user since
Sun Apr 15 2001 at 06:14:04 (23.3 years ago )
last seen
Wed Jul 17 2024 at 21:33:46 (41.1 minutes ago )
number of write-ups
222 - View C-Dawg's writeups (feed)
level / experience
16 (Panjandrum) / 13686
C!s spent
That is not a right, which obligates another
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The Photo Caption Section

I have a dream…

The Ephemeral Section

  • Okay, time to start this over again.I'm never going on another diet in my lfe. I'm not going to let food "solve" my problems anymore, since it doesn't, obviously. I've decided to use the occasion of Edward leaving the company to begin fixing a few things in my life, to avoid going on eating and other types of binges that would be my natural reaction.
  • C-Dawg's office chess record: 97 wins, 2 losses, 1 draw
    Current streak: 3 wins
    After 100 games, the board is getting a well-deserved rest

The "Legal" Section

All of my writeups on this site may be freely copied, provided attribution is included. (This does not apply to any homenode picture I use which is my property.)

Enjoyment of them, and sending of references to them to friends, is encouraged. :)

The Poetry Section

last crop disappoints
someday another spring comes
love blossoms again
metal from the earth
poison gas seeping from teeth
early death, some say

porcelain, inert
lies fallow in cavities
no more radio
held in his embrace
love conveyed in warmth and sighs
i have seen heaven
full moon's luminance
falls on him as well as me
still he seems so far
mars, never closer
ruddily illuminates
the chasm between us

gemini reminds
light years of separation
expose closeness

the stars, now long dead,
cast wisdom through time to me,
edward my dear friend
A Pretty Young Thing in a skirt
Or a handsome lad 'thout a shirt
  Draw my eyes from you
  For a second or two
But you still hold my heart, and it hurts
(Someday... One stanza done, don't hold your breath)
Warren Buffett
built the hugest tuffett
Value said he,
Value's the key

The Personal Section

Some adjectives that apply to me to some degree:

shy, libertarian, bisexual, overweight, agnostic, graying, lonely
How I create
Writing computer programs (in Python unless I just can't) (but I always can)
How I recreate
I play tennis. I play chess. I play backgammon. I play Terrace. I'll play idiotic card games with Nolan for hours. I read science fiction. I read libertarian philosophy or economic material. I watch movies. I do Everything -- too much. Now I play volleyball on Saturdays at East Beach, with Edward! And I geocache, too. October, 2002, I took up Yoga.
How I appear to
According to the various tests available at this website, I
  • am 86% male, 41% gay, and 16% a basta'd whatever any of that means....
  • will die on July 10, 2035, at the age of 74. While they assign only a 5% chance to my dying at the hands(?) of wild animals, I'm encouraged that they give me 7 chances in 100 of dying from auto-fellatio. Since I can't even come close to engaging in that practice currently, this would seem to go along with a loss of weight and a gain of limberness :)
  • will have 2 female and 3 male sex partners before that fateful day, one of whom I'll be in love with. (I'd much prefer it be all of them.) They also insist that someone I know currently has an unknown-to-me desire to be one of those five. Hmmmmmmm. I know, it's not Nolan. <sigh>
According to the tests at the Tri-Counties Blood Bank, I'm an A+
If you feel the need to tell me something, I'm

The Everything2 Section

My username
The sobriquet C-Dawg was given me by a co-worker after we became good friends. I don't know what, if anything, it means (though my first name is Clarence), but I like hearing him say it!
My first writeup
Mendoza, Argentina
My first vote
Watching the disk defrag (+)
My first C! bestowed
Dog look of curiosity. And the attention received thereby garnered it votes that put it over 100 reputation!
Unfortunately, the author requested its deletion during a tiff with management. Bummer. It was a classic.
My 100th C! received
Memoir of a Well-Intentioned Man
My first node to reach 100 reputation
The car alarm problem, and how to solve it on June 2, 2004
The day I achieved 5000 XP
November 6, 2005
How I found Everything
A friend sent me a link to his writeup: Never coin a phrase if you can help it
Pseudonyms that I use in my writeups
Joanna 1 2 3 4 5 6
A psychologist I started visiting to try to put my life right, at the suggestion of a friend who thinks I have a need to fall in love only with people who are not available for life sharing.
Nolan 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
An incredible man whom I love dearly. I write his (real) name just to see it. I call his phone when I know he's not there, just to hear his voice say so. I sing to him when I'm alone. Or walking down the street. Well, I used to.
I know, I sound like I'm 14 years old...
I will never be the love of his life. Were all else perfect, the fact that I have a penis as does he somehow puts me out of contention.
Rebecca 1 2 3 4 5
A lovely waitress who won't go out with me. Unfortunately, she moved to Santa Maria, California, and I'll probably never see her again (or have such a good strawberry lemonade). But she came back! (and the lemonade is as good as ever.)
Edward 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
A very nice young man whose friendship I decided to actively seek out. It's going well so far....
We're friends! And officemates! Edward is fun, smart, thoughtful, beautiful, attentive, athletic, artistic, friendly, rational, polite, onychophagial, empathic... adorable!
Oh, I forgot: libertarian! (And now, Libertarian) Yea! What? Lovable's not there either? He is, almost unbearably so, and I do.
Most enigmatic aspect of my reception on E2:
The relative reputations of my writeups in black (48) and white (18)
My writing
My first multiply-C!'ed writeup
World Trade Center aftermath -- Geez, I didn't even write it...
They'll let anyone into Paradise -- This is mine
And my first multiply-C!'ed daylog: November 22, 2002
First day I had two separate writeups C!'ed
September 16, 2002. Thanks, WolfDaddy and TheBooBooKitty
First day I got two writeups C!'ed by the same noder
January 7, 2004. Thanks, wertperch
I've occasionally been deemed cooler than liquid nitrogen
Life cycle of one Dragonheart puppet
Memoir of a Well-Intentioned Man
Prosenoder's Cup 2003
This bridge that is my back
The Prisoner
Humane Society
April 28, 2002 (who knows why)
lepton number
A stitch in time saves nine
And I've occasionally been an XP whore
The Great E2 Fin de Siecle Fiction Challenge Everything Quests: The E2 Tourist Guide Everything Quests: Film Reviews Everything Quests: Games and Distractions
  • idiot I thought to do this a few days before the Quest was announced, but procrastination got the better of me (and got me a blessing!)
The Bookworm Turns: An Everything Literary Quest
Golden Trinkets
Thirty one. I keep them in a curio cabinet next to the fireplace.
(And four Silver ones.)
My fiction shelf
Far from Home and Hearth
All I ever wanted to be[3]
Bathing in mercury[1][3]
He'll never know what he's missing[2]
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion[2]
Memoir of a Well-Intentioned Man
Imperial Gesture
On the Death of a Partridge
A big decision
lepton number
A stitch in time saves nine
haphazardly chopped onions[4]
Fleet Indian
The Marriage Machine[1]
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
Bizmillah! We'll have to let them go
[1]Stories involving a marriage proposal. For some reason, two of them also include a bathtub.
[2]Stories where the narrator once had some strange disease.
[3]Stories that make me cry
[4]Stories that were inspired by nodeshells, but which took me so long to write that the shell was deleted before I submitted it. Twice!
La Cinema C-Dawg
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
The Day of the Dolphin
Return to me
Ashtanga, NY
The Jack Bull
The Shoes of the Fisherman
First writeup of mine (that I know of) that replaced all of its predecessors
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
Unsolicited advice for noders

Worried about your XP number? I used to be, too. And once I achieved level 2, I enjoyed the occasional XP increment, and the five I got almost every day upon casting my tenth vote. Then they added the Decline XP from voting option. I gave it a try, and it was instant peace of mind! I no longer worry about XP. (I do worry about reputation, though; I'm not to the point where a downvote doesn't hurt.)

Now I won't claim that I wasn't glad that my voting (and my writing) had gotten me to level three before that option became available. I don't know that I would have the fortitude to turn it off if I were at level two. But I urge you to consider taking the plunge. If you worry about XP, I think you'll be glad you did! (And hopefully you won't worry too much as you see names passing you on their way up the Other Users list....)

And a warning (if you care):

There is a 99.9165126% chance that I will downvote any writeup with the word "fuck" or "shit" in the title, unless it's a superb factual.

