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Everything Snapshot

Time: Sat, 24 Jun 2000 01:06:39 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) mod_perl/1.21
Number of nodes: 581111 (1920 new since June 23, 2000)
Number of users: 16090 (41 new since June 23, 2000)
Number of links: 2080013 (2487 new since June 23, 2000)

Node to user ratio: 36.116 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 3.579 links per node
Link to user ratio: 129.274 links per user

New Nodes: Users Online (38): [dannye] [knifegirl] [bitter_engineer] [themusic] [prole] [emil greer] [kenata] [Stride] [fustflum] [Shanoyu] [CentrX] [binarydreams] [iain] [Richard] [transform] [tyrian] [Halcyon&on] [kaatunut] [skid] [Mars the Infomage] [neil] [Katyana] [ZamZ] [pealco] [Gorgonzola] [Pronto] [ccunning] [GargoyleMT] [chaosmind] [2501] [KillerPenguin] [anonamyst] [Jeeves] [furby] [Sky] [Mindful Box] [fuct] [everyone]

JeffMagnus node count: 3776 (3 new since June 23, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 6687 (12 more since June 23, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 1.771 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.650%
JeffMagnus node of the day: Everything 2 Civil War

As I wandered around the universe today drinking in the sound of cars zooming past on a highway that disrupts the possible serenity of this particular place, I happened to think of something I'd not yet pondered (not such a rare event, but it felt so today). I seem to slip in and out of the lives of many little humans, many, but I don't usually become a significant, stable part. I kind of just happen along whenever and conversation or interaction follows, but fairly briefly (possibly even as much as a day, but even a day is not much when put in perspective).

I also pondered why this might be, why I might not fix myself to any one little human too firmly too steadily and then it occurred to me, I don't really want that too badly. It's nice to have a person who knows you, all of you, inside and out but it's also kind of nice to just hide that part of you. I don't hide it though, not completely, it's all here. Little pieces of my soul, previously unexposed thoughts that were simply sitting in my brain waiting for the appropriate time to find their way to words and subsequently to reveal themselves to the world, or, my little net'y world here, on everything2.

This is dreamy. At first I thought it might be a bad thing that I don't seem completely in or out of anyone's life, but maybe this detatchment will be good for a time and it will work itself out with me fretting very little. And any way, the lives I seem to drift in and out of our infinitely dreamy and I should be so lucky even to share a piece of such things..

So I didn't get any great nodes in today, I didn't really accomplish much at all, but I helped warm up some tiny baby rabbits that were very cold and in need of some care. (They were born without our knowledge and under strange circumstances.) But they should be alright, now, they're all cozy in with their mother and sleeping soundly.

I guess I accomplished more than I'd set out to do, dreamy! Also I've grown quite fond of some of the little humans in #everything.. I'll make a point to go there more often. (CowboyNeal is dreamy, I maintain this above all.) So, now that I've rambled about the goings on in my personal life, I'll slip off into the e2 shadows and think about noding a bit more, or possibly just browsing through some lurid content.

Theme songs for today:

morning: "Have you seen me lately?" - Counting Crows
afternoon: "Live Through This" - Mighty Joe Plum
evening: "Recovering the Satellites" - Counting Crows
night: "Mr. Wendal" - Arrested Development

And that is that. I love you noder's.

I've been accused in the past of being pretty loud and stupid when I drink, and yes, I admit that I do. But when I smoke, (and we're not talking cigarettes here), I sit back, watch the world and try to understand my place in it; this proves to be good therapy for my mind. Just today, I was looking through my diary, and I came to a realization. You see, very recently, I broke off a relationship that I had invested too much hope in, and for some reason, I couldn't understand why the other person didn't seem to be phased by it. Only now, after contemplating my situation from a bit of a distance, do I see my mistakes. The world, and life itself, is a beautifully intricate, finely woven web of thoughts, people, dreams, emotions, places, events, and memories. From the loss I have suffered in the past, I have learned to put a blindspot to all of the important things when someone new enters my life, in hopes that they will fill the void I have felt for the past 6 year and will probably always feel. And now, in altered contemplation, I realize that by doing this, I am keeping myself from living my life to my greatest and fullest ability. So, to this person, I would like to say that I understand the position I put you in, and that maybe, after 6 years, I am finally ready to love myself-- the person I have, and will, become.

