PHONE CORDS MUST TASTE YUMMY

Would you care to join me for phone cords alfredo? I'm sure my bunny would. Well, she might not like the alfredo sauce.

I woke this morning to find my phone cords chewed through again. Ok, so moxie's not really eating them, she's just hell-bent on destruction. Of most of my personal property, that is. Some of it she tears apart, other stuff she eats.

Sheets, for example. I am missing chunks of blankets and such. I have a hard time finding pristine sheets sure to impress a man whom I'd like to have under and amongst them, for a nice hop in the sack.

Books. Never lend me any. I unthinkingly leave them on my bedstand with the bunny loose, and that's quite a yummy snack for her. Nevermind the carrots in her cage, the alfalfa hay she was going wild for a minute earlier. That book is her nicotine, her addiction. Hardcover or paperback, she'll chew right through.

I won't go through the list of things she's harmed/destroyed, because you might think I'm a bad bunny-mom. Sure, she lost a tiny patch of fur when she chewed that electrical cord. It grew back! I really do try to keep an eye on her, but she's black, which is the color of ninjas, which means she's very sneaky. And I'm getting very tired, and silly, so I'll end this now.

I Went to REI today to buy a Platypus, a mission that brings about images of me driving home from the store, trying to hold a wet, squirming mammal that survived an explosion in the waterfowl wing of an evolution factory. Leave it to nature to come up with something so horribly strange, yet damningly cute. I'm counting down the days for when I can have a pet platypus, take it for walks around Lake Monona and be the center of attention for all sorts of hot ladies on rollerblades. Any guy can have a puppy, but that bucket of loose skin eventually grows up into a beast that eats house plants and cable modems.

While a man may be impressed that his dog can tear a squirrel asunder in three seconds, it's a trait that will never make the womenfolk quirl. Men favor the functionality of an object (big truck = good, squirrel killer = good, Fargo woodchipper = good) while women are much more tuned towards aesthetics. These are necessary opposites, for if men ran the world everything would be made out of stainless steel and designed to win fights with everything else.

Everything else. The blender would need to be chained down to keep from going after the dishwasher. Fights would erupt daily between students and rogue floor scrubbers. Lampposts would battle for dominance of the sidewalk with mailboxes. Your casual walk to school would be a run through the gauntlet of gleaming, half-intelligent machinery.

Women are not impressed by destructive powers, nor most anything men do, as evidenced by 6,000 years of men destroying things and impressing each other. The pyramids were built so the Pharaoh had a private hill for pushing rocks. "Ha! See you now how I have crushed yonder slave under large bits of stone? I shall now send more rock tumbling forth from this fabulous incline!"

Was Mrs. Pharoah impressed? Hardly. Impressed by anything he had to offer? Not a chance. She was 25. He was 10.
I got my Platypus.

Kudos to Dane.

Right, I have 13 Minutes still to go on the icafe clock. 2.25 Euros for 1/2 an hour. This is internet addiction, dropping in on on E2 from a foreign city. Excuse the roughness of the writeup.

I fairness, I just aplied for a job via a website and checkedmail for replies so this is not pure idelness.

Dublin is a wonderfull little town with cold weather, but still charming and warm. It lacks the big-city facelessness of London or the third-world fear factor of Cape Town

But the Celtic tiger is a feeble kitten right now. Little IT work, not so well paid and none at short notice.Had a really nice stroll along the Liffey this morning, over at the millenium bridge.

Next week I will go to London, the monster that ate South-East england. I will succeed there. There is no other option. I am looking forward to, in no particular order:
Microbrewery stout and comedy in temple bar tonight
A bus trip into the country, leaving from the tart with the cart tomorrow am.
Seeing old friends in London
The dubious charms of the London Boozehounds
Finding interesting employment
Losing that "living out of a suitcase" feeling.

I ask you to be my judge. Yours are the opinions I will listen to. It is the power over me that I have willingly given you - that I continue to give you.

I seem to remember I used to be in charge of my own emotions. I seem to remember I just didn't care what you thought. I seem to remember I was lonely.

Your world floods over mine. My identity may have once been my own cause. It now reacts and is formed and reformed by your every word, your every action. I change myself because you are my world. You replaced it.

Yet I must play. I cannot take this too seriously because you are too admired. I am afraid that you will be lost to me. I feel I must erect my defenses in case that day ever comes.

This world of yours that you have asserted upon me is so frustrating sometimes I want to return to the caves and run around hooting, club in hand, loin cloth flapping in the wind. Oh, to be free.

To be free and truly have you with me. I long.

To happier times. Cheers!

Update March 17 - the node described below proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. It was nuked along with all the other "fill-in-the-blank Everythingians" nodes.

So we have these "Fill-in-the-blank Everythingians" nodes. You know what I'm talkin' about. Furry. Out. Atheist. Asian. Quaker.

