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14 May 2013, New York City, NY


/me misses Ouroboros


Photo by panamaus (Portland, OR: Horace Phair 2002), used without permission; cropping and other Instagram tricks by me.


Update, 9 April 2012--14 March 2013 (and beyond?): Big ups to wertperch, Oolong, and JayBonci for their heroic efforts in keeping my username underscore-free, which I believe means the fab /msg alias is back in effect...

This ancient history homenode update is actually still kind of appropriate and also I have been over-thinking how else to edit this mess for too long so I'm just going to leave this up while I sort my stuff out:

18 August 2005, Eugene, OR

And but so I've been and probably will continue to be distracted. Jongleur and I bought a house over the course of two thrilling weeks a little over a year ago, but whatever. It's been over six months since my last writeup, and my last homenode update was almost a year before that. At the time, grundoon had presented me with the nodeshell challenge I eat every day with a ravenous appetite, which has recently been rescued in high style by the long-absent Evil Catullus. Which gives me hope that maybe someday I'll be inspired to a spectacular comeback of my own someday. For now, I'm a bit distracted by my garden. Yum.

4 April 2012, New York City

And but so I guess I am back? So far this mostly consists of talking schmack in the catbox and going through my Message Inbox and making lists of things to C! because holy monkeys how could I have been so negligent all those years ago? Especially when I had editor powers and could have been cooling awesomeness left and right? Sheesh. But I digress. The Message Inbox review seems to be leading me into a node audit of sorts (all these new writeup categories! Must obsessively bring Node Tracker statistics up to date!) So far I've made many minor revisions and a few pretty solid ones:

There may well be others but I only just lit on the realization that I'm doing a node audit and should thus be maybe keeping track of such things. Go figure. Further updates as events warrant.

4 May 2012: I am slowly updating this homenode text, but hoo monkeys is it ever dense with ancient history.

The Chatterbox has spoken:

<factgirl> fuzzy and blue you are so scrumpy! I love ya!

<Templeton> fuzzy, you crazy fucknut... you're the best :)

<ideath> in case anybody wondered or worried, fuzzy and blue is fab'er than you

It is sometimes possible to send me /msg's at fab instead of typing all them underscores... not sure how they keep cropping up in my username, but oh well. Woo!

For the record, I only suggest corrections to writeups that are worth improving. It's a compliment. I'm trying to help. In other general noding philosophy-type statements, I refer you to the following:

Your first writeup will be nuked: Don't give up & Words of Advice for Young Noders & Words are how we see you. Use them well. & Write for the World & node your homework & Node for the Ages & link and link & Enjoy yourself. This is utmost in importance. & raising the bar & surely you must know SOMETHING! a call to arms! & explicate your lyrics & node your library & the content rescue team & E2 FAQ: Assimilating old writeups & Grammar as a tool, not a rule & choose your words carefully. now throw them away & work within the limitations of the medium & cross boundaries of category and meaning & everything as a literary composition & everything is a community & everything is a family & Trust your fellow noder. & namaste

As a small child, I often found myself annoyed by Grover. How could he be so insecure yet manically in my face about his own cuteness? It didn't make sense... until it did.

It occurs to me that many of the things that annoy me most about other people are the same things that annoy me about myself. Grover is no exception, of course. He's kind of my spirit animal that way. I am the monster at the end of this book, but it's a work in progress and I'm trying to write it a happy ending.

Once upon a time, bus ridin' fool noded my song, and I was grateful. That writeup seems to have been eaten by the copyright monster, which means I have some work to do.

If you're playing the game where you look for cool nodes by searching other people's bookmarks, you might want to look at the list of writeups I've cooled, since my bookmark list is out of control. In particular I recommend the works of the following, who by dint of sheer numbers seem to be my very favorites:

ideath, anthropod, junkpile, stand/alone/bitch, riverrun, dutchess, longwinter, factgirl, Igloowhite, Demeter, Halspal, icicle, swankivy, wertperch, Evil Catullus, Jet-Poop, Lucy-S, m_turner, prole, TheDeadGuy, Tlachtga, ccunning, enth, graceness, grundoon, haze, impishlaugh, liminal, meson, Saige, Segnabora-t, sensei, sneff, tandex, The Custodian, and WickerNipple.

That list is up to date as of 22 June 2012, and suggests that /me misses several writeups by yossarian, ailie, and many others, some of whom may have changed usernames since I was last active enough on E2 to notice such things. Wowza.

Likewise, as of Star Wars Day 2012, the following noders were my biggest fans as measured by their habit of cooling my stuff, so if you want to spread the good karma around, give them some love:

Lometa, Evil Catullus, Gritchka, ideath, dutchess, anthropod, dannye, icicle, PalpZ, panamaus, Halspal, Jet-Poop, Sylvar, alex.tan, aneurin, bol, Chras4, factgirl, jessicapierce, legbagede, markadm, NothingLasts4ever, Quizro, riverrun, Saige, shmOOnkie pOOnks, sneff, TheDeadGuy, and the mysterious user-970414.

