1 cheese danish
1 small bag of cool ranch doritos (my distinctly identifiable breath can be smelled four offices away)
1 cup of coffee
1 large glass of orange juice
6 california roll
1 cup cold noodles with sesame sauce

i went to martial arts practice last night and as soon as i started moving around i felt really good. there was only a few girls in the class last night and i wound up partnered with a high-school aged boy. we sparred and clashed shins. i have a huge ugly bruise.

today i feel okay. i'll be going to practice again tonight so that tomorrow evening i can do laundry and pack for the upcoming vacation.

last night i woke up drenched in sweat again. i mean, i was soaked. even my hands were sweating. but i was terribly cold. i had to change my pajamas and the bed linens. i woke up an hour or so later only to find everything wet again, and me shivering cold. i don't know what is causing this. i'm not overly worried. it's just sweat. but it's uncomfortable and infringing upon my ability to sleep.

today was productive and exciting at work.

it's SNOWING!!!!

I really don't get the weather in new england.
The quote goes: "If you don't like the weather in new england, wait a minute."
I totally agree.
The last day of my internship in a local new media company. (Hold the cigar jokes, please. I'm male and I don't even wear a barret!) Next up we'll work on my new contract. Extra $$$ really couldn't hurt, those DVD:s aren't free!

For some reason, it has been a good noding day for me.. I seem to be full of energy and stupid ideas today. My write-ups have been quite short, which is surprising considering the fact that I once drove my finnish teacher crazy by handing him a 16-page essay, when the recommended length was 4 pages.

With this write-up I should make level 3. So if you'll excuse me, I'll go and search for some confetti.
There is truly no reason to be awake today. Weather is ok (about as good as it gets in Cincinnati). I'm wondering why these people pay me to sit here and admin their broken network (aka eat up their bandwidth). Someone just informed me that the internet is broken and I find that interesting.

mmmm.. good lunch, back to noding.

Things to do today:

  • Take iguana out of cage to run around a bit
  • water damn plants
  • get pricing on camber kit
  • shop for girlfriends birthday present (boooo)
  • finish reading Timequake (damn you Vonnegut!)
  • force boss into premature submission of power
I felt so goddamn sick this morning that the wife made me promise to stay home from work. Curently, I'm going to spend the day playing with my new napster, listening to defunct indie rock bands that my bud said was cool, and smoking - even though I'm sick with a sore-ass throat.

I also need a new keyboard cause I busted the spacebar on this one, so if you got an extra, ship it to me.

I have had my mind blown every few hours since he's been in town. I was nervous and jittery the whole day before he got here, but once I saw him, it all went away. We had been talking via IM for almost 5 months now, and this was our first meeting. I was a wreck. I knew I really liked him, that he had my heart by the strings before he even got off that plane. It terrified me how real he had become to me.

He said at dinner one night that he never could let me be real to him, not to his friends, or to himself. I sighed inside, always on edge that something I admit would somehow be enough to scare him off, make him not like me anymore. But, then he starts admitting things.

By the end of the first full day of his visit the day after I picked him up at the airport, he had told me he wanted us to date long distance through the summer. I knew that that meant something significant, that I was special. But it's a considerable distance between us right now, and I don't know how soon or when we could be in the same area, or how that would all work. I didn't care; I was on cloud nine.

Then we go to the beach the next day and he reaches to hold my hand. Later that night, I move to kiss him. Somewhere between the two, he told me he was tempted to look for jobs in this area. All the time, I'm half in shock and half expecting him to come clean that this is all some drawn out and hurtful joke.

So now I'm back at work, trying to get back into the swing after two days of nothing but him, nothing but the euphoria of being around him and everything going so smoothly. Despite my fear, this is what I hoped would happen all along. I just never thought it actually would happen. I wonder if I will ever allow myself to be happy, to be told that he is falling head over heels for me or that he would even consider me in his permanent future.

Trying to think about him is not the problem; thinking about anything else is.

Today is much like yesterday, in that I am moving and still sane. Frankly, this surprises me. I wake up every morning half-expecting to have finally lost my mind, gone loopy for good, but yet again I find myself smiling and chemically balanced. I feel like I am delaying the inevitable.

Rob calls. We chatter aimlessly about the future and my cat's sprained paw. I do not have the heart to tell him that I beat him for a scholarship even though he has an insanely high average and I don't. Friendly competition is fun until someone wins.

