In very little time i will be starting university. I'm both happy and aprehensive about this.

Happy because i will have:

    an education (or more of one, is anyone's education ever really complete?).

Aprehensive because i will:

    miss dinner on most occasions.
    have school work to do at home.
    have to take a 45 min bus ride twice a day (which i already do most days, and do not enjoy).
    spend $5000 on it, of my own money, which leaves me with a need to budget the rest of my money, and i'm bad at that.
    have to balance school and a part time job, which i didn't like the last time i had to do it.

I'm sure i'll be fine, tho. I've already bought most of my books, used, which saved me some cash. And i've started going out less, so i'll save money that way too. All my friends have done fine this past year (i took a year off) so there's really not much to worry about.

Happy Birthday SomethingForNothing!!!!!!

Best of fortune starting university, Melknia. I started back on my graduating year last monday, and tumbled head over heels into campus involvements far too quickly. I pray you fare better in your endeavors than I have!

Last semester, I led a Wiccan spring ceremony, which gathered a great deal of communitu uproar against our conservative Christian (yeahright) college. Several weeks, many phone calls from churches, and several calls from attorneys later, the college acceded that I was well within my Constitutional rights to perform a peaceful Pagan ceremony in a public place. But the furor hasn't died down yet, it seems. Almost a year later. I hope incoming freshmen are able to make a stand for their personal beliefs, regardless of adversity, whether perceived or real!

"Don't let the sun catch you crying" Deadweight Beck

Well, I was going to quit daylogging, but the masochistic part of me was wailing for more I offer the trashcan of my life once again.

Well, talked to my father for the first time in a month and a half.

So, how's life, son?"

"You want the happy lie or the truth, dad?"


"The truth of course"

"Well, it sucks. I'm miserable. You gana be around this weekend?"

Intrigue at it's finest, I know. Piss off, this is for my enjoyment, not yours. Now for you real Garryn fans, that have been pulling your hair out since my last riveting entry(I love you all, you drooling monkeys, so many thanks) I haven't been doing much besides working on my website (it's growing like a tumor), chainsmoking and occasionaly showering and eating. Still have the night job, that's a joke, actually thinking of applying at Michaels art supply up the road..I could use the discount on canvas, so I can finally paint (paints paints, they better be there when I get to florida in two weeks, I forgot to ask her if they made the trip, or are languishing in some unknown baltimore basement with the rest of my shit)

"We've been wondering about you"

"Oh really? You have my number, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but we weren't sure if it was a temporary one".

(well shit, dad, why didn't you try it and find out?)

..pause for though..

I was having a discussion with someone today regarding a girl a went out with for a while in my younger days. In describing her, and I used the phrase 'girl who happened to be deaf', and the person I was talking to went on a tirade about it, saying (paraphrasing and concatenating here) that they have deaf pride and insisted that 'they' prefer to be called 'deaf people'. "You seem to have trouble with that," she said.

This sort of attitude gets my feckless up, mostly because I have to deal with it daily. It angers me to no end when people try to force those who are different than themselves into some sort of predetermined mould, and when those who are different try to stray from what these people want to think they are, they are attacked. And let us not forget the point that she specifically requested I don't say she is a "deaf girl". The first time I met her she herself used the words "I am an All-American girl who just happens to be deaf."

Why can't you just let people try to be themselves? Why do you have to say they have to be a certain way? So they fit your preconceived notions and don't require you to leave your warm, comfy Oprah-Utopia?

Here is a note to live by, for everyone -- unless you're either a part of said group or very close to it, please please please don't go off and make unwarranted assumptions. It doesn't matter how sure you think you are, chances are you're not one-hundred percent right. I'm not trying to be mean, but please take a moment and think about it.

I don't daylog but I'm daylogging

I'm so pissed at my printer . . . it won't print anything I want it to. It just comes out a blank sheet of paper and then has the nerve to say "printing complete!" when it's done. The hell it is! A stupid thing like that ruined my night last night, and now it's ruining my day too. So I'm noding! DAMN!

