Findings:
- These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
- Gap analysis of a telephone call
- Music that is either by the Sonic Youth or by some band that is ripping off the Sonic Youth, but you can't tell which
- How to avoid being urinated upon by your baby boy
- Swimming pool injury
- I'll pretend I just cursed myself by saying this, so when it doesn't happen I have something to fall back on other than you
- Perfect Game of Robotron Achieved by God
- "Have you noticed that we are surrounded by Germans? Oh my god, you're right!" The quadrennial Cologne Nodermeet, Part II
- Actors who have portrayed the parent(s) of a character portrayed by Ben Stiller
- Three Puerto Rican girls walked by like accordion music under the trees, looking like they'd accept nothing less than perfection.
- Despite being surrounded by perverts, I manage to have a great time
- Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
- our voices, once clarion, have been muted by time and mortgages
- The classic Warner Brothers cartoon characters have been replaced by lookalikes
- You find yourself being chased not only by the bad guys, but also by what should be the good guys
- There By the Grace of God
- You can win any argument on the internet by being stupid enough
- For all sad words on tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been."
- Ruminations on being run over by a dump truck
- How to calculate the heat produced by radioactive decay
- You are judged by the God that you choose to be judged by
- I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor
- How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
- on being hit by lightning
- Proposed: The only way for a woman to achieve true ecstacy is to allow herself to be taken by the Goat God in the Circle of Candles on a moonless night
- By evening I will have returned all traces that I was ever here
- 278 Books You Should Have Read By Now
- at the moment i have forgotten if i am abraham lincoln or captain ahab - nonetheless i am an important figure in u.s. history
- My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
- No one has ever been bitten to death by a poisonous snake in a ball pit
- Being betrayed by one's own body
- Some foods, I am convinced, are packaged only for families of 3 or more and bulimics
- Surrounded by people, I forget that I am one of them
- only by consuming pieces of one another can beings such as we exist
- and am happily disturbed by no passions
- Being licked to death by kittens
- This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA
- I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
- We who do not have regular names spend a lot of time by ourselves. It suits us.
- The ringing has been drowned out by voices
- Touched by the Hand of God
- The relative risk of being attacked by a shark
- It has been claimed that some or all of this article or section is incoherent and not understandable, and should possibly be reworded if the intended meaning can be determined
- The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
- my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery
- He makes me feel alone just by being there
- When being chased by CIA trainees, don't mention Belgium to the waffle house physicist
- The Lovecraftian compulsion to keep noding even as one is being devoured by EDB
- we're part of something bigger than any one of us. i just feel lucky to have been chosen.
- I have been orbiting this planet for thirty-seven years, and am just now starting to experience reentry (document)
- The Wild Colonials
- The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
- Men get turned on by lesbians much more than women get turned on by gay men
- your chances of being killed by a frog are low BUT NEVER ZERO
- Black holes are where God divided by zero
- Technology is not the remedy for problems caused by technology
- Some Girls Wander by Mistake
- One sock on (or: Getting caught fooling around by the cops)
- Two paintballs sit upon the black pseudo-timber chest of drawers by my bed
- If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
- Went to Coney Island on a Mission From God... Be Back by Five
- By Some Disputed Neon Barricade
- Incarnation, a poem (or something) by polyseeme
- By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever a bear
- That's why you're a good parent. You know all the cliches by heart.
- Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
- A God Pleased By The Odor Of Burning Flesh; A God Who Burns Human Flesh, Eternally
- The Tragedy of Prince Hamlet and the Philosopher's Stone, or, A Will Most Incorrect to Heaven by William Shakespeare
- Accidental death odds
- Help! My sister's been abducted by Christians!
- Some liberties have been taken with dialogue
- I am scared by fluffy pink bunny rabbits
- Is this what I have been seeking? Or is it an echo, a remnant, a sign that I was wrong?
- Do you understand what you are, sir, in love? You've been lost at sea, and picked up by a lone stranger on an anchored and recently near-abandoned ghost ship.
