywhere who have or will be impacted by this, that they will find peace. Also pray also for those who masterminded it, and for those who support them, that their conscience will allow them to see the horror of what they have done, that their souls will be convicted and they will understand the futility of the path of war.

With a certainty, the forces of karma will exact complete and perfect justice. But in our haste to right this wrong, let us be mindful of the effects that "an eye for an eye" has had in our world.

"An eye for an eye" will fill us with hatred and fear, like our attackers. Do we want that? Let us seek for justice in every way possible, but also take care to act from our Soul, rather than from our deep unconscious.

I will not cave in to the forces of unconsciousness. Rather than crying for war, I will pray for peace for all people, even for those who wish to attack us.

I have a concern for the treatment people of middle eastern descent in this country. I am praying that they will not be targeted because of this terrorist attack. Let us now show them a special kindness, and banish the possibility of anything like what happened in the past to our American citizens of Japanese Descent.

We need to show the world what we stand for in this time of testing: we stand for peace, for unity, for compassion, for tolerance, for freedom, for brotherhood and sisterhood among all people.

We are all members of the human race, and we are awakening to the unity of God that is at the core of our being.

This is how we will pass this test:

We will think thoughts of peace.
We will speak words of peace.
We will take actions that create peace.

We will embrace those who hate us, and make them our brothers and sisters.
We will care for those we have been hurt, in body and in spirit.


"This is the way of peace.
Overcome evil with good,
Falsehood with truth,
And hatred with love."

—Peace Pilgrim
I am like many of you I'm sure in shock. I haven't posted for many months, but thank you all for being here for me yesterday. I left North America for the first time in my life on Thursday, Sept 6 and I don't feel I'll be returning to the same United States I left.

I am in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, and I can tell you that the reaction here has been one of total support for both myself on a personal level and the American people in general. The people here that I've talked to seem to understand and support the USA's need to punish those responible in the strongest possible way.

My "quiet enduring anger" (Dubya finally got one right) grows as I consider the consequences of yesterdays cowardly actions. I fear that yesterday will be used as an excuse to curtail our freedoms in the USA. People, perhaps a few, perhaps many, will die for what happened yesterday. I stand firmly against the death penalty in times of peace, but we are now at war. How big the war becomes remains to be seen. It may be as small as the execution of a few individuals. It may require the blood of more patriots and the invasion of some place complicit in these actions.

Patriotism, which two days ago seemed such a quaint concept, swells in my heart, yet I am stuck 4500 miles away with no way to talk to my daughters, family and country. I could not call the USA as the phone lines were jammed all yesterday. I am stuck with no way to help little Henrietta and Claire understand the evil that beset their homeland. I cannot give blood (well they wouldn't take mine anyway but, I could do something.) Hell I cannot even get to my Paypal account (lousy proxy) My problems are so small though.

To those who were killed, be at peace. To their family's, you have my love and sympathy. Avenge is an ugly word, but I must use it. To my friends who were killed, you will be avenged to silence the anger. I'm sorry that I am stronger, but I must have revenge. Many people have quoted Franklin's "liberty and security" line, but I am reminded of Jefferson. "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Yesterday the patriots gave blood. Soon it will be the tyrants turn.

Thank you Heyoka.
Calmness... the sacred Om.


No I cannot do it -- yet at least. I must vent this rage. I am not of course advocating the massive destruction of innocents, but any country that harbors those responsible for these heinous acts must also pay the price. To quote Jefferson again "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government"" Any people that will not throw off such evil as a Government that will not turn over war criminals and traitors of humanity such as those that attacked yesterday must pay the price for their inaction. Notice that it is not just a right of the people, but it is their duty. It is their duty to protect the rest of mankind from evils such as yesterday.

A word to my Muslim brothers at Infogenic. I fear we are in for a bumpy ride. The US media is painting with such a broad brush. Arab this and Arab that, I am very sorry for that. Rest assured that those of us with a grain of intelligence know that Arabs are from Saudi Arabia, Palestinians are from Palestine (which should have a free and sovreign state), Syrians are from Syria (and are Persians in the old way of thinking anyhow), and Afghani's are from Afghanistan. We must not rush to judgement; however, we must act with speed. As my basketball coach used to say, "Be quick, but do not hurry." But we must bring the hammer of vegenance down soon on those responsible. Things are different. We are at war. Let us be as efficient at war as we are at business and execute the parties responsible for this quickly.
In rereading this and editing I've decided that I do not believe what I have just written, but I am leaving it as my memorial to the yesterday's events and as a warning to myself to remain human -- unlike those that did this.

