0900: Computer Systems lab, but I've already done all the shit for it, so I'll probly not go in.

1100: Javajavajavajava lab. wrote a CD class last night, with methods for getting the longest track, and total track time. I might post my solns here sometime...

1400: Working in Argos. I hope my jumper's still there from Monday, it keeps me warm and cuddly...

1700: Driving lesson. I don't know If i'll make it in time for this, I suspect I'll have to phone him and change the time, cos work'll last till 1730 at least.

It's 0147 jus now, I'm not goin 2 uni for long 2moro (if at all)

nearly bed-time..

Well, it's 1200 now, and i've only been up for an hour. Ah well, at least i've finished all the shit for uni.

I just phoned my driving instructor to cancel the appointment. arse.

1319: getting ready 4 work, showered, !shaved though...

Food, then I gotta run for the bus. ;-)

I was informed last night that school was cancelled for today. That was the only motive needed to quit my feeble attempts to finish the overload of homework assigned by bitter teachers out to get me. The whole world is out to get me.

Set my alarm for ten twenty this morning, with the admirable intention to get an early start on studying for my final exam tomorrow. Of course, the blaring radio went unnoticed for close to an hour, and by then I was too subconsciously annoyed at the distraction to force myself to concentrate on french. Prepositions, direct objects, subordinate clauses… kiss my bum. I awoke long enough to whip up a batch of tasty, fluffy pancakes, gulp them down while reading Dune, and then I was back in bed before two in the afternoon. Not bad.

My brother finally broke through my sleepy defenses by playing Diablo 2 loud enough to shake the house with the madness of the Secret Cow Level. It was almost as bad as my alarm clock. I went upstairs and told him to turn it down a notch, and then watched Digimon and X-men and several other children’s cartoons to pass the time. Adam had baked cookies during my nap, which was a shock. He had also left the oven on at 375 degrees. I only noticed because both the cats were sitting in front of the heat-radiating door. I admit, I joined them there on the floor for a few moments of warmth. Okay, so I sat on the floor with two cats for ten minutes, in front of an open, empty, gas-emanating cooking device. It was fun.

I finished making my dad’s final Christmas present: a copy of every Prodigy cd I own. This took the greater part of two hours to complete. I even printed all the original cover art and discography to include with each case. I considered giving him the real copies of mine, and then I could keep their illegal sisters, but I must admit I did a damn fine job putting together the new stuff. They look better than the originals. Bitches.

side note: Yes, my dad listens to The Prodigy. He’s a cool old guy on occasion, except when he pulls his pants over his chest and struts around like a dorky peacock while the dog tries to bite him because his ski mask makes him look like a stranger. But every father does this, right? I thought so.

Jimmy came over after The Simpsons was finished. He was lucky to make it up the hill to the house, having that automatic transmission and everything. Poor guy. I made him eat a couple cookies and made sure his elbows didn’t poke holes in the walls. He spent q couple weeks in a hospital because his parents thought he did crack due to his unbelievable thinness. My mom swears he’s anorexic. I think he just has better things to do than eat.

Happy Birthday
to Dannye,
my own
personal hero.

Everything Day Logs
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Everything Snapshot

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JeffMagnus node of the day: Everything Rumors


OK, here I am, noding. Strange. I really, really should learn to go to sleep earlier...

I got some spam to the account that I have not used since I got my redirection account... First, I don't use EUnet/KPNQwest stuff anymore (so is effectively gone), and I changed my username from urpo to wwwwolf ages ago. So, practically, this just proves nothing new: Spammers are idiots, and spammers who buy address CD-ROMs doubly so. =)

Spent this night amusing myself with Childcare Action Project page... ::twitch:: Just like Niilo at best parts. I once again need to doubt either the sanity or the troll-level of this fundamentalist.

Well, um, good night. I'll keep noding (and updating) this in the morning...



I woke up, and now, time to face the challenges of the day...


Done Usenet and mail... And someone offered to draw a picture of me (as anthropomorphic wolf, of course)! Cool!


I'd really need a hug...


Okay, okay, I know I suck and that my life sucks even more, you can stop downvoting this writeup. Thank you.

Drawing 'Mechs is kind of hard. I think I'll never master that art...

EuroNews has mostly those stupid idiotic commercials, and there's pretty much nothing else to watch. Oh woes.


...talked with folks in the IRC and such... In news some religious types whining about the proposed gay marriage law... Read new Pelit... Random useless stuff like this.

The weather man promised rain and snow for tomorrow... Which means, unless I'm mistaken, that this winter is Completely Pathetic. =)

God, I'm tired. ::shivers::

Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: Traditional Pass-Punt-Kick Night


The last week has been work, almost non-stop. Contract work here, nine-to-five there, it leaves very little time for anything else. I don't mind, really, I enjoy my work, but it wears on the soul, after a while.

Things are going well at CHUM, if you ignore the fact that my workload is going to run me into the ground. I have about two thousand graphics that have to be made by the end of the week, with another hundred-odd-thousand to be queued after that. It's monkey work, really, but there's a lot of it. It's not design, there's no design in it when you have to pop a new one off every five minutes.

I enjoy the working environment, though. The people are great, the offices are great, the atmosphere is great. I couldn't ask for a better place to work, really. I just wish the work itself was something I could look forward to. I want to be working with the web, and creating, not just cutting and pasting and cropping and resizing for eight hours a day. Even if there's free coffee.

I shouldn't complain, really. I have a job working with computers, and it's not horrible. It's not tech support. It could be worse.


Jes and I aren't having one of our better weeks.

I tell myself that anything worth having is worth working for. It's a fairly apt quote, I do think.

Internalizing it is proving to be more difficult.


Christmas is nearing, as well. It looks like I'm not going to be getting paid before christmas, so it'll be a sad sad year for my friends. No money for gifts, for anyone. Not for Jes, not for Jes' family that have been putting up with me for the last half-year, not for my little brother, not for my mother.

Add that to the fact that I already feel like hell for having taken so much from everyone with so little to give back, and you have a very unhappy little boy.

Maybe not unhappy. That's not entirely accurate. I wish that I could do more, though, and that I had the means to tangibly express my gratitude and affection for my friends and family, this Christmas.
Today is the beginning of my literary career. A friend of mine has invited me to be a writer for his magazine, Prophet... I don't know anything about it, but it's gotten published, and with nice and shiny paper stock, too. Gotta be a winner. Plus, he says I'll get free concert passes. Super neato.

I noded a minor opus, Ajax: A Short Story, and then foolishly clicked "Don't display in New Writeups."(It was only to test how it came out, dammit.) Now I'll never be able to nodevertize it, save through laborious softlinking. Everything, oh, you are a cruel mistress.

She lurched to the left sharply. She was obviously propelled by someone, but the train wasn't that crowded; who needed off so badly as to bust through like that?

At first it looked as if he ran into her on purpose. He gained his stance again, and moved to push someone else. The view from the seat was bad, and people were obstructing.

The reason became apparent. It seemed this other guy was the one that caused the whole topple. He shifted into the train a bit and kicked the first guy. The first guy almost went after the second, but the doors closed.


You could hear their minds. As the realizations people were making came about, you could feel the energy shift in the train. The man that busted through was black. The man that fought with him was an older white guy, with white hair. So suddenly the situation became a race issue. And then it became an issue of the stereotypical disgruntled old man, or the racist old man. Then came back the black thug. Suddenly age issues come up. Then education. The older white guy was obviously more wealthy than the black guy. The explosion of societal thoughts and wrongs expanded like a poison cloud. You could feel the wave of repurcussion. The menial thoughts of the people. Like animals in a crowded cage with the occasional skirmish. Such is nature, such is life; way it goes.

The murmuring of the passengers rose slowly, and the situation faded away.

so my damn car broke today. that sucked, needless to say. and whats worse is that i'm in the midst of trying to sell the stupid thing.
so i was about half way to work this morning, and a sound that i had been hearing for the past few days, became more annoying and also more disturbing. my car was in the midst of a breakdown!! boo! this was actually my first real breakdown. i had to pull into a Discount Tire Co, parking lot and call up my roomate to see if i could get a ride to work. so i get a ride to and from work, which i can only hope that i can get it agian tomorrow as well, because i HAVE NO CAR!!!! i still have no idea how i'm going to get to work tomorrow. i might have to call in and see if i can not come in. but fat chance that will happen. oh well, i just hope that i can get home, seeing as how we'll be kicked out of the dorms this saturday at 10 am!!!!! oh well, we'll see what happens.

Yesterday's Log

8:47 PM: She hasn't returned my call.

I called today, a little after 7.  She should be at home.
Rang 4 times.  I hung up before the answering machine
came on.  Guess I was a little anxious.  Should have left
a message.

