Cunnilingus FAQ (thing) by brainwave Wed Jul 19 2000 at 3:24:25

linked by Angela

The Cunnilingus FAQ
(from usenet)
in five sections

Cunnilingus FAQ: Section One
Cunnilingus FAQ: Section Two
Cunnilingus FAQ: Section Three
Cunnilingus FAQ: Section Four
Cunnilingus FAQ: Section Five

Section 1 - the original usenet FAQ

INTRODUCTION

Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her cum like crazy. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is the easiest way to cum with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the planet, but if you give great head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover. Yes, it's that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these days - you might as well know what you're doing.

First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women's genitalia. Guys that can't wait to get their dick into one are often reluctant to put their face "down there". For every guy who says he loves to eat pussy, there's another one who's squeamish. Women know this, and it affects their ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is nothing more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious. Don't be coy; tell her. When a guy fingers a lady and then smells, licks, sucks the juice off his finger and sighs as if in heaven, she knows this is her lucky day.

What if your sweet lady doesn't smell or taste very sweet? Don't suffer. (Don't complain, either.) Take a nice hot shower or bath together. Lather up both of your bodies and slide them together. It's like a whole body fuck. Soap up her vulva, washing between her outer and inner lips. Spread her lips apart and gently wash her clitoris. Hey, don't stop - this feels great! Run your soapy hand down the crack of her ass, and rub a finger all around her anus. You can stick one finger in and wash around inside too, if you anticipate any anal play, and I suggest you do. But don't put those soapy fingers up her vagina. Instead, rinse them off well and stick one or two inside, making a circular motion. Think about washing the inside of a tall glass - same thing. Now wasn't that fun? And now you can feel free to let your tongue wander anywhere it pleases...

So now what? You've found a comfy spot to play, you've been kissing passionately, your tongues darting around each other's mouths like playful otters. You've moved down to nibble one of her hardening nipples and she's starting to groan, grinding her pelvis against your stomach. STOP. I know it was just starting to get good. But was she really groaning and humping you, or was it your own excitement you were detecting? I strongly prefer to be excited before a guy starts plunging his tongue into my inner recesses. Use your judgement, and kiss, lick, and fondle your way down her stomach, up her thighs, until she's arching up her back trying to get you to eat her. Of course, if she really was groaning and grinding, go for it... I also don't particularly enjoy a guy endlessly nibbling my inner thigh while my clit is quivering in anticipation.

POSITIONS

If the woman you are with is somewhat hesitant about your going down on her, start off with her lying on her back, perhaps half-sitting. Lay down between her legs, with her legs over your shoulders. She may enjoy laying or sitting at the edge of the bed with you kneeling. She can also straddle your face, but be prepared to get very wet. There are endless varieties of positions where you can press your face up to her cunt, some of which strike me as more acrobatic than erotic, but feel free to experiment. And then there's 69...

69 is one of my favorite positions. On the plus side, you both get to enjoy the sublime sensations of getting head, simultaneously. The upside down positioning of a woman's pussy and your mouth is an easy fit and there's more room for your hands. On the negative side, it's a less than ideal position for a woman to give head. Plus, if you need to read this article, you may be better off concentrating your energies on pleasing her, without too much distraction. But even for experienced 69'ers, it's easy to short-change your partner. "It feels soooo good, I'm just gonna stop for a second and concentrate on what you're...aaaarrrgghhh". Get the picture? Some show of will-power is in order.

69 can be done male on top, female on top, or side by side. The latter two are easier, though it's more restful with both partners laying down. Some women love being licked on all fours, so if female-on-top 69 drives her wild, take the hint and find some other ways to eat her in this position. I happen to enjoy male on top, but for many women this is a sure choking position. If a woman can, or wants to try, to deep throat you, this is THE position. When her head is thrust back you can really slide your cock all the way down her throat. But don't forget what you're supposed to be doing!

So there you are staring at it - the mysterious hole from whence you came, and into which you hope to cum again... First, an anatomy lesson...

THE CLITORIS

Before I go any further, a few words about the clitoris, accent on the first syllable. Most of you know it, but for those who don't, it is THE woman's sex organ, period. It may feel great to be fucked vaginally, anally or otherwise, but if the stimulation is not right there, on the clitoris, you're ignoring the place that's going to make her cum, and presumably that's why you're reading this, right? It's right there at the top juncture of her inner lips, a small knob of pink flesh. This is where it's at boys, and don't forget it. Almost any licking and sucking of the labia or vaginal entrance is going to feel just dandy; just remember that this is pleasurable teasing, not the main event. I can't tell you how many guys have thrust their tongues up my vagina thinking that this was going to make me cum. They were wrong. Of course, with a little manual stimulation....but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Women feel differently about how much direct stimulation they can take on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clits, others will shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. IMPORTANT NOTE: Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited. The fact is, most women really need a good bit of stimulation before a targeted attack on their clitoris, but once they're there, that's where you want to devote your attention.

The key here is go slow, ask questions, and if she's comfortable with it, leave the lights on and really explore. Body language often does tell what feels best, but I promise, she will appreciate your attentiveness if you ask outright. If she seems shy, get her to guide your hands and mouth with her own hand, and pay attention. If she starts bucking up against your mouth and gasping in ragged little breaths, for God's sake, don't use this opportunity to try something different. Just keep doing exactly what you're doing.

