The nightclub went well enough last night, but any enthusiasm I felt was dulled by the fact that at four-fifteen Tuesday afternoon, CHUM Group Radio (more specifically,, a subgroup of the Wireless Broadcasting Corporation) laid me off.

They couldn't afford four full-time designers anymore, and as I was the least senior, I was the one to go.

Fuck 'em. As my brother said, they'll all be crying when they see me on a newspaper with oodles of money.

I'm kinda going to miss some of my co-workers, though. We exchanged phone numbers, but I find it difficult to keep up work-based friendships when you're not forced to see each other every day.


Jes and I screamed at each other all day yesterday. We resolved things come the evening, and (hopefully) things are still good, and will remain so as I pick her up from work.... It is worth noting, however, that a day of screaming and crying really solves nothing, and is very hard on the soul.

Chaos allows for rust. Anger encourages it.


On a positive note, I managed to spend a few minutes with Geoff, last night, at Elgin Street Diner. I never go there anymore, and perhaps it's for the best... A place that used to be conducive to midnight coffeehouse philosophy sessions, and ideas on how to change the world eventually degraded into a kind of sickness by familiarity. It wasn't special anymore.

In any case, I did get to see Geoff, and we did get to chat, and say a few dumb things. I miss him, and on the few occasions that we spend time in the same places, he makes an effort to see me. It's very warming.


With any luck, I'll be working with Warren again. It seems a position has opened up at Mediahouse, where he works in Hull, and he's going to see if he can give me a push into the position.

Here's hoping.
I noticed that Dunkin Donuts is using TV commercials to promote their hot egg and meat or cheese sandwiches. They've been around for a while, but are microwave-oven-heated sandwiches such a big deal?

I decided to avoid Dunkin Donuts this morning by making bacon and eggs for breakfast. However, my boss called while I was cooking the bacon, and next thing I know, there is a lot of smoke.

I remove the pan from the heat, just as I was trained to do. But there was still all of this smoke. So I figure, "Hey, I'll open my front door and let my apartment air out some.". Unfortunately, there was a smoke detector out in the hallway, which didn't go off until I opened the door. But when it went off, it really went off. This is one of those industrial strength alarms.

So I call my landlord. I ask him, "Hey, can I turn this thing off?". He says that only the fire department can turn it off, and that he'll come over.

Next thing I know, there are 3 full-sized fire-engines outside our apartment complex, and they have already gotten a ladder up to the roof. I get the attention of one of the firemen and explain what happened. Three or four different firemen come and check out my apartment, listen to my story, and take down my name and number (eventually my landlord showed up and talked to them as well).

Needless to say, I didn't need my normal pick me up cup of coffee, as this got my heart going quite well, thank you. And yes, I did go ahead and cook up some more bacon and eggs.

So, I get up this morning around 8, and call Erin because she has a midterm at 9:30 and we take care of each other. I wasn't expecting Erin to answer the phone. I was expecting to get her machine, and give her a half an hour head start before I showed up at her door to walk with her to class. She answered the phone.
"Wow, you're awake."
"Ya, I haven't been to bed yet. Jos took a bunch of pills and then called last night and I had to take her to the hospital. I'm not going to my midterm, I'm too wiped."
So, we talked a bit more, and then I had to go because missing my 9:30 is like missing an apointment with God. You just don't do it.
Now, in case you don't read my nodes, let me give you a little back reading. I Hate Creed--Or How I know there are 52 Advil in my apartment. Ya, my friends and pills. Classic.
I go to class. My first one isn't so bad. We talk about Competency vs. Performance and a bunch of papers that I haven't read yet. And, then I get to my second class, which is, quite possibly, the best class I've had the opportunity to take at the University of Iowa. If you ever have the opportunity, it's called Quest for Human Destiny. The professor's kind of a prick, but he has some great moments that more than make up for it. The Professor is a rabbi, and the past few lectures have been about Pastor Paul Schneider and the Holocaust. Paul Schneider's story is very moving. To the depths moving. So, the professor is telling the story, and he gets stuck on this point about honoring the dead. He spent about ten minutes on the topic. He made me cry. After class, I get most of the whole story about what went on with Jos, but not all of it. She got to drink a whole bunch of charcoal, but they didn't pump her stomach. Jos said she needed a time out, but has said she won't withdrawl from school, and has also said that she doesn't want to be in the hospital. She wasn't attempting suicide, and they didn't put it down as a suicide attempt, and so, they let her go in time to see Must See TV.
And, all I have to say is, fucked up. We are all seriously fucked up.
Right, so today I got to help my sister move. I'm a geek. I'm fat, out of shape and clumsy. Not a good combo for lifting heavy cumbersome objects. So, now I'm all sore and stuff. Pity me.

