Summer Orientation Adventures at U of M
Starring kaytay

It all started three days ago…

Due to several factors including the climate and other miscellaneous and equally uncontrollable things, my orientation experience was slightly polluted. However, if one were to ignore the fact that it was over 100ºF in the dorms and humid as the depths of hell, I might be able to say I enjoyed myself. I met several amazing individuals, most of whom are smarter than me. This is not something I’m used to. Putting modesty aside for the moment, I know I am a very intelligent person. I’m not used to being in a place where other people my age are easily at or very close to, sometimes higher than, my level of understanding. I could get very used to this.

I woke up at four in the morning in order to drive the two and a half hours to Ann Arbor, MI from my hometown of Tulip World. Thanks to favorable driving conditions and a lack of fellow speed demons, I made it to my destination in record time. Driving east into the sunrise can be a challenge though. At times you are completely blinded and forced to slow down to about 100mph so as not to run into something without the knowledge of doing so. I was able to be patient. The sun is our friend, after all.

Upon arrival in , I was promptly lost. Despite my frequent visits over the past two years, I still cannot find my way around downtown without a map of some sort. I decided I needed to go right off of Liberty onto Division. Unfortunately I did not notice the large ONE WAY signs posted at the intersection. I turned straight into oncoming traffic.

I survived, obviously. My car did too. I simply pulled into the nearest driveway and got myself flipped about and facing the correct direction before a head-on collision could happen. Quick thinking on my part! I think I scared several drivers, though. More power to me. I am used to seeing people drive down River leaving downtown Holland in the wrong direction. As long as you’re free. And as long as there’s no police around.

I eventually found a safe route to the parking garage on Thompson and Division. Found a parking space on the fourth level and made my way over to South Quad. The line was not yet terrible, seeing as how I was exactly on time – 8am on the button. Waited in a few lines, learned what it meant to overheat, got some keys and an armload of booklets and papers, then headed up to my room to drop stuff off. I was on the fifth floor and a slave to the elevator. There was no way I would have used the stairs in that kind of heat. Just walking slowly was enough to make me lightheaded. My temperature tolerance is not the most impressive.

The orientation session I was a part of just happened to be during the last week of such things. The staff went with a Hawaiian theme to celebrate the ending of a long summer filled with freshmen and dorm living. It was cute.

Metse, Jessica, Steve, Adam and Katie were our student leaders. All were very polite most of the time. They led us through the boring rituals that they enjoyed even less than we did after having to perform them for months already. Somehow their enthusiasm managed to rival that of the arriving new students despite the heat. I suspect they were excited to finish with their duties.

We did the usual tour, icebreakers, and miscellaneous activities that included wonderful leftover summer dorm food and walking through a fountain. We were granted a night of freedom starting at 9:30 in the evening. I gathered the friends I had made and we paraded down the street towards the movie theatre and Ben & Jerry’s. On the way there we ran into quite a commotion involving seven police cars and several canine units. Being the inquisitive young students we are, we walked straight into the middle of it in hopes of finding out what was happening. We were asked to leave before learning much of anything, sadly enough. A nice woman officer asked us rather abruptly to cross the street and “carry on.”

Out of 115 orientation kids, I managed to find myself sitting next to the one who had recently been released from the hospital after having been there for a year. She had had heart failure thanks to an old friend of mine. She carried pictures in her purse of herself at seventy-five pounds, and eagerly displayed them to any who asked. I told her I had been in the same situation, to which she immediately became curious as to how much I weighed upon admission to the hospital. I told her. She stopped smiling after that.

The rest of the three days consisted of her approaching me to talk about how terribly sick she had been, how she absolutely loved to get up and run at five in the morning every day, how she worshipped diet coke and how many laxatives she had been in the habit of taking each day. I told her I have been recovered for two years and counting, with minor relapses amounting to nothing but a stronger will to stay healthy. I don’t think she understood I word I was saying.

The rest of the orientation activities were of no consequence. I registered for classes that were not my first choice, but I was not expecting to get into everything I wanted. I am second on the wait list to get into Japanese I. I also registered for French 231, the only french class that fit into my schedule. When the year starts, I’ll ask the prof about transferring into something a little more on my level. If it’s not possible, than I shall simply have an incredibly easy A to boost my soon-to-come GPA.