THE TONGUE

I want to reiterate, there is almost nothing you can do that won't feel terrific, so relax! I promise, you may be confused and uncertain, but she's in heaven. Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area is going to feel just great, and I'd no sooner tell guys to "do it exactly like this" than I would tell every chef to follow the same recipe. But for those who are compelled to RTFM, here are a few techniques that you might like to try:

Try lapping her pussy from vaginal entrance up to her clit, leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed. This is a good way to start your tonguing.
Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia on one side, while holding the two together with your lips. Good job, now do the other side.
Fuck her pussy with your tongue - in and out, around and around, etc. This feels nice. Not wonderful or incredible or earth-shaking; nice.
Spread her outer lips with your hand. Then, with your tongue pointed and stiff, gently flick here and there. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clit. This drives some women wild, and others can't take it. Some may prefer that you always leave your tongue soft, so when you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstacy or pain.

The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really hot (i.e. she's no longer coherent). These are very intense actions which may be "too much" for some women, even when nearing orgasm.

With her clit still exposed, give it a quick little suck - pulling it into your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel like torturing her (see PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER below).
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently (at first, anyway) suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
Another choice technique involves rolling your tongue into a tube. If you can't do this with your tongue, you can't learn it - it's genetic. For those who can, this works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube around the shaft of her clitoris. Slide it up and down; in effect, your tongue makes a tiny pussy for her clit to fuck. This also is likely to bring her over the edge.

FINGERS

Fingers are a valuable adjunct to eating pussy. Most women masturbate by pressing a finger or fingers over their clit, possibly "thru" the skin of their inner or outer lips, and vigorously rubbing in a circular or back-and-forth direction. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. You will never be a good lover until you can bring your woman to climax with your hands. When you fuck her from behind, or up her ass, or really in any position which doesn't allow her to simultaneously rub her vulva against your body, reach down or around and rub her clit. I know it's distracting, but just do it anyway. One important point to note: make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfortable (and sometimes downright painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across one's clitoris.

Of course, that's not all you can do with your fingers. One technique which is very exciting is to spread her lips wide apart with one hand, and with your index finger straight like a pencil, flick the side of it rapidly across her clit. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Combining this with the addition of some tongue action elsewhere is nothing short of bliss.

Sticking one or more fingers inside her vagina is also wonderful. You can simply move them in and out (this feels best with at least two or three fingers, pushed in hard), or wriggling them around. A particularly intense motion is to face your hand so that you have two fingers inside her with your palm facing the front of her body. Now move your fingers rapidly, as if waving hello. You are aiming to stimulate a particular part of the woman's vagina - namely the lower anterior (front) part. When combined with sucking her clit, this is nearly certain to bring her to a fast and intense climax.

An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one (and later two) fingers inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. I'm talking about that fleshy "mound" over her pubic bone. Your finger goes in and out and the ball of your hand is pressed hard against her vulva. You may want to rub or even shake the entire area with your palm.

Fingers also do nice things to tight little butt holes, but that's a whole other story...

ANAL PLAY

This stuff is purely optional. If anal play doesn't turn you on, don't do it. If you're uncomfortable, she'll pick up on your feelings and start wondering if it's her pussy that's turning you off. Don't feel that you can't be a good lover without anal play; you can.

Cleanliness is of the essence. (remember that nice soapy shower?) Scoop out some luscious juices (from a very wet pussy) with your finger and rub it around her anus. (If she isn't well lubricated, saliva works too.) If that's all you or she feels comfortable with, fine - it still feels great. But I think most women enjoy the feel of a finger pushed up their ass while they're being fucked or eaten. You need to be gentle, possibly even leaving your finger still. Try moving it in and out a little, or around in a circle. If she starts moaning, you know you're doing something right.

It's really fun to feel a woman's anus rhythmically squeezing your finger as she cums. (And it's great for her, too) You're probably thinking about what that would feel like around your dick, and it's something you should certainly explore. Ass-fucking is somewhat out of the scope of this article, but suffice to say, if she doesn't like a finger up her butt, she sure as hell won't want your big dick up there. Even if she does enjoy this sort of play, she may still be somewhat apprehensive about putting something so large up there. The keys to success are sufficient (i.e. copious amounts of) lubrication (a water-soluble type such as K-Y, which is safe for condoms), relaxation on her part, and a slow, gentle, approach. She'll certainly tell you if she wants you to thrust harder or deeper. And remember, if you want to feel that delicious squeezing around your cock, reach around and diddle that clit!

As for anallingus - why not? Don't feel like you HAVE to do it to satisfy your woman. But if the idea turns you on, great. Let your tongue rove as it pleases. It's not necessary to actually put your tongue inside her butt to stimulate the area. Back and forth, around and around, you get the picture.

One hygiene note: once that finger (or your penis) has been inside her ass, don't even think about putting it anywhere else. Carelessness in this regard can cause a horrendous infection.

MENSTRUATION

I haven't met a lot of men who are completely comfortable going down on a woman when she has her period. But some are. Most women are at their horniest before and sometimes during their period. You should definitely find a way to make her cum when she's bleeding, be it thru intercourse, manual, or oral stimulation. If you feel comfortable going down on her, great. It's perfectly safe. You may suggest that she insert a tampon, and then wash up. (As you now know, you don't need to get anywhere near her vagina to make her cum.) Or you could lay down a few old towels, turn out the lights, and forget about it.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

I think variety is crucial. Some guy posted an article detailing a road map of kissing and licking (first here, then here, etc.) Much better to do the unexpected; sometimes a hungry, aggressive approach, other times a laid-back, leisurely one. You can even even include your nose, or your chin into the act. Start slow, that's the key, and let your lover guide the speed of the crescendo. In all cases, start gently. Roughness and clumsiness are big turn-offs. As she gets more and more excited, pay more attention to her clitoris. When she's three breathes away from cumming, moving your mouth off or away from her clit is agony. That's fine if you're intentionally torturing her, just understand that this is what you are doing. The only prohibition is to be reasonably gentle with her clit. Nibbling or biting is fine elsewhere, but we're talking about a sensitive spot.