Ok, so someone brought up DMan in the catbox. I read the story on his homenode. It seems I just missed all the fun during my hiatus between school and gettting broadband access. Dang. I figured the daylog is a great place to ramble on about the topic instead of creating another node. Alright, so I'm resigned to not knowing enough about the situation to say the Gods were right/wrong. I'd just as quickly assume Jon Benet Ramsey was killed by her garbage man. Even so, it seems DMan was pushed over the edge by the very real liberal slant of E2. A conservative WU can be written eloquently and counter every argument against it (not meaning in direct response to other WUs, which isn't good) but be totally outvoted by a quick one-liner by someone like saige. No offense, just and example. No big deal, but it can get annoying. What I've found worse is the open bashing of religios people here. While complaining that "fags are promiscuous" would obviously (and most likely with good reason) be frowned on, it's perfectly ok to stereotype Christians as mindless hypocritical automotons. I'm glad you're recovering, but that doesn't mean you've entered a higher state of enlightenment than those you've left behind.

OK, what is it with me and guys in their thirties?

I have a radio show here at my university. Actually, I have two shows, one in the morning and one at night. Well, a guy named Ron--who seems really cool, really nice--happens to be a fan. We've talked on the phone a few times, particularly on Tuesday and today, and he's making me a mix tape. Well, the thing is, he's 35 and I'm 21 (almost 22). I don't have a problem with the age, and I'm not even saying there's any sort of sexual or romantic element which will grow out of this. But for some reason, he is the latest in a string of thirtysomethings who befriend me (and sometimes more than "befriend"):

  • 1997: Bob--36
  • 1999: Tim--36
  • 2000: Tom--30
  • 2000: Jimmy--30
  • 2001: Marc--31
  • 2001: Ron--35

and of course the infamous case of my acting professor, who just turned 39, as recounted in my February 20, 2001 node.

This is only a sample. Why? What is it about me and guys in their thirties?

Well, I haven't written anything about me in a while, so I'll briefly fill you in on the gory details.

I got flat-out rejected by Stanford. Ouch.. Well, I didn't want to go there anyways.. (A big lie as anyone who has been following my day logs knows, but I'm coping.)

I went to a really interesting concert tonight. The Carnegie Mellon Philharmonic was playing a concert called "Holocaust Memorial and Peace Concert". They played:

Adagietto for Strings and Harp by Gustav Mahler
A Survivor from Warsaw by Arnold Schoenberg
Symphony No.3 "Liturgique" by Arthur Honegger
"A Survivor from Warsaw" was really interesting. It features a narrator, two cantors (one was my rabbi, which is how I ended up at the concert), and a solo trombone. Unusual, no?
My favorite piece of the evening was the Honegger symphony. It's very modern, but not atonal. All of these were pieces I'd never heard before, but this symphony was really fantastic.

Give me your money!

Shits been going down the tube along with some blood. I'm falling apart. Taking caffeine pills isn't a bad thing. Don't abuse them! They can really fuck you up in the long run. I stuffed my face today. Figured it's what I need. I have bruises all over my legs and my body always aches. You're anemic. FUCK OFF!

My Solution to it all: I went with redboot to get a tattoo. I got a snake going down my spine. It's not small. Took the guy a good 3 hours and a half to get it done. After the second hour it started to fucking hurt. Why do you want to get a snake? What? Am I supposed to get so fucking flower or some shit? I don't care to have something beautiful on my body...

My parents are getting a divorce. They discussed it yesterday. I don't even care. I'll be gone come May. They can't hurt me anymore.

I think I'm falling in love, and I love the feeling. Most likely I'll fuck it up. It'll take me a couple of months and a couple of nights of getting high to get over it. Hopefully it won't lead to that. I want to be happy.

ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE: I like Cureobsession's poems.

Well this past week has been hell. It has been a week since my accident. I still don’t know how I got out of there with just one bruise, maybe there is some internal damage but I cant feel it oh well you got to die some day right. Well lat night I went with clearpebbles to a tattoo parlor to get some ink done. She made me look like a pussy with what she got. I got the soulfly symbol on my neck its not that big it took the guy about an hour and half to do it. Hers took way more than mine so she took more pain than me. Then today I shaved my head *shrug* I miss my hair. My Afro I had been growing it for like 9 months (I guess it was time for new hair to be born) now but I decided to get rid of it. Well that’s about all for today and I agree with pebbles cure's poetry is not that bad.


DeviantArt is one cool art site... Wish I had the mental lucidity to stick with a hobby like 2D art. I haven't touched my camcorder in about 2 months. But I did manage to play the piano for about ten minutes yesterday. My creativity may be stunted, but it's still growing. Now all I need is the cash to realize my dreams... ;)

Recently the only thing I can think about is the etho-emotional problem I've been facing... For a quick recap, try yesterday's daylog. I still don't know what to do, and I think it may already be too late to make a decision. There's no easy way out of this, and I don't have the coherence to think straight for more than a few minutes let alone make a decision like this. I wish things like this were easier. But they're not.

My deposit finally went through. Too bad it wasn't really a 'paycheck'... Just an advance until I can find out exactly how many hours I worked. And I thought I was such a badass when I got my little PHP/mySQL intranet-database set up at work and started logging my hours. Too bad I used an 'event-based' system, and I don't have any easy way to add up my total hours worked. That's how ya learn, I guess.

But for now I'm still at the apartment. On her PC... She's in the other room talking to a friend she hasn't seen in awhile. We played Monopoly and I kicked ass. ;) But I did gloat a lil' too much I guess. heh... Maybe we'll talk. Maybe we won't.


I've gotta be at work in 10 minutes. I'm not even really ready... Been playing with my linux box for the past 45 minutes. Wonder if i'll ever get there? I hope so... I need the money, and the rep for showing up 'on time' would be nice.

I can't really believe this is happening.
My flatmate (female) left tonight after a typical flat-sharing argument. (You know, doing the dishes and so on). As we work for the same company, i am fscking nervous about her arriving at the office.
She moved to hamburg only four weeks ago and so hardly knows anyone here where she could stay. I assumed she'd stay at my bosses flat as she lives just about one kilometer away, but when i asked her, she did not know anything.
However, i think she went to office last night and met a colleague working overtime and stayed with him.
At least i hope so.
Some hours went by. As i am writing this, she is sitting over at her table, completely ignoring me. I am unbelievable lucky i'll take a trip to Berlin over the weekend so she -and i- have some time to calm down...
It is very early in the morning and I have to go to school in a matter of hours. I dont care. I have to marvel at the previous day's occurences before I go to sleep.

I didnt go to school yesterday because I didnt want to. I wasnt going to be missing anything important anyway so why not sleep in? I woke up at 1 in the afternoon and went to practice for academic league. (Games in which other schools compete against each other. Buzz in and answer questions is the point of the game.)Then I tutored, after which I was informed that I wouldnt be needed for another two weeks. Which is ok, I didnt really like doing it anyway.

Then I wandered around for an hour and got dinner and then went to my academic league game. I almost got to play the whole time, and our team won. YAY!!!! Actually I was more excited that my favorite teacher of all time, Mr. Tuttle came to our game. He left our school last year, and I havent seen him since, so it was a very pleasant surprise. He came to eat dessert with me and my friends after the game which was very cool. I miss him.

When I got home, I checked my messages, and saw that two people had called. Neither of them left messages, and I wanted to know who called me, so I called the last person back using *69 ( a method of calling people back who have called you). He answered the phone. I couldnt believe that He called, Ive talked to Him a couple times on the internet recently but other than that any relationship between us had become non-existent. I was sad, but I had pretty much moved on. We talked for a while, about various things, and then I joked about Him coming over. Since He now had His own car, this was possible. He hung up the phone and I tried calling back a couple minutes later, but there was no answer. So I assumed He was actually coming, which He did. He picked me up in the car which I thought I would never ride in and took me to His house which I thought I would never step foot in again. And I kissed the lips that I thought I never would kiss again. He was mine again for a short time. I do not expect this to happen again but random occurences like this...could be possible.