The last time I called her was last Thursday, the 7th. No
answer.  No returned call.  5 days ago.  Granted, she did
go out of town this weekend.. but that's not too often, is

The fact that I am analyzing this is one of my personality
flaws.  I guess you could say I'm obsessive.  But I do
my best to not show it.  Waited 5 days because I called 
again.  A part of me wants to write an email:
  Hello, I just wanted to say hi.  We haven't talked in a 

Well, actually, we talked over IM yesterday, although it
didn't amount to much.  Basically she pasted a bunch of text
she had written to other friends describing her weekend in
New Orleans.
        and I thought I'd drop you a line .. I tried
   calling you yesterday, but you weren't there.  Just
   wondering what you're up to.  See ya 'round,

Quite civil and I think it would get to point.  But I won't
do it .. Of course, what I really want to write, deep down 
is something like:

    Am I annoying you?  You haven't returned my last two
    phone calls.

However straight to the point that is, there is no way I 
could do it.  If I wasn't previously annoying her, that
message would show how insecure I am.  It would also show
that I don't have much trust in our relationship (do we
have one?).  

What about the civil letter?  It makes me seem too needy,
because she'd know why I had written it. My original plan
was to not contact her and wait to see if she calls me.
But that fell through.. 

After our relationship has been in limbo for a few months,
(her being busy with school during most of the week and
tournaments 3/4 weekends of a month), there is finally
time for us to spend more time together, and I don't
think it's going to happen.. Sigh.  

"Why bother, it's gonna hurt me."

Why didn't I think of that before?

And why am I making such a big deal of this?  We really 
weren't emotionally intimate, just physically.  And even
that wasn't there during the few times we got to see each
other during the limbo period..

Who am I kidding.  It is over.

But then I remember, her saying.. Her last boyfriend.. She
tried to get him to dump her by not paying attention to 
him and etc.. but it didn't work even after trying for few
months.. so she finally just broke up with him.. and he
asked, "Is this a joke?".  It was so much of a pain for her,
she would never do it again.  

Then again.. actions speak louder than words.

I am so confused.  I want to write another email:

  Dear (Name),
    Recently I have been confused as to where we stand.
  Is there a mutual attraction between us any more?  This
  period of virtually non-stop tournaments has not allowed
  for much communication between us, which I believe
  relationships are based on.

My next paragraph gets written, erased, written again, 
erased again.  I give up.  No use, I'm not going to send
it anyway.  Oh well..

I don't know what to do..  Guess I'll just wait, and
see if she contacts me, ever.

Oh, by the way.. I feel really weird saying this, but
if you've been reading and you have any thoughts for me,
/msg me and I'll provide contact info (choose a medium:
email, aim, irc.)


Next day, 11:39 AM: I'm still attached.

I've been out of school for almost a week now.  When I get
up, I check the local news websites.  Yep, her school is
closed due to bad weather.  Interesting.

Of course, I can't call her.  As I idle away time online, 
I see one of her not-so-frequently used names pop on and
off my buddy list.  My heart jumps.. Man, something is 
wrong with me.

On the positive side, I've been working on the piano 
recently.. I'm learning the rest of Fur Elise.  Ok, it's
a little trite, but I don't have music to many other songs.
I've gone forever knowing how to play the main motif.  
Some sections of that song are really hard for me, but I
think I will be able to learn it eventually.

Still disliking both 'rents being in the house.  Get me
out of here.  Arrgh.  I wish I had something important
to say.. Something of substance.  Something with meaning.


3:39 PM: I'm scared.

I took my car to the shop after having lunch with the
'rents. As soon as I got home, I checked the caller ID.
No calls.

Waah.  It seems like thia happens to me everytime....
So maybe I'm a bit evil.

This morning I awoke to the aftermath of Toronto's (and the rest of Southern Ontario) biggest snowstorm of the year. Who knows how many centimetres we got last night, but it was enough.

So at 8:00 am in my trusty 'ol Jeep TJ I ventured off onto unshovelled roads and only got stuck once (Note to self: never stop in snow). Good thing I had four wheel drive. It's a Jeep thing... To make a long story short, I got a bit of a chuckle out of a Mercedes Benz stuck on an onramp to the 401.