Yesterday, my daughter was watching Teletubbies while I penned this daylog offline. I logged on to post it, only to find several vague statements here about some kind of terrorist attack. I spent yesterday making a host of frantic phone calls and writing "The First Breath of Fall," which seems to have been completely misunderstood. And now I wait to see how many funerals I may have to attend. I nevertheless post the daylog I had written, even though it now seems like so much self-congratulatory drivel. But I post it now to remember how few cares I had just twenty-four hours ago.

Today I celebrate my first anniversary on E2.

Of course, were this to appear as a holiday on a calendar somewhere, it would read, "Rook's First E2 Anniversary (Observed)." I actually signed up, at the urging of my good friend Taltos, on September 8, 2000, and poked around for a couple of days before composing my first writeup. (I highly recommend this course of action to new noders.) Said first node, a paean to RC Cola, was penned on September 10, 2000. (Drinking RC Cola is also a course of action I highly recommend.) This node was certainly not my best effort, but I keep it around as a reminder of my youthful exuberance.

"But wait," rises the cry of the reader, "today is actually the 11th of September!" Quite right, but I took a day trip with my wife and daughter yesterday, so I hope you'll forgive me for the delay.

So the disclaimers are now out of the way. So where do I stand after a year's efforts? I had hoped to reach level six by now, but I am about 58 writeups short of the mark. But that's OK: I decided that it would be better not to reach the target than to let the overall quality of my corpus slip.

"But wait," rises the cry of the reader, "aren't you rapidly gaining weight?" Quite right, but I was referring to my body of work. "Oh," says the reader, "more's the pity.".

It is hard to node well if you don't have much time to node, and while my wine reviews have been a valuable source of unrefined nodegel, it also costs me to buy the wine and adds pounds ("kilograms" to you non-Americans) to my corpus when I drink it in large quantities. I am proud to say that only two of my writeups are daylogs—had I offered up a daily dose of Rookian [daylog to the assembly, I might now be in a position to make a run for the honor and glory that is showered upon Everything's Best Users.

"But wait," rises the cry of the reader, "you're writing a daylog right now, hypocrite!" Quite right, but please don't misunderstand. Prior to 9/8/00, I regularly added to my own page of rants elsewhere on the 'net, and these were much beloved, to be charitable, by my friends and family. The idea that I could go somewhere to rant and receive feedback on my ranting was quite compelling, But upon arrival I realized that it was not enough to spew thoughts recklessly, but instead E2 called me to organize them into a coherent and above all persuasive form. I believe I have responded favorably to this stimulus, but I still recognize the need (that we all have) to spew recklessly every now and again. "Oh," notes the reader, "well, I will still downvote you." 'Tis your right, says I.

Man, this is getting long already. Perhaps I should get to the damn point already. I bought my first modem in 1993, and so I have been kicking around the virtual world for about eight years now. The fact that I have spent 12.5% of that time here is a testament to the quality of the site. I have not always been pleased with what has happened to my writeups--unfathomable downvoting is common, but mysterious deletions have thankfully been far and few between—but I have been pleased with the way in which I have been received.

"But wait," rises the cry of the reader, "isn't the phrase 'few and far between'?" Quite right, but I have always preferred this alternative formulation, which occurs in the Billy Bragg song 'The Saturday Boy.'"

So where do I go from here? It's hard to say. I am tempted to renew my quest for level six in earnest, but since the only attraction is having a picture on my homenode, and since the evidence strongly suggests that only no one ever visits my homenode, this would be a hollow victory. But I will continue to muck about for the present, contributing when I have the time or inclination; and if more levels come, then so much the better.

"But wait," rises the cry of the reader, "don't you have a point? Are you just babbling?" Quite right…and now the big finish

Oh, wait, there is no big finish. Instead I include, randomly, the lyrics to a song that I enjoy from the "Dragon Tunes" portion of the terrible PBS kids show "Dragon Tales." I find this song to be eerily well written and possessed of a virulent, er, um, "catchy," tune.