While driving I wonder if it is possible to love someone solely because of their musical taste.

Off the hook. Despite getting only about 5 hours sleep, I woke on time, and was only ~5 minutes late to work at 7AM. (Statistically, that's early, for me.) There was a training meeting for emergency evacuation procedures; I was concerned I might nod off, when they turned the lights off and started with the transparencies... But no, the whole show lasted maybe 10 minutes and I stayed conscious throughout. I didn't even have that not-enough-sleep-dry-eyes-fuzzy-tongue feeling.
Another job well-done. Finshed up the quarterly vendor performance evaluation for all the raw material suppliers. This has taken all month (on top of my normal daily duties) because no one here knows how to do a simple mail merge. Having this behind me means I can start a database, so I never have to manually format a letter to each vendor again. (It might even have been faster to hammer out the database beforehand, but THEY are always all like "iiiii, you can do it YOUR way after you have done it MY way, iiiii".) Note to self: Node Blue Oyster Cult's Astronomy lyrics.
Reading is fundamental. Last time I was at the bookstore, THEY were all out of 2600. Today is no improvement. I'll just have to console myself with a copy of the latest Heavy Metal. Last time I bought HM, I paired it up with a copy of Penthouse, and the Penthouse was a real disappointment. I'll give it another chance today. (I think I inherited this from my maternal grandfather; he always had a Penthouse or two by his recliner in the TV room, and one of my uncles left an apartment full of gay porn when he died of alcohol poisoning.) Linux Journal rounds out my selection. A last look around by the checkout, and a bargain book catches my eye: The Art of Creative Thinking. OK, I'll bite, it's only $6...
Woohoo!! A stray nodeshell gave me the idea for Whose Node Is It Anyway?, and an E2 Game was born! And it looks like it's getting off to a great start, and might be lots of fun and quite amusing...

Other than that nothing interesting at all.... the excitement of my life blares.

Ate all the Indian food I could eat from a buffet - $6.00. Good food. I had never been to the place before, because only one of my close friends has a car, and he doesn't like Indian food. Also, he heard a bad review of the place from a homeless person. Really. But it was good.

Didn't go to class today - I couldn't face it. I want to go home. I am burned out - yes, I am. I have to write papers tonight - maybe I will.
A two-postcard day, neither of them solicited, from Segnbora-t and iDeath, bringing my total Everythingite postcard collection total to seven, only two of them asked for.

One of them trumped the collection but since I'm so nice I won't (plainly) tell which one. Instead I will only share that the first was delivered by air mail (someone wanted to make sure it got here!) and was handwritten in groovy metallic ink and was sealed in an envelope with a happy mailbox sticker on the back saying MAIL TIME! (yes yes that's all good and wot, but when's MALE TIME!?), whilst the latter was written in the form of a nate-style word galaxy (see his homepage if you want to know what I'm talking about, or even better someone node it), included a button for the infamous button-hat (Can't sleep - the clowns will eat me!) and whose reception means I will not be getting any nudie pictures instead. At least, not for a while.

I'll leave my house today for the first time in three days! Egad!

Knifegirl, get better or I'll have to march down to Florida and beat you with the get well stick.

The movie night for tonight is being pre-empted by a double feature of Perfect Blue and Princess Mononoke at a local repertory theatre.

in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

This is for all you voyeurs out there, who love to read a life. if that's not you, ignore this.
There was a message from Scott on the phone when I got home from walking around wondering if he'd been just trying to get rid of me. He'd left the message while i was online, but i always forget to check. Dan picked it up. I wrote down his number with some co-op related notes, i don't know who i thought might be fooled. I'm so sloppy.
    We both know what i've been doing
    I've been intentionally bad at lying
    I hope i never improve my game
    'cause i would rather have these things
    weigh on my mind
    at the end of this tunnel of guilt and shame
    there must be a light of some kind.
Of course, Dan is so oblivious, totally absorbed in his own depressive state. My emotions for him are like a gestalt picture, swapping back and forth between loving and bleeding for him, and hating him for being so blind to anything but his own problems. I should know by now that there's nothing i can do for him. So i have to start doing things for myself. This is my excuse, feeble if you will. It's too late to call Scott back.

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