Picture this. The onramp runs North-South. The Benz was stuck East-West. The onramp is one lane, with the shoulders filled three feet high with snow. I'm guessing that the car skidded going up the ramp and got stuck in that position, but watching the car go a foot forward, then a foot backward, then forward, then back with no apparent results kicked off an otherwise gloomy day with a bit of a grin.

There was a scene in the last Austin Powers movie where Mike Myers gets himself into a similar predicament in an alleyway. I laughed at that too.

Maybe I'm just a bit evil... >=)


This daylog is tiny for your benefit. You're welcome.

How today began:

I woke up shivering with a start and peeked outside my car. Three hours earlier I had decided that I was either too drunk or too tired to make the full drive from Boston back to Northampton. I tried to smile, remembering the evening spent drinking and playing arcade games (The bar was right next to the racing games! How cool is that?) with hep cats donfreenut and Cow of Doom (CoD, might I add, took the T and, therefore, was late. Much moreso than I was.), but I quickly became aware of this dull, deep down body ache that seemed to originate from my bones. I straightened my car seat and started the engine. All I wanted was a bed.

The ache persisted through the entire day and any sleep I got past those three hours seemed superficial.

How today ended:

Went to a show at the Flywheel. Everybody stayed for the local bands, including post-rock sensations Surgeon's Photograph, but did anybody stay for the headlining band, Explosions in the Sky, who hauled their asses all the way from Texas? Nope. There were fifteen people in the audience, and I think we witnessed something divine. The guys from the band were ultra-nice, "aw, shucks, it's just great to be here" types, too. Hope the rest of their tour goes better.

And, inbetween, nothing happened.

Except, maybe, a burger and some comics. But that's it.

Alarm clocks are not tactful devices. Why should they be? "BEEP BEEP BEEP" is alarm clock speak for "Get out of bed, you've only got a few minutes to throw on a shirt (leave the pajama pants on, there’s not time!) slip on your shoes, grab your backpack and bolt off to class, dash in the door and into your desk before the professor calls roll or you'll lose ten percent of your letter grade on your next exam!"

Good morning!

Another day starts in a frantic panic, just like the last, a trend that continues hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month. Lives are lived on fast forward in these times. Fast cars are driven to fast-food drive-through windows, pull up to fast-bank machines and get pulled over for speeding by cops in their own fast cars. Nights are spent watching the television news and the television sit-coms on a hundred different channels, each accessible instantaneously with the touch of a button. Our favorite shows break after seven eight nine ten minutes to give us short advertisements for pre-packaged lunches, espresso machines, ginseng enhanced super drinks, running shoes, and other quick fix quick answer gimmicks (Ten minute abs! CLICK One-minute rice! CLICK Pizza delivered in thirty minutes or less! CLICK More! CLICK Better! CLICK Faster! CLICK CLICK CLICK)

Everyone is running away from it, raging against it. The know they have to keep writhing, keep moving, like sharks in a slowly draining swimming pool, because if they know that if they stop they will be stricken with the malady that plagues these fast-forward times.


Stick a fork in me because i'm done! Yes, thats right... here at Cornell we finish off school early and have a nice long vacation. I had my last final yesterday and now the partying begins. I'm here for another day before i go home and i'm not really planning on just sitting around in my dorm room (like i've done for most of the year... well not really). I'm so happy... this will be my first vacation that isn't just an opportunity for the teachers to give annoyingly time consuming homework.

The weather here has been kinda whacky lately. Something about a warm front colliding with a cold front. My friend from ohio explained to me that when this sort of thing happens in ohio, they head for the cellar. I don't think there are gonna be any tornadoes in Ithaca, but the 30 mph winds creating a windchill of -15 have been kinda annoying. Especially since it was in the fifties a night or two ago.

At work, 9.25 in the morning

Lot's of signs in the air that i'm getting sick. Hopefully i can get over it easily, i hate being sick. Anyway, i just started to download FreeBSD 4.2 iso-image from FreeBSD ftp-server. 2 hours of download still left - i better find some work to do meanwhile, and not just stare at that download percentage on the ftp-client.


At home, 18.25

Right now I'm installing that FreeBSD i downloaded earlier this day. I found out i had not installed compat22 libraries, (fix: they were some X a.out libraries, actually) so i don't have X yet. Well, this shouldn't be a problem of anykind.

I'm quite sure now i will be sick in a couple of days. Oh well, better now than in Christmas eve.


At home, few hours later.