There's been less churn on that list, which I guess means Klaproth had already cleaned out most of my crap by the time I went walkabout, and in particular the top 7 folks on it have not changed, so good job having impeccable taste, youse guys!

In an attempt to clean out/organize my bookmarks in the same spirit as the above noding-philosophy-type links, here are some collections of thematically-related good reading on e2:

4 May 2012: Oof. I can offer no guarantees that you'll get anywhere clicking on anything between these lines and my bookmarks; remember what I said about ancient history, and accept (as I do) that I may not ever be up to the task of testing all those links.

I am not starving any more.
Instructions to the Cook & sticky toffee pudding & How to frost a cake & moons is good for eatin & I was frying eggs and thinking that life itself is really the only worthwhile entertainment. & Chocolate Snickerdoodles & Pagan recipes & Plain ol' cookies & A pre-mealtime meditation for nontheists & wasabi (thing) & Critique of Pure Riesling & coq au vin & Vegetarian Meals that Aren't Just Brown Gack & Rice & chocolate chip pancakes (thing) & What to do when you're jonesing for ice cream & Twenty-three good things about pickles and dirt & Maybe grief expects poor nutrition. & Drunken Bachelor Thanksgiving Cranberry Sauce (thing) & Free drinks at the topless bar & tasty like a raindrop & a nice cool glass of Joyce & Sacred Erisian High Mass of the Krispy Kreme Kabal & Zaru Soba (Japanese noodles) & Rhubarb and Mint Coolers (a cold drink for booyaa) & Artichoke Dip - Omigod, Who Made This Stuff? & Farfalle Pasta with a Bean Soup and Sliced Roma Tomato Salad & Garlicky green beans & rice & Can't cook, won't cook & Cortland apple & Black currant sorbet & Farfalle Pasta With Wild Mushrooms

We are humans. We want to know everything.
How to say "I can eat glass, it does not hurt me" & How to make a duct tape wallet & Helping a loved one with depression & compost your corpse & The — problem & How to talk like Jacques Derrida & How to fight Globalization & Everything Quests: The E2 Tourist Guide & How to teach art to a four-year-old & HOWTOs on Everything & How to manipulate the mass media & How to fold a fitted sheet (idea) & Integrating a kitten into a household with cats & HTML symbol reference & E2 Translators & US Copyright for Recipes & Everything Dutch & Table of Organs and Their Relationships & anthropology (idea)

A hundred visions and revisions
She is stupidly keeping herself a secret, when I know she has sparkly things to show me & gaining night vision & She doesn't know what he sees, but sometimes it makes his face beautiful & look at all the blue stars living in the tree & I glimpse the elephant & You can see right through me

This is what it sounds like
there is a soundtrack, you know, but it isn't for sale & I come to you all dressed in sound & I would have liked thunder when she left & If you press your ear to the wrist of the world you can hear every heartbeat from the beginning of time & How do you hear the water? & the stars are listening & She is in the heartbeat you hear around you, listen

a person of touches
this is the press of a bashful hand, this is the float and odor of air & stamp on the ground and feel your flowers & I just need a hug, is all. & How to give a hug & I need to hold your hand. I'm getting numb. & a hand-on soft love song with no words spoken & The words were ways of touching and made us want to speak with hands. & You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever & do you start feeling, ever?

Sensory metaphors: Colors as nonvisual sensations
I know the story of your walk ... and the colors you choose to paint your day & she smiles in colors & my real life burst into the proper colors & the colors flow through her like a rainbow & Even the moon likes to change her colors

Don't be sexy. I said stop that.
We find ourselves in sex & All acts of love and pleasure & Preaching to the Perverted & a moral system based on more and better sex & reclaim your sexuality & unhealthy views of female sexuality & All Things Kink & #& I don't kiss & The moment pornos lost their appeal for me & Young man....I'm flattered. & before I was consciously thinking of him, my body was. & perpetual reminder to myself: good sex is possible & If you're not going to worship me, get the fuck out of my bed & Kiss me, you are beautiful. These are truly the last days. & Will you?

