I dreamt that I was up on a high bridge watching the two remaining workmen breaking up large concrete blocks with their jackhammers. It was surprisingly quiet and calm up there. As I started walking back through the rubble, I thought that some of the "rocks" were interesting in size and shape, and could be used as decorative pieces in the garden. Then I remembered that they weren't rocks at all. They were only blocks of concrete, shaped by random blows from jackhammers and therefore were somehow not acceptable.

I climbed down from the bridge, stepping over large bags of cement and sand. As I reached the bottom of the wrought iron ladder, you met me there. With that look in your eyes and your soft quiet smile, we walked side by side and talked. This end of the bridge seemed to rest on the top of an old apartment building, and as we moved down the floors, we met people that you knew from your past. The first was a tall woman who continued to walk with us after the two of you greeted and hugged. As we walked, you met other old friends who would hug you and speak to you quietly and the tall woman would explain to me when the two of you had been close and what that friend had added to your life. She told me about people you had lost at those times in your life, and the changes in your life those loses had made.

As we moved through the floors of this building, and I watched you embrace people, and the tall woman continued her hushed explanations of the things that had happened to you, I saw the magnitude of your inner strength and I was ashamed that my love for you, in my eyes, had only caused you pain and that I was unworthy of you. I was like one of those shaped pieces of concrete. Initially catching the eye, but utlimately unacceptable.

I woke with a dull ache permeating my body and a tear in my eye.

- / +

  • Dan Ackroyd or knarphie drove me to my trumpet lesson. Getting out of the car he said and don't go bringing your damn vampire stories with you. They hate that.

  • At Pete's house which turned into his neighbor's house, Greg was there but older, a bunch of people I didn't know, and Alicia's older sister Fred. I opened a drawer and found a tiny basket full of stone monkeys. Could not get the damn drawer shut again.

    Some guy handed me the shoes I had left there, red heels. I held them and knew they were important.

    Petted Jamcracker before I left. he would not show any affection for the other kitten, frustrating everyone.

    I went to move things from one of my cars to the other. Why did I have two cars? Why did I have two battered metal Gremlins lunchboxes with the handles broken the same way? It was Sunday and there was a line of cars waiting eagerly for me to leave a parking space.

    Met Pete again in a different building. I don't think I ever did move my car. Meredith was there and leaned on me hard. We were in the gym, sort of, but everything was in black and white and the ocean was in the middle of the floor. What was more disturbing was the fact that physics had gone all wonky - a football bounced in my direction and thudded to the carpet at my feet. Meredith was worried, excited. Did you see that? I had, but I shhhed her and watched the gray waves not rising or falling, just kind of sludging forward against their invisible bounds.

  • My roommate Julie, thext's sister, who formerly shared the basement with me, informed me that there was a possibility we could engage in sexual intercourse if I could score her some marijuana and prophylactics.

    Quick as a whistle I was out of the house and searching for these magical items, not because I had the slightest desire to do her but because it was a cool night, I was on my bicycle and I'd needed an excuse to leave the house anyway - I'd been cooped up in here for two days without going outside.

    There was some unnecessary scariness in Little Amsterdam (looking unusually dock/warehousey), remnants of Fire-man's story about feeling irrationally threatened by a drunk junkie's inebriated lurch, but eventually the goods were got (at a good rate!) and I returned to the house to give Julie what she had asked for.

    Before handing over the flotsam and jetsam I asserted that I expected no reward for my services but did it out of the goodness of my heart, at which point she told me that the offer had to be retracted anyway as she had since learned that she was working tomorrow morning and thus sex was completely out of the question - she should be asleep right now! I smiled at that irrelevant information and went back to my room to make web-pages indexing Lovecraftian domain names, trying to ignore the smell of pot smoke and the sounds of Julie getting sexed up by someone else from across the hallway.

    in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

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