Now I've got that FreeBSD thing running, with X and everything. Cool. I just have to leave firewall-tuning for some other day - it's otherwise fine, but i can't access this box even with ssh right now. All incoming traffic is blocked. Pretty tight firewall, da? I think it's time to get to bed now, i 'm a bit tired and i have to wake up early tomorrow. Just have to remember to fix these default fonts. They are horrible. I can barely see what i am noding.

I couldn't sleep. I'm up and some thoughts popped into my head.

... my dear friend ...

As you've noticed and quietly noted, I have a tendency to not react, at all, to important things that are said or done in a given moment. Sometimes they just don't sink in right then, or I'm just not prepered at all. And I don't end up returning the favor, compliment, sentiment or whatever would be appropriate for that moment. It's there in my heart but it just doesn't come to the surface immediately. When it eventually does, the moment is lost. Sometimes nothing needs to be or should be said, but not always.

The other day I was helping you with some errands. We were in the car about to drive off when you said "You've been good to me." I'm sure that's what I heard, sometimes I can't be sure. But I just kept backing out the car and said nothing. My reaction must have been so cold. I would have given at least a smile, but didn't. Or said something ...

Well, you've been good to me too, with your friendship, honesty, oddities, truthfulness, openness and with the way you care. You poked and proded at my little universe. And it's been nothing but good.

Well, there it is. A little thing that finally bubbled to the surface. Late as usual.

Woke up and noded my dream. Got dressed for work that starts at 7:30 and takes me 15 minnutes to get to. I put on some shorts and a shirt and walked out the door. Colder than hell! "Shit I'm already late" I thought. I had to go right then so I grabbed a jacket ond took off. Cold hit my body and prickled my skin. GRR!!

Got to work and the same old same old, nothing new, I studied for a test that I had the following day, which is today. I went home at 9:30 to study some more.

I was upset at my internet and my computer because I was unable to log on to e2. I went through some withdrawal symptoms of not being able to node or read nodes, or worse yet, vote on them! To say the least I almost smashed my computer, but then I thought, what if it works tomorrow. And God Bless you computer, she did.

Took two naps of which rejuvinated me. I left for work at 2:12, traffic was horrid. I finally got near my work and was a bit early. I decided to visit the cemetary I had visited the last time I went to work. It was too cold for me to get off so I drove in with the music off and circled all the graves. So many names, so much death, so much heartache and pain. I felt at peace.

So I'm down at PalmSource, in Santa Clara. 3000 nerds, including me. How do I know they are nerds? Allow me to explain.

Strange dancers demonstrating "communication" as shadows with Palm Pilots in their hands, while we all wear 3-d glasses. pluheese.

Claudia Shaeffe is brought on stage. 2.2 thousand male nerds roar! .8 thousand women roll their eyes. Why do the roar? where else do they get to do this? The innuendos fly. "oh, I wish I could speak german", quips Palms CFO. On the other hand, Ole' claudia talks about mysoftware, which >i< wrote, so that'll give me some cred with the nerds. heh heh.

I am 4 people. I have my own badge, my CEO's badge, and a couple of others. a couple of folk from my office were down here recruiting, so I lent out my badge and got to see myself as a cute 5'2 receptionist. I decided to go for the CEO style, but as of yet, noone has invited me to private parties or given me any useful hardware.

The interesting thing was utterly incongruous. So used to keynotes being Rah Rah affairs, Who should wander on stage but a stanford professor who is head of some technology and culture school. He proceeded to rant on and on about thinking outside of the box. I am tempted to say that he said "subverse the dominate paradigm", but that would just be a flashback to Evergreen, I think.

more today. Microsoft is apparantly trying to lure palmites away with loads of food and booze. They really don't know what they are up against. For all it's problems, Palm and it's developers are a force to be reckoned with.

Foreign correspondent moa, out.

Oh no! It's Wednesday the thirteenth! (Oh wait...that doesn't do anything to my day.)

I wonder how many people actually read these day logs with all that upvoting going on. Not that I mind.

I haven't written or even accessed E2 since Monday. For some reason, I couldn't get online to my free service all day yesterday. Then I was going through some E2 withdrawal symptoms. I was almost going to faint from not being able to have an outlet. But I suddenly cured myself by playing Playstation2.

