I dreamt that I was up on a high
bridge watching the two remaining workmen breaking up large concrete blocks with their
jackhammers. It was surprisingly
quiet and
calm up there. As I started walking back through the
rubble, I thought that some of the "
rocks" were interesting in size and shape, and could be used as decorative pieces in the
garden. Then I remembered that they weren't rocks at all. They were only blocks of concrete, shaped by
random blows from jackhammers and therefore were somehow not
acceptable.
I climbed down from the bridge, stepping over large bags of cement and sand. As I reached the bottom of the wrought iron ladder, you met me there. With that look in your eyes and your soft quiet smile, we walked side by side and talked. This end of the bridge seemed to rest on the top of an old apartment building, and as we moved down the floors, we met people that you knew from your past. The first was a tall woman who continued to walk with us after the two of you greeted and hugged. As we walked, you met other old friends who would hug you and speak to you quietly and the tall woman would explain to me when the two of you had been close and what that friend had added to your life. She told me about people you had lost at those times in your life, and the changes in your life those loses had made.
As we moved through the floors of this building, and I watched you embrace people, and the tall woman continued her hushed explanations of the things that had happened to you, I saw the magnitude of your inner strength and I was ashamed that my love for you, in my eyes, had only caused you pain and that I was unworthy of you. I was like one of those shaped pieces of concrete. Initially catching the eye, but utlimately unacceptable.
I woke with a dull ache permeating my body and a tear in my eye.