The sun is coming out, the sky is clear;
So get up from your chair and give yourself a cheer.
Instead of sittin' round and feelin' blue
Get up from your seat and doodly-doodly doo.
Do-do-do-doodly, doodly-doodly doo
Hop like a bunny hops
Rock like a rockin' chair
Spin like a spinnin' top
Dance like a dancin' bear
Do-do-do-doodly, doodly-doodly doo
Do-do-do-doodly, doodly-doodly doo

This is my first daylog. In general, I try not to node my life. (Partly because it's boring, and I don't think people will be interested, and partly because when there are interesting things, I would prefer that people don't know about them...) But this time, well, I just didn't feel like I could let all of these things go unsaid.

I woke up yesterday morning, started getting my children ready for school. I sat down to check my /msgs here, and saw that the chatbox was scrolling past at an alarming rate. Someone was saying, "Jesus! TWO planes???" I had no idea what he was talking about. Then the phone rang.

It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

It was my mom. She wanted to know if I was watching the news. Which is hilarious, because my mother knows that the televison news gives me headaches, and that I never watch it first thing in the morning. I told her, "No, and I'm not reading it, either, because for some reason is not loading this morning."

She started to tell me, slowly, what had been happening in the news. And then she told me to get my children ready, and get them to school. I didn't want to. She said, "Susie, you are in Texas. Nothing is going to happen to them, now get moving!" (I don't know what planet ya'll are from, but when my mom says "MOVE!", people scurry in all directions.) So, I got them dressed, and drove them to their school.

All morning, more and more scary things trickled in via the radio and television. For some reason, my mother, who lives in Louisiana (my sister lives there, as well, my two brothers and I are "transplanted", and live in the Dallas area) insisted that I call my brothers, and call her back to let her know they were safe. I think my exact words were, "Ummm. Mom? We live in Texas. We are not even CLOSE to anything that is happening." She sounded agitated, and repeated her request. I did what she asked. It was easy, and it would calm her down.

One of my brothers was stranded in Austin, Texas, where he had been at a business meeting, but is returning home in a rental car. My oldest brother was boarding a plane from the DFW International Airport to LAX when the first plane crashed into the WTC. His plane was grounded. (I'm not a religious person, in any sense of the word, but THANK GOD.) I guess that moms just have some sort of sixth sense about when their children are not where they're supposed to be.

Like evilrooster, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the world that my children will be inheriting, and what the parents of the people killed yesterday must be going through. My dreams are feverish and disjointed, and scary. But, even admidst this tragedy, there are things that give me hope. The American Red Cross emergency aid stations all over the U.S. were filled to capacity with people from all walks of life, donating blood and manpower.

My husband, suntzu, spent most of yesterday waiting in line at an aid station to give blood. He signed in at around 3 p.m. At 12:30 a.m. last night, he returned. He was tired, a little woozy, but full of pride in the people that he saw around him...Here is a copy of the e-mail that he sent to a group of our friends, with whom we have a mailing list:

What a long, long day at Red Cross. I showed up at 3:30, spent an hour or so being processed and then decided to leave until my time came around, which was to be about 7. I went back and have just now gotten home. It's 12:30am.

There were hundreds of folks out there today, and I have to say that I've never seen so many kind-hearted people in one place before in my life. 7 hour lines, and not one complaint. Red Cross employees on their 16th hour of frantic work, and on each face a smile. A tired one to be sure, but a smile nonetheless.

While I was in the "Chair of Ransacking Your Fluids", I could see a young teenage girl named Caroline giving blood, tears running down her face. She insisted that her mother bring her, because it was all she could do to help out. I was in line with her and her mother for several hours and I can say that she was as determined as she was terrified. I hope that I can be as proud of my own kids one day, as I was of her today. Anyway, I'm all woozy from the leeches, so I'm going to bed. M

I'm still in shock about all of the things that might have (and in some cases, HAVE) happened to any of us yesterday. I'm still in shock about hermetic, even though I only spoke to him a few times. I guess we don't expect harm or disaster to come to any of our friends or loved ones, much less in the way that it has rained down on us this week.

