BTW if you actually message me that, you will get the reply "A Duck". "

The above was taken from footprints' homenode

This is untrue

The reply you will receive is NOTHING like that... but you will have to /msg footprints yourself.

When questioned about this issue you will hear a sorry excuse and half assed self pity rant that goes something like this :

"oh, fuck, I'm an idiot. I completely forgot about that. I would have remembered if it was out of the blue, but it was just in the middle of a conversation, and I thought you were being serious. And all this time I was annoyed no one had said that to me, and I never got to say 'a duck', and then when someone does, I screw up. I should have listened to my mother. It sure as hell won't happen again"

You can't believe anyone these days...

So I guess I didn't realize it was illegal to make mistakes.

It bothers me a little... I try laugh and not let things get to me but I feel a little bit like I’m being ganged up on here. I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. Amber says some people are just jerks sometimes.

So why do I bother to keep writing? I don't know. You tell me. I guess I just like to write so much that I'm willing to try again, and I love doing anything that isn't work.

When will you like me?

Amber says, "Let's go to this fun e2 gathering. We can meet fellow e2 people and pick apples! Fun!" I like apples, but I'm a little cautious that people will continue to bash my spelling (honestly I know spelling is my worst subject. Such a poor English major I make huh?) - And on my birthday! Yes October 12th is my birthday and I live 2 hours from the location of the Michigan gathering and Amber wants to come home with me for the weekend. I do like apples, but I'm not sure how much I like people. Amber says they'll flip out about it being my birthday. They'll be super nice and fun. This is what she tells me and I hope for the best.

I understand why the rooster song is gone. It holds little relevance to anyone other than the few people I know who get a kick out of it. I guess things I cherish are usually not that important to the random stranger, but now I'm so cautious. Am I just a waste of time and space?

Today I mailed more letters and care packages (would you like one too?) and wrote a paper about a time when I realized something important about who I am as a person. This assignment is completely asinine in my opinion. They want me to know who I am so I can be a better teacher. So... a five page essay about that moment when I realized I could be independent(what a joke) is going to help me teach little Johnny how to add? I guess so!

Wondering why I give bad first impressions.

Wondering why people think I'm out to get them.

Wondering why television sucks tonight.

Wondering why I can't seem to hang on to this vegetarian thing.

Wondering why there's nothing better to do.

Yay! (Today was a good day)
Nothing made sense today. Including that sentence, it looks like it falls sort into the double negative category, but I can't find the other negative.

The most voting 'action' (that is good and bad) I have for nodes are all logs. Seems strange to me. So I decided that since today was nice, and hopefully worthy I'd node here. (self-referential noding!)

I learnt about E^2 = M^2 x C^4 + P^2 x C^2, and of course about positrons in physics. (Not of course, by listening to our supposed teacher but by reading books myself.)

I understand now why few independant films make it as feature films. The quality of the few scenes we have shot for 'papercut' is bad. This does not add to the effectiveness of the film.

Papercut is itself about the journey of a man in search of his other shoe. He falls into despair when he finds shreds of his shoe in a smoking crater. Dealers take advantage of his deranged state and offer him something to ease his pain. Filter papers. Happy now with his filter papers, he continues to live out his life until, he is addicted. His life is destroyed because of this addiction. At the height of this, he collapses, falling down, landing face first into... his missing shoe.

Truly this will be a triumph of film, and a very indepth foray into the human pysche.

Warning: This is damn long, deal with it...

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. For the first 17 years of my life I was miserable - completely. Nothing made me happy. Ever. Then about a year ago this week I met the most fantastic woman, and for the first time I could truly say that I was happy.

Sure, there had been points before where I had fun, but that was fleeting and hours later I'd be in hell again. She made me happy, completely and truly happy. Then come the following January (this year), she left me. The only thing that ever made me happy was taken from my life.

The past 8 months I've been living a lie. I put up a front of sarcastic contentness to hide my true feelings. I was and still am completely torn apart. Not one day goes by where I don't think of her, the only person I can honestly say I have truly ever loved.