Job boring, life sucking. I suppose maybe I should get off my ass and dust the lampshades and windowsill today. It's not like it's a big deal. I think I will. Yeah. I will.

I'm trading anime with my friend Mike. The only thing that sucks is he's getting a bunch of stuff from me and I'm getting stuff from him that just replaces what was lost, misplaced, or stolen from my collection through bad choices of loaning and a grabby ex-roommate. Suckage.

My 1,000-calorie diet continues, blandly. I'm impatient to actually see it working, but I can't tell--I have no scale, I haven't weighed myself somewhere else for at least like a month, and the full-length mirror in my bedroom is a "skinny mirror" like some kinda funhouse, bought because it was cheap and good enough for my purposes at the time. I miss eating lots of bread. It cannot be helped.

Today's menu:

½ cup cottage cheese: 80 calories
1 banana: 105 calories

1 slice of white bread: 110 calories
1 slice of lite cheese: 25 calories (and this stuff tasted like ass too)
10 baby carrots: 17.5 calories
5 fat-free saltine crackers: 50 calories
8 fluid ounces of Sunny Delight: 120 calories

1½ cups salad: 15 calories
2 tablespoons lite Miracle Whip: 70 calories
1 tablespoon Heinz Ketchup: 40 calories

1 Morningstar Farms fake hot dog: 80 calories
1 hot dog bun: 80 calories
1 tablespoon Heinz Ketchup: 40 calories
2/3 cup corn: 80 calories

Where did all the calories go??? Maybe my combination of slightly big breakfast and slightly big lunch made it so I have like nothing left over. My total today will be 912.5 calories, and that leaves me with only 87.5 to play with. I might have a grapefruit or some Wheat Thins later. Today I'm hungry. Dunno why. Maybe the stuff I ate was low-bulk and left empty space. Maybe I should drink more water.

Okay, so today I wake up at 10:30AM (which is particularly odd, having only fallen asleep at 5AM-ish) and there's banging at the house... I get out of bed and stumble, still only half awake, upstairs. I have no more balcony.
Apparantly my uncle ripped it out this morning, and the railing falling woke me up. So, alright... I've no more balcony... fine, I'm going back to sleep (waking to surrealism in your own house generally means it's time to head back to bed). So I go downstairs, and lie down in bed with my eyes closed. Not 3 mins pass, and there's someone knocking on my bedroom door.
"*deleted for security reasons*, wake up... you need to go to school today" It's my mom... and it's summer... why the hell do I have to go to school during summer? Then I remembered: I don't have the course prerequisite to get into Comp150. Fuck.
I email the instructor, and we have a conversation (me arguing why I should be allowed into his class, him arguing why I shouldn't) and FINALLY I convince him to let me into his class... Yay! I grab the forms, and drive down to school. His office is in the D building... the hidden one, by the shipping/receiving door. I wander around the D building for a while (I swear to god that building was made by the psycology department... fscking thing's a maze) and find his office, we spend 30 seconds filling out the paperwork, and then I go home.
What a pain in the ass of a day today was...

What a wonderful day! And a sad, boring, and lonely day. Early this morning, in the dark hours before I slept at 3AM, I lost my virginity to my best friend. It was wonderful. I was in Cookeville, Tennessee, visiting my friend for the past week. We didn't get much time to be alone, we had to spend much time with her family and her daughter and her ex-husband. But before I left, we stayed up late to share hours together making love.

I went to sleep at 3AM, and at 5:30 woke up to leave Tennessee. I flew to Toronto, and then on to home, Calgary. They were long flights, and extremely lonely compared to being with my love in Tennessee. I was comforted by the fact that my trip had been wonderful and a success, despite being scared of it being sucky. When I got home, I spent a nice 2 hours on the phone with my love before falling asleep.

A happy day. :)

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