I was at work, and I was looking out the window down into the parking lot. Downstairs, I see my mother talking to a man. They conclude their conversation and walk away from one another. The older man ambles over to a silver car parked close to the building, flips open the gas flap, unscrews the gas cap, and proceeds to urinate into the gas tank. I'm experiencing a mixture of humor and shock as I clumsily try to dial my Mom's cell phone to tell her to look. Eventually I fail, and just snap a picture of the guy.

Time Shift

I'm sitting at work, but it's not where I work now - even different than the previous dream segment. It's some strange hybrid between my job as a network admin at a college, and some highly secret facility.

I'm sitting at my station, typing and reading. On the shelf above my monitor is a 35mm camera with its lens open, just facing out. Sean, my old boss, walks over and looks at the camera. He tells me that can't be there, and that I need to take it down. I take the camera down, close the lens, and get back to work.

"Okay, now pack up your stuff and get out."

I was confused. I mean, there were no pictures taken, and yet, I was still being fired. What bullshit.

Time Shift

I'm back home, and I'm packing up my stuff. I had an argument with my dad regarding why I got fired; he insists that I was taking pictures. My mother was trying to defend me by saying I didn't know any better, and that my pictures weren't harmful.

The problem is, I didn't take any pictures while inside of work *at all*. The camera was simply sitting on the shelf with a dead battery, and a roll of completely used film.

Nobody seemed to want to believe that - not Sean, not my mother, not my father. So I began packing up all of my belongings at home. I remember pouring my music collection into a duffel bag, along with anything else that would fit.

I'll keep it simple.

I'm naked, riding a tricycle. The road I'm riding on is made of enormous books, which overlap slightly, giving the road a bumpy surface. Off in the distance, trees of impossible size reach up to the sky. As I look closer, I can tell that the tress are actually paper cut-outs, somewhat poorly colored in with crayons. I come to a series of rolling hills, which increase exponentially in height and steepness. Eventually I begin to ascend a nearly vertical hill and as I near the peak, the road disintegrates and I fall and fall with giant books all around me, flapping their covers like wings.

I dreamed I was at a camping site and everyone else had left, only I was there, and I was cleaning up. My dog was there too, but instead of being a Rottweiler, she was a Great Dane. I was doing my assigned chore, everything was fine when my dog broke her leg somehow while walking. And somehow it was my fault. I was horrified and put her gently in my car, picking her up with ease , (she is 95 pounds) she wasn't crying or whining. The skin was broken, and the leg bone was poking through, it was a horrible break.

I was ready to leave when I realized that people had left the fire burning; three fires, actually, huge ones, that I now had to put out when my dog might die! I was furious and stomped around trying to put them out but not really succeeeding. Finally I just left to take my dog to the vet, knowing it would cost an astronomical sum. The vet took her and I went back to the site feeling empty and sad, to finish putting out the fires.

The clock told me it was around 5pm, the day was nice and warm, my friend had phoned me up half an hour eariler asking me if i wanted to go to my local pub "the Robin" i said yes and that my brother would be joining us. Me and my brother started the 10 minute walk, along the way we chatted aimesly, about halfway to the pub, a mate which i had not seen in about 6 months just walks out of a house, we greeted and i asked him if he wanted to go the pub. and so we carried on down.

We finally got to the pub (although it felt like it took days to get there) and there was my mate (neil) and his girlfriend waiting for us, after a couple of mintues chatting we went in. Now this is one of the weird parts, the whole pub had changed on the inside, now i dont mean just redecorated, but the whole lay out had changed, it was bigger and a completly different shape to what the outside had suggested, the bar filled one whole side of the wall and the barman was Louis Armstrong (god knows why) anyway a couple of minutes later i looked at my watch and it said 12:20pm, i looked at everyone in confusion and realised that the bar was empty except for us.

I was then suddenly in one of my local nightclubs called Jimmy deans, and there was my brother in fight with his ex-girlfriends boyfriend, i rushed in to help along with neil this started off a whole brawl within the whole nightclub. Seconds later i then found myself lying in hospital with my brother watching over me. And then i woke up

why do i have fucked up dreams?

Dream Lyric of the day:

Big Monkey Sex With a Little Monkey Party Hat...

