Juliet is the name of the sixth moon of Uranus. The moon got its name after the tragic heroine in Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet. Juliet was discovered in 1986 by Voyager 2, has a radius of 42 km and orbits Uranus at a distance of 64,360 kilometers.

Juliet Capulet was a teenager who fell in love with Romeo Montague. Unfortunately, old man Capulet and old man Montague didn't get along well, and both forbade the two star-crossed lovers to date.

The teenage psyche being what it is (and always has been), this got them seriously hot for each other. Juliet married Romeo in secret, but she realized that her family still wasn't going for it. She took drugs to fake a suicide, hoping to jar dear old Dad into realizing that some things are more important than a family feud.

Boyfriend noticed he was getting the silent treatment from her, saw the empty bottle of drugs, saw she was pale and clammy and not particularly breathing or anything, and concluded that she was dead. He wondered if there could be anything else to do but be dead as well, and he, uh, took a stab at it.

The rimshot woke Juliet, who saw her lover dead beside her -- really and truly dead, not just mostly dead -- and followed suit.

When their families discovered their corpses, they agreed in their grief to end their feud.

Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet tells this story in greater detail, but he probably got paid by the word. So there you have it: the all-too-short biography of the all-too-short Juliet.

Moral: If your kids want something, like a badass boyfriend or a Trans Am or a Playstation 2, let them have it or they'll kill themselves.

Preceding paragraph sponsored in part by the Toy Retailers Association.


If a maiden
  Owned such a silver-lettered name as this,
She should be lovely as a summer's eve,
All sun and softness; if she spake, her words
Should fall like lute-tones on the eager ear,
Till silence should be sorrow, and her voice
The spell to make it joy; her lighted eye
Should beam only with love; there on his throne
Love like a king should reign; her eloquent lips
Should whisper only love, and part asunder
Only to meet in kisses; if the wind
Startled her silky tresses from the neck
Where they slept lovingly, it should but be
To make them cling more lovingly and close;
And if she smiled, her smile should be a heaven
So bright, so witching-wonderful, that men
Should leave their hopes and fears, their joys and sorrows
To look and long, and live and die for it.
And if she loved, oh! it should be so truly,
So deeply, so soul-earnestly! as if
A thousand hearts had lent their love to her,
And poured the full tide of their fond affections
Into her bursting bosom.

Sir Edwin Arnold, Poems (1853)

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