The entire orientation experience was worthwhile. I met so many nice people, with only a few exceptions. While I was walking past the Union one night, I saw a little girl sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. I recognized her from my orientation group, so I sat down with her and some other kids. She has alopecia universalis and is so incredibly not concerned with it that I find her to be absolutely charming. After half an hour of sitting (baking) on the sidewalk, she and I were in the habit of informing all those who passed of the fact that she was sitting in the middle of the street on her perch on the floor, and later that she was a little sprite that flits sitting in the middle of the street on her perch on the floor. This all arose from the fact that she is taking organic chemistry her first semester (she’ll be going into pre-med) and has not been too keen on developing her english usage skills. Nonetheless, it was an exciting evening.

Another girl I met, named Sharifa, is from Atlanta, GA. She has a full ride scholarship based on her abilities in the long jump and hurdle events. She’s very sweet, very strong, and very excited to be at Michigan. A lot of the other people I met are from New York, paying their hefty $30,000 per year to attend the most expensive state-supported school in the entire United States of America. What an accomplishment.

Happy twenty-second anniversary to my parents.

"You were always so far away, I know that pain.." Alice In Chains
My head is reeling with the words flashed in the third email from her today. I wrote back a brief reply, but shock kept me from expanding..spent the next hour downloading 200 megs of The Cure songs to satisfy my loneliness.

What can I say baby, you know the wheel you walk upon.

I can only listen to my sad songs and wonder.

I chose my wheel that I walk upon, cast aside my tribe, and did so knowing I'd never be able to return to my old life.
Remember the book you lent me?

You will always dance in my heart, Digo.

"paying debt to karma, you party for a living, what you take won't kill you, but careful what you're given" Depeche Mode

7:20 AM Morning finds me bleary eyed and empty. Had to share the fact that my roommate had his mattress delivered at 1:20am this morning. I had no idea they even would deliver at that unholy hour, but welcome to New York. Who am I to complain, he had to be a work at 6 AM. (evil smirk) The wonders of civilization. His thai girlfriend Yusa is coming this weekend, bringing presents for the house from Bangkock. I requested a load of silk shirts. She's trying to get Randy to come visit her homeland sometime soon. Her brother is the Thai equivilant to yakuza there,(if anyone knows the name for that, tell me, do something productive rather that just downvoting me, you bastards); so he's kind of nervous about going, but we've come to the conclusion that she's picked him as her ticket to citizenship here. One hour in her company, and I think anyone would jump at the chance..Randy actually called the local college in order to get her papers to get a student visa, to at least get her over here. I hope it works out, this girl is amazing.

Speaking of downvoters, I was considering this as I was listening to the sounds of deliverymen unwrapping the bed at 1:20am. My opinion on down voting is as such: Remember in Terry Pratchets "Good Omens", where Crawely gloats about the ripples of evil derived from one telemarketers call? Think- you downvote a user, with no explanation, she/he cuts someone off on the way to work. That person, who was cut off, goes to a gas station and is rude to the filling boy. Who, in turn, takes out his anger on the next person to get gas by promptly short filling the next person to fill up. Two hours later, that person runs out of gas in a violent neighborhood, and they get shot for their wallet. So yes, down voting can lead to death. Think about it. (that's why I avoid such voting practices; my karma keeps me up at night)


Today I finished reading a book that Joanna gave me last week, called When Food Is Love.

After spending about a month a while ago reading Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, and doing the self-hypnosis exercises, and the writing a letter to yourself with your non-dominant hand, and not finding any great traumas or even any ungrieved pain from my childhood lurking within me, I wasn't pleased to see this new book start right in on its thesis that compulsive overeating is generally hiding a fear of intimacy, a feeling that one is not worthy of being loved, stemming from the experiences of being beaten, raped, and abandoned as a child. (run-on sentence) I had gotten enough of that from the first book.

While various things in the book did strike a chord with me, like the fact that my compulsive eating occurs when I'm alone, and possibly depressed (or even angry at someone), and that there is a feeling that things would be better in my life if I weighed considerably less, I'm just not seeing the underlying reasons for these things that these books suggest.