Pretend CEO

  • With Allen and Genery, we are lowly employees in a big company that are selected to star in a film that will be shot around town and the office building where we work. In the film we are big shot executives (I'm the CEO) who everyone caters to. Filming begins but, strangely, there are no cameras and no film crew--but everyone now treats us like we are rich and famous. I drive us around in a big red sports car; we eat lunch in a posh cafe. On returning to the office, I enter through the executives-only gate and driveway. After we park and enter the main lobby, we are greeted on all sides by smiling underlings and pandering middle-management types. We slowly climb the wide staircase that dominates the cavernous room, on our way to the top.

Beautiful girl, Rose Bridge. Lovely brown hair, and a kiss. What wonderful lips. So soft, and warm. The dreams dissolves, but the feeling doesn't is suffuses me, and I feel it touching every part of me. I [breathe it out into the lucky darkness as I wait for my next dream....

In my dream I was attending a costume dinner party with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. They were dressed up as the Queen and King of England. Like the Old Elizabeth I, that was the theme. I was really good friends with Nicole Kidman and when we entered the restaurant Sigourney Weaver came up to us, and she was dressed up in the same thing as Nicole Kidman and we started chatting about the other people's costumes. Eventually me and Nicole went our own way to a private room. The dinner rooms were separated to all girls and all boys only.

So we enter our room and our clothes change, I'm wearing what I usually wear but a bit more cooler, and Nicole Kidman is in this nice dress. We sit down at our table, it's large and round and the restaurant food that has been served is Chinese but the room looks Japanese. The other people around the table were people I didn't like in highschool and 2 of my nannies for some reason. When it's time to eat everyone starts grabbing at the food as fast as they can and they're making this giant mess. I look at Nicole and I say "I've never seen anyone grab food so fast before," She was doing it slowly and taking her time to choose. I was rather disgusted at the etiquette of the people. Nicole told me not to worry and started grabbing food and sticking it into my bowl. "We must share everything!" she said. So everything she got we shared, though I thought it was kind of weird because I wanted to serve myself but she just kept getting the food for us. There was a lot of talking around the table and I explained to her who some people were. Two girls left the table to go to the washroom and I decided to follow them. It was odd, because to go to the women's washroom you had to go out of the room and right outside there are these stairs that go down and that would be the women's washroom. The male's washroom entrance went upstairs right from our room though.

So I excused myself from the table and went down into the washroom, the two girls weren't there, or I couldn't find them. The bathroom was packed, a lot of people were waiting to go and I was just walking around and checking the bathrooms out. The stalls were odd, some had toilets with no paper dispensers, others didn't have bathrooms but had paper dispensers, and some were stalls to get changed in. So I get into the stall that you can change in and close the door and pull out these cool clothes out of my magical pocket. Right then a girl stood right up to the door and was looking in and I was like "What the fuck is your problem? Do you have a staring problem, if you want to get in here you'll just have to wait a little further back!" The girl in the stall next to me started laughing, I was talking to her a little earlier when I was walking around the washroom. So I finish getting changed and I leave the stall. On my way out, at the stairs, where the sinks are I see this girl I know from highschool, her name is Jessie, I didn't really like her because she always had some thing against me I don't know why. Well she was listening to the fat guy talk from Malcolm in the Middle. He was talking about how in most of his dreams he's "a hero," and I butted in and said "in most of my dreams I'm a villain, but I have been a hero too." Jessie was like, "Sure whatever, like I'm going to believe that!" I get angry and leave the washroom. But instead of walking out normally I had to jump to skip the steps but the problem was I jumped too early and I hit the angle on the ceiling part that separated upstairs from downstairs and my back hurt like a bitch! The fat guy, name is Erik now, was like, don't worry I've done that before I know how it feels. I smiled because he was being nice.

Well I go back into the private room and Nicole is gone, so I ask the person closest to me where she is. The girl replies "Why don't you get another one in the magical doppleganger machine upstairs!" I got so mad, this was one of the girl's I hated in highschool. And I was like "What are you talking about? She is the real one!" I started shouting for her because I was getting really worried and suddenly the scene changed.