Speaking of prolonging the agony... I think this is great fun. Bring your partner just to the edge of orgasm, and stop. This is not easy unless you really know your lover well. Instead, just have her help you. Say, "Grab my head and stop me just before you think you're gonna cum." Then take your sweet time. Blow on her clit, take it into your mouth just briefly, flick it just the very slightest bit. You will have this woman squirming and moaning like she's dying. Finger her deeply, enjoy the ecstasy you are imparting, and finally, have pity. Let the poor woman cum.

UUUUNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (or, I'M COMING!!!)

Okay, she's practically suffocating you, she's pressed so hard against your face; she's screaming and bucking up in the air; you feel her pussy contracting wildly - how long should you keep it up?? The simple answer is, until she makes you stop. Some women may stop you after five seconds from the start of their climax, others may be able to roll right into another orgasm if you keep going. Do come up for air, but remember, her excitement does not drop off as sharply as yours does. Play it safe by continuing the stimulation.

How many times does she need to cum? Some women are very content to have one orgasm. A whole lot of women would really like to cum again, but need about five minutes to recoup. Many women are so sensitive right after they cum that they may push your head violently away. This doesn't necessarily mean they've had enough, only that you need to stop for a few minutes. In fact most women, given a short rest between, are capable of cumming again and again. A smaller percentage of women are able to cum repeatedly with continued stimulation. This is the much-touted multiple-orgasm that is experienced by a minority of women. I know this makes it difficult to know when enough is enough, but there's a simple answer: ask her.

GODI'MSOEXCITEDITFEELSGREATBUTIJUSTCAN'TCOME

It happens to all of us sometimes - distraction, embarrassment, anxiety, or just an inability to "let go". What do you do about it? The first question is, can she easily bring herself to a climax in the privacy of her own home. If the answer is no - then she needs to do some homework. There are two books on the subject that I know of: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach, and Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson; pick up one. Then tell her to read it, study it, and practice, practice, practice!

Now if your partner is orgasmic only when alone - ask her point blank: "Is there something different I can do?" Many women are shy about criticizing their lovers, but if asked outright will surprise you with a very specific answer. It may be a simple matter of mechanics, like a little to right please, or not so rough, or more pressure and faster. Ah... perfect.

But suppose everything is wonderful. She says you're doing everything right but she just can't cum. There are two probable causes: selfconsciousness and/or self-loathing. For women who can't help watching themselves, the best approach is to eliminate anything that focuses her attention on what the two of you are doing. This is a "be here now" kind of thing - definitely not an introspective activity. Get that mirror off the ceiling. Dim the lights or turn them off completely. Put on some soft music. Share a glass of port. (I said A glass - getting drunk will definitely not help). Have her lay on her back, or propped up comfortably with some pillows. This is not the time for her to sit on your face, or the edge of the bed, or standing up against a wall. Arrange a time when you can devote a long period to eating her pussy, and then just keep it up. Forget everything I said about asking her questions - just close your eyes and get into it. I know this can be a difficult and exhausting exercise, but she will be extravagantly thankful for your efforts. It gets easier each time. If all else fails, get accustomed to masturbating together. Gradually begin to add your stimulation to her own, right before she's about to cum anyway. Over time, you can take over completely.

For women who themselves feel that their cunts are dirty or distasteful, all of the above methods may be helpful, but the underlying issue must also be addressed. I am amazed at how many women are ambivalent about their own genitals. They don't love "that part" of their body, and they can't believe that you would either. Yes, it is important to be clean. But clean means a daily shower which includes washing the vulva. It doesn't mean vainly attempting to remove every trace of smell or taste. The natural fragrance and secretions of a healthy woman are beautiful and erotic. Hopefully you agree (and if not, try hard to cultivate this attitude). When she learns to love her pussy, she will be infinitely more comfortable with your loving it too.

Cunnilingus FAQ or Cunnilingus FAQ: Section Two

cunnilingus (idea) by djrafikie Fri Jul 14 2006 at 22:14:54

linked by Angela

Having performed, received and observed this activity many times, and spent many pleasantly tipsy evenings discussing it with my female friends; I thought I would add my tuppence worth to this node.

The first thing I would like to say (to the ladies in the room) is probably the most obvious. Be clean down there! No man or woman wants a mouthful of rancid, sweaty lady parts (edit: some might, but I've never met one). Shaven or unshaven is a matter of personal taste, I personally prefer my playmates nice and smooth, mostly because picking hair out of one’s teeth during bedroom activity is not very sexy.

It is worth bearing in mind, should you wish to perform this act for your partner, that you may be refused. This can be due to deep seated hang-ups (such as sexual abuse) but is most often because women think they are ugly "down there" This may be almost impossible for most guys to grasp, but do bear in mind young girls are rarely told about their outer sexual parts (the vulva) and all sex education focuses on the vagina and the reproductive aspects (inner parts). The Vulva is also comparatively hidden (the penis is kind of visually obvious) and women rarely if ever see another women's most intimate parts, even in the changing rooms. This leads to worries about "normality" and "messiness" of appearance. Obviously all genitalia are different from person to person, and reassuring her that her woman parts are beautiful and amazingly sexy may help relax her.

If she doesn't want it, don't be offended, you would do well to spend time telling her how you feel about her, what you see as good in her, why you want her, treat her, let her know she is not another conquest, that you really care for her pleasure. she may still not be up for cunnilingus, but it will certainly improve your relationship.

Women also have worries regarding taste and smell. All women have a smell, but it is usually not unpleasant, and most women taste slightly "tangy" (to me anyway!).

Now, down to technique

Ask her what she likes! Some ladies are too shy to tell you, but trust me, even so, they will love the fact that you bothered asking. Should she be good enough to answer then do listen. Paying attention to the noises she makes whilst you are face down in her pleasure pie will also help.
Wetness is very important, dragging a finger over a dry clitoris is very painful, and in addition, wetness (unless there is a medical issue) signifies arousal. When feeling unhorny having a guy shove his face down there and slobber away is about as far from arousing as it is possible to a sex act to be.
Teeth: By all means, use them very gently (unless she shoves her crotch into your face screaming, "Make me bleed, beast man") nibbling the clitoral hood and inner labia feels very, very nice indeed. Biting the clitoris is a bad idea unless asked specifically, it is agony.
The Clitoris should be worked up to, having first spent lots of time on other parts (nipples, earlobes, outer and inner labia for instance) whilst licking the clit without doing anything else will probably induce an orgasm it is the equivalent of a substandard knee trembler (better than nothing, but not great), and she may find it impossible to get into the mood at all if you treat her like a machine (the clitoris is not a button, which will always dispense one orgasm).
Most women prefer stimulation without the clitoral hood retracted, as the clitoris itself is extremely sensitive (even a tongue can feel like sandpaper).
Random and interesting fact: if your finger or tongue is resting on your lady friends clitoris during orgasm , you will feel it twitch very quickly, over and over again for seven to fifteen seconds... the same applies to her anus. this is not sure fire method of working out if she has orgasmed or not, but if she is very reserved, will tell you why she is smiling and cuddling you for no apparent reason!

The clitoris can also become hyper sensitive after orgasm (something you chaps should be able to understand) although the female "latency" period is shorter than the males, please remember this, and lay off it for a while!
Tongue action... flicking the tongue gently, slowly or quickly over the clitoral hood, and labia feels nice, shoving it into the vagina produces some interesting (and usually enjoyable) sensations. Some ladies love this, particularly if you thrust the tongue in and out (be wary of tongue ache).
Fingers.. Are good for variation and giving your aching tongue a rest, a technique popular amongst my lady friends which combines fingers and tonguing can be best described as follows. Make sure she is very horny, slip one finger into her vagina, turn it upwards (so the palm is on the same side as her front, and the back of your hand faces her bottom) crook your finger, and feel for the soft, spongy part behind her pubic bone. You should be able to feel a "seam" with your finger tip, now make a "beckoning" motion with said finger, and be gentle. Apply your tongue to her clitoris gently, suck it, and brush your lips over it. She may go crazy and love this (I must say, in my experience, she will) or, she may feel like she is going to pee (this is because you are stroking her G-spot).
The "back wall" of the vagina has a very thin layer of skin separating it from the anal passage, stimulating it is highly enjoyable for many ladies, but worrying (e.g.: I feel like I might poop) for a minority, even if you are doing it with the tip of your tongue.
The cervix (feels like the end of your nose, located about 3 inches up the vagina and signifies the end of it) has no nerve endings for some ladies, andloads for a minority, be careful not to catch it with a nail, whilst it may or may not hurt, it will certainly bleed alarmingly. Stimulating this may be painful, or erotic. The reason I mention this is that, whilst concentrating on tongue action you may not notice that you are causing her some real harm.
A B C - If you have had little luck finding her preferences for stimulation, this is a great idea, trace the alphabet all the way through with your tongue, first the tip, then the flat of it. Note which letters she prefers.. and think about which parts of her these letters stimulate. Bingo.
Sucking: keep it gentle, beware of clitoral hematoma (where too much suction cases a clot in the clitoris, it hurts like crazy... I know from experience). In addition, try it on the outer and inner lips as well.
The Surroundings : make sure you are warm and comfy, propping her bottom up on a few pillows will help to intensify her orgasm as it tilts the pelvis, it will also save you neck ache. Candles, clean sheets and music are optional, but appreciated.
Breath: A warm gentle exhalation against the genitals feels lovely! Blowing hard against the clitoris also works for some ladies.
Sexy talk: go for it, "oh you taste so good", "your pussy is gorgeous"... and similar, it's nice to hear it, trust me, getting her to tell you EXACTLY what to do can be a massive turn on, for her, and for you. Even if she is not inclined to vocalise, if you keep it up, she will start to respond, "oh, that's so good", harder" ........

REMEMBER: All women are different; none of these suggestions is sure fire. Even if one day they drive her to the peak of a screaming abandoned orgasm, which earns you a month of daily blow jobs, the next day she may want to take things more slowly, harder, softer... or she might not want foreplay at all.

I am not going to discuss anilingus (tonguing of the anus) here, as I feel I could easily devote a very lengthy node to this, and I would get out off topic if I started discussing it here.

