i'm glad you editