Findings:

• I Thought My Father Was God
• Sex and death have both spat me out like spoiled milk for the same reason. I was not afraid.
• The last girl I dated was a vegetarian. We couldn't go anywhere and so it just didn't work out.
• My father's secret life was never meant to be secret
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• God was creepier than I expected so I took it out on the little people
• Trying to catch one clear promise out of the jittery confused language the night was whispering
• The land of our fathers, stolen before we knew it was our own
• It was something that sang out while burning itself up, at the risk that nothing would be left.
• I worked at the mall in the 80s. There was a cult that used to recruit out on the front steps.
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• If love was a circus, you'd be a clown
• It all turned out all right but there was so much pain along the way
• And as the dreaming was danced, a sound went out
• I Dropped Out of School, and All I Got Was This Necklace
• Finding the origin of a Hotmail message
• the cutest baker in the room was making sadfaces at me when i walked out
• It was something that sand out while burning itself up, at the risk that nothing would be left.
• The day I found out I was a guy
• The Tale of a Youth who set out to learn what Fear was
• He stretched out his arms but she was not there
• I Fell Out of School, and All I Found Was This Necklace
• In a quiet grove of pines under a frosty sky, he helped her out of the sack. She wore severe white hospital pajamas and was beautiful.
• I had to call my father this evening and tell him I was dying.
• The class valedictorian was still tripping balls when he was bailed out in time to give the commencement speech at graduation
• when i wake up i can't remember what it was. it's so hard to smuggle something out of a dream.
• what I thought was going to be a turtleneck turned out to be a dickey
• She was coming out as he was going in.
• The night your father was stabbed in the back room of a convenience store. No mercy.
• How my Father was excommunicated from the LDS Church
• I was a father for a few days
• Marilyn Monroe was a size 16
• Oxygen was the world's first pollutant
• I was into them after they were hip
• When I was your age
• There was a young lady of Riga
• I was supposed to be somebody by the age of 23
• Once, everyone was a computer novice
• I was looking for you
• wa
• What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?
• It was you, Atthis
• Climbing cherry trees when I was younger
• Which of the Bewitched Dicks was gay?
• There was a rose that faded young
• I was going to marry Marty
• I was promised flying cars
• Why Socrates was really executed
• When I Was One-and-Twenty
• Removed from humanity, I realized I was just another distraction
• The Story of the Envious Man and of Him Who Was Envied
• Was (Not Was)
• Music was better in the old days
• It was a dark and stormy night
• I was expecting it to hurt like a fuck
• Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
• The world was designed for giant squid
• The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
• Mother May I Go out to Swim
• I was aghast, yet intrigued
• hodgepodge was just a one-night stand, apparently
• How was your trip to London, Dan?
• WoOz: 17 How the Balloon Was Launched
• No important data was harmed by the ILOVEYOU worm
• Out of work alcoholic clowns
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• when you asked what I was writing, this is what it was
• They wrote it all in perl but it was mostly system calls
• Lando was supposed to die
• Last time I was in Chicago I broke my ass
• Imagine if your microwave was intelligent
• The train station was fucking freezing and
• The first iron-on transfer I made myself was controversial
• I was searching glass
• An open letter to all the lousy fathers out there
• My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me
• Descartes was wrong
• This wasn't how it was supposed to be
• The Walrus was Paul
• the seven hills of Rome
• Able was I, ere I saw Elba
• Please inquire of past generations, and consider the things searched out by their fathers
• A poem I wrote when I was 5
• What I wrote when I was missing David
• Trompe
• And the sky was made of amethysts
• my only pin-up was Pelé
• I was once stranded on a dessert island
• How Candide Was Obliged to Leave the Fair Cunegund and the Old Woman
• The day I realized what being alive was
• It was not a dream
• Was not cleanly unmounted, check forced
• That time I was almost killed by scary cult children
• I was discovered by scientists, what will they call me?
• The Mothers and Fathers Italian Association
• Nobody cares if it was originally a nodeshell
• Upon my indulgence, I was dissatisfied
• As I Was Going to St Ives
• The Story of the Vizier Who Was Punished
• "He was a terrible man," she sobbed, between bites of alimony
• Was I nearly as anti-consumerism as I had initially thought?
• Concrete, Washington
• I was taken by a honeymoon scam
• I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
• Why I didn't get my driver's license until I was 18
• Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few
• So I turned round and there was an inflatable man sat at the table
• The Princess who was Hidden Underground
• Calvin Coolidge was the 30th President
• Cybersex before it was cool
• The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
• I'll tell you what kind of guy I was
• Born with the gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad
• There was a time when I was a better person
• That Was Then, This is Now
• What was the question?
• So I was cold chillin on the corner on a hot summer's day
• I was once smaller than a jellybean, but now look at me - I am macroscopic!
• I woke up and thought it was Saturday
• I was a homeless bum
• being a kid was great
• John Cassavettes Was No Help At All
• There was this one great night at Alice's house,
• I once was a clueless young noder
• I was never any good at maths at school
• I died for Beauty -- but was scarce
• It was hormones, it was hormones, but it was valid
• My mother and your mother were hanging out clothes
• Out of Necessity, we became the Mothers of Invention
• you've got your mothers cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
• Mother Father
• You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?
• TURN THAT MOTHER OUT
• was
• Why was Cthulhu blue?
• What face did you have before your mother and father were born?
• It was not a weather balloon at Roswell
• No shit, there I was
• The Corps is Mother, The Corps is Father
• Vancouver, Washington
• Kilroy was here
• "Oskee wee wee! Oskee wa wa!"
• Why I was convinced I would die young
• 'T was
• Man was created in God's image
• That was a joke, son.
• This was unexpected, my soul's connection to you
• Here lies one whose name was writ in water
• There was once a Man
• How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
• I was a young boy that had big plans
• If Dr. Seuss Were a Tech Writer
• Just how perfect was Jesus?
• It wasn't like I was sleeping anyway
• Letter From My Father After the Death of My Mother
• My father shot my mother's wedding dress
• It was all God's fault
• Theories as to what was inside the briefcase in Pulp Fiction
• Fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys
• I was once a victim of Catholic schooling
• After searching for my mother's name for twenty years, I realized I also did not know my father's
• This product was tested on cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes
• When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
• I Hear it was Charged Against Me
• Back when grunge was still cool
• God was created in man's image
• Dawn was a lucky time to give birth
• I was once stranded on a desert island
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• Was Jesus resurrected as the Easter Bunny?

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