Yesterday was pretty crazy with all that snow. I tried to go to work but I made it as far as the road outside my driveway. Then I almost got stuck as the snowplow came. It was a good thing I didn't try to go farther down my road or I would have been carried along pushed by the snowplow. So instead, I spent my morning trying to figure out how to use our snowblower, and then actually clearing all the snow on our driveway. Ooo..exciting!

9:58am EST
I realize that yesterday was more exciting than today, even in the morning. I also decide that I hate writing about routine stuff. I wish something exciting happens to me everyday!

10:00am EST
I recall yesterday having...(but what about today? So what? I'm recalling it today.)...having Dim Sum with my mom.

10:03am EST
I wonder what work I can do today.

10:46am EST
Fully recovering from my E2 withdrawal symptoms after Tiefling C!'ed my node and writeup.

so many little humans with so many thoughts.. so i've been letting myself slip a lot, it's been easier than fighting past everything and smiling, easier to slide. i've been paying attention to the universe.. i realize easy it not always the best way to go about life matters. so, this is me, throwing in the towel soaked from sinking to places i should not bother with, climbing up the leetle rope and wandering around on the surface for a while. i am sorry...

so much snow, heaps of white fluffy cold scattered all around and you will be here in three days, and i will be smiling. of course i will be. i'll even smile before then.. really. maybe even now.

i would think that most everyone should have crazy amounts of plant life in their homes. it's so nice to be able to look out a window obscured by spikes, leaves, dangling plant matter, see the white and know the cold, and still have all the dreamy green. the contrast is a sweet, sweet thing. also, i fear the baby tears that have sprung up around the base of my cuban tree may strangle it, but i think the problem could be solved by simply placing it in a larger pot as to provide room for both. (i hope, i hope...)

it's so peculiar how many people write these things now. i've only cause to scrawl text in this place every so often..

when you blow out, like a dead star.. it reminds me how uniform your beautiful is

It's amazing how long it has been since I've done any work with E2. It has little or nothing to do with finals or the absolutely brutal winter weather here. I've been really sick again. The failure of internal organs to do their jobs has been at fault. Oh well. I should be used to this by now. It is not going away.

I woke up really early today after sleeping through an entire night for a change. With only one final today I felt like I had a mini-vacation between 4am and 7am. Is this a sign of getting older? Being able to enjoy being up and moving before the sun rises just seems so characteristic of old men. It is peaceful. No one else is awake to bother me except for the cats. Unfortunately I had to venture outside.

Winter in Colorado is different from winter in most of the other places that I've lived. The dry air just seems colder and more cutting. The wind feels like it is wearing you away. Erosion or the feeling of it is one of the constants of my life. At times I feel like bad habits and stupid axioms are being stripped away. Other times it seems like my interest in anything outside of books and my girlfriend is leaving me in torrents. I know you don't care. I don't either.

We had an interesting topic for my African-American Studies class. The entire final was about Malcolm X but it was in the form of a letter. Remember in his autobiography when he snubs that white girl by saying in response to her question about what she can do to help? He said that there was nothing she could do to help and later on in the book expresses regret about his answer. The letter was supposed to be from Malcolm's perspective after his return from Mecca. It's a kind of cool idea since the requirements of the writing include explanations of his perspective before and after the Hajj. I'm not a fan of essay exams but this was really fun. In any case, it beats the hell out of writing dialogues concerning the Allegory of the Cave.

Nearly finished with the next issue of my zine. Feel free to /msg me if you want a copy. With any luck I will be able to scam all of the copying anyway so there won't be any real cost other than postage. I'm reading Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure and I'm totally absorbed. I'm not sure how I let this book slip by me. It has been a little while since a book has really kicked my ass though. It made me totally abandon the hefty book on Foucault that I was reading.

I forgot to node a daylog yesterday. Something significant happened yesterday.

Not only did I check my marks online at my university's website and confirmed that I passed!!! but I also received a nice big letter from Liverpool Hospital in Sydney addressed to Dr. Alex Tan ...

Oddly enough, I did not feel elated at this straight away. My mother was way happier than I was and was positively beaming as she came in, asking "Is there a Dr. Alex Tan in this house?", proudly carrying the big envelope for me.

Another new year next year. My first year working. Earning money for once and not living off my parents. I've pledged 20% of my income (I will probably change that to after tax income) to my parents last week. I've told them that if I did not send them as much money, I could afford a new Mercedes C Class car in Sydney (on finance, of course)... so I'm giving up a Mercedes for them.