Then last week, I ran into someone. A bunch of people and I were playing ultimate frisbee and I ran into this girl. She seemed extremely familiar, but I knew not why. I asked her what high school she went to and I'd never heard of the place so I figured it was coincidence. When she heard I went to TAMS, she asked if I knew Kristin, and my heart just about stopped as all expression left my face. This was her best friend, on the same campus as myself. I'm not saying that it bothered me that she was there - I'm not going to say I'm some dumb dramatist and her presence reminded me of Kristin and I couldn't handle it because that would be a total load of whiny bullshit.

We ended up talking for a while - mostly about Kristin and trying to figure out why the hell she broke up with me. In the hour or so that followed I learned things about my love that nearly tore me apart (problems with her family and personal issues). I have wanted nothing more since that moment to run to her, hold her, and console her. As much as I would like to do this however, I fear the consequences such actions would reap on her psyche. For that matter, I don't think she'd come out of her room to talk to me if I did show up.

I know she left me for personal reason, but I love her more than life itself and want nothing more right now than to be with her. Just to talk to her, hear her voice, see her face... I cannot tell if I am wasting my time. It would be wonderful if she wanted to be with me again, but if she doesn't it would only bring further pain. I drove to UNT last night to try and see her, but she was not home. I had purchased a graphic novel of "Oh My Goddess!" for her, knowing she's a huge fan of the series. I left it with a trusted friend to deliver for me. If nothing else, I just want her to be happy.

And if I don't end this now, it probably won't end. Good night.

To say she caught his eye, took his breath away, would be an understatement of the highest order. To describe her as a farm girl would be stereotyping, but with good reason - at least in this outfit.

He could not but help cast his eyes appraisingly over her, in a way he hoped was flattering - most likely not, but he tried, anyway.

Her complexion, gorgeously tanned, long shapely legs climbing up, bordered at the top by a thousand white frays of denim short - probably far too short for her own good, not that he would complain... fantastically sexy, even biased as he was towards legs.

Her red and white shirt set it off perfectly, tied expertly at the midriff, showing off a flat, exercised stomach and gently curving cleavage, somewhat emphasised by only the two buttons being used.

She looked up at him. Caught him looking at her.

The expression on his face could only be described as sheepish. But she smiled, warmly.

And he breathed again.

He smiled weakly back, and turned his head, only to have something catch his eye out of the periphery of his vision. Turning back, his eyes widened as he realised she was undoing the top button, leaving the shirt only held together by a single pearl and a knot.

She took a step toward him, holding out her hand.

"Aren't you going to say hello?"

And, inside him, two sides fought a battle.

One keeping him shy, quiet, a little nervous.

And the other wanting to take her away and do a hell of a lot more than say hello.

With a little struggle, his eyes held hers, despite the enticement of her breasts just a foot below. He introduced himself.

She smiled. Kissed his cheek. Took his hand, turned on her heel, and lead him away. Just like that.

I was so impressed by the music of John Williams, it's overwhelming - if there is a record store in your neighbourhood, go there grab one of his CD's and listen to some tracks. I recommend:

  • Forrest Gump theme (this is by Alan Silvestri - ed.)
  • Schindler's List piano
  • Schindler's List theme (violin solo by Itzak Perlman)
  • Where dreams are born (very spiritual)
  • The Reunion
  • Last of the Mohicans Reunion (this is by Trevor Jones - ed.)
  • Saving Private Ryan theme

    Actually he sounds a little like Ravel to me :)

  • Starting today, and continuing as often as I have the opportunity, a series of daylogs about news from around the world. I'll be including some comment - I'd like to pre-empt any criticism that I'm representing my opinions as facts. I'll do my best to make it clear when I'm reporting what's happened, and when I'm sounding off. All newspapers have opinion columns, after all.

    Here is the news:

    This morning, the BBC news reported that pressure was growing on Iraq to re-admit United Nations Weapons Inspectors. According to its foreign minister Prince Saud al-Faisal, the government of Saudi Arabia has agreed to allow United States forces to use its military bases in the event of an invasion. In the 1991 Gulf War, Saudi Arabia was a major staging area for allied offensives into south-western Iraq. Combined with the recent extensive bombing of an Iraqi military site in the west of the country, the Saudi government's support represents a significant strategic advantage for the USA, should an invasion be staged. However, this statement appears only to apply to an attack on Iraq sanctioned by the UN, and the Saudi government's opposition to the Bush administration's policy of 'regime change' remains unaffected. The International Herald Tribune reports today that the Iraqi people appear to believe their government should admit the weapons inspectors and avert a war. This reflects the view of the Arab League as well, whose foreign ministers this weekend called for President Saddam to re-admit the inspectors.