On the one hand, these little subcommunities on E2 are nice. You search, you read, you find people who are into the same things. Possessed of the same worldview. Having sex with the same gender. Asian. Sometimes it's a delightful discovery - I didn't know you enjoyed dressing up like an animal in a loincloth too! Sometimes it's not so delightful - I will never be able to speak with this person again without picturing them dressed up as an animal in a loincloth. EW, EW, EW.

But on the other hand, they're just lists. Lists that can become out of date and which need to be maintained by someone who might leave and when that happens they'll just sit there collecting dust. As an editor, that kind of bugs me. But for the reasons given above, I don't delete them.

As of right now there is no Christian Everythingians node. And Christianity is a very social religion -- we are members of the mystical body of Christ, brothers and sisters. And despite my reservations regarding the fill-in-the-blank Everythingian nodes, it brightens my heart to imagine Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant noders standing together in unity and showing our colors. Viva ecumenism!

So, then. Assuming something like this won't immediately get nuked, how would we define who is Christian, and who is not? I mean, that should be EASY, right? A religion two thousand years old, surely we have a definition everyone agrees on, RIGHT? There's the Nicene Creed...no wait, that excludes Byzantine. The World Council of Churches has a pretty minimal set of requirements, you just have to believe Jesus is God and Savior...no wait, that excludes novasoy. Okay - the Bible is your only holy book...unless you're sfc. DAMMIT!

And then there's the criteria set by the United States government, who for census purposes has simply declared that if you say you're a Christian, then you are one.

I would appreciate the suggestions of my fellow editors and gods regarding the advisability of creating such a node, and of my fellow Christians for filling it. (See http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_defn.htm for a sampling of the possibilites.) I'm thinking the format would be noder - sect.

I ask not, therefore, of him with whom I would unite in love, Are you of my church, of my congregation? Do you receive the same form of church government, and allow the same church officers, with me? Do you join in the same form of prayer wherein I worship God? I inquire not, Do you receive the supper of the Lord in the same posture and manner that I do? nor whether, in the administration of baptism, you agree with me in admitting sureties for the baptized, in the manner of administering it; or the age of those to whom it should be administered. Nay, I ask not of you (as clear as I am in my own mind), whether you allow baptism and the Lord's supper at all. Let all these things stand by: we will talk of them, if need be, at a more convenient season, my only question at present is this, 'Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart?'

-- John Wesley (Founder of Methodism, also not a Christian by certain definitions)

Late into the evening of Tuesday, March 12, 2002, my 1994 BMW 318i was broken into. The perpetrators completely busted out the rear right corner window and, after realizing you cannot unlock a recent BMW without the keys, pulled themselves through the tiny opening they had provided themselves. Amazing what a human can accomplish when need arises. I'm not sure what they needed; maybe it was drugs, money, a good time, I'll probably never know... But the point is crawling through a triangular hole about one foot by six inches is no small feat, but the payoff was excellent:

To put this in perspective, I'd estimate my loss very close to $2,000. On top of this, whoever took these things attempted to steal the car itself, and as it stands, the ignition is so completely busted, I can't insert the key. I would estimate the damage at a little under $1,000. I'm still getting over the loss, but thats not why I'm writing this.

I don't need a psychiatrist

I'm not writing this in hopes that someone will miraculously find my stuff and /msg me.

I don't need a classified section

... I'm writing this to share with you my view on the situation. This didn't happen to me; this happened to my possessions when I wasn't letting them consume my life... My girlfiend always points out that you normally don't get sick, your body gets sick. On Tuesday night, my body was coming down with a cold, and I needed to be up early to following morning, and instead of emptying my car, I went to bed.

I put myself before my possessions

And someone else put their needs before my possessions.


My roommate was very sympathetic through all of this, but sympathy only goes so far. For the next couple of weeks, I'll be getting a years worth of "that sucks" and "I'm sorry"s. Drinking, on the other hand, does momentary wonders for a situation. So we ran to our local Mini-Mart and bought ourselves some hard ciders and played some serious Soul Calibur and discussed what happened. For those of you who don't play Soul Calibur the basis of the game is to either take the opponents life bar to nothing or to knock them out of the ring. He threw my character against the edge, but my character wasn't rung out.

"At least you're not dead"

I don't know what he meant by it when he said it, but thats not important. I'm not going to sit here and compare how life is like this game, and i'm lucky I just got knocked down because I can keep playing which is the most important thing in a 'game'

I'm not lame

I was upset because I lost my set of headphones that defined me as a person. I was upset because my car doesn't drive. But what I have to realize is that I won't always be using that pair of headphones and I won't always be driving that car. The headphones could break; the car could be stolen; or in worst case, I'd be dead.

Everything you own is merely leased until you die.

These things are not permanent. You are the most permanent thing you'll ever know, and you are not the car you drive.

You are the same decaying matter as everything else

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