On another note, I helped my mum make assam laksa today by chopping up bunga kantan (don't ask, I don't know its English name either), cucumber, peppermint leaves, one green chili and some onions. Now I vaguely know the ingredients for Penang laksa but not the right proportions (I didn't chop everything and I didn't watch the cooking, *sigh*) nor the right order of doing things ...

I love my mother, bless her heart, but she is the strangest person I've ever met. This is why.

Last night in order to avoid the crowd of people that usually gathers at my house right before The Simpsons comes on, I went to my parents house to study. My mother was in a good mood, but feeling kinda down...
I asked my father what was wrong with her. He told me that yesterday she bought a new car.
Ok dad, so why is she feeling so down?
Because she bought a car son.
My mother owns a very successful department store, her parents were millionaires (quite liteally) and she's probably not far behind them. She's never deprived herself of anything before, so why start now?
It's because she is driving (currently) the car her mom used to drive. bid deal right? I believe that she sees getting rid of her mom's car as getting rid of her mom.
My grandmother has been dead for almost a year, and it has really taken it's toll on my mother. I truly believe this to be the reason she doesn't really want to get rid of the car.

She and I talked for a long time, then I went and studied. I love my mother dearly, she is the kindest most considerate person I've ever known, but sometimes, she's just wierd.

Endtroducing...DJ Shadow is a pretty decent album I've discovered recently. I usually am not into the DJ/Techno/Ecstasy scene, but I think this album is a real knee thumper.

by the way, here is a joke:
a terrible storm is shaking an old man's house. He hears a knocking on his door. He opens it to discover a small man in armor stepping off a German Shepard. The small man says, "You have to let me in, it's raining so hard out there." The old man replies, "I would never forgive myself if I didn't let a knight like you in on a dog like this."

Today is the last day of Fall semester classes in Brooklyn College. That means the next week will be all final exams and racking up massive amounts of work time (more like 6 hours for a day instead of 3).

Last week, a girl in Media Writing class kept bugging me about anal beads after I have told her I did some shopping in Toys in Babeland. Last Saturday, I bought her a goodie bag -- my own gift bag containing a set of anal beads, a bottle of silicone-based lubricant, and a golden vibrator.

Yesterday, I have sent her the goodie bag in the end of class. I was hoping she will have the naiveté to open it up in the room, but she clutched it like she's going to run like a bat out of Hell.

Today, I saw her in the mess hall. All she can say is that I'm crazy, and she'll not use anything inside. I hope she's a good liar.

My last final was completed at 3 PM today.

There is much rejoicing.

As is customary at the end of the semester, I cleaned out my backpack.

The contents of it are as follows:

1. The Sanskrit texts. The books were touchy-feely. I hate learning a language the touchy-feely way. I like it sink or swim.
2. One sociolinguistic text THAT I NEVER EVEN OPENED.
3. hindi flash cards. I'm going to burn them. I never want to see another word in devanagari again. (Until class next semester.)
4.Notes in three different languages, two of which make very little sense to me.
5. One feminist girlie magazine. I kid you not, they exist.
6. Three Note books that contain mostly doodles and lists of things I would rather be doing.
7. One folder containing class handouts.
8. A copy of Questioning Ramayanas, edited by Paula Richman. I'm one essay away from having completed all of the reading for the course. I will succeed!
9. rubber cement.
10. packing tape
11. A pair of scissors
12. A first Aid Kit.
13. 7 pens, none of which write in normal, or even vaguely acceptable ink.
14. One pencil.
15. Two mix tapes. one of the "d'oh! I'm going to fail," variety and the other of the "The exam's ass and my foot have an appointment," Variety.
16. post-it notes
17. Blank index cards.
18. 2 tubes of chapstick, and one tube of lipstick.
19. eyeliner.
20. WooHoo! A paycheck!!!
21. Various pieces of paper with lyrics or words of encouragement scrawled on them.
22. Vitamins. Aspirin. Midol. Caffeine and other assorted uppers. Various other items of the like.
23. cab fare.
24. one glove. Which is interesting because I have two hands.
25. three protien bars.
26. gum.
27. student id. (so, that's where it went.)
28. A piece of paper with my emergency information on it. I think this has been my cleanest semester yet. yay me.

So, now I'm at a point of reflection. this semester has taught me a lot. I know one phrase in sanskrit (Tat mama pustakam, or That is my book) and how to decline nouns. I know a lot about the Indian Epic, The ramayana. And I've grown as a person. I think I'm going to paint my nails, now.

