These last few days, this past week, well it's been confusing, strange and utterly exhausting
both mentally and physically. Intensely emotional
if not somewhere along the lines of puzzling.
My father has been taking some of his stress
out on me, I suppose, in the form of angry words
spoken in an agitated, almost loud voice and sent in my direction. I've never taken well to such stuff from him because it happens very rarely
, thus making it rather potent
when it does. Well, this would be the reasoning behind my lack of sleep
, especially these past two days. It's no longer acceptable for me to be up late and then sleep away the hectic, disgruntled morning
of my household. I've many problems with wandering into dreamland at a sane hour, so I've been rising with the sun
after very little sleep.. this isn't quite the best idea for a person like me who has much trouble retaining any level of emotional composure
without adequate amounts of sleep.
I was napping on the couch this morning and ended up dreaming of my teeth
being pulled loose but left in my mouth, it didn't hurt
, it was just a sort of strange feeling. It was almost relief. Odd. When I woke up almost too suddenly shortly after, the back door of the house was open
. I'm not sure as yet why or who might have been responsible for opening it, or why my dog didn't try to devour them. (Then again, perhaps he did
and I just failed to wake up.) Actually, looking around now, I don't even know where my dog is.. strange
My "ex" called me yesterday, throwing a little bit of his own brand of confusion
into my life at quite an inopportune time. I suppose it wasn't so bad, I guess it's nice to know people are thinking of you
. He mentioned coming to visit this summer, to which I replied, "That has many implication
s, consequences if you will, that I'm not so sure I want to deal with." He didn't understand
, though I suppose he wouldn't, he seems oblivious sometimes.. oh, little oblivious humans, is anything more peculiar than someone who can't understand why it is that the person whose heart they wounded nearly beyond repair
might not want to see them, despite the forgiveness that has occurred. I'm a forgiving person
, but I'm not willing to create more emotional damage to forgive him for. Bleh.
I had an everything2 dream
the night before last, as well, my first ever I believe. Damian
were in it, all doing very strange things. Juliet
was writing and I was watching and I felt awkward
because she looked so breath-takingly gorgeous
, I felt much like a wilted flower
amongst flourishing, over-powering companions. Damian
, well who knows what was going on there.. I really can't remember, and yossarian
and I were of course devouring mango
and myself were walking by a lake and I fell in, he was laughing
, a duck landed beside me in the water and then I woke up. (I remember asking him why he was wearing the shorts he had on rather than strolling
naked, as he had in his home node
I'm hoping that this weekend
holds something more than the odd feelings the week leading up to it has..
Sorry for the rambling, I just need to ramble today..