Medical Notes

With your face so close to her beautiful lady bits, you are quite likely to be the first to spot issues down there, don't be shy about telling her (nicely) as you could save her life.

Dry patches and soreness on the vulva can just mean she has changed soap powder, they can mean she has a mild infection (like thrush) but they can also signify cancer. Whilst cancer is mercifully rare, it is often dreadfully deforming or fatal as women ignore the itching, and thinking they have thrush, self medicate it with cream. Explain this to her, look cancer up on the internet, explain why you want her to go to the doctor and offer to accompany her.
White bits. Little white spots are normal, particularly around the clitoral hood. They do the same job as the little white spots under the ridge around the end of your penis, and are harmless oil glands. Flakes of white stuff (resembling cottage cheese) is usually smegma, lots of this combined with soreness/redness is generally thrush.
Bleeding/weeping spots or sores. This = bad, both of you need to attend the doctors or STD clinic straight away.
Lumps - tell her, get her to check and ascertain whether this normal for her, or not. But please do tell her.
Bad smells do not generally signify bad hygiene; whilst all women have a unique scent, their gorgeous bits should never smell unpleasant. If she smells pretty awful (even after a shower) decline to go down on her until she goes to a doctors to get checked out. Point out that vaginal infection can result in infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease (P.I.D) and cervical cancer, explain you love her and are worried for her.
Bleeding - "spotting" (light, short lived bleeding) out of a period is normal, but if it is persistent, painful, or your lover is carrying a child, encourage her to see a doctor.
Periods - If this is your bag, have fun, otherwise, there is no problem with cunnilingus if your lover is wearing a fresh tampon and has showered after inserting it (other than avoiding the string).
Pregnancy - Cunnilingus cannot harm a baby, in fact, as the woman's vulva has an unusually high supply of extra blood and hormones, (and may appear to slightly swollen as a result, which is normal) she will enjoy it even more. The baby feels those happy hormones released at orgasm and the orgasm also tones the intrauterine muscles. So go for it, you are making mum and baby feel great, and helping mums body prepare for an easier birth.

hygiene for you:
Brush your teeth first! The mouth contains thousands of harmful bacteria and germs, the vagina is surprisingly clean, and does not. Do not go down on someone if you spot anything worrying, do not go down on anyone if you have a dental infection (oral dams are good if you must) and if you intend to include your fingers, keep nails short, free of jagged edges and clean.
SHAVE! Whilst having stubble is not dirty in itself, it can made a girl’s "Pretty Little One" very sore, in fact this soreness can easily escalate into thrush, as the skin is abraded.
NEVER blow into a vagina, you may cause a fatal embolism.

HAVE FUN

Many many thanks to Paraclete for helping out with this one (specifically the HTML). You are a diamond!

This article is being continually altered and updated, as and when I learn more about my own body, and the bodies of the ladies generous enough to share theirs with me. Please pop back for alterations and share your comments with me!

cock and ball torture (thing) by drinkypoo Mon Sep 16 2002 at 15:18:34

linked by Jack

Cock and Ball Torture (often abbreviated CBT, an acronym it shares most amusingly with "computer-based training") is a common process in BDSM play in which the bottom or submissive partner, equipped with male genitalia, has painful things done to said genitals.

There are many different methods and degrees of torturing the male genitalia. Perhaps the least involved (and most common) would be simple slapping or flagellation of the penis or scrotum. This has the added advantage of sensitizing the area, whether for the purpose of sex or for further stages of CBT. Another common method is the compression of the testicles through various methods. A common one is to press them between two boards which are gradually brought closer together through the use of some sort of threaded hardware. The testicles can (without permanent harm) be compressed to nearly pancake thinness in this manner.

A similar activity, simply stepping on one's cock and/or balls, has similar effects. This seems to be fairly common in male-male homosexual pornography, especially while wearing combat boots or similar footwear. Some people enjoy (at some level) simply enjoy being punched, kicked or kneed in the equipment.

Other possibilities include ball stretching (just what it sounds like), perhaps via the suspension of a parachute from the testicles, a generally conical apron of some semi-rigid material (typically leather) from which weights may often be suspended. One can also do rope bondage in miniature (or perhaps not-so-miniature) in order to constrict the penis as it becomes engorged. This tends to produce a slightly painful and extremely frustrating state in which the penis cannot become fully hard, but often continually tries to anyway.

In the most extreme end of this phenomenon we have activities like stretching out the scrotum and nailing it to a board. It should be immediately obvious to even the most educationally challenged individual that this is an extremely dangerous activity for a number of reasons, and should not be attempted lightly. (I know you're thinking, "And he needs to tell people not to take nailing their scrotum to a board lightly?" And the answer is yes, some people will.) However, many people also practice cutting and temporary piercing of the penis on a semi-regular basis. Given proper care for sterility (And I'm not just pointing out you shouldn't let the knife slip too far) and possible biohazards, this is a relatively safe (Though potentially very painful) method of play.

It is worth mentioning that any of these activities are potentially dangerous, some of them more than others. For instance, it is actually possible to tear the scrotum off with one's hands if pressure is applied in the right (wrong) way. Also, rapidly crushing a testicle can permanently damage it. Rupturing the scrotum or a testicle can result in the permanent loss of both testes. On the other hand, I know someone who ran into a curb and left one testicle hanging on the neck of his bicycle, and still went on to use the other one to father a child.