I like the (idea) love it's
it's only love: at the end of the day, there are still thunderstorms and sunsets (person) & She thought about giving him her heart & I still find strands of her hair in bed & among strangers who will say so many things to fill our ears & Ransom note love letter & Long after bedtime I will wake up and sit crosslegged watching you. It is your fault for having your face. & a hand-on-soft love song with no words spoken & You, with your timid, half-hearted intimacies & with her own hands & the stars punched holes in the fabric of the sky & This is the only love & Every time I see this picture, I feel a little more in love & and so, we made sweet love with the weather & Now he can be loved. Now he is no more. & a love letter expressly meant for your eyes only & and I swear that I could find her with my eyes closed from the spiced grass scent of her neck & Another love. I am weary of the starts of things.& Love is like skipping, if you know the secret, you can learn to fly & Love is a Myth & This is the only love

Tell me something dangerous and true
Everything is true and nothing matters & the truth need not be self-consistent & This is my truth tell me yours & Someone takes care of me and I squirm like I'm caught in a lie. & Everything you just read is bullshit & I don't have any secrets. Now ask me if I have any lies. & Here are some true pieces for you, anonymous, handsome. & leaving out parts of the truth. you have to. & Three sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth. & Anonymous honesty may destroy me. & This is my truth tell me yours & Yes, they're all lies. But who wants the truth? & Tell the truth. Begin by beginning. Say good things to yourself. & A lie hides the truth. A story tries to find it. & sometimes i say awful things just because they are awful, but they are true too. that is true and awful. & the only thing to be truthfully said about tomorrow is that it changes everything

fill for me a brimming bowl full of stories
talkstory & We are our stories & Be your own fiction. After that, the story almost writes itself. & Our stories will surprise even ourselves & Three sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth. & Tell me a story about trains & I know the story of your walk .. and the colors you choose to paint your day & Story for an Advanced Child & A lie hides the truth. A story tries to find it. & All stories are true

I'm a writer. What are you?
Right. Me and Herman Melville & Writing can make the terrible life beautiful & if I can't be with you, then I'll write about you, or I'll write about something else & Writers on Comics Scriptwriting & i woke up and was an instant scribbling fiend. crazy, my poor feverish brain & My fingers flow over a keyboard, but words jumble at my teeth & We only journal when we hurt & some words are harder than others & We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection & On not being a writer in Prague & A Little Tax Advice for U.S. Writers & Freelancing & The words you write make my heart race and stop and just quit & You couldn't make me give it up to cheapening words for all the empathy and adulation in the world. & and then his words silenced my noisy thought & you, who would stifle beautiful words not yet born & your words are delicious and enticing, and I would save them all like love letters

you know it's poetry
Please annotate your Poetry & call me a poet & I am capable of poetic language, but not always of poetry & there was a time / before we were born / if someone asks, this is where I'll be. & you nature lover / you country punk / you bowl me over / I'm not that drunk & The Cremation of Sam McGee & bleeding on paper & walking the spaces between the words & In Los Angeles, something is always burning & trying to catch one clear promise out of the jittery confused language the night was whispering & In the war between information and poetry, poetry always wins & everything is poetry & The words were ways of touching and made us want to speak with hands. & You're all poets. Stop pretending you're not. Give me a new word to use

You are reading this
Information is Fractal & Analysis of Everything (idea) & spilling over into words, we run out of space too soon & The Everything credibility problem (idea) & Everything needs more estrogen & Participate in your own manipulation & Confront the spectacle with its own irrelevance & The Everything and Nothing Manifesto & hit by the realisation that they are all getting to know you nodes & To node one thing beautiful every day & I'm having some kinda fucked up E2 religious experience right now

i figured it all out
But there's so much more to it. & the thought that kept me awake & An ordinary revelation & there's no point unless you make one & Give everything you can to everyone you know & Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so & I may or may not have been naked. & work is worship & evolutionary psychology isn't always the answer & Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. & I throw up my hands. I have no plans. & It is all part of one bigger conversation, which is, I guess, my life & It is constant, this building upon self, this growing becoming & your body breaks, your needs consume you forever & we are all so small, curled in a drop of morning & maybe somehow we all became afraid of each other? & I don't remember what life was like when I was seven. I like the taste of air. What should I do? & Think of something you always wanted to do, but are afraid of. Do it today. & It doesn't get any better than this & Open your eyes. Become bigger. It hasn't killed you, and it's making you stronger & We're blind. We're mortal. We don't know what the hell we're doing. & Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

This is as real as magic gets.
It's a jailbreak; we're free. & For a boat of white bone, and we three & I am three, she said & close your eyes, i will help you pray & the stars punched holes in the fabric of the sky & if you told me this never happened & I make tiny hopeful promises to myself & I will howl in a deep lagoon & This terrain is constantly changing, but if you look closely, you can find the patterns & There is magic in this world & for my last trick, I made her disappear