One wall in the room disappeared and showed water at the edge of the room and on the other side of the water was a stone wall with a ledge and further on was a some land. People came running down the stairs led by Dana wearing army fatigues with a gun in her hand and she said, "Stop where you are, you're under arrest!" I was like "What the hell?" I magically appeared on the stone ledge and Dana was there, another guy and some more people with guns pointed at me. I started to yell for help from Erik and he appeared and asked what was wrong, so I had him on my side and he had guns. I then suddenly released that I had my shoes on but no socks so I looked for my socks and found them, the people were all about to shoot when I yelled, "PAUSE!" Everyone stopped while I put on my socks leisurely, there was one extra sock left when I put them on and I was like "This one isn't mine,". I then placed my hands behind my back where I could feel my guns. Then we started fighting and shooting, I was still shouting for Nicole at the top of my lungs looking for her, hoping that she could hear me. I jump into the water and do some tricks (weird, like SSX tricks), and another guy jumps in and says "Not very impressing!" I was like, your mistake, I shot him and held him under the water. When I resurfaced I saw Nicole being dragged away by more people in fatigues on the far off island. I shouted her name again and was swimming towards her and getting closer so I shouted again and she noticed me and shouted for help.

And then my mom knocks on my door really loudly. Dammit!!!

During a massive bout of REM rebound, I had some of the most off-the-wall dreams of my life. Most were obscure and strange, while others were just plain weird. Out of an entire twenty-two hours of potential dream time, there was one in particular that I remember.

I was back in West Ottawa high school, the building I left forever less than two weeks ago. Having spent four years of my life there, it’s not unusual to dream of events in a school setting. In the dream, I walked through the main entrance and towards the reception desk. For some reason, there is a table pushed against the wall there, and it is piled high with half-eaten ribs covered with barbeque sauce. Everyone who walked by raised his or her nose in distaste. I didn’t pay much attention to the table, and proceeded to carry a roll of white garbage bags down the hall to my former math teacher’s room.

Once I arrived, Mrs. Bruns (the math teacher) told me to go get my foot from the front office. I told her that I had just come from there and no one had said anything about my foot, but she insisted I go right away and pick it up. So I walked back where I had come from, somewhat peeved at being told what to do in such a manner. As I was walking, I noticed a cast on my right foot. Actually, the cast completely covered my foot, but I was pretty sure it was still in there – until I saw it sitting on the table next to all the previously mentioned ribs.

I picked it up and went back to Mrs. Bruns’ room. I wrapped the poor foot in layer upon layer of white trash bags, and then wrote something on it with permanent black maker. Mrs. Bruns told me to leave it under her desk, and she would call me in a few weeks to let me know if it kept well enough.

Kept well enough? I guess. That was the end of the dream, fortunately.


Goddammit, I left this too late. The second part was best. I took notes in my notebook on the second part so that I could remember it and node it, but I took the notes while I was asleep, dammit, I am making a habit of that. Not quite lucid dreaming.

First part, the campus, and down to the south the causeway that was formerly a marsh had been filled in with clay to the extent that you could get across it by foot and didn't have to rely on the services of spiregrain, who had been the boatman there and was now rather put out about it, in these flashy new campus buildings.

Second part involved some item of value, possibly a coin, a gold coin of significant historic value, and its quest to be put under a glass case south of that causeway. {sigh} It was so interesting, all that bit. I remember, in the dream, practising remembering it, and I was satisfied that it was sufficienytly vivid that even if I went back to sleep now I was sure to remember most of the details later.


I'm somewhere in south asia, wandering a street market. I'm to meet with two friends of my mother at their house somewhere. I realize I don't have their number or any way to contact them. Fortunately, I run in to my dad. He looks up their number. "Ack! I forgot all my luggage!" He gives me a ride back to the airport, I get my luggage, and go to their house. They're not there; I'm in a posse of kids on a mission or fleeing or something. We're in china, it feels like now. There's a big three-way split in the world. There's our putative faction, an "evil" group, and a semi-detached woodlands kind of group, consisting largely of animal/plant spirits. The gods for this group are invisible to almost everyone except their followers, and look kind of like animated rabbits with big eyes. There are invisible snarling dogs that we can see, on a field outside. The house we are in is searched by evil adult men with guns. We hide in laundry hampers and then escape through the windows. We chase the snarling dogs, who flicker in and out of visibility. I (I am a small boy, maybe 10 now) suddenly stop on a carpet in the middle of the field near the woods. I can see the woodland things and I call on them for help. We chase the snarling dogs together; the evil men get in a car and drive away. We stop and discuss the triumvirate of quasi-religious alliances, promise to stay visible to each other, at least, and part. The rest of my kid-gang runs up to me, baffled as to what happened. I shake my head and we walk away in to the city that has appeared, to find shelter for the night.

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