I won't go far into justifications for this kind of behavior; None are needed. The genitals of either sex are an extremely sensitive region; physically, emotionally, and culturally. Naturally this leads to people involving them in their BDSM play as they involve them in other facets of their lives.

My interview with the gay porn star (event) by Tato Mon May 21 2007 at 4:36:50

linked by Jack

[Author’s note: being an interview with a gay porn performer, this writeup involves some very frank and explicit discussions of sexual activities and practices. If you’re the prudish sort, stop reading now.]

When I got to Mark’s flat, I could tell that he’d made a big effort to clean up, to stack magazines, clean dishes, and make sure CDs were in their cases and on the shelves. I could also tell that this clearly wasn’t the normal state of things. Of course it was a bit flattering to be considered that important, but also a bit disheartening since as an interviewer, you really hope to sneak in and see what the bed looks like unmade. Still, our conversation ended up being a lot about the tensions between what is presented and what is fact. What with his being a porn performer, this clean façade may have been the perfect thematic setting.

I had first come across Mark [not his real name] about a year before online, at a gay hook up site. It was the combination of his grinning, handsome face and geeky-smart screen name, “orobourical,” that caught my eye. Most screen names are in the category of “hot9inchboi” and “gdlkgstudSF,” so the oddly-spelled reference to the ancient symbol of a serpent swallowing its tail stood out. We traded some logophile messages and left it at that, touching base every month or so. Then, in November of last year, I logged on to the site again only to find that his pics, which had been fun-loving snaps of him at various vacation spots, were suddenly replaced with all-nude posed studio muscle shots with him brandishing a woody. I inquired. He told me that he had recently transitioned into porn. Whoa. Had this been hot9inchboi, I might not have given it a second thought, but this was orobourical, and I was curious what drove such a transition in him. So, I asked for an interview. I didn’t hear back from him for about three months. I was worried that he’d misinterpreted my intentions as a cheap excuse for getting in the same room with him. But, when I logged on around March, I was surprised to see a response from him again saying that he’d love to do the interview, and we set it up from there. A couple of weeks later I found myself drinking green tea in his bedroom, beginning with the spelling of his porn name.

Me:

Bo:

Me:

Beau

Bo:

I’m kind of a tall guy, so even at 5'10", Mark feels kind of short to me. He’s got reddish brown hair cut short and unattended, Mountain Bluebird eyes with early-30s smile lines that appear when he grins, which is often. Off and on he sports the type of goatee the World Beard Championship calls a “natural.” (Think Andre Agassi circa 2004.) He’s an animated speaker who hasn’t quite lost his Michigan accent, bordering on an upspeak that ends many of his statements with “right?” He wears jeans and tshirts that are loose enough to only suggest, not boast, the muscled torso underneath. During our interview he sat cross legged most of the time on the far side of his California-King sized bed. We talk about his past and what path took him from the Bay Area (Michigan) to the Bay Area (San Francisco).

A history

He grew up in an area around Saginaw, smarter than the adults around him and perhaps a little precocious for it. Mom gave him some explicit details when he asked about babies.

Bo:

where babies come from

By 6th grade the overweight, effeminate kid given to histrionics had been labeled the “class fag” and it racked him with self-esteem issues. At college he tried both being straight and in a fraternity, both only lasting until one of his fraternity brothers hit on him. Sex was never psychologically comfortable since he wasn’t comfortable with himself. After a first, disastrous attempt at grad school, the wild side suggested that he join the Peace Corps, and the good side went right along with it. That landed him in Zimbabwe for four transformative years. The effects of which were apparent when he returned.

Bo:

Africa

Chicago

get laid

The second attempt at grad school worked, and he managed to get an assignment that took him back to Africa, this time in neighboring Zambia. The awakened gay guy in him couldn’t be as easily repressed as before, so he found the experience less liberating than the first time around. When he was done with his project, he left to finish his studies in the States, where, upon graduation, he realized that he needed to find a whole new place to live. The calculation went something like this:

Bo:

cool

Africa was cool

I had three criteria. I needed to have a large gay population. It needed to be a place I could see lots of live music. And it had to have really easy access to the outdoors. At least once a month I need to get outside. Like seriously outside. Camping, hiking. So I started looking at American cities and San Francisco seemed like the clear choice based on those criteria.

Sight unseen and knowing only a few people, he took up residence in a friend’s basement for a few months to find work and a place to live. He found both fairly quickly. He’s been here in the city ever since.

A few years ago, he began to date a guy who worked off-camera at a porn studio in town, and found his curiosity for the industry—and in being the one on-camera—piqued. Still, despite having been a regular attendee of the Gold’s Gym in the Castro, he’d never really felt up to par. But to test his level of comfort of being watched, he went to a sex party, where he had kind of a epiphany in the sling:

Bo:

power

topping

eye contact

having sex with everyone in the room

energy

He’s insistent that the real point of getting into porn wasn’t the goal in and of itself—though he likes to talk about it and seems to be having a ball—but rather as a motivation for getting himself into the best shape of his life. So he changed his workout and his relationship with food (I tried to avoid treating him like some reluctant personal trainer/nutritionist, so I didn’t press for details) and worked like hell to change his body.

He posted his new pics to BigMuscle.com and started some conversations with veteran porn performer Adam Faust, who was impressed with Bo’s pictures and convinced his producers to take a look. That recommendation got Bo a first shoot, which has led two more at the time of this writing. It looks like this side career is already taking off.