Tell me a story about being really alive
the hamster penetration test & Halls of Infinite Cock & Two stories of the pistol (idea) & the far fields come spinning back into play & My grandfather driving the boat, gently & Potato sack dresses (thing) & The city. So many lights you can actually pretend one of them's shining on you. & the stars punched holes in the fabric of the sky & hold out a handful of dirt and watch it fall & every strong wind one leans into and smiles should bring back a lost toy from childhood. & gone stoic in silence: ash and smoke and the wide sunk mud-iron landscape of forever & I never cry. I never scream. I'm MacArthur Parker the Fucking Invincible, God Dammit. & the right vision, wasted & I am uglier than you imagine & soul dancing in the dark & water moves, beneath the ice. now is almost time - & Now and just this moment, as is, in the present. Yes. & Please tell me everything, this means you, I am hungry and also

This is the place you see in your head when you're sitting at your desk dreaming
The Auditorium & Tell me about your secret places & every city is full of secret places & saving face, losing time, staring off into an alternate reality & Where were you that Saturday when it rained? (place) & In Los Angeles, something is always burning & Climb up on the Moon? Of course we did. & sitting on the proverbial fence & I came out here to remember it all & i remember, most of all, the places that cradled my thoughts & Everything, Kansas

Bugger this: I want a better world
A state of life that calls for another way of living & Who's To Blame & our common enemy & Mental illness & I'm glad I'm white & seven social sins & give your tax refund to charity & grown-ups should get the summer off & prison rape & Myth of objectivity & I am going to rewrite you so that I can still like people. & Commercials depress me & Bariatrics & I wish there was a kinder version of the world, all for you.

These are for you
You are groovy. No, I mean it. Ask a fish. Ask the moon. & choose choice & America if I only had the money. Here are your new commercials: & oblique strategies garden & One day I will step out of my body and burst into bloom. & Love letter of housekeeping & This is the closest you'll ever get to an inspirational message & Call me a berry-picking, pony-touching star-marveler & Please tell me everything, this means you, I am hungry and also & favorites are holy sanctioned & Do you take it I would astonish? Does the daylight astonish? & Bless your brown eyes smiling & I will wait until your quiet makes me remember I am waiting. & I will take one ticket please to whatever you have to say please keep talking (person) & it is not your life, you will perhaps listen a little closer & I sincerely hope you have one of these somewhere in your life. & reflections of yourself

Take it from me
all of these people are me (idea) & Coming to terms with my inner anarchist (idea) & Here is Today! Here is Morning! Hello Hello Hello Here I Am! & If I have enough laughter, I go to bed contented with myself and my life. & This is me, I said, and then I talked for hours

I want to write love letters to all of my friends
I smile just because you exist & We are all shining and important to someone. & iDEATH & WickerNipple is PacMan's bitch & yossarian is also God, if you must know & The Content Rescue Team & Jongleur & Apocalypso NOW! SoCal Noder Gathering XP 2002 Professional Edition & I am a son of the South & Just a NoCal noder party - nothing to get excited about, unless you count the fire & The New York City Noder Compound & the myth of the perfect parent & wertperch & Head West! Colonize an already-inhabited place! & BIG RIDICULOUS TITLE FOR THE DEFINITIVE E2 GATHERING TO USHER IN THE NEW YEAR!® & Everything Commune & Everything, KS & Everything, Kansas: A Manifesto & A call to action for Everything, Kansas & Reason #47: Like Dawn with 4,000 subtle shades of red, you are inspiration

Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things
Great Women & She who makes the Moon the Moon and, whenever she is full, sets the dogs to howling all night long, and me with them. & Pratibha Parmar & Alice Walker & Miriam Shor & I am a feminist & Last of the Red Hot Mamas & Margaret Mead (person) & Alix Olson & The Morrigan & Issy the Teenage Rainbow & Buffy The Vampire Slayer Episode Guide & Hothead Paisan & Pippi LongstockingSex Goddess of the Western Hemisphere & Mother Jones (person) & Caroline Cossey & The mama and the dancing girl, unfurling & Penthesilea (person) & Why have there been no great women artists? & Ani DiFranco & Audre Lorde & never underestimate the power of a woman with no specific purpose & Lesbo nympho killer whores

I like this. It's pretty.
She does not rustle but her flesh has the moonlit shade of a silver birch. & The boy who spoke with the sky & A day like this could make a Transcendentalist out of anyone & my real life burst into the proper colors & the stars punched holes in the fabric of the sky & dream of flowers in dustbins & a moon, reflected in a tin ashtray. a brief pale sun, shrouded and without heat. & The world is her sketchbook & If the universe breaks my heart & pile of kittens & you better put some beauty back, while you've got the energy

And finally, if you still really want to read my bookmarks, here they are. Some of these are nodeshells I made with the intention of filling, pending research and inspiration; others are nodeshells I found that spoke to me of needing similar love; still others are writeups I like or haven't finished reading; and the rest are just waiting for votes and/or C!'s. All bookmarks are subject to change without notice.

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