Oh, and Mohenjo-daro was a city, not the founder of the Jain religion.

No, I do not have enough money to book my own flight to Germany and then hope that the company will pay for it!

I am poor. This is something that is, perhaps, difficult for people with whom I work to understand. I do not have credit cards. This is caused, at least in part, by the fact that I am poor. Today, when I got into the office, I received an email notifying me that the trip, that I have been very excited to go on, to Germany is too expensive for the German office to book of their own accord. They would like for me to book the flight, and then (insert name of important person here) can sign off on the invoice to reimburse me. Hopefully something can be worked out, because I simply do not have enough money to be running around buying tickets to other countries all of the time.

Other than that, I am having a very good day. I think it has something to do with the fact that it is pissing rain. The weather conditions make it feel a whole heck of a lot more like December than it has been feeling recently.

I don't suppose my good mood could have anything to do with last night. *Devious grin* After talking to my man on the phone until around 11:00PM or so, I hung up and said, "Good night." Earlier the conversation had gone something like this:

"Ummmmm, I have half the mind to come over there, break in your window, blindfold you, and rape you silly. You won't know what hit you."

"That would be horrible. I don't know if I would ever be the same again."

"Hmmmmnnn . . . I could pick up a big 'ole dildo. Do you know of anywhere to get dildo's around your house?"

"Yes, there is a place that might still be open on Fulton Street. Don't forget to grab a crow bar for the window."

"Oh, I won't. I should bring my handcuffs too."

"Oh dear, you are so brutal."

"Okay, well, I'll be down a bit later tonight then."

"Looking forward to it."

The conversation switches to other things . . .

Directly after hanging up the phone, I walked out the door, into the cold night, toward the BART station. Guess who I surprised?


I just got back from the gym, where I spent almost an hour walking... about 500 calories burned. I didn't want to do the weights tonight since I don't want to be sore during the christmas party tomorrow.

I went to the doctor today and got my perscription cut back a bit. I can now stop taking one pill and only half of another. I also have lost 12 pounds since my last visit.

My doctor still wants to check my blood sugar levels; she thinks I'm right on the borderline to being a diabetic. I will go back in a week to get my blood sugar checked. In the mean time, I will consume no sugar :)

She is a very pretty doctor. She is thin, asian, long dark hair, nice voice, and looks to be either in her late 20s or early 30s. She's very nice. She actually spent a good 10 minutes talking with me about my health and things (That's about 8 more minutes than my previous doctor would spend). She mentioned that she recognized me on the local news broadcast when I was down at the Palm Beach County protest a few weeks ago.

I'm really glad to be able to dump some of my perscriptions and that I have good evidence of my improving health.

I was having some anxiety earlier today before going to the doctor, mostly about tomorrow's party. I have no way to ratonalize why I get anxious before social events, I just do. I took some kava kava, and a few hours later (and after my doctor's appointment) I felt fine.

I've got a lot of things to do before the party tomorrow.

  • get my dress shirt ironed (I don't own an iron, so I'll have to go down to the dry cleaners and have them press it).
  • fill up my car with gas
  • polish my dress shoes
  • pick up something to smell good
  • buy a new belt (my current belt is too large)
I guess I'm going to need to wake up early tomorrow. I should probably get to sleep soon.

I'm sitting here avoiding the essay. The essay, that if written halfway decently, could possibly get me into Stanford. It's supposed to be about a person that I would like to be for a period of time, fictional or non-fictional. I first thought about Newton, wish I could have invented calculus..Then I thought about Louis XIV, he ruled France for a good long time and got to build that pretty palace (Versailles). Why are all my choices men? Maybe I want to be one so I can avoid having to be with one. Maybe I should just write that I would be anyone than myself, because thats how I feel right now. Not feeling too good about life, but hey I'll get over it.

Nothing interesting happened today, this guy who is two years younger than me thinks I'm hot and thinks he has a chance with me. I get to meet him tomorrow, if he's cute maybe. I'm horribly shallow, I don't care, it's better than pretending to be in love.

I'm trying to restore a friendship with him and I don't know if it's going to work. It's too hard, being with him and not wanting him, I can't want him because he doesn't want me. He makes that quite clear. I don't understand him at all, maybe that's why I like him, something for me to figure out. I like that kind of stuff. Although it's not very easy to turn people into equations, I found this out the hard way.

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