I think that we should take comfort in the fact that we are all here for each other, and that Americans everywhere seem to be banding together to face whatever is to come.

And I want to take this opportunity to let you all know that even if I've never said it to you, I love you, and I'm grateful for the community that we have here, and the support that it offers to each of us.

Let's all hope that next week is better than this one...

This is my first attempt at a day log so, please, be kind.

I've had some (not much) time to reflect on the events of yesterday and in that short time I'd like to first off express my sympathies and condolances to the families, friends and loved ones, no matter who you are, to the victims of yesterday's attacks.

I, however, was (and still am) feeling a little jaded towards some of my fellow "human" beings at this point. Here's the reason why.

I live in what might be called a medium sized midwestern city and work for a rather large (Fortune 500) company. When news first started breaking about the events of yesterday I mentioned to my boss that I had grown up in NYC (Brooklyn to be exact) and worked in the financial district appx 2 or 3 blocks from the World Trade Center for about 7 years. I probably know many people that I grew up with and susequently grew apart from worked in that area. It got me to thinking about them, my life, how lucky I am to be where I am, and God know's a million other things. My boss said he could he could understand my feeling's and offered me the afternoon off. I picked up my daughter early from school and went home.

I guess its kinda different. Hearing radio reports and descriptions didn't prepare me for the extent of the carnage that was vividly displayed on TV. It's one thing to hear that the towers went down but another to actually see what occurred, especially to a place that you are so familiar with. I guess I wasn't prepared but then again, who was?

Flash forward to about 4:00 pm EST

The phone rings, its my boss "reminding" me that an assignment I was given earlier that day was due by 10:00 today. I had a hard time with that, basically for the circumstances described above, and tried to explain my position. No good, a job is a job and the best way to get over this is to go back to work -he explains.

I can not fuckin' believe it.

Have we all grown so callous and unfeeling as not to be affected by the events of yesterday....

I'm sorry this is so disjointed - I'm trying to write it during lunch and emotions are getting the better of me. Good thoughts to all my friends, past, present and future.

To one looking through this database, it would appear we all already know a good deal about death, who may have been and may be our greatest teacher.

There has been much tragedy and confusion here on E2 this week we have all suffered indescribable and untold losses. I have remembered you in my prayers and devotions.

I would like first to express my heartfelt condolences to the many friends of Hermetic. I've read through most of his write ups he sounds like he was a wonderful person caught in a terrible struggle of trying making sense out of his life. I read over and over about how much he loved his friends and my wish for those that helped him will to be able to look back one day and see that you did the best you could; remember his words and how much he understood, accepted and appreciated your love and know that you did indeed help him.

My families' reaction has been one of simply trying to grasp the concept of what has happened. Tucson is very quiet, there is not much traffic and what there is.... well I see people being less hurried and more patient with each other; there is much to be distracted about. Yesterday the malls were closed, all of the ROTC boys that were in uniform were sent home from the University of Arizona, Number One Son said they had classes there but not many came, the students have created a Wall of Expression on campus. Many of the neighbors have put the American flag up in front of their homes, at Number Two Son's High School there was a student led impromptu memorial service held around the flag pole on campus. Last night he wanted to stay home from school and I said that was okay he could decide. He has decided to go to school today. My husband has been quiet, I called him at work and he said there was not much business last night.

My sister called from New Jersey she is safe but she has been crying and feeling very helpless. We both have teen aged boys and were raised in the military during the Vietnam War so we know the possibilities and are very afraid that we may lose our sons...our 'life's work'...and well it is only practical to face this very real possibility. Davis Monthan AFB is eerily quiet as they are on a stand down which means all planes are available and ready for war. My father was an Air Force pilot, as many of you may already know and I would like to share his email to me:

    We are okay and (your sister) has called twice in fact we had the TV off and didn't know what was going on until she called. Say a prayer for all the unfortunate victims of this disaster and what you may call a declaration of war-may justice be served to those B------- that caused this. Love, Dad

I hope for justice too, but realize that there is no real justice in this world and believe there will be both justice and understanding in the next.

Many have called this the 'waking of a sleeping giant' but I have come to think that this is a slap in the face of a crouching tiger. We learned our lessons well in Vietnam, there has been no complacency, the US has been waiting and watching, now there is a reason for America to finally become involved. We have to draw the line with terrorists and the people who harbor them; say enough is enough or it may only get worse as they try to out do each last act.

