outies

Following are gestures used in Spain which are not generally used in the United States. It is quite possible that they are used in other places besides Spain, and if you have any information confirming this, please let me know and I´ll add that information to this w/u. Furthermore, if you have any gestures you´d like me to add to this list, please let me know. Cheers.

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Message: YOUR HEADLIGHTS ARE ON
Method: Hold one hand at shoulder level directly in front of you, four fingers on top, thumb tucked underneath, as if holding a hand-puppet. Now, quickly move your fingers up and down (as if you´re making the puppet talk), about five pumps. Used most commonly when you are on foot. You have now informed a motorist that his/her headlights are on (during the day), which is, apparently, undesirable. Daytime Running Lights, if they ever become common in Spain, may make this gesture obsolete.

Message: THAT GUY IS IN THE MAFIA
Method: With your right thumb, trace an imaginary line starting at the opening of your ear and ending just before reaching the cleft of your chin. This gesture makes an obvious reference to the movie Scarface, though probably not everybody who uses it knows that. It is recommended that you make this gesture out of sight of the mafioso in question.

Message: I HAVE NO MONEY
Method: With your fingers facing you, make a ´V´ with your index and middle fingers. Now, with one finger on either side of your nose, touch your face starting at the top of your nose, and going down as far as a half-inch (or a few centimeters, if you prefer) above your lips. You have now gently informed your date that (s)he will be paying for your tapas, not you.

Message: I HAVE NOT GOTTEN LAID IN A REALLY LONG TIME
Method: Believe it or not, this gesture, the use of which is limited to hipper, younger Spaniards, is exactly the same as the previous one (i.e., ¨I HAVE NO MONEY¨), but context easily distinguishes the intended meanings. Just be careful if the question is ambiguous -- you may not want to use this V-gesture to decline an invitation to go out for a beer, since it could either mean, ¨Sorry, I can´t go out with you because I don´t have any money,¨ or, ¨Sure, I´d love to have a beer with you . . . and then maybe we could fuck too, eh? I sure am horny after all these weeks of not getting laid.¨

Message: HE´S GAY
Method: With your right thumb, trace an imaginary line that starts at the top of your right cheekbone, and extends toward your upper lip, but only for about the length of your thumb. This gesture is very different from the mafioso one, because the line is much, much shorter. Be sure not to get them confused.

A proposed gene that gay men have (and possibly also lesbians) that explains why they're gay. The holy grail of the 'I didn't choose to be gay' brigade. It's a notion that makes me very, very uncomfortable. Why?

Well, one, because the first thing they did when they found a genetic test for Down's Syndrome was to abort all the Down's foetuses. Don't tell me they won't do the same to queer babies, because my mother told me that, if she'd know I was a foetal dyke, she'd've aborted me.

Two, why does anyone care whether people choose to be gay or not? It's only if you think there's a problem with being queer that there's a question about cause. It's only if we want to see ourselves as victims of circumstance, rather than individuals who can be as proud of our lives as anyone else, that it matters a flying fuck.

Three, what's 'gay' anyway? Is there a bisexual gene? Or is that half a gay gene? Sexuality's more complex than that, so the researchers are likely on a hiding to nothing anyway.

Well, OK, I always thought that one day they'd find the lesbian gene, and test me. And I wouldn't have it. Everyone would find out I was just doing it because it's fun.

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To respond to all the genetics talk below: what you're missing, I think, is that probably the majority of same-sex-attracted people, throughout history and now, have sex with people of the opposite sex. Just because you are gay, doesn't mean you'll act gay, especially in a homophobic society.

This is an exciting time in your life. You are about to embark on a special journey, the choice of your sexual preference. We understand this is a confusing time, when you aren't sure whether or not you're more excited by Brad Pitt, or Catherine Zeta-Jones. This guide is here to help your through this important lifestyle choice.

The are many factors to consider before you commit to any sexuality. Don’t get to hung upon on early physical attractions. Many young boys may find themselves fascinated with firm, pouting breasts. If you are one of those boys or men, dont worry. Sexuality is just a lifestyle, and if you choose gay, Heidi Klum won't affect you any more. One simple choice, and you'll be drooling all over Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and his firm, tightly packed buns.

Second, don't assume that your lifestyle choice will necessarily limit your career choices. You can be straight and still become an interior decorator. It's harder, but you can do it if you persevere. Same thing with a hairdresser. An interest in sports shouldn't exclude you from homosexuality, just look at the career of Olympic gold medalist Greg Louganis. Similarly, choosing gay won't keep you from a life of religious service. The Catholic church is particularly welcoming of gay clergy, and recent scandals indicate even fundamentalist churches employ gay pastors. We have prepared a little checklist to help you make that crucial lifestyle decision. Just go through the questionnaire, add up your scores and you’ll know what sexuality is right for you.

Do you want to get married? If so you should choose heterosexuality. (Unless you live in Massachusetts or California)

Do you want to have children? If so you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you want to wear fabulous clothing? If so you should choose homosexuality.

Are fabulous blow jobs important to you? If so, you should choose homosexuality.

Do you want to be a national politician? If so you should choose heterosexuality. (unless you live in Massachusetts)

Do you want to live in a trailer park? If so, you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you like to look at people in leather? Actually, this is a trick question. Both men and women can look good in leather. So you don't have to decide on this point, you naughty boy.