Another day of Banking problems in Italy...

Went to one branch to pick up my monthly allotment of travellers checks (this is how I pay my student loans and child support from Italy: I buy travelers checks and then send them to my ex-wife. She writes the checks fopr me and pays my bills... including the child support, which she sends to Oregon and then they direct deposit it back to her... YEEESH!)

Anyhow the brach of my bank I stop in at on the way to work... doesn't have travellers checks! FUCKERS! so off I go to another branch, where i actually only had to stand in line for 20 minuets before seeing a teller.

Luckilly work lets me send the checks out DHL overnight to Loiusville, KY where Janet, my ex lives.

I feel much better today, it's so strange watching my inner state shift and stutter from one emotion to the next. But such a natural process as well....

It's the weekend, but I don't have any plans (other than going to see Dave Douglas on sunday).


Just got confiormed for the Germany trip... 4 days of free hotels, food and wild monkey sex with my girlfriend! yippie! And it's snowing again here at the feet of the Alps


I'm not dead. Just didn't want to node boredom. =)

Some recent observations:

  • I wrote my first GIMP plugin. It loads KoalaPaint pictures. Just as fast as the real thing. ($drawable->set_pixel() is too damn slow.)
  • YiffCam control app works - to great extent. Now, all I need to do is that I'd need to make the camera to use the information...
  • Perl GTK+ is somewhat uncomfortable ... but it rocks. =)

Happened today? Slept too long. Again. =( This is going to hurt...


I needed to figure out how to make a really 31337 spamblock to illustrate their absurdity... =)

Well, I now have food for the weekend... I got apples, too!


I was writing down a transcript of a comic strip... That will need to wait, I'm afraid.

Other day logs o' mine...

Noded recently by y.t.: Finnish Air Foce J.C. Frost Dream log: February 28, 2001 Sin City spamblock dire wolf ROMZ

Updated: Metal Gear Solid

Friday, March 2, 2001
Had a guy approach me today complaining that our servers were down this morning at 6:02 AM! We had them back up by 6:20 AM. I was not bothered by his complaint, I deal with them all day, but is it necessary to start arguing that when he is working, and the servers go down, it is an interruption that distracts him from his job, and that once they are back up, it takes him a while to get focused back on the problem!

So I asked him if he meant that it was a distraction the way he was distracting me, and he replied yes. Damn if he was not as dense as a box of rocks and did not get the point that I was trying to work and wanted him to get back to his job that was so damn important! URGH!

The World Flambeaus Me!

I had latte with M. yesterday before meeting. He dyed his mustache and goatee for me! He looks so cute! He's lost ten years just by doing that. I wish I could cuddle up and get kisses and hugs because he looks just adorable. But I can't right now, cause I hate men.

I periodically stop reading the paper and paying attention to the news. Then I start feeling rather idiotic and look at the news again. Then I remember why I stopped reading the paper. Yesterday I caught a headline that I wish I had never seen. A little boy was found dead in Philadelphia 7 or 8 years ago. He was 41 pounds, aged 4-6, obviously beaten to death, obviously starved and abused his entire, short, horrendous life. It made me cry on and off all day. I can't stand the reality of people being so cruel, twisted, and evil so as to do that heinous thing to that little boy. It's making me cry again now. I wish I could have stopped it. It's so unfair. It was in the news again because the police had not allowed him to be buried as they were trying to find out who did it. Some lady buried him, had kept in touch with the police, and had taken a personal interest in him.

I am so furious at my grandfather for molesting me. First it happened; and I split. Then I discovered it and finally relived that whole damn thing in therapy. What an ordeal that was; what a betrayal. Now I can't get it off my mind - and my dislike for older men could not possibly be more intense. Older meaning over 40. This is so fucking ridiculous.

I hope I can accomplish something at work today. I have to get this stuff off of my mind.

Happy Friday!

One of our traffic logging boxes went down at work yesterday, and I fixed it all by myself.

/me gets a GOLD STAR.

So today starts out interestingly enough. I wake up at 5:00 AM, and my brain decides I won't be going back to sleep.


