Last night was *not* one of the good nights
. Last night was one of the nights that I forgot that manic depressive
s have. Fairly irresponsible
, since I am one.
I was pretty manic all night - not irritating manic or anything, I just had a lot of enery/got a lot done. Did my homework, went out for coffee, came home ... to find a boy in my house.
See, it's normally not a problem to find a person of either gender in my house at any time of day or night. However, when my psuedo-roommate's boyfriend is out of town and she's actually around, it's not a good thing.
She defines herself by the men who are around, for a number of reasons in her past that are not within her control. However ...
When a man is in the house and he's REMOTELY attractive, she turns into uber-flirt mode. Normally, I can deal with it (although she *is* planning on marrying her current boyfriend, and I can see some obvious potential problems if her flirting gets out of control - she's monogamously challenged).
Last night, I couldn't. We all watched a movie in my room (the guy's a friend of mine, too). I thought it would be cool - she'd slept with this guy, but it was almost two years ago. I was wrong.
They spent the entire night flirting and acting like I was intruding when THEY were the ones invading my bed.
As the manic started to wear off, the depressive hit. I broke down, in an ugly, ugly way. However, because I'm also kind of obsessive, I can't let people see me cry, so they didn't see most of it.
Not that they would have cared.
I'm starting to question the value of that friendship ... and I'm neither manic nor depressed today. I just have to wonder what kind of friend actually makes me think that I'd have to grow a dick to have any sort of permanent value in her life.
I'm so sick of this shit.
I need to get a stable friend or two.