Have you gotten a terse or cryptic /msg from me?

Sorry if it seemed brusque. It was full of well-meant corrections of spelling or grammar, and perhaps general comments. Here is how to interpret it:

The form is usually Pn: x1 -> y1, x2 -> y2;
For example, P3: seperate -> separate
This means that in paragraph three, the word seperate should be separate. In a long writeup, the paragraph number might be negative; e.g., P-2. This means the second paragraph from the end. If it's really long, I'll try to avoid making both of us count paragraphs, by identifying the paragraph with its first few words; e.g., P"In 1867". If the faulty item is more than one word, or the fault is an omission, I'll enclose it in quotes. E.g., P5: "none the" -> "none of the"

I hope that helps, and don't take it personally! Also, feel free to /msg me with an acknowledgement, but feel free not to also. One thing you shouldn't do though: tell me you've fixed it when you haven't! I sometimes audit the results, and this may result in a rain of downvotes...

These subjects have not yet been noded (or have only a disappointing treatment). Isn't that amazing? Will you help remedy this? An asterisk indicates that I have a writeup containing a link to the given title, and it is feeling very unfulfilled.
The Time Tunnel
How to retrieve a ring from a drain
Buddy L
George C. Scott *
Paul Sorvino *
Armand Assante
Value investing
Childhood's End
Chumash (the Indians)
I'm now a CNoder! So here are my C nodes:
 |                          !                                    
 |              !                                                
 |                !                                              
 |                                     D                         
 |   !                D                                          
 |       !                          !                            
 | O                        d       !  d      !        !         
 |  ! !!       !    d                        d                   
 |                      d             d !                        
15     !            O!!         ! !      d  O  D                 
 |                    O                         d!    D   d      
 |        O  !  O  ddO  ! ! O   !     !              O   O       
 | 1!        O  O  !        O  !  d OO O   O      O              
 |    O O !    !O!!!          !        !d   O     O !   O  ! O   
 |  !OO       d      O   OO  O                       O O   d   C 
0+-OO-O----------------------O--O--d----O-O----------------------> April 6, 2002
  • oenone says as we came back from court of two sisters, i remember you being enveloped in the crowd i'd grown accustomed to. as we ventured back to templeton's i was secretly amused that coincidence had you going the same way. i said something once there, along the lines of 'hey--isn't that the fellow from the stop by the coffee shop?' i was then reminded 'blah blah blah clarence blah blah blah'. you so do not look the part of c-dawg...
  • rp says writeups like your A Flirtation with Flirting are the first reason i'm here. excellent reading! more! more!
  • campion says "Vice President for the Annihilation of Good Ideas" made me laugh out loud in the library - well done!
  • raisinbran says "heaped with whipped cream (the shake, not the waiter)" made me laugh out loud for a couple minutes, thanks ;)
  • WolfDaddy says Ah, grasshopper, you bask in the light of the gel. It is good.
  • dannye says Bravo, sir (or madam). Very well done. Well done, indeed. There's 25 extra votes to go w/ the C!.
  • Cletus the Foetus says You self serving little.... Why I oughtta.... Wait a sec, this is good....
  • Chihuahua Grub says You should be sent up the river for half of those puns. The other half you should be shot for.
  • dem bones says Why, Svaha wrote it that way, of course ... are you implying I made English mistake? THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE!
  • dannye, in an solicited opinion, says ...It sounds like rambling bullshit. (Honest enough?) Honesty's what I'm looking for -- ed
    and later,
    The only problem I have w/ Unrequited love now is the formatting
  • Gritchka says re: They'll let anyone into Paradise: oh my god *laughs* *cries*
  • Chras4 says WOO-HOO!!! my very own PSC!!! I love it....thanks! :)
  • vuo says It's cool how you help
  • factgirl says It takes a man of substance to admit he didnt grill but instead did the dishes!
  • Ouroboros says ...Thank you very much. Close readings are always appreciated
  • Glowing Fish says Corrections noted and made. Thank you. And, dawg -> dog /me laughed heartily
  • eponymous says Your take on You have to watch out for the quiet ones is twisted and sick. I love it!
  • dannye says You're the world's best spell checker. Thanks.
  • RainDropUp says Thanks for nailing these errors. ... Even more proof that some of my voters and chingers don't read the entirety of each writeup
  • weasello says re July 7, 2002 (person): You sound like a "Super!" person. Hikes.. geocaching... movies... E2... Wish I knew you :)
  • ^Davion^ says Your noding is of the highest standard. One day, I hope to be able to rival you...
  • panamaus says ... I've always suspected that you're not like most people, Clarence. ...
  • Pessimistic Views says Aag. Rereading your w/u gives me a headache. I'm confused all over again. Thanks for the experience...again.
  • In response to the line "Want to make some? I knew you would" in Tiger Bites, I /msg'ed LaggedyAnne: "No, I want you to make them and bring them to me"
    LaggedyAnne says What do I look like? I mean, okay
  • dg says re La Super-Rica Taqueria: excellent writeup, except that now I'm hungry for some real Mexican.
  • sneff says You are indeed a funny one - swooping in and picking off the errors like some learned raven - only to fly off just as quickly