So I get out of bed. At 5:03 in the morning. And I don't have to be at work until 10:00. Goody. Let's shower now, and get it out of the way. Watch a little TV, do a little reading, then start on my daylog.

I'll be damned. It's 9:00 already.

I tell you, Thank God It's Friday. This has been a longer week than usual, but nothing seriously bad. I'm just glad I have a nice relaxing weekend to look forward to. And then everything starts over on Monday! Whee!

I'll be formatting my Windows partition this weekend. It's about that time where the Windows life span has neared its end. Except this time, I'm going to make future formats a lot easier. I'm going to install the necessities for my box, including the latest patches, device drivers, IE5, and a few other things. Then, I'm going to dd the partition to an image file, and burn it to CD. Then I'm going to create a boot disk that (when the CD is in the drive) will format the partition and spray the image back on to the drive. So when I have to do this again, I won't have to sit through any installers.

WooHoo! Accipiter's E-Z System Reconstruction Kit.

Lunch Log: I'm bringing lunch to work today, but if I tell you NOW what I'm having, it won't be any fun!

I'm sitting here right now, waiting for a call from works's relocation services place. They're going to helping me find someplace to live. Looking around myself didn't help. Those places that are only 2 bedroom that accept pets (not even dogs. just small caged critters, and possibly a cat) either expect you to dish out $1500 a month, or look like they haven't had any upkeep since some time in the 1920s. Poughkeepsie is such a shit area... hopefully I can find something in the outskirts, but still on this side of the Hudson River.


Gotta go

His fingers moved across the fret board, acoustic and steel stringed. The sounds of steel and speaker floated through columns and tiles and enveloped me. No jarring distortion or drum machine. No manhandled lyrics thrown past your head.

It was soft, a feather pillow of sound. I don't remember the subway ever feeling that way before. Thanks were necessary. Seconds of sound had already changed my day. A comfort on the way to work. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a one dollar bill. He smiled and said thanks.

The train took a while in coming and I smiled at it's delay. It stopped before me and I moved to enter "that was so nice. I wonder if he has a CD?" Glance, "he does..... I will get it next time I see him.. I should get to work. " I stepped, and stopped, letting the crowd flow around me into the red and silver tube. "I may never see him again."

I bought his CD and now sweet music filters through the crevasses in my mind. I don't mind my deadline.

9:11, march 2, 2001. the skytrain said 'ding, the next station is, edmonds. ding, the next station is, edmonds.'
it's my mother's birthday. i forgot. not that it was her birthday, but that february only has 28 days.
it's raining. i'm depressed.
i also have terrible terrible cramps. like a thousand knives stabbing into me. this is not typical.
dressing like a slut cheers me up when i discovered that i've gained weight.
to the people who have had to look at me today, i'm sorry.
i want a cigarette
i saw a boy on the bus with the bluest eyes that i've ever seen on a real person.
i haven't eaten yet. maybe i should. campus food sucks.
it's not even noon. things had better get better.

thirty seconds after i wrote this, i find out my bestest bud didn't get into ubc. fuck.

I got the car today, LALALALALALA! Not for a good reason, though; yesterday the doctor told Angela to go easy on her wrist (which was injured when one of our cats tripped her), so she's taking at least a week off work. That part is fine, but it probably means she won't be able to draw or paint much either. I suggested she use her other hand. The results might be interesting.

So somebody discarded a rotting turkey carcass in the bushes along the path to the parking lot. I'd been smelling it for a couple of days, but it was always too dark to search for the source of the foulness before. What's with me stumbling across large hunks of discarded meat? I've done it entirely more times than anyone who doesn't work in a packing district ought to expect.

I'm just relieved it was an eaten turkey. I figured it was a resident of our apartment complex. Ever since I read that James Ellroy book last year I always expect bloated corpses to turn up when things seem amiss.

My NT server is set up and working, talking to the internet, and all that good stuff. Angela isn't going to let me network her Mac to it so I'm just going to put the hub in a closet for now. My stepdad discouraged me from putting a sound card in it, saying that NT and sound don't mix. But...but how am I going to play Half Life? And StarCraft??