With profound irony I have heard many say 'Americans will scream out for blood'..... yet I see them line up to give more. Yes I am quiet with enduring anger. Standing behind our country's leaders, I have put a candle in my kitchen window as a light for freedom and to remember that all of these people will go on as long as I remember them. Their deaths must come to serve a purpose and my fervent hope is that the world leaders will act wisely and act well.

I recall for you a very difficult time I was going though and cried on sensei's shoulder in despair. He said to me :

    Lometa life is good, but sometimes not nice.

I have been trying to find a place to put them here in the database; words that say he is still here among us in the humanity of many spirits. They are put here in the middle of all this confusion in hopes that you will find them; and some understanding, some healing.

There are many difficult days ahead and I encourage you to reach down inside of yourself to that person you trust and feel safe, holds hands, make food,'feed everything everything,' be patient with yourselves, be gentle with yourselves. Know that whatever you've said, thought, written, have been able or unable to say, think, or write is normal, that sometimes no words are okay too. Know that we all are trying to understand. Have hope that the world will emerge a stronger and wiser place.

*a moment of silence to remember*


I did a bad thing today. I started people talking.

I was up at Union Square, where I used to live, reading the memorials that people have scrawled on giant sheets of paper with markers. (Maybe they’ve been on the news, I took pictures that’ll be posted later.) Things like “Got GOD?” and “We must never forget” and “We love you” and American flags with an image of the two towers instead of stars.

I kneeled down near one of them and wrote:


Then I couldn’t think of what to do with myself. I sat down on the steps and just stared and thought and got hot. I was about to leave, when I saw one of the sheets that just said:


It reminded me of when that same thing was on the cover of Newsweek after Columbine. And I thought the same thing in response: Do they actually not know?

So I kneeled down and wrote:

    -Because of what we have done to the Palestinians. Do not let yourself be ignorant of the atrocities our government funds daily.

I thought that was pretty concise, and nonpartisan. Apparently not.

Let me just describe myself physically, the same way I’m about to for these other people, so you can get a clearer mental picture. I’m early 20s, white, short, stubble, cargo pants, t-shirt, Vans. That spells what, stereotypically? LAZY. I know that.

As I stood up, I was verbally confronted by two men and accused of stating that the attack was JUSTIFIED, and even DEFENDING the actions of Palestinians. I never did any of that, as I hope you agree, if you actually read the statement. I am not on anybody’s side in this. I was simply trying to provide a reason, the way the corporate media isn’t.

One of the men was a tall fat MTA worker (late 30s?), the other a short tan Jewish man (early 50s?). I didn’t do a spectacular job defending myself, partially because they were tag-teaming me without attempting to connect (I had to literally turn to address each one), but mostly because they kept repeating empty facts that had no bearing on the situation. Also, attempting to refute inferences and misinterpretations takes forever because you have to first prove what you DIDN’T say. And people often choose not to hear you.

So, fine. I wasn’t doing a great job, but I was doing okay. I was convinced they weren’t doing a great job either. Then a woman (some saint, bless her) said “Hey, you shouldn’t be ganging up on this guy. I see 5 of you and only one of him.” (The others were interested spectators.) I explained it was just two of them, and really I was okay. But that sort of opened the floor for another gentleman (also dressed sort of slack, I observed) to calmly discuss a few more leftist ideas. Like, oh, killing people is bad.

From there we segued into the argument over retribution, and vengeance. Lines got drawn fast then, and my side was outnumbered. By now a for-real crowd had gathered, at least twenty people, and a few had video cameras. At one point, a crying girl screamed “STOP IT!!” and that shut everyone up for about five seconds. Then her father (I assume) made some very convincing points about UN policy that we had violated, and in a minute the whole mess was stirred back to a boil.

I actually didn’t do that poorly taking a stand once there were a couple folks to get my back. But I wasn’t feeling good about it. I was going to attempt to draw some common ground about pain over lives lost when two black people calling themselves “The Twins” wormed their way to the center of the circle claiming that they had predicted the event a week ago through divination and the city refused to listen. After that nonsense, no one could restore order to that discussion, or at least, I sensed that I couldn’t, so I exited the crowd.