As a result, I find myself sitting cross legged on comforter looking for somewhere to put the drained cup of green tea.

Me:

Bo Matthews

in-construction

Bo: I’m a calculated and cerebral enough person that I do have an answer to that. So, whether or not people talk about me as this great bottom “Wow, he can take a lot of dick” the one thing that is very clear to me that I want to be known for is “He’s always having a good time. He’s the one having real sex.”

Real sex? How is what the other porn actors are doing not real sex? Those who haven’t spent time contemplating Bill Clinton's deposition statements or understanding porn as an illusion machine parallel to Hollywood may find such a statement complicated, but after spending this time with Mark, I’m not surprised that he can just drop something that nuanced and move on. He’s a smart guy. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was pleasantly surprised to find myself having the sorts of pithy, unabashed conversations that I relish with erudite friends. So while we talked about a lot of things, the snippets I’m going to focus on are those that illustrate that most-salient point.

On the power politics of bottoming

Me:

Bo: Some of it was my still buying into the idea that I’m giving up something by letting a guy fuck me, which a lot of gay men kind of have to work through. We basically fall into the same trap, or the same socialization that women do. That the act of being penetrated can only be enjoyed by the penetrator, as opposed to it being something that I actively want, and I have control over. This took me some years to kind of think about and sort through. It’s this whole thing of “pained bottom face,” that appears in porn; the idea that being a bottom seems to be degrading somehow.

I think we’ve [the gay community] always kind of sidestepped the criticism that’s hurled at straight porn; that it’s inherently degrading of women. In gay porn we say, because these are all men, there’s no inherent power difference between them. But in fact gay porn almost always privileges the top. It’s seen from his perspective. I understand why that’s true because I’m still capable of responding to a big dick going into a hole, absolutely. But still, it seems like we get pained bottom face more than we get fucking ecstatic bottom face.

Constructing (and being the victim of) our own desires

Me:

physical attractiveness

Bo: Well first of all they’re not impossible, it’s just about how badly you want it. And if you don’t want it badly enough, don’t continue portraying yourself as the victim of advertising, marketing, and the gay porn industry because your desires feed into this. You can only fall prey to this comparison if you put yourself into it. And that’s the part that makes me a little crazy.

I had a guy email me on Manhunt whose opening line was “Oh, you’re so hot I know I could never get the likes of you, I know I’m not in your rank.” This was so stupid. So not sexy. It’s like you’re shooting yourself in the foot. When I came home from Peace Corps I had this ease, this confidence. I was astounded at the men who approached me because of it. I still felt I was a little overweight, unattractive. But this was just some hierarchy I had in my head. My hierarchy didn’t match anyone else’s. So this criticism of gay porn is valid only if you buy into it.

Me: But let’s be honest, you cannot escape the media images. “Just don’t buy into it” is not practical. You cannot walk down Market Street and not see the hotties on the Gay.com ads. Your only hope to escape it is to become hermetic, and that’s more than just “not buying into it.”

Bo: Well, then it’s more about self-centering. I’m thinking about the prominence of the “bear” subculture. There’s bear porn. Bear bars. There’s a BigMuscleBears website. I probably couldn’t get away with posting a profile there. So they’re not buying into my type as a center, and more power to them.

Edgy, nasty, pigs…and bell hooks

[Vocabulary note: A “pig” as a term regarding sexual practice refers to an individual eager to perform any sex act, and particularly what many would consider degrading sex acts.]

Me:

Bo: It’s funny. There’s this assumption about me that I am edgy. And a lot of it was because it was [fisting-specialist] Adam who introduced me to the industry. Plus, I’m very much a blue jeans and t-shirts kind of guy. Partly because I hate clothing. I hate dealing with it. I hate going shopping for it. I don’t own very much. And if your perceived norm of gay men is more fashion-oriented, then somebody who like me who just wears jeans and t-shirts must be kind of edgy. And I’ve got the goatee, and I live in San Francisco. Clearly I must be into leather.

I’ve also been told that when people look at my pictures they see this guy who couldn’t play the innocent boy next door, that I have a ready edgy look on my face…it’s inexplicable to me. I shot for [legendary, out-of-retirement gay porn director] Joe Gage recently and at the end of the day he and I are talking. I mention how I want to come back and work with him again. He says, “I’m amenable to that. And let’s face it, you’re a total pig.” Which is a term I’ve never identified with. And yet I’m now coming into contact with lots of men who do, and I’ve been kind of struggling with it.

It’s not just “pig” either. There are two words that I struggle with, “pig” and “nasty.” Because to me, what that’s all about is that you’re still buying into the idea that you’re still on the margins of sexuality. When you talk about being “nasty”—well, in comparison to what? There’s an implied comparison. And frankly, if want to go get fisted, I don’t want to sit and think, “Oh, I’m so nasty” as if it’s some sort of self-validating thing about how “edgy” the sex I’m having is. I just want to say “I’m enjoying getting fisted,” and have it be just that.

I’m really drawing on bell hooks, a black feminist author from the 80s. One of the things she talks about is margins and centers. It’s kind of basic feminist theory, She just happens to be the person who exposed me to the idea. As soon as you define yourself on the margin, you’ve defined yourself in relation to the center, and in a less powerful position to the center. So when I hear guys talking about “Oh, I’m so nasty” to me you’ve given up some of the power of your sexual expression. You define yourself relative to your perception of what mainstream is. I don’t want to fall into that trap.