Do you like to talk about your feelings, particularly with women? If so you should choose homosexuality.

Do you love country music? If so you should choose heterosexuality

Do you like Ska and world music? If so you should choose homosexuality.

Do you like to play beach volleyball? If so, you should choose homosexuality

Do you like NASCAR? Then you should choose heterosexuality. Unless your favorite driver is Jeff Gordon. Then you should opt for homosexuality.

Do you think John Ashcroft is a great singer? If so, you should definitely choose heterosexuality.

Do you like magazines about cars and adventures? If so you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you want to sing the blues about cheating, no good women? Then you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you like to read poetry? If so you should choose homosexuality.

Do you like to keep fit through jogging and low impact aerobics? Then you should choose homosexuality.

Do you like to like to lift weights and show off your immense, bulging muscles? Then you should choose homosexuality.

Do you say the heck with my body? Then you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you want to chew tobacco? Then you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you collect Nazi memorabilia? Then you should choose heterosexuality.

Do you collect SS uniforms? Then you should choose homosexuality.

Do you want to burn for all eternity in the deepest fires of Hell? If so, you should choose homosexuality.

See how easy it is to choose the sexual preference right for you! Just total up your scores and see where you end up. The score will tell you whether you prefer Kirsten Dunst or Tobey Maguire. If you get a tie score, consider bisexuality. After all, it worked for David Bowie.

interrobang has suggested that Carson Kressley might not be the hunkiest purveyor of culture to the style-challenged straight man like myself. He suggests that Kyan Douglas and Jai Rodriguez are much more likely to peg the hunk-o-meter.

A humorous concept used self-deprecatingly by many queers to name a stereotype that gay people — especially gay men — are unpunctual or, as those who commit this sin prefer to say, "fashionably late"; and that gay events somehow always begin no earlier than fifteen minutes after the published starting time.

"Miss Thing must be running on Gay Standard Time," Steve said as he checked his Prada watch for the sixty-ninth time, sighing with frustration over the typical behavior of his gym buddy, Bruce, already 25 minutes late for their pre-circuit party dinner engagement.

"GST Hour" was the former name of a weekly radio program featured on CFBU, 103.7 FM, from St. Catherines, Ontario. The program's name has since been changed to "Fruits n Friends." The program features talk and music for and about the GLBT community.

Named parallels for this concept in other communities, cultures or subcultures have been observed in print or in use online

• Africana.com notes that in Africa, the concept goes by the general term "African Standard Time," but also with the more specific variations of "Nigerian Standard Time," "Kenyan Standard Time," "Namibian Standard Time," etc.
• "Anarchist Standard Time"
• "Asian Standard Time"
• "Bahamian Time"
• "Black Time" (BT) or "Colored People's Time" (CPT); there have been a play, by playwright Leslie Lee, and a television news program both named Colored People's Time.
• "Indian Time"
• "Jamaican Time"
• "Pagan Standard Time"
• "Queer Standard Time" (as the word "gay" itself increasingly is supplanted by the word "queer")

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Thanks to these noders for pointing out the following additions:

• Dragoon, for "Anarchist Standard Time"
• Dutchess, for "Bahamian Time" and "Jamaican Time"

In Ancient Greece, homosexual love was not only accepted but many also held it in high regard. Even more extreme, Plato's speakers in the Symposium held love between men as higher than any other form as it was love between equals; men were held to be on a moral and intellectual plane higher than women. One of the most extraordinary features of the period was the homosexualisation of myth. Included below is a list of some gay relationships of Greek myth.

Zeus and Ganymede
Zeus, king of the gods, fell in love with Ganymede, a beautiful youth, and carried him off to Mount Olympus to be his cupbearer and lover.

Apollo and Hyacinthus
Zeus's son Apollo, god of light and the sun, had a beautiful young lover called Hyacinthus. One day the two were practising throwing the discus when a rejected suitor, the wind-god Zephyrus catches the discus that Apollo has thrown and whirls it around so that it hits Hyacinthus on the head and kills him. The first hyacinth flowers sprung from his blood.

Apollo and Cyparissus
Cyparissus was a young Greek boy, beloved by Apollo. He was the owner of a tame stag that he one day accidently killed. At Cyparissus's request, Apollo allowed him to mourn forever by transforming him into the cypress tree.

Achilles and Patroclus
Achilles, a hero of the Trojan War, had a lifetime lover and soulmate named Patroclus. When Achilles withdrew from the war in the tenth year over an argument, Patroclus continued to lead his troops. The death of Patroclus inspired Achilles to avenge his death and rejoin the war against Troy.

Heracles (or Hercules) and Hylas
Heracles, son of Zeus, found Hylas so beautiful that he carried him off to be his squire. They both joined Jason in his search for the Golden Fleece, until one day when Hylas is sent to draw water from a spring and is drowned by Nymphs. Heracles abandoned his mission to search for his lover.

Narcissus and Ameinias
According to the Boeotian legend, Ameinias was the victim of unrequited love for Narcissus. Narcissus gave him a sword as a present, which Ameinias used to commit suicide in front of his door.

Other figures
Other figures that had homosexual affairs include Orpheus ("the first man to love boys"), Boreas (god of the North Wind) and Thamyris.