I've been accused in the past of being pretty loud and stupid when I drink, and yes, I admit that I do. But when I smoke, (and we're not talking cigarettes here), I sit back, watch the world and try to understand my place in it; this proves to be good therapy for my mind. Just today, I was looking through my diary, and I came to a realization. You see, very recently, I broke off a relationship that I had invested too much hope in, and for some reason, I couldn't understand why the other person didn't seem to be phased by it. Only now, after contemplating my situation from a bit of a distance, do I see my mistakes. The world, and life itself, is a beautifully intricate, finely woven web of thoughts, people, dreams, emotions, places, events, and memories. From the loss I have suffered in the past, I have learned to put a blindspot to all of the important things when someone new enters my life, in hopes that they will fill the void I have felt for the past 6 year and will probably always feel. And now, in altered contemplation, I realize that by doing this, I am keeping myself from living my life to my greatest and fullest ability. So, to this person, I would like to say that I understand the position I put you in, and that maybe, after 6 years, I am finally ready to love myself-- the person I have, and will, become.