    The war against terror may at last have produced concrete results, with the arrest last week of one Ramzi Binalshibh, who is said to have been a member of the al-Qaida cell in Hamburg, which also produced 'chief hijacker' Mohammed Atta. Binalshibh was arrested, and is being interrogated, in Karachi, Pakistan, where officials say they have also captured another senior al-Qaida member. The second man has not been identified, but is rumoured (in today's Guardian) to be Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who is wanted in connection with a plot in 1995 to bomb US-owned jet aircraft over the Pacific, and who is thought to have been one of the planners of the September 11 atrocities. Both men featured in the video screened last week by al-Jazeera television, in which they were interviewed and spoke of their plans for the attacks on America. A third suspected terrorist, Omar al-Faruq, held in Afghanistan following his arrest three months ago in Indonesia, is reported by Time magazine to have confessed to being al-Qaida's top man in south-east Asia.

    Swedish prime minister Göran Persson is claiming victory for his socialist party and their allies in the country's general election. Exit polls show Mr Persson's party with an unexpectedly strong lead after what has been a very closely-fought campaign.

    Germany's elections, on the other hand, are becoming more and more controversial. With just a week to go until polling day, the Sunday newpaper Bild am Sonntag published an interview with the chief returning officer, Johann Hahlen, who said he had encountered a number of websites which offered cash to cynical young voters in exchange for their votes. Vote trading is illegal under German law, with a maximum jail sentence of five years. Nevertheless, sites like the Kiel-based cashvote.com are offering €10 per vote. A recent survey suggests that one in seven Germans would happily sell their votes for less than €500. Ebay has recently withdrawn a number of lots which turned out to consist of German votes.

    In UK news, the Environment Agency today announced that in order to meet European Union waste disposal regulations in 2004, some 200 landfill sites across the country are to be reclassified, restricting them to hazardous waste only. This will mean that all the rubbish dumped at the selected locations will be material such as asbestos, and assorted biohazards and other nasties. As I already live close to one of the non-military sites cleared for all forms of waste up to low-grade nuclear material, I'm only glad that the issue of waste disposal is becoming more current.

    Rant: British Home Secretary David Blunkett has been criticised for apparently encouraging British Asian families to speak English at home. The suggestion, made in an essay published by the Foreign Policy Centre thinktank, was perhaps more insensitive in its own use of the English language than in its essential message. Blunkett encourages the move to counteract the 'schizophrenia which bedevils generational relationships'. Apart from being very hard to pronounce, does this expression show that Mr Blunkett (1) still can't distinguish schizophrenia from multiple personality disorder and (2) thinks it appropriate to use mental illness as a metaphor when discussing the family lives of Britain's ethnic minorities? Statistics show that some thirty percent of British Asian households do not employ English. It might be more encouraging if Mr Blunkett's colleagues at the Department for Education and Skills encouraged British families (of any ethnicity) to use more than one language at home, as a learning tool. The British are said to be second in Europe only to the Italians for not learning the languages of other nations.

    The BBC is reconsidering its decision to publish the autobiography of entertainer Michael Barrymore. Barrymore is currently in the spotlight over the case of one Stuart Lubbock, who was found dead in the swimming pool of Barrymore's house. Evidence suggests that Mr Lubbock had consumed large quantities of alcohol, as well as cocaine, and that he had been the victim of a vicious sexual assault. Mr Lubbock's family accuse Barrymore, and by implication the BBC, of cynically cashing in on the media furore surrounding the inquiry into his death to publicise the 'warts and all' biography. Update: It is reported this evening that Barrymore may face charges of perjury for having said at the inquest that he couldn't swim, when he can. It seems strange that when a man has been sexually assaulted and apparently killed, a charge for rape or murder is not being considered against anyone, despite the abundance of suspects and potential witnesses, but there is enough time and money to produce such a trivial perjury case.

    Channel 5, the British terrestrial TV station which has been regarded since its creation five years ago as a tabloid channel, obsessed with celebrities, sex and 'true crime' features, is re-launched and re-branded today. The channel has already been moving upmarket with a successful series of more intellectual programmes on history and art. Today sees the disappearance of the '5' logo or 'bug' from the channel's programmes, which is likely to be a very popular move. New idents have been comissioned using the word 'five' (all in modish lower case). Another part of the channel's push upmarket is a series of partnerships with museums such as the British Museum to publicise their collections.