- I cannot produce a definitive list of everywhere I have been, but I can say that I have seen a whole lot of nowhere
- There are more and better reasons to dislike a human being than race or religion
- Being pulled over by the cops for speeding
- Being tickled in the neck by a girl you know a little bit
- I am surprised by the calm rationality of this node
- being beaten into an unhealthy state by other people's pasts
- The reluctant backpacker's guide to being hit by lightning
- The dubious distinction of being criticized from the left by the Ku Klux Klan
- DOGG check it I am by this creek; and I got hell of emotions...in my brain
- Tell me a story about a burro, standing atop a mesa, surrounded by a flock of geese, being fed by a weathered old man wearing nothing but a Jimmy hat
- In the movie of his life, the part of Keanu Reeves will be played by a block of wood, and the critics will pan it for being too expressive
- Notes on ruining the beauty of barren places by being there
- I am the princess guarded by dragons, snorting and grumbling and rumbling in wagons
- Being solicited for sex by people who don't even know your gender
- my whole life is passing me by and I sometimes wonder why I am even still alive
- I am an adventurer not by choice, but by fate
- Do not put this product into the rectum by using fingers or any mechanical device or applicator
- This music crept by me upon the waters
- On being left-handed, the ocean, God, and more than one toothbrush
- I am not gay. I have never been gay.
- Some advice on girls by a girl : the simple stuff
- Technology is the remedy for problems caused by technology
- David Merrick
- Awake at 2 I am hungry by 5
- Whether by word or deed or thought
- I am haunted by waters.
- If you become lucid, you realize history's greatest literature was being written as you read it ...by yourself.
- Being rejected by someone you really respect
- I'm not really okay with being hated for what I am. It's hard to take. But it's still better than being loved for something I'm not.
- I am confused by many things...
- By hook or by crook
- judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
- It is far better to be bored by somebody else than to be bored by oneself.
- Pragmatism by William James: Lecture III: Some Metaphysical Problems ...
- For Some Poems by Matthew Arnold
- For every rich man who tries to leave this world for a better one with his fancy tomb surrounded by mourners, there are many more who perish alone in the cold, forgotten by all but God.
- If I'd have shot her when I met her, I'd be out of jail by now.
- So many people have come and gone, their faces fade as the years go by
- By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever here
- Outside the Circle of Trust: A Guide for Teens Untrusted by Parents
- Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate, One Second before Awakening
- I may or may not have been naked
- Rudeness is measured by context. The measure of rudeness upon a subject is inversely proportional to the subject's imposition.
- "By their very nature, negatives ought to be more abstract {than positives}."
- Coy or honestly shy, either way I have got mad designs on your dancy eyes
- i can't fit it all in but by god, i will keep trying
- i would much rather engage directly with the supreme powers of the universe than the horde of ghosts conjured by man
- Foam on the tide is no more or less real than the sea, it simply is, was, will be
- Fossils were put there by God
- I've been duped by Satan!
- every secret thing was made by some one
- Upon the Translation of the Psalms by Sir Philip Sidney, and the Countess of Pembroke, his Sister
- Guide to determining if you are constantly being mauled by bears
- ...After changes upon changes, We are more or less the same...
- I have children; therefore I am better than you
- I don't have a postmodern condition; I've always been like this
- We are the ones we have been waiting for
- You will be a tear-stained diary entry, and it will have been all your fault
- Sometimes I have this dream where I am flying
- should have been an artist not a software engineer
- The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
- I'll look at this in a year and wonder how I could have been so stupid
- I have been enslaved to imaginary Berlins my whole life. (dream) mp3 (recording)
- war trophies for people who have never been to war
- AES may have been broken
- How many lives could have been saved had we just said "Please" more often?
- Have you been a dad today?
- I must have been mental to have done something like that, eh?
- Hello lovely fool where have you been all this time.
- I have gone too far. I have been thinking, this is my life. Well, not yet.
- Am I insane, or is it just wishful thinking?
- It could have been a Brilliant Career
- do you remember the disco rhombus? it must have all been a dream.
- you have never been safe
- I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
- Strangers have been, and continue to be, very kind to me. Thank you.
- a bad day is when I lie in the bed and think of things that might have been
- every statue in town came to life, but they'd been watching long enough to know better than to ever move
- Every morning when I wake up, I feel guilty for all the things I have ever been
- The way things have always been done
- CAUTION: Warning signs have not been installed
- I appear to have been misinformed
- We are the people we have been waiting for.
- I have been alone while I was with many girls
- I have just been shot
- Let's go, keys. I've been drinking vodka and have a lot of big ideas.
- If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
- Am I in love or still on crack?
- Movies that should have been books first
- How long have you been in love with her?
- We Have Always Been The Party Of No
- Names have been changed
- Advice I have been given about girls
- You have been in every line I have ever read
- Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
- WARNING: Long term exposure to women has been known to cause bitterness and alcoholism during laboratory tests
- It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
- I could have been one of a two
- I have been enslaved to imaginary Berlins my whole life.
- The cat (rumination of all that could have been)
- What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
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