Two of our best friends are moving far away at the end of the month. They're happy and excited. We're sad. One of the reasons we were jazzed about coming back West was that we'd be close to them again, and now they're fleeing Los Angeles for the North. Such is life.

ick, daylogs. A self-imposed abstinence from noding, or an apathetic acceptance of my all-pervading laziness? This is probably offensive to the 3 people who will read this, but, lately, I haven't found anything really worth reading on E2. It makes me wonder exactly what attracted me here in the first place, what made this site seem so sparkly and new? Whatever it is, I wish I could find it again.

of course, this could be just a symptom of the deeper malady. My life has faced so much upheaveal lately; first I fall in love, then I simply lose interest in work, then I decide to marry my beloved, then I sell my house, quit my job and leave the UK far behind.

Despite all this, I feel mostly secure with my new life. Apart from a few doubts that most of the time I dismiss as irrational, I feel happy and calm. It's a great, soul smoothing warm feeling to know that I love and that I am loved. Each thanks, masukomi, cobie, drunkenmonkey and cow of doom person I meet here in the US has welcomed me, dispelling another of my little worries with each new encounter.

But I still have worries. It doesn't help that my natural state is one of paranoia, neurosis and pessimism. I suppose my main worry would be getting a job; my experience is good, but my lack of a single focus in my last job of four years, coupled with my lack of education could damage my prospects. I want to raise a family with my wife, and that takes money. It may seem a strange ambition to many of you; mid twenties guys are meant to run screaming from words like commitment and children. But I want to do this, even though I know that I am not ready yet, not responsible enough or mature enough to take total care of other lives.

But I need to be stable, both emotionally and financially. Having a few thousand dollars profit from the sale of my house does not mean I am suddenly good with money. Finding love for another within me does not mean I will make a caring, loving parent. It takes so much more; I need to have years of hard work behind me, something I am not exactly accustomed to. I need to find the strength within myself to live consciously, to think before I react; again, not something I have been doing recently and that has been detrimental to both myself and others.

I wonder if I have the ability, the simple capacity to work hard for my wife and children? I hear a lot about the hard work ethic of America, and frankly that scares me. Working for so long supporting research has reinforced my natural lax attitude, perhaps irreversibly. That scares me as well. I know that this is simply low self esteem, that I need to feel the fear and do it anyway, but as many people know: it can seem as there is no way through.

I need to count my blessings some more, I think. I have a beautiful and loving fiancee. (although we think of each other as husband and wife) I am intelligent and capable of a great many things.

I have a lot of hope for the future, but so many worries as well. I know that my hope will win, I can only try not to stumble too many times along the way.

Note: It is a beautiful thing to travel all over this great state and still be able to access e2.

Yesterday I left the Frozen North on a trajectory towards home. The trip was uneventful, aside from some nasty weather near Oswego that slowed my pace to a 35 mph crawl. Upon arriving home I caught up with my family, and then went out to find my best friend James who I hadn't seen in six months. We were to see Matthew Sweet, but the tickets were free and—having been overcome by severe waves of apathy—the two of us ended up at our old haunt with malts and fries in front of us.

I've spent my time since catching up with James and watching really abysmal horror films. Sorority House Massacre II was an amazing cinematic suppository that had more plot holes than I've ever seen and a gratuitous and very long shower scene ("Dammit, will these breasts never get clean?"). Also watched Jack Frost (the horror flick, not the Michael Keaton stinker), which was also wonderfully awful. I am far too big a fan of kitch, schlock, etc.

My family's computer monitor is currently on the fritz, and so a seventeen inch screen has shrunk to about ten. As a result I believe this will be the only think I'll node while I am away from the Frozen North; my eyes are bad enough without having to squint at a picture than appears to have barely survived an encounter with a voodoo witch doctor.

Today was a day of rest.

Projectile Vomit

Yesturday I felt quite ill. I was a good boy and attended all of my classes and attended the design review of the project I am on, but the sum of that karma deposit did nothing to help me physically.

I wanted nothing more than to be at home and in bed. I was exhausted and my stomach hurt to the touch. I was hot then cold and I was sweating all over. Traffic was god-awful, and I decided a little over ¼ of the way to take the side streets.

This was a good move on my part because at one point I burped wrong and pulled over with a refreshing sense of urgency. Projectile vomit. Six times and for fifteen minutes. You never knew how cruel other motorists can be until they roll down their windows, honk and laugh at the poor guy barfing his guts up onto 50th and Lyndale.

