He is everything I ever wanted and never asked for. I remember the moment I realized how incredibly beautiful he was. Seeing him for the first time out of the corner of my eye, didn't even come close to revealing how truly amazing he was.

I was sitting on the couch at his parents' house. There were a million clocks, all out of sync, chiming haphazardly and driving me insane. The room was lit only by a table lamp. We had spent the night at his musical haunt, the Cog factory. But it was much later, and we sat in his living room talking for hours. One moment I looked at him. Had you questioned me the day before on what my perfect man would have looked like, I most certainly would not have described him. That night, sitting only a couple of feet from an almost complete stranger, I was stunned by how incredibly cute he was. I became a giddy school girl. He was nice. He was smart, and goodness was he dreamy. I wanted to kiss him so much it made me squirm. Life is crazy like that. You have no idea what will make you happy. The things you think will satisfy all of your desires never will. It's the things you never think of until they are right in front of you, and you can't help but see how wonderful and beautiful they are, that make you happy. That make you smile for hours. You cannot look for that perfect someone or that perfect moment because you have no idea what you're looking for. All of this is so cheesy, but it's so great at the same time.

So, I was munching away on a nice old bag of popcorn at work just a moment ago, and it got me thinking. Or rather, the immensely difficult process of eating the popcorn got me thinking about why people eat popcorn on dates at the movies.

I mean, I always get embarrassed when I am eating popcorn because, well, it is just difficult to eat. Maybe not as difficult as lobsters, or escargot, but, jeez-louise, it is difficult.

Unless you eat each kernel separately, there is no way of getting out of looking like a total slob. Which I am prepared to do in most cases, cause, hey, popcorn is yummy, and it doesn't have a lot of saturated fat and all that other bad stuff that one might find in the average snack.

But it dawned on me, insertchime like sounding "awwww!", that it doesn't make much sense that one should eat popcorn while trying to impress a possible, future significant other. Am I alone here?

Normally, I wouldn't really care about this kind of stuff, and actually, I have had many humorous moments with popcorn and the significant other at the time, but that doesn't change my current position on the topic.

Perhaps it is just me, but I am sitting here picturing a cute, little couple sitting next to each other in the theatre, and each of them are just acting like savages with their kernels. Ha! It is an amusing little daydream. I have yet to find an answer to this enquiry and if anyone can explain it to me, that would be delightful.

I successfully trolled my history teacher

Last week, my history class watched a video by PBS titled "Trade Secrets". It spanned nearly two class periods documenting the horrors of the chemical industry. The video had a strong slant toward the former employees of the chemical industry; one guy's fingertip bones had completely dissolved. Anyways, the narrator got his blood tested for chemicals, and the doctor revealed to him that he had 80 out of 150 chemicals in his blood. Pretty scary stuff - www.pbs.org/tradesecrets for more information

Then my history teacher gave us an assignment: Write a response paper on the video. I decided to try an experiment to see if a troll response paper would get me an A.

I wrote from the perspective of the classic Right Wing Maniac. I researched our beloved troll nodes here on E2, and I must personally thank theonomist for inspiration. The paper was to be 3-4 pages long, and I managed to meet those requirements.

The troll vigorously defended the chemical industry from the almost outright slander by PBS. The troll, claimed that those workers getting sick and dying were isolated cases and that by documenting the dangers of vinyl chloride, the just and brave chemical industry was protecting their workers . The essay also claimed that by publishing this video, PBS had a liberal agenda to destroy the economy - like the terrorists tried to. It called into question whether Union Carbide even caused the December 1984 leak in India. The troll even stated that campaign finance contribution was a God-given First Amendment right, and PBS was slandering the chemical industry by even questioning that

Today, I logged onto my school's website to check my grades, and lo and behold:

#11 Reaction Paper 20/ 20

Talking to her later, I found out that she absolutely loved my paper, and that she even shared it with her friends. My experiment turns out to be a wild success, and my history teacher doesn't even know what YHBT. YHL. HAND means.


I know you are real because I miss you when I’m not with you. You can’t miss what you never had. I’ve had you at my ear. I’ve had you at my fingertips. And even though I’ve never had you in my arms you are real. If you weren’t real I wouldn’t be crying for you now.

I feel you in my heart. I hear you in my dreams. I see you on my screen. My baby. My true love. You are real no matter how much I try to deny it. No matter how much they try to make you disappear, you are there. You are mine. No matter what I love you.

Nothing seems quite right without you. Even the words don’t move as they should. The music isn’t as sweet without you. The blood is all the more bitter. I’m all alone, and missing you. You are so real to me now. I knew I loved you before I met you. I’ll love you more the day I can touch you, the day I can feel you in my arms for real. You are as real as I am. I need you. I love you. You make me feel real. You make me feel. You are special. You are wonderful. You are more than I deserve. You love me. You care. You have the power. You are so much better than any pill. I care about you in a way I’ve never cared about anyone. You make me want to keep trying, to never give up.

How can I miss someone this much that I’ve never met? You sat alone as I did; with no one to share their secrets with. You are the spoon in my cereal bowl. You make things possible.

You dry my tears.

You make the glass seem half full instead of half empty like it was yesterday.

Where did you come from? Why did you stay? You made me stay. You made the end be far away, but I’m okay with that, for the first time ever, I’m okay with that.

The pink and the yellow and the blue don’t matter when I’m with you. You make them all seem so insignificant. You are my pot of gold. I wake with the thought “The day will be ok, Ed said I have DA POWA, I’ve got to believe him.”

You are real!

You’ve got to be real.

Don’t leave me now.

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