While I acknowledge that these people have long studied these things, and claim therapeutic success, and thus substantiation, for their theories, and I don't want to sound arrogant by naysaying them without any evidence to refute them, the possibility is never lost on me that perhaps they're just quacks.

This all came about because my bad self-image based on my weight came up during the conversation, which I hadn't brought up with her before. She had the gall to say that I'm not fat. I don't understand why people feel the need to say that to people who know perfectly well that they are fat. Sure, I see people every day who are fatter than I am, and I see people ever day less so, and people who are not overweight at all. And some of those fat people are full of self-love, and some of self-loathing; how overweight they are, and how they feel about that, are not relevant to my weight and my feelings. And I'm not deluding myself that I need to lose three hundred pounds; I'm simply being honest with myself, on this issue anyway; and I'm the one who sees me naked in the mirror every day. I know I'm fat, and I wish people (funny how they're usually the nicely slender ones) would stop insisting that I'm not.

In case you're wondering, I'm:
5 feet, 9 inches tall
220 pounds

It being August 8 currently in the Pacific Time Zone, I'll wish my brother Jeff a Happy 44th Birthday, wherever he is.

Up until 7pm, I was having a very benign day, washed my car, dusted the sunroom and went biking for an hour and a half(during the 100+ humidity/temperature I might add). BUT, while tweaking my printer cable at 7:08, I got a call from netpsuedo asking me if I like softball. I don't. In fact I abhor it; however the all-girls team softball game he was watching was short a person and I was feeling generous so I went and played a few innings with 8 other girls I have never met before in my life. And it was fun. I even managed to hit the ball the one time I batted, not to mention making it to first base. The game, however, was halted at the fifth inning due to some bizarre rule. So I went home.

Shortly after arriving home(once again messing around with my parallel port), I got a call from my friend Anna. Shenanigans involving seven layer salad and yummy rum punch with strawberries were underfoot, and the group had unanimously agreed my casa was by far the best place to have the salad and punch creatory party.

About an hour later, Casey, Tom, Anna, and Jesus Joe arrived. Casey came bearing toys; rubber chickens(not one, but two!), squirt guns, one of those weird watery tube things that look fairly revolting when someone else is playing with it, but dang it's fun when you have it, a moon mask and water balloons to name a few.

As the night progressed, chaos ensued. We had a thorough discussion on co-landera, the people who arrive with you on an unfamiliar shore, and how Lois and Clark were not co-landers even though they crossed several bodies of water. From this conversation we spawned a discussion on the overall importance of being first in a pair of names(can Ben be declared more important than Jerry? And what ofJay and Silent Bob?) But inevitably, as things always end, there were mass maulings of the people assembled(Lindsey, Heather and Brian showed up later too) using the weird ass water tube toy.

And it was good.

"But the whales are dying!"

"I'm gonna burst it!"

"We hid things for you to find...just like Easter...Hey! I'm the Easter Bunny!"

About the current state of the Internet and the temporary loss of Cow Of Doom's e2 node tracker:

In recent weeks the code red worm and its second version have been spreading horribly amongst cable modem users in particular. The worm only affects Microsoft IIS web servers. It propagates over port 80 (http), naturally. Internet service providers have been in a bind as to how to fix the problem, and AT&T/MediaOne has decided on a rather brute-force temporary solution. A few days they decided to block all incoming port 80 connections to all their customers.

In effect this prevents any more IIS servers from getting infected and cuts down on gook traffic beng thrown into the system. It also prevents ALL personal web servers from being accessed by the outside world. Personally I run a LinuxPPC/Apache server at and I'm pretty ticked at them right now, because it isn't my fault that my co-users are irresponsible and ignorant about patching their systems, and Microsoft isn't putting out secure software.