After an hour-and-a-half commute I made it home and went to bed. This sets the stage for today.

Sleepy Time

Throughout most of the day all I did was sleep. I missed class. I didn't even call into work. I just slept. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I still felt aweful. I took a shower and began noding stuff I had meant to node for a couple of months.

Nobody Likes Meta Standards on e2

I found out the hard way that nobody likes standards proposals on e2. Even when they are worded loosly and presented in a clean manner...

Oddly enough, everybody just seemed to love the idea of: ERFC: Kanji Write-Ups; but everybody seemed to hate and loath the idea behind it: Everything Request for Comments. I guess even worse was making a pre-mature Everything Request for Comments Metanode. Needless to say, this has adversly affected my noding libido.

I am going to start noding Kanji over this next week and hope that people will start seeing how useful noding conventions can be...or, not.


God must hate me because I get sick after finally getting my girlfriend to give up that silly addiction to her "bible study" Friday nights. You know, the one where she goes out with her friends to sing Karoke and eats dinner and leave me deserted in the name of God? No, no...not just once or twice a month. Every damned Friday.

God must all want us to sing Karoke.

A parent's worst fear

Constricting breath
Threatening tears
What if something’s happened?
Images of a fallen child
By the roadside

Tightening heart
Quickening pulse
Where is my child?
Unbidden thoughts appear
Unspeakable pictures

Descending fear
Tightening throat
Go away thoughts!
Don’t taunt me!

Gripping hair
Furrowing brows
Anxiety grows
Deepening gully
Please!Come home


My child disappeared today. Fear overwhelmed me. I realized just how vulnerable we are out here. There is no one to lean on. No one to call. We could not find him. We were helpless. I was helpless

When he finally appeared, I just wanted to hug him and not let go. Ever.

Today was great. I met Sara for lunch and we talked for two hours. It was a great conversation. I got to know her better and she was really close and friendly with me. I felt great when she stood at my side and took my arm while we waited in line. We went to a nearby park and enjoyed the company of several squirrels while we talked about all sorts of things. I really enjoyed it more than anything we've done before. I'm very happy just having someone who is as smart and beautiful as her to spend some time with me :)

After work, I walked the mall and then went to a restaurant to have something to eat. I got home and wrote Sara a thank-you note for the great lunch we had today.

A friend from work called me and asked if I wanted to play pool for an hour or so. I went out and hung out with him and his girlfriend for a couple rounds of pool.

Today was pretty good. I could use more days like today. I put together another collection CD. I haven't made a new one in over a month, and my mood has certianly changed considerably to justify a new mix. I am much more positive now that I've been spending some time with Sara.

Here's what I put together:

  1. Dido - Thank You
  2. Dido - Here With Me
  3. Shaggy - Angel
  4. Shania Twain - You're Still The One
  5. Shania Twain - From This Moment On
  6. Crazy Town - Butterfly
  7. Christina Aguilera - Reflection
  8. Hooverphonic - Renaissance Affair
  9. Björk - Big Time Sensuality
  10. No Doubt - I'm Just a Girl
  11. Jimmy Buffet - Margaritaville
  12. Jimmy Buffet - Changes in Latitudes
  13. Jimmy Buffet - Brown Eyed Girl
  14. Bryan Adams - Everything I Do I Do it For You
  15. Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment
  16. Three Doors Down - Kryptonite
  17. Semisonic - Closing Time

The day didn’t start off great, I was up until three writing an argument for one of my classes and then had to be back at school by 8:30 for a make-up class. Pointless. I started to walk the two miles to school (up hill both ways...serious!) but managed to catch the bus. Although I stayed awake for the class, it was worthless.

I wrote a poem sort of w/u today which basically is the story of my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Why? I’ve read a lot of write-ups recently about ex’s and I guess they made me think of mine.Sadness.

Some of my friends called me and peer pressured me into going out. They had been at this place since lunch. I got there at 7:30. We played darts for a few hours and sat around talking. On the walk back to the car we stopped at a street hot dog vendor. We would have gone back for seconds, but we were broke and in was freezing. Everyone said that they had a good time. The night was fun.

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