  • momomom says Enjoying thumbing back through your day logs this morning but must quit soon and get to work. ... Your w/us speak to me, I feel compelled to answer
  • In some sage advice from on high, panamaus says The heart wants what it wants. But you can't always get what you want. Mick Jagger said so.
  • doyle says I must thank you--only you and dannye have offered constructive stuff since I started
  • doyle also says people like you and dannye do the nity-gritty work that makes posting here worthwhile
  • Okay, that's enough of that, doyle :)
  • RainnStarr says Thanks C-Dawg. Kind words mean more to me than anything here at E2. I love this place and the people in it. It's helped me through a lot of rough times.
  • Lometa says re All I ever wanted to be: oh, this is a wonderful story! Have you shared it with your dad? (Yes, I have — ed.)
  • Jetifi says Hey, this is really good.
  • izubachi says Excellent twist at the end of that
  • izubachi says Your short stories are charming … Going through your nodes was rewarding, thank you
  • No Springs says re Bathing in mercury: wow … great story … wow (Thanks! — ed.)
  • dannye says Forget the chings and the ed/cool. You get the much more prestigious honor of being a bookmark on my home node. That's reserved for the very special kids. Great story.
  • doyle says you're my fav editor, even if retired. :)
  • A noder says re All I ever wanted to be: You swine. You actually made me cry!
  • NotFabio says Wow... that was pedantic! Impressive! :-)
  • fuzzy and blue says re: This bridge that is my back: Your writeup kicked this node over into edcool territory
  • themanwho says re He'll never know what he's missing : I have rarely read a story that touched me so deeply: often, the seeds are planted too early and you reach the end and think "yep" I thought that would happen. Not in this case . It all fell together perfectly
  • Heitah says I'm in a java class right now at the high school and reading your metaclass article was very interesting and enlightening. I just wanted to thank you for writing it. (You're welcome. — ed.)
  • bane221 says re super: Regardless of my ignorance of this subject in general the node was a smooth read for a neophyte programmer
  • OldMiner says re Schwartzian Transform: Thanks for the clear explanation. I read the original wu under here, and due to my lack of experience with map, it made little sense. Your wu clarified everything, despite the fact that I don't know Python.
  • JavaBean says Why, thank you! My first C! I will treasure it.
  • doyle says You are amazingly consistently dead-on with language
  • dannye says I've always liked you C-Dawg. But don't put my picture on your home node or anything.
  • doyle says re situation: You are a romantic indeed.
Here are the ones about my home node:
  • Randofu says Just so you know, reading your homenode -did- inspire bisexual phase, but not because I think you're going through it.... And I'm sorry about Nolan. :(
  • xerces says Nice homenode, btw - I Wish I'd remembered all the "first" stuff I did here :)
  • claypenny says I just read your main page and holy chessplayers Batman! You're simply all full of good things. Simply endearing in every way. /me thanks her, notes she's married
  • panamaus says Damn, your home node is so special. I am going to FORCE you to talk to me the next time we meet. YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE!
  • freshmint says I'd give you a game of chess, apart from the fact that I suck and all…
  • N-Wing says re your homenode chess game: my move would be to wait until your opponent leaves to go to the bathroom, then remove half their pieces
  • mofaha says Ok, here's a C! for your homenode: C!… It's interesting and seems honest and open.
  • flippet says I've just read the bit about automatic bowling in your homenode... now I have to clean coke off my keyboard. Very good!
  • Byzantine says re yr hn pic, happy is yar
  • HenryBok says I have read your homenode. It made me smile. Specially the two cuties in the picture.
  • GrouchyOldMan says Dammit Dawgy you are the total bomb! I've worked with a buncha eds in my day, but you rawk!
  • Cool Beans says Kudos C-Dawg! Great homepage. WD
  • XWiz says I like your homenode caption.
And right out in front of God and everyone
  • ;<taschenrechner> Uhhh, Jesus Christ! OK, C-Dawg wins. That is just plain nasty. Peppermint Schnapps alone is bad enough. That is peppermint schnapps with milk.
  • <C-Dawg> Hey, Bulgaria's been liberated? Why didn't anyone tell me?
    <Impartial> We were going to, C-Dawg, but you were asleep and you just looked so darn cute.
    <PaladinZ> hey c-dawg... bulgaria's been liberated
    <PaladinZ> oh, dammit, you already found out i guess
    <DyRE> bulgarian liberation is the kinda thing that just sneaks up on you
  • The day I made the gods smile:
    <dannye> I thought all bowling alleys were automated these days?
    <C-Dawg> No, dannye, here in Santa Barbara you still have to throw a ball at the damned pins to get them to fall over
    This resulted in two simultaneous /msg's
    dannye says That made me laugh. Thanks.
    dem bones says That was pretty funny.
  • DrSeudo says Don't blame me, I voted for C-Dawg
  • <C-Dawg> The purpose of life is to find a person you love, and hope you'll still know them after you die
    <dannye> That's lovely, C-Dawg. Hopelessly romantic and useless. But just beautiful.
    <boi_toi> C-Dawg++
  • <XWiz> C-Dawg are you aware that I find you interesting for very little reason at all? That's e2 for ya...
    <doyle> I find him interesting as well, but there are plenty of reasons.
    <C-Dawg> X: The people who have reasons generally don't find me interesting at all :)
    <XWiz> Oh, I have my reasons. I was just being coy.