So when Joe tells me that I’m a total pig. I think what he meant is that I was into it. There were two guys that I had great chemistry with and I was like, Joe, both of these guys are fuckin’ me. So, we get the scene, and I’m down on my knees in front of two guys, and I’m sucking their dicks and I’m kind of going back and forth, and I really wanted them both in my mouth at the same time. And I kept kind of waiting, it just seems like a standard porn thing, right. The direction never came. Finally I was just like “fuck it” and I’m just going do it. And I did. Joe started saying, “That’s great! Yeah, do that, but turn your face.” There were a couple more times where I thought of some way to make the scene better, and I’d do it. I was the guy doing most of that sort of thing in the shoot. I was the guy having real sex. Not just acting.

But I might just be overreacting to the words “pig” and “nasty” or the tone of voice and not the actual intention of the guys who use it. I might be putting all this theoretical bullshit I have in my head about margins and centers on top of what for them is really a simple statement for them about how much they like sex and how they are as sexual beings. But I’ve really, really had to think through all of this.

I’ve thought through this same stuff, too, while (well, ok, after) watching porn guys go after it. But I’ll admit that during the interview I was a bit surprised to witness one of them thinking about it, too. The whole thing was messing with my clean psychological divisions between the people sexing up my Quicktime player and real people in the world.

As an adolescent, porn was shockingly powerful: Real people, having sexy sex, right there in front of me. I was all hormones and these images were electrifying my developing sex circuits, and almost any porn was enough to satisfy. Psychological maturation, leveling hormone drive, and actual experience of sex changed my young adult relationship with the stuff. Thankfully I had the media literacy to realize that what I was jacking off to wasn’t real sex at all, or even representative of real sex, but a product of an image industry that, like Men’s Health, showed some exaggerated archetype of the real thing. And taken as such, it worked fine. I shifted into a working conception of porn performers. They weren’t the fantasies I had in my head, but close-enough stand-ins. They were a cordial but alien species, come from Planet Pretty to occasionally exchange money for images of their Zipless Fucks.

Mark…I mean Bo… has begun to break that down. When I finally see any of his scenes, (they aren’t available as of this writing) I expect the experience will change from my knowing him, knowing that he’s thought his way into that trussed-up greasy three-way step by step. It’s almost as if that’s who I’d be if I had that moment-in-the-sling epiphany and got myself into porn shape. I’d want to be having non-canon, real sex™ too. And that thought is…sexy.

I don’t know how his plans to be “the thinking man’s porn star” will play out for guys who haven’t made it into his apartment to interview him, but he’s asked for a copy of this writeup—however I write it—for his website, so clearly he wants to leave the line separating Mark from Bo ambiguous, to play with it. Again, pretty smart, I think.

At the risk of unflattering comparisons to Dirk Diggler, I think I should end on one particular thing that Mark mentioned a couple of times in the interview. We spent some time talking about the split between his ENTJ, Richard-Dawkins-loving side and his caution-to-the-wind, Tarot-reading, shake-it-up side. You may be surprised to know that he doesn’t refer to his inner bad boy as the “porn star.” Instead, he refers to it as the “rock star.”

Making Beautiful Music

Bo:

And sometimes, it will happen with lyrics, too. I have tools to capture that, of course, so I’ll sometimes race back home hoping that I remember it. But what more often happens is a phrase pops into my head or a situation pops into my head.

As an example let’s go back to the sex party. Over the course of the next day or two, I was thinking about this first experience in a sling, and this song idea popped into my head. It would be called “Slung” and it’s basically this feeling about being a piece of meat hanging in a butcher window and I’m available for your consumption…but I’ll be there again tomorrow.

I’m intrigued by the idea whatever notoriety I gain by porn I could translate into my musical career. There could be a point where I decide it’s time to take the plunge and the financial security might be shaky for awhile and it’s a lot easier to say, I’m going to go live in a friend’s basement and sell my car and…if I’m not committed to anybody else. So it’s all very hypothetical right now, and I…well I made the comment way earlier that I live in my head anyway so this is just another manifestation of that. You know I’m dead serious. It has to happen. I just need the question resolved.

If you'd like to connect a face to the text and don't mind the explicit pictures, his BigMuscleProfile is public: http://www.bigmuscle.com/orobourical

Erotic nodes (idea) by masukomi Sun Oct 22 2000 at 3:32:27

linked by Angela

This is a listing of erotic nodes on e2. There is a lot of passion within e2 and this is far from being complete so please /msg me (or an admin) if you find any good ones I haven't listed here and I will add them in. Many of these nodes have multiple writeups so i have indicated the author so that you may find the right ones faster. Please note: This node links to sex: soft, loving, beautiful, dirty, grunting, sensual, erotic, sex. Some of these nodes willnot be to your taste. Some are beautiful touching images, some are graphic sexual experiences, some involve things you can't talk about at work. Please accept that we all have different needs in, or out of, the bedroom and celebrate the personal writings these people have shared with us.

To get you started I have bolded some of my personal favorites, they may not be to your taste but they should help you find a place to start in on this list.

Thanks to junkpile for helping me find stuff for this and for writing so many cool nodes. Special thanks to Svaha, and Trina, and Aphrodite.

SexE2

Venerable members of this group:

Now, down to technique

Medical Notes

A history

On the power politics of bottoming

Constructing (and being the victim of) our own desires

Edgy, nasty, pigs…and bell hooks

Making Beautiful Music