Also a couple days ago, I noticed that I couldn't visit Cow Of Doom's invaluable e2 node tracker at . I attributed this to random burps of the system, but right after coming from slashdot, where I ranted about my predicament, I noticed in the catbox someone was unable to reach the tracker. I had a small epiphany and ran a nslookup, and sure enough, the cow of doom domain is under I recalled the server also has a http-secure port active, and I tried that. Sure works! It isn't configured right, and gives out bad certificates or something, but you can track your nodes. So here's the address to track your nodes:

Here's a bit I posted on slashdot: A couple days ago AT&T (formerly MediaOne) blocked port 80 here in Mpls./St. Paul. I instant messaged with a tech guy last night and he was less than friendly about it, considering how I was in such a good mood. Also, somewhere along the line they fsck'ed up and blocked from me. Some URL port filtering message came up, which wasn't cool because I couldn't remember the tech support email address. Here's some choice transcripts:

Tech: What sort of problems are you having?
Me: well, i'm running a Linux/Apache server which I know is immune... and I read on slashdot that you guys blocked off all port 80 incoming connections, so my server can't be reached by anyone, which annoys me and I'm wondering if there's any way to get things open again. i was just wondering if i could get unblocked.
tech: At this time AT&T will continue to block the port until they can find a more permanent solution to the problem.
Me: also, you should know that a lot of official mediaone sites are blocked as well Tech: Which ones?
Me: example: and its related sub-domains
Tech: I will escalate the issue about blocking the sites. But as for the port blocking, we cannot unblock them as of now.
Me: ugh... there's nothing in my User Agreement about port blocking... i'd suspect someone in a worse mood than me would get in your face about that
Tech: Try looking at Section 10.9.
I didn't have the user agreement on hand so I gave up. Just now I dug it out and I feel misled.
Me: oh darn

So I dug out this 10.9 thing which he speaks of.
Section 10.9: You agree that AT&T and ServiceCo shall have the right to take any action that either AT&T Broadband or ServiceCo deems appropriate to protect the Road Runner service, its facilities and equipment.

Frankly blocking my server isn't an action which protects the Road Runner facilities, service or equipment. In fact since my connection is a 2-way modem, it is harming the service. I understand the problems they are having, but a blanket blocking isn't the way to go on this. I have taken all appropriate security measures on my web server, and my service is being penalized by other users' failure to do so.

All in all, what a bunch of garbage. I am not happy about this. I guess tomorrow I will figure out some kind of workaround so people can see my site has not shut down permanently.

what i did (or didn't do) on August 8, 2001
  • managed to email everyone apart from rob and beany. Claire has invited me to Cork
  • Sent the CV to Edinburgh, looks like I might be called for interview.
  • Sent the CV to several recrutment people, shall see what happens
  • Downloaded MySQL now just need to install it.
All in all yesterday was a fantastically succsesfull day.

things to do today

  • clear another 20 emails from my inbox, reduce the number to 40
  • decide where to go for the weekend
  • tidy my house
  • meet catherine for lunch
  • purchase some outdoor equipment, socks and either a sleeping bag or some walking waterproofs and walking trousers. Some dubbin for my boots.
  • start writing my e2 poem

10:00 am As he covertly slips the text editor window out from under the data entry window to do a bit of noding with, ah ha! yesterday was a good day, i just heard the Edinburgh have recieved my CV, phew!. The girl that I met last weekend has casualy suggested that i could visit her in Cork this weekend, this leads to mixed feelings, no it dosen't but this seems more serious, slightly so, than any oher involvement I have had since breaking up with my previous gf and I expect that I shall have to tell the ex, with whoom I am on good terms with, that is at the moment. Ahh life.

I am still playing with a format for these daylog things, how do you like this format people?

I discovered this morning the node tracker, my god I had imagined making something exactly the same about two months ago, it's brilliant, it makes me realise ho mediocre most of my nodes are, puts m to shame. I would love to be able to see the profiles of other noders, just for fun. must node better !

Reading one of junkpile's nodes yesterday, about an E2 gathering in Ohio, my god this is an amazing place, inspired me to write a poem about it, the beginnings rooted in the wounderfull disorder that is e2, the result shall proabably be too long for a node, but i'm going to try anyway, begin today, allways begin things today, thats a good maxim.

Last night I got home early but failed to tidy my house, it's sitting there around me, it needs attention and i sat at home with it neglected while i kept company n the phone, either i was too tired or slightly depressed about dealing with it, must have mre resolve to deal with it. You see it is not in a bad condition, but since I inherited it from my grandmother in February I have not made the effort to make the house mine, it is still her house and I am surropunded by all the things that remind me of her, perhaps this job in Edinburgh (if I get it) will provide me with an easy escape. Ahh if I had the money to redecorate, I tell myself, so there I am resolved this is importsnt, I shall go home tonight and begin the easy task of gently taking down the ornaments.

and so on with my day.