<< week | June 23, 2000 | June 24, 2000 | June 25, 2000 | week >>

Everything's Best Users Snapshot

   #   Users                   XP   wa7   inc Level   l_XP l_wa7
   1   Pseudo_Intellectual  15815   136    27    11  15788   154
   2   DMan                 13634   179   152     9  13482   184
   3   dem bones            12528    83    20    10  12508    93
   4 * Saige                10216   105   171    10  10045    94
   5 - Segnbora-t           10182    81    -1    10  10183    95
   6   pukesick              9225    21    10    10   9215    23
   7   jessicapierce         7906   -45    48    10   7858   -61
   8   Deborah909            7682    52    39    10   7643    54
   9   N-Wing                7597    70     7     9   7590    81
  10   sensei                7148   119    80     7   7068   126
  11   dannye                7143   119   103     9   7040   122
  12   Jet-Poop              6873    93   102     9   6771    92
  13   tregoweth             6869    44    99     9   6770    35
  14   yossarian             6737    49    19     9   6718    54
  15   JeffMagnus            6692    30     9     9   6683    34
  16   Lometa                6600    58    37     9   6563    62
  17 * ideath                6585    79    90     7   6495    77
  18 - pingouin              6575    20    13     9   6562    21
  19   knifegirl             6544    35    85     9   6459    27
  20   ModernAngel           6453    30     8     9   6445    34
  21   Tem42                 6287    59     0     8   6287    69
  22 * /dev/joe              6100    71    58     8   6042    73
  23 - General Wesc          6066    31    14     9   6052    34
  24   moJoe                 5800    40    18     9   5782    44
  25   hoopy_frood           5781    16     1     8   5780    18
  26   bozon                 5575    20     0     9   5575    23
  27   novalis               5531    12     1     9   5530    14
  28   RockLobster           4971    98    93     9   4878    99
  29   yam                   4776    28     7     7   4769    31
  30   alex.tan              4737    36     2     7   4735    42
  31   nine9                 4716    12     0     9   4716    14
  32   juliet                4713    57   192     9   4521    35
  33 * Sylvar                4389    45    44     7   4345    45
  34 - Uberfetus             4382    47    22     6   4360    51
  35 * Templeton             4365    63    83     5   4282    60
  36 - Sarcasmo              4309     4     0     8   4309     5
  37 * bitter_engineer       4219    73    94     7   4125    69
  38 - ariels                4204    16     4     8   4200    18
  39   sabre23t              4043    51    44     6   3999    52
  40   kessenich             4020    33    25     9   3995    34
  41 * hamster bong          3837    84    81     5   3756    84
  42 - knarph                3804    22    11     8   3793    24
  43   CaptainSpam           3754    26    12     8   3742    28
  44   ailie                 3585    23    19     7   3566    24
  45   Woundweavr            3566    12     3     8   3563    14
  46   Quizro                3547    12     4     8   3543    13
  47 * wharfinger            3515    45    72     5   3443    41
  48 * Orange Julius         3450    37    15     7   3435    41
  49 - Lord Brawl            3448    22     2     8   3446    25
  50   discofever            3384     4     1     7   3383     4
  51   hatless               3358    23    25     8   3333    23
   *   EBU #51               3358    30    25     *   3333    31

Server time: 10:38 Sat Jun 24 2000 TZ +0100 not UTC since May 26, 2000

* = users rising up in the EBU; - = users falling down in the EBU
l_ = last (previous) value; inc = increase in stats value
wa7 = ((stats + (6 * l_wa7))/7) = weighted average with denominator 7

sabre23t: Random Nodes

sabre23t: Nodes to node

Had a birthday party for Resey last night. She wore me out. She got some new toys, and bam started doing laps around the house yelling and a rumblin' and a stumblin'.

Supposedly my aunt and her "friend" are coming in from Texas today. I wonder how butch her friend will be this time? The more the better, I say. Her last "friend" (I'm using her word there including air quotes) fished, ran ball, and filled out the foursome in golf with us all the time. I'll miss Joanne. I hope Marie is cool.