I went to all the papers and studied what people had written very carefully. Was what I said really going to be taken as a statement of hatred or anti-Americanism (be that against the government or its citizens)? That wasn’t what I had been trying to express at all. I don’t want ANY more death, and I want everyone to be informed. That’s all I was trying to imply. Not “good” or “evil”.

I wandered back to the crowd, now collected at the base of the statue of Lafayette, and took a couple pictures. Oh Jesus. The WCVB Channel 5 cameraman was in there. No one was being heard without screaming. What did I do? I mean, I don’t believe that this was disrespectful to the dead (because I don’t believe that’s possible) but I didn’t think that it was what everyone needs to hear and feel right now. More negativity? No.

So I left Manhattan, because I really wanted to write about it, but I felt (and still feel) terrible. If you see it on the news, know that I struck the match. I didn’t mean to. I should have realized everyone’s emotions were this kindled.

INTERRUPTION FROM THE PRESENT: I just related this story to my roommate. He said “Honesty is a wonderful thing, but tact is sometimes a necessary portion of it.” He’s definitely right. I gotta learn that.

Now watch me impersonate a normal daylog!

Around 1:30, I finally cried. Not a river but a little bit. Enough. I needed that. I couldn’t sleep at 2 a.m. I rode my bike around Williamsburg till 3, then came back and slept until 6:30. I had to get to the blood bank before they opened at 8. I waited in line till about 11, when they gave us a ticket to come back tomorrow with and sent us away. You think that’s full? The entire line I was in was only type O. It is true that New York City desperately needs blood, but it also can’t cope with the number of potential donors. That makes me feel GOOD.

I wasn’t bored in line. I spent most of it sharing thoughts and reactions with the mom behind me. She has two daughters, one going to college in Madison, WI and one who was down there and saw the first plane hit and saw jumpers. I’m so glad I didn’t see that. I couldn’t fucking deal with that. The guy in front of me had the New York Times with what looked like fantastic coverage, with informative diagrams and photographs like nothing I’d seen on the news. Well, not nothing I guess, but better. But the Times was sold out of every newsstand I went to, and I went to a lot.

I took the 6 train down to Bleecker St and took lots of pictures of the police barricade at Houston St. I also doubled up on some of the ones I took yesterday so I can do a comparison of the Dust Cloud. (Which has only gotten BIGGER.) Unfortunately, I couldn’t get into work to get the roll I took yesterday. So I’ll have to wait to post the whole thing.

I still have not listened to any music at all since the disaster. Really, since the day before that. That is utterly unlike me. The last time this happened to me was after I saw Saving Private Ryan, which was the most emotionally affecting movie for me, ever.

/me misses Hermetic


I only have one small point to add to all the feelings here (most of which I have as well.)

Yesterday and today in the New York metro area, we had the kind of weather we get only occasionally. Brilliant sunshine, not too warm, not too cold, low humidity, a gentle breeze.

I couldn't enjoy it. Still can't. I think, though, the feeling of the weather where I was, 20 miles away from ground zero, somehow brought me a cold comfort, that perhaps things will get better someday, and despite the tragedy, that there was still some beauty in the world.

Of course, then I think about how this was probably precisely the kind of day the terrorists wanted, both for maximum media impact as well as navigation, and then I get cold again. I also think how some rain would wash away the ash and debris and perhaps metaphorically clean as well, and I wonder how long it will be before I can just appreciate the weather again. I think soon--my grief pales in comparison to the hundreds of thousands in this area and around the world who have lost loved ones or have themselves perished.

It's the day after, and I'm trying to get on with my life. I talked to my dad last night for about 20 minutes, and he said that the best thing anyone could do right now was to get on with life. We can't let this horror disrupt the way of life in this country, because that's exactly what the perpetrators of this act wanted. They wanted to disrupt the country. We can't let them do it.

I talked to my wife today, and at her suggestion, I'm waiting until the beginning of October to donate blood. That way I'm helping to fill out the reserves that will surely be needed. Frozen blood only lasts 21 days, so it stands to reason that, given the massive outpouring of blood donors, some of the blood will expire. My donating in October will make up a pint of that expired blood with a pint of fresh blood, and that's pretty cool.