19:20 yay yay yay, I am definitly going to Cork tommorrow. I have just bought a new pair of socks for hiking in, and a nice capaline top for the same reason.

Just met my old friend Ken, he said he would check out the site, so if you are reading this, a big hello to Ken !, the conversation in the gallery got very bizzare and my tiredness caught up with me, time to leave. So I stooped on my way home in an internet cafe to see if claire emailed me and she did, and now I have 16 minuites of paid time to play with, hence this. I began the everythin2 poem today, it might be finished by september, or by the end of next week when i finish my data entry job, we shall have to see. The two important things left to do today are to to pack for the weekend and to tidy my house, my cousin lives upstairs from this place so i shall stop for some coffee before wandering home.

Oh one other thing, after seeing the node tracker I have vowed to purge my worst nodes, in my mind this does not mean ridding them because they are unpopular but simple rereading them and asking two questions, firstly do they contribute something of worth to e2, it seems many of my eary wu's were simply vacuous quips with little or no content or context, bye bye to those. secondly if they do have value are they presented in a manner that agrees with the etiquette of e2, i.e. where appropriate correct spellin, correct hardlinking, linking at all. I am greviously in conflict with some of these norms and it seems only polite to fix such mistakes where the effort to do so is minimal.



Last night's dream got me a bit down in the morning. Sometimes it can be bad to have extremely captivating emotional dreams, because once you wake up you realize things like that could never happen to you in real life. The initial good mood you have after waking up is quickly replaced with disappointment upon remembering you are still the same loser you were a day before.
I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me? That my self image should be better? Or that I am in denial and would deep down want to improve myself?


At least I've got a lot of time to ponder about such wannabe-insightful-crap, as I'm covered up to my neck with work that doesn't require any sort of brain activity whatsoever. In my last day log I described the deadline rush we're having, and since then it has only gotten worse. Yesterday I spent 11 hours at the office, desperately trying to put together a hopeless project. Fortunately, at the moment it seems the worst is behind us. I am actually able to sit down and node a few lines.
Although I'm not the first one to jump in the let's-put-X-down-because-putting-them-down-is-l337 bandwagon, I guess some new media hype workers really do deserve to be scorned. (Notice I said "some". I'm practically one too.) Not being able to say much (NDA, you know) I still have to express my frustration towards certain people from a company we have been "cooperating" with. They have taken every measure possible to slow us down, and I can't even tell anymore whether it's due to intent or gross incompetence.
Oh well. If working in this firm for two years has taught me anything, it's that small jobs consisting only of you firm and a few client representatives = GOOD.

But that's enough negative stuff for one day. The first signs of autumn can already be seen outside, and the summer is slowly coming to an end. I doubt even the most hardcore Finnish summer fans can't complain about this one, although it is a proven fact that Finns only remember the rainy days of each summer. I myself can't wait to grab my camera and head to the Aulanko ridge to shoot some nice scenery shots when the leaves have turned into bright red and yellow. And since I am an "out" winter person, things can only get better after that.
Then again, it's still only August and it's +20°C outside. Maybe I shouldn't dance a merry jig to celebrate the death of summer just yet.

5 cigarrettes gone, my state of happiness gone, life is shit as I know it.

I woke up with my heart racing. I still don't understand why. For a good hour it was beating abnormally. No matter what I did to calm down, I couldn't calm myself. So I succumbed to it and laid back down to rest. I fell into another slumber for about 40-50 minutes and dreamt I had been fighting with my father again. I've been having several dreams like that.
I was feeling a bit odd when I awakened, so I went outside to have a cigarrette and it ended up becoming five. I can't understand why I feel so damned depressed. I just can't.

Everything feels so damned absurd.

Being online has lost it's touch and now bores me beyond belief. I can't stand the internet. But it's the only way I can talk to most of the people I know.
No one ever calls me when I'm home anymore. So i have almost no social interaction with anyone else unless I go fishing.
It's my last week of freedom and yet I can't seem to enjoy it. Whats wrong with me?
Been waiting for July for the last 2 hours, but apparently hes a no show.
I need to leave this place, I should run, see how far I get. Then again no one would notice I'm gone so what purpose would it serve?
Fuck it, fuck life, two more years of this shithole and I'm out.