    Professor John Picton, of the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS) at the University of London has disclosed that a bronze head, thought to be a replica of one from Benin, presented to the Queen in 1973, is in fact a 400-year-old original. General Yakuba Gowon, President of Nigeria, took the bronze from the national museum in Lagos to present to the UK as a gift in gratitude for help during the Biafran civil war. He had comissioned a replica, but was unsatisfied with the result and obtained the original at the last minute. Dr Ekpo Eyo, curator of the national museum, was able to conceal a few of the most valuable items from the general, but was unable to prevent what he saw as the improper use of national treasures. The revelation came after Martin Bailey, a journalist for the Art Newspaper, saw the item on display in Buckingham Palace's exhibition of gifts to the Queen, and checked with SOAS to find out if it was genuine. Professor Picton was deputy director of antiquities in Lagos at the time of the head's removal, and was able to tell all. The news will be embarassing to the Nigerian government, which is campaigning for the return of similar bronzes looted by British troops in 1897 and presently held in the British Museum. The BM had already had its share of humiliation in the debate when it was revealed that, contrary to its 'no disposal' policy, it had sold bronzes from the collection in the 1970s.

    A long time ago I got really scared by something that wasn't there and now I have a funny feeling it might be coming back again. It is like a sound you can't hear and it can buzz in your ear and tickle your brain but it still isn't really there or at least that is what the doctors will tell you. They once put me on medication because of it and now I don't tell anyone about it but I can tell my friends here on Everything2 because I am pretty sure you won't turn me in.

    I never condoned the use of illegal drugs because I know I have my own weaknesses. I am socially awkward and if I'm in a talky mood I get funny looks and laughs where they are laughing at me and not with me. If I am quiet then I might miss an opportunity. When I was younger I was a very quiet person because as a kid my father was always telling me "shut up or you'll make an ass of yourself." I don't think parents realize sometimes what they are doing to their children even in the 1950s when some people think everything was just great with no problems. We were getting under our desks because of nuclear bomb scares. It was not great at least that part.

    I try to make friends with people when I write letters to them because that way I can hide afterwards and when they write back even if they do write back then I can leave the envelope on a chair for hours and just stare at it coming back from time to time to look at it and say maybe now I will open it. Usually it takes a while because there is too much rejection in so many of the words. Then there was email and that was electronic and so you culd delete it without even opening it and without it being it the trash can looking at you. Now there is this Everything2 and other places I'm sure that have similar things and you get the great feeling of writing something for others and I've done some work on writeups here people seem to like but sometimes I can't concentrate enough but I like these "daylogs" because then I can just share myself and feel like maybe someone is listening and some of you are because you tell me so and you are very nice. Some of you are really funny hear too and you make me feel younger with all the young people and no on discriminates much here almost like a blueprint for utopia but not perfect like utopia more like a animated utopia movie where there is a dog that chews the wires and wrecks things for a moment but the people are strong and they can stand up and fight to get it back. You have something pretty good here both for good information on subjects and for people who need a way to express themselves. There are some really good writers here and I am not one of them because I've never been a writer except contracts and now I'm trying a little bit. I even got my first (and second) Cools this week and that was funny because it surprised me and made me smile a little bit even when I wasn't having the best day.

    We have a planet here and some of the planet we're on it pretty messed up but we have things to do and I believe one day we'll go on to have eternal life and see what its all about. You people make me smile even though I shouldn't smile too much on account of that bad tooth that shows when I smile. No one will care I tell myself. You people have made me laugh also and that is good so maybe I'll stay and work on writeup pages about my favorite actors, comedians, movies, films and books. Some you might not know as much about so maybe you'll like to know more. I even talked to a guy who made me want to visit Norway here and I never even thought about going to Norway although my friend Lars mentioned it once but we don't talk much anymore since I made a pass at his wife when I was drunk (not so much drunk as just having had a few two many Miller Lites) and he was watching football. I like the Baltimore Ravens but I liked it better when there was the Baltimore Colts. I hope Johnny Unitas goes to heaven. God needs some quarterbacks.

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