Other than that, I'm having trouble concentrating. I don't really have much to node, but I'm daylogging so that I can get a bit closer to level 4. Silly of me to think of it, I know, especially at this time, but there it is.

I have such a need to get everything that I've been feeling these last two days off my chest, but I don't know where to start. I've been to prayer meetings, I've talked to friends, this list included, and it all seems like a bad dream. But it's starting to sink in.

The magnitude of this is so over-whelming. I have never had a feeling like this before in my life. I feel selfish, undeserving...why was I allowed to live when so many died? All of these shell-shocked people wandering around, their lives torn apart, but I'm unscathed, at least physically. I'm confused about all this because how can we justify attacking thousands of innocent people because someone they're connected to did the same to us. Fire doesn't fight fire. I know some action must be taken, but I'm so incredibly fearful what the action will/must be. How will that affect our lives a year from now? 10 years from now. This is so big...will our nation be here a year from now? Will we be here?

I am a Christian, my faith rests fully on God and Jesus Christ, but I am a weak person and it is so hard for me to take comfort in that. I know ultimately that is where I will find solice, but it is going to be a long, hard battle. This is why it is a terrorist attack. Not the planes, or even the merciless deaths. It's the fear that's planted in one's heart when one starts to realize the implications. Our generation has lost its innocence. We grew up with a false sense of security, we were taught we were safe. Now we know we're not, and it's a sickening, empty feeling.

And you go to class, you go to work, because you have to keep your head up! You have to show the terrorists they have not gotten the best of us! No, we're Americans, we have pride, we will rise and we will crush our enemies...I can't do it. Not right away. How can I carryon with such miniscule and unimportant tasks when my world is falling apart?

I'm sorry for this being so melodramatic, that wasn't my intention. I want everyone to know I love them, regardless of whether I've ever talked to you or met you. And I'm thankful for this group, as well as all of my family and friends. Unfortunately I only seem to realize how blessed I am when times are the worst. I want to see everyone again, I want to tell them what they mean to me. I love you. Thankyou for reading this to the end, thankyou for listening.

I heard something funny on the news today, and yes it was about the atrocities that happened yesterday. No, it was no lame joke made by a poor comedian. No one was evern trying to be funny in any way, shape or form. Instead A child psychologist was on the news talking about the tragedy and how it effected small children and adolescents. She said that little kids, while they do not understand what is going on, are all upset because the people they are around, the people the know and love, because mommy and daddy are upset. They're just feeding off of how they're acting. She finished up her brief time on the news with a comment about how kids shouldn't be watching the horrible plane crashes repeatedly. That was the funny part, for in the middle of this segment they showed a close up (gotta love modern technology, eh?) of the second plane slamming into the other World Trade Tower, and the tower dropping a floor. They also showed that horiffic footage, and other clips of similar footage several times in the last 5 minutes before the news show went off the air. Yesterday I must have seen those clips a thousand times...

Maybe it's just my sick sick sick sense of humor, but I dunno. It's important to get the news out there, it's important to let people know. No one should be left in the dark about this, and I don't see how anyone could be. As soon as disaster strikes all the television stations turn into one, all saying/showing the exact same thing, which goes on forever. This flood of repetition disgusts me, tho I see no way it can be avoided.

The flags are everywhere. I went into a KFC and left without ordering after a worker with "Irishpride!" tattoed on his arm starting belligerently demanding to known the nationality of every person who wasn't white. "Are you American?" I sure as fuck don't want to be, so I left. I called the corporate headquarters and left a complaint. No one gives a fuck. Fly the flag, wave the bloody shirt,or whatever. This has become a big ass party for everyone who feels like its been too long since we had a war.

Campus was closed yesterday at two in the afternoon. I walked several Muslim students who work in the computer labs with me to their cars or their bus or whatever. I am fucking scared to death and not for myself.

Every public space seems to be full of rabid nineteen year old dipshits, waving signs and screaming about Americans. In every one of them I see my friend Roberto who got all fired up about going off to the Gulf War. I didn't know him prior to that. I was his manager for a while until he started feeling sick. He took a trip to the VA hospital and found out he was riddled with inoperable tumors presumably from the cocktail of injections the Army gave him before departure. He went back to East Los Angeles to die with his family. I sent him a letter a few months later just to see how things were going. His mom sent me a postcard saying that he had passed. I've never hated the United States as much as I did in that moment.