I'm doing a daylog to note a major update of the Museum Metanode! If you know of a museum node that's not listed, please /msg me. There are major missing areas, including general museum-related topics, small local museums, African-American museums, European and Asian museums (none listed from Germany, Spain, China, Japan, etc. etc.!)...there are no museums listed in Africa (not even Egypt!) or South America...etc. etc.

I had another dream about a damaged tooth. Of course, I really *DO* have a tooth problem at the moment (wisdom tooth that won't give up). But at least I sent off for dental insurance last week. Oh, the joys of moving out.

Nihonmachi Street Fair this weekend. Yay! Mostly, though, I need to unpack, buy a microwave cart, buy a wok, and look for a Chinese conversation partner.

The weather in the Bay Area is beautiful.
Well, today a bomb went off in the center of town.

Smack dab in the middle of the downtown area, you could say. I wasn't there. I almost had gone there. There are dozens of dead and even more wounded. I was not one of them. Is this guilt? Probably just shock. The guilt will come later, I suppose. For today, my mind simply seems numb. A girl died today. She was bearly in her teens, went to school with my sister. I didn't know her at all, but her death still hammers at me. Do I want revenge? I don't know. Maybe I'll be able to answer that tomorrow. Perhaps I should go to bed now. Yes.

But you know what the best part is? There's another suicide bomber out there, They say. I wonder who he'll kill?

Probably me, I suppose.
It's not like I'm going to stay home. That's what the enemy wants me to do. That's what terrorism is meant to do. Since I can't do anything about the problem, I have no choice but to ignore it. Otherwise, I'll just become paralyzed. And I'm not going to give the bad guys what they want. Never.

I am pretty sure I will be leaving Israel in April I am getting sick of this country more and more by the day.

I love it here, and my kids will grow up here one day, I hope.

But I just have so much to see and do around the world.

I want to be everywhere, I want to do everything, and there is no reason I shouldn't try.

So I will be leaving Israel in April, into the big scary world.

Or I might just chicken out.

Today I slayed... slaid... have slain a dragon! OK, I admit it's hardly the first time someone, in some RPG somewhere, killed a dragon, but I can only say that it was cool. I think I'm taking Baldur's Gate II way too seriously, but hey, that makes it all the more fun. Yesterday I purged a temple of shadow, and lawful evil as I may be, it felt just so great. And don't get me even started on aerie... when she stopped talking to me after she died and got resurrected, I was so heartbroken I had to download ShadowKeeper and hack my way back into her good graces again ;) Seriously, it was just a bug involving temporarily leaving the party and romance dialog, but still... and once I discovered the power of save file editing, did I leave it to that? No! I went and tried what would have happened if I'd said "How could I refuse such a sweet offer?". But enough about that, I'm feeling like a weirdo.

School started this week. I went to have a first day of school after months of sleeping, coding, playing alpha centauri and eating. I barely survived it; 5 hours of swedish straight through? Can you imagine it? I didn't come back the next day. It was a voluntary course and I said "fuck the discipline" to myself. But the damn thing keeps coming back. I wonder how I'll survive next tuesday; that time I can't even wimp out.

But still, I can see there's a problem with me and any sort of self-discpline. Today I tried to work on my latest eternity project, an areena-type game. I wrote 5 lines of comment documenting a serializer class and just froze. I booted back to windows and played baldur's gate for the rest of the day. I'll warrant this sort of behaviour isn't going to be very useful for schoolwork, or job for that matter. A friend of mine went to university and accomplished next to nothing the first year, so awestruck by his liberty to sleep and do whatever he wanted all day. I'll have to think of something to avoid the same happening to me. If someone was reading this, I'd appreciate suggestions, though I suppose the only thing to do would be to kick myself in the ass and get a grip. Sigh.