I was gonna fix my car stereo today. I blew my right front door 6.5 mid-range driver about a week ago. My imaging's has been all fucked up this week. I got some MB Quart 2-ways to replace the blown MTXs in the front doors. It's raining real hard though, and I probably won't be able to put them in today. I'll call my buddy and see if I can use his garage, but I think he's got an old Ford pickup he's hotrodding in there.

Still have to find an apartment in Peoria. I've got all of a week left. My roomate to be is supposed to come over this afternoon. I have to pin him down on whether he is moving or not.

More later...

Well Marie, came and went. She is just Bridge's friend. No quotes this time. She and Bridge met in Texas, and Marie happens to be from the next town over in Illinois. She's very pretty and (I'm guessing from the boyfriend talk) very straight -- too bad for Bridge On the upside, she did arrive with beer in hand. They roadpopped up from Peoria, and though Marie doesn't golf, her folks run a golf course ten miles from here!!!

22:17 EET

I'm back!

Had a nice time visiting ReXX in Helsinki. We didn't do anything special - just watched DVD:s, mostly sober. The Fight Club DVD was brilliant, as well as Stormriders. Yes, it's possible for normal heterosexual Finnish males to spend the midsummer eve without booze. I wish somebody had told that to the ~10 people who drowned this weekend while blind drunk. :(

It's a good thing we didn't party too hard though. The IRC meeting is coming up next weekend, and will most likely be a crazy event. And since it begins on friday evening and ends on sunday afternoon, extra energy might just be useful.

Any incoherency in this node is purely caused by me consuming a moderate amount of GHB a while ago. Apologies.
Grievous bodily harm my ass.

Track of the day:  Raptori - Minä ja Ryhmä (Kosminen mix)
I woke up in the second bedroom in my brother's home in North Carolina at 8:00 AM, after seeing Wendy Liebman last night. I woke up, brushed my teeth, and made breakfast to the chatter of my brother's kids and two children being cared for by the wife. They were all talking about playing Super Smash Bros. with my older (and dumber) brother's son who was also visiting. I had my last breakfast of the vacation as usual -- two eggs, sunny side up. I didn't have the chance to make toast or tea because the house has none of them. Two hours later, I was dressed, packed, and ready to go. My brother packed off my computer, the suitcase, and a potted plant that will grow chili peppers. I said good bye to the kids, and to my brother's wife before I left.

I was shipped off to the unmanned train station in downtown Cary. The station has a small farmers' market, selling tomatoes I would die for, and fire jelly.

The train was supposed to arrive a half-hour before noon, but it was late and came in a few minutes after noon. My brother checked my computer as baggage, and I carried the suitcase and the plant. I didn't say good-bye to him (because I was finding my seat in the train), but he told me to call back when I get back home.

The ride to New York took half of the day, leading to midnight. I started sitting in the coach class, but I did find my way to the business class seats just by asking the conductors after the train left NC. The food was just enough not to be associated with airline food (because you have to pay for it). I wanted to get back to listening to the Blade Runner love theme in the train's sound system, but the system shuts down too much to play the music...

My sister picked me up at midnight in Penn Station just like that (snaps fingers). It's fortunate that both of us had some patience this time instead of me being forced to leave the station quickly by a taxi.

I think the last couple of weeks have been a slow, steady breakdown.

It's weird. There hasn't been any one moment or person or occurance that's caused this ... no crying for three hours uncontrollably in the middle of work for absolutely no reason. I didn't start laughing and crying at the same time, without the ability to stop *not that I have a lot of experience with breakdowns or anything :)*. Nothing like these usually feel.

I just feel myself slipping away. I'm apathetic, I'm tired all the time ... I don't really care about anything.

I remember feeling like this before. It sucked.

I'm older now, though. I'm more accustomed to dealing with depression ... and I can pull out. For hours at a time, I'm fully functional, even marginally happy. I just always slide back. I always have. Sometimes, the good times last longer, a few months even, but they never last forever.

But I'll make it out.

I always do.

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