I wondering if it isn't time for me to drop out of school for a couple years. Yoon and I could head for Korea. Would it be any different. I wish it could be. I really really do.

/me misses Hermetic,

and all the people we lost yesterday...


Blood is Red, Smoke is White, and Tears are Blue
A Perspective

I remember seeing the second plane crash on TV
I remember the debris, the way it flew and fell, so many papers like a ticker tape parade of happier times in this district.
I remember thinking it was a movie, “Bad special effects” I thought
I remember thinking “Why?

My mom woke me up, a situation similar to so many.
America is under attack” she said, choking back tears.
Unbelieving, unknowing the true scope of things I sat in my bed, groggy from the less than four hours of sleep I’d been granted, and thought of the implications. I thought of my comfortable place in this world, “Would it effect me?” I thought. I remember delineating on whether it was an American as in Oklahoma City, or some foreign threat. I remember thinking of the implications to privacy. All of these thoughts all but disappeared after I saw the first footage. It’s not about me any more, it bit deep into my soul but it’s not about me. Yet in another way it is precisely about me, it effected me as nothing could. This, I thought, is the sort of stuff to which one can never get desensitized. The first picture was as painful as the last.

I was awake when it happened, but I knew nothing of it. This in itself pains me, as though I could have done something, as though I could have helped. As I was falling asleep, people were dying, suffering. As I switched my CD before bed, thousands of lives were taken in what is the most horrific and blatant disregard of human life to date.

People hunger for someone to blame, but a finger pointed is one less hand to join the world together, one less person to aid the cause. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, it has been said. This is the center of this conflict. Blind hatred culminated into an attack in which thousands of innocent lives were forfeit. We should not, and I shall not, perpetuate this sort of wanton and destructive behavior. Now is a time to join the world to accurately determine who is responsible and bring them to justice. There is no reason to try to make them pay the number of lives that we have paid unless there are that many guilty parties. Do not "nuke 'em" as so many people are saying all over IRC. This will only contribute to the hatred and evil will grow. An act such as this would not decimate the numbers of terrorists in the world, it would instead cause others to become violent to avenge the deaths of the fallen. Those responsible should undoubtedly be dealt with, and swiftly, but accuracy, at this point, is more important than effectiveness.

I fully stand behind our leaders and trust that they will make the right decision.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust
I will show you fear in a handful of dust

I am with many here, Americans, who feel our lives will never be the same. Looking up at airplanes will never feel the same. Standing next to a skyscraper will never feel the same. Walking into a large government building won't be a safe feeling for most of us for a long, long time.

Ordinary things, ordinary places are different. Vastly changed. For me, it includes dust. From now on, when I see a dust covered car, when I see a picture of a city street, covered in dust and soot my mind will go back to the last 24 hours. The images of an entire American city-THE American city, falling to the ground, then gone. Clouds of dust, racing toward the cameras and toward of crowd of people who can't believe, cannot comprehend that 110 floors, almost an acre of steel, concrete and glass can fall before them like so many poorly stacked dominos.

"Why were so many rescue workers so close," someone asked me. Where else would they be, I said. That was their job. No one could have imagined that the initial tragedies, an unknown number of people trapped in two burning buildings and two plane crashes could be made worse-insignificant. But it did and it was. And we saw it. The sky did indeed fall. Images too terrible to watch, too compelling not to look at. Over and over again.

I pray for all the victims and the families. And I hope all of us can gain something from this, but it's too early for me to see what it can be at this point. For me the dust will not settle for many years.

Thanks to the management for a brave, energetic job during the past few days.

I am proud to be a noder

picking up the pieces, day one...

i can't feel the numbers. something in me just won't click. every person there was either a mother, a father, a brother, son, daughter, sister, uncle.. but not MINE...

have we had worse? pearl harbor is comparable.. aside from the numbers, i would add challenger, oklahoma, and jfk... Wasn't there something worse that happened more than 60 years ago?

maybe the "real" part of "reality" dies with the first generation... in 30 years, littleton may just be another boston massacre.

o brave new world, that hath such people in it...

i hope you gassed up your car yesterday.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.