I've been thinking about mass node jobs lately. I like to dump huge node lumps into E2 (probably because I have no a gift for prosaic writing style, nor the skill of writing right-to-the-point snippets (why am I suddenly reminded of WWWWolf?)), and have done so in the past. However, the reaction to them has generally negative, and I wonder. I have some 500 skill/spell help files form BatMUD waiting to be processed, hardlinked and autonoded with extras, but I hesitate. If my 50-writeup batches got a storm of downvotes and NFNs, what would those get? Nuke from the orbit? I could delegate the job to my secondary user, but I'd prefer doing it in my own name. Not for the levels (what good are levels? Honestly? Does anyone care about levels?), but for the name. I don't know about you but I like seeing my own name, which is mostly why I write these rants to the only area that's relatively safe from the noise-culling hand of the editors. That, and the fact that nothing happens in my life, so my daylogs have to be filled with rambles instead.

This is my first day log, and ive chosen a pretty intimate subject to display to the world, but oh well, here goes:
I recieved an email from a girl who i was going out with about 3 times a week at the beggining of the summer, but now im getting an email every two weeks. I find myself wondering how i got from there to here. As you may guess, it was decided that the relationship should go to just being friends, i have a chronic case of Just Friends Syndrome. We were both packing alot of baggage from our last relationships which both ended relatively near the beggining of ours. It was determined initially that this was going to be a casual thing, trying not to et too attached, however there was alot of chemistry between us and things quickly got out of hands. Then one day I think she must have reallized the mistake we had made, and reallized this wasnt going to be a casual thing after all if she didnt do something. So she did. I try to learn things from past relationships, granted my quantity of relationships is pretty low, this was my second half decent relationship, my first being a three year deal from the age of 15-18. I think looking back on it, the things i learned was whenever things are decided in a calm level headed mood, they should probably be stuck with over what you decide is best in a passionate situation. I also learned that what another friend has been telling me for a while is probably true; i have a tendancy to be a doormat. Not an attractive trait in a guy. Two decent lessons is enough for one 2 month relationship I suppose, im still sorting though the lessons learned from the 3 year one :)

This event better be The One That Ends It All, or I am going to look mighty silly.

The PR machine has revved up into fifth gear. About 4-6 weeks ago, I began calling reporters from the local newspaper in search of an article publicizing our fundraiser. In the meantime I created ads (not free) for other publications, customer cards, coupons, and bilingual flyers. Big honchos (honchas?) in the organization called on favors from friends and suddenly I'm getting free quarter-page ads in the said neewspaper. Our professional shmoozer talked up would-be sponsors and radio shows while I booked us on two local TV shows and got us a free shout out on a popular lunchtime radio broadcast.

But it gets better. A week and a half ago a reporter starts calling me and asking about what's going on. I give her the lines, along with handy phone numbers, statistics, and quips. This past Monday I get another call from a reporter with seniority who has taken the article via coup and wants all the same information. Grrr. But this reporter's a speedy one. She shows up the next day to interview us (the only day the president did not wear spandex to the office) and take a look-see around my humble abode. Wednesday brings her and a camera man. The Shmoozer just can't shut up, as usual, and her demonic laugh makes the hairs in my inner ear scream for mercy. I show them the sights and introduce them to Cecil, my associate manager. Back in the shoes, I show them pair after pair of designer label footwear. He snaps a few pictures, including one of me presenting shoes to the camera.

"It will be in the paper tomorrow," she tells me.

No kidding.

Today I flip to the bottom of the front page and, lo and behold, there's the headline on my quaint project. The best part of the article was that it was purely positive, an unusual sight today. After reading it one had a feeling that, while we were closing one way of helping people, we were beginning a new chapter of reaching out in new ways. Everyone at the office was ecstatic. We fielded at least 50 calls as a direct result of the article. My brother's co-workers were impressed, and my sister didn't notice until about 20 minutes ago.

But let us ask "why is this week so damn shweet?" This week is so damn shweet because I have sold almost $3300 of merchandise befor the sale between two people. We have a good business relationship with two local consignment shops. One of the owners rarely buys from us, but he does price our furs and leathers, as he is trained as a furrier. The other owner runs an upscale boutique consignment shop and is so sweet. She was ecstatic to discover that she arrived just a day after a limousine-load of very nice designer clothes had been priced and given to us (the mother-in-law of a member died and the family is in the liquor business. 'Nuff said). She was a flurry of dyed blonde hair exclaiming as she found one Chanel, Armani, and St. John suit after another, "I never get this quality of clothing consigned at my shop."