Things to write about some day

You're not part of the family
John C. Lilly (delegated to Yurei)
Knapp's Castle — The lesson is, sit around long enough and someone will do it for you. But feel ashamed when they do.
The libertarian philosophy can be summarized in 4 words: I, Me, My, Mine
Note: That node is no longer there! Will I do anything about it?
Only Nixon could go to China
I used to think there was an obvious interpretation of this, but then I thought of another one, so I may not do this after all.
The Tenth Man
Leonard E. Read
I, Pencil We've got a good First Amendment case
Albert Jay Nock
The Jack Bull (Michael Kohlhaas)
James Belushi


I used to use my Personal Nodelet to save links to writeups that I wanted to vote on, while I was temporarily voteless. However, it has a quite limited capacity, and I was told that it puts more load on the server if you fill up your P.N. (I'm not sure that's really true, because every time you visit a node, the server has to check whether you've bookmarked it so it knows whether to add a bookmark! link.) I didn't want to use my bookmark list, because I wanted visitors to my homenode to be able to surmise that my bookmarks carried at least a modicum of endorsement, while the writeups pending my vote may be among the best or the worst, IMHO.

I tried bookmarking a nodeshell I created with a title that indicated it was there to serve merely to separate my bookmark list into those two parts. I then found that newly added bookmarks seem to be randomly added at the top or at the bottom of the bookmark list (or even in the middle, I just noticed), so that didn't work.
Update: JerboaKolinowski informs me that the bookmark list is ordered by the node ids, which makes them not random but still not suitable to my purpose :(
Update 2: JerboaKolinowski tells me today that the list is certainly not ordered by node id, nor by any other attribute discernible to a reasonable man (sic). Indeed, there was a bit of a fuss a few months back when the ordering changed...

So, be aware that C-Dawg does not warrant that the contents of this bookmark list meet any particular standard of quality or fitness. If you want to glean hints about my character or personality, you'll have to make do with what's above, or read my writeups.