I had latte with M. yesterday before meeting. He dyed his mustache and goatee for me! He looks so cute! He's lost ten years just by doing that. I wish I could cuddle up and get kisses and hugs because he looks just adorable. But I can't right now, cause I hate men.

I periodically stop reading the paper and paying attention to the news. Then I start feeling rather idiotic and look at the news again. Then I remember why I stopped reading the paper. Yesterday I caught a headline that I wish I had never seen. A little boy was found dead in Philadelphia 7 or 8 years ago. He was 41 pounds, aged 4-6, obviously beaten to death, obviously starved and abused his entire, short, horrendous life. It made me cry on and off all day. I can't stand the reality of people being so cruel, twisted, and evil so as to do that heinous thing to that little boy. It's making me cry again now. I wish I could have stopped it. It's so unfair. It was in the news again because the police had not allowed him to be buried as they were trying to find out who did it. Some lady buried him, had kept in touch with the police, and had taken a personal interest in him.

I am so furious at my grandfather for molesting me. First it happened; and I split. Then I discovered it and finally relived that whole damn thing in therapy. What an ordeal that was; what a betrayal. Now I can't get it off my mind - and my dislike for older men could not possibly be more intense. Older meaning over 40. This is so fucking ridiculous.

I hope I can accomplish something at work today. I have to get this stuff off of my mind.