To which I replied, "That's because no one in their right mind would consign this to anyone."

We stopped to laugh and continued to giggle on every passing gem. We both knew that some people will only donate to this organization out of tradition and a great tax write-off. No matter, as this was a win-win situation.

Today my second buyer arrived, the owner of a local vintage consignment shop. Everything was going smoothly until two of our volunteers who thoroughly disagree on letting people shop before the sale arrived. My theory is that, 1), when you have so many items that no one will ever notice that anything is missing, and, 2), when you run the risk of being forced to sell the items at half price, selling some items before the sale is a great idea. However, one of the volunteers had a run-in with a sponsor that eventually led to the ruin of a corporate sponsorship, so I was still nervous.

I steered her around them and into the dressing room, where I had stored the vintage clothing. That was just the beginning.

After quickly collecting blasts from the past, we bravely headed out into the Sauna of No Relief, where she amassed great volumes of shoes, belts, housewares, hats, and other random items. By the time we finished the great search and then the research for the Amazing Madonna Belt and the Huge Jug, she was convinced that the two princesses had hid her precious belt, but I was sure that they had no interest from the gaudy relic from the 80's. Later we found it in the mess of her purchases. By the time I rang up her total and helped get everything out, it was later than 4:30 pm (we close at 4 pm) and I still had to fix The Voice Mail System In A Constant State of Snafu. I finally left at 6:30 pm. Nine and a half hours in a sickening warehouse with the Shmoozer, the Princess, and the nicer Purse Lady, and, best of all, Sylvia, Gwen, and Cecil. Gwen was up fr review, so I finished it up, had her read and sign it, and sent it off along with her hours.

What a day. And guess what? Tomorrow I'm going in on my day off because I am driven to not only get this baby off the ground, but to make it soar. More flying lessons will be held on Sunday when our best volunteer, Paul, and my favorite volunteer, Janet, come to jelp along with Janet's kids and the weird kid who drove Kate home from college.

I just can't get enough. It's like strichnine.

today was my best friend and future roommate's 19th birthday, and i was to busy to call her. and this is why.
i started the day early, getting my two-year-old charge dressed, changed, cleaned and fed...then hiking towards the bus stop, all the while pushing a stroller. the fold-up kind.

we get on the bus...she gets very excited. she likes busses. that is a good thing, we'll be doing a lot of bussing today. a transfer of busses and soon we find ourselves in white rock. while waiting for my bus-buddy, we stop and purchase a large box of doughnuts

which i eat the bulk of all by myself.

my chum arrives and we proceed to bus hop, picking busses and busstops completely at random, discovering yucky parts of surrey we never knew existed, smelling various kinds of vomit and being very careful that the twoyearold did noteat anything off the ground.

somehow we find ourselves in vancouver. we take a break from bussing to get water, and somehow manage to scurry around the city, complete with a wailing baby. (she wanted to ride a bus). she cheered up a little when we taught her to wade in the fountain at pacific centre and retrieve pennies. we finally find (bottled) water, and return to the skytrain.

dear sweet insanity, the skytrain is a busy place. we wait four trains until we finally get on, the stroller folded nicely and at the end of an unseen arm.. the baby in my arms, very uncomfortable, very cranky, very wet. the train is crammed fuller than on hockey night. we make it to surrey. alive.

so we get back to my place, return the baby, and wander off in search of entertainment. we find a concert in the park - some foursome of teenagers. pretty good. we lie on the grass, staring at the sky until the music ends, at which point we wander further, coming upon a fountain in the centre of the city of langley.

we go swimming. not wading, swimming. we get ourselves completely soaking wet and sing loudly along with the anti-loitering music. having made ourselves suitably wet, we wring out our clothes and walk, in the way of the soaking-wet underwear, to value village.

no one even looks at us funny as we spend an hour in value village, soaking wet and leaving puddles whereever we go. i buy a dress, my friend buys new shorts and new tshirt. value village kicks us out when it's time to close. we leave, and get changed in the parking lot.

walking back home in the hot night, i get my car. driving to white rock, we have the windows down and the music blaring. we get to her house, she changes yet again into a more formal outfit, and we pack up our tableclothes, flatware, candles and pet penguins, and have a very nice, very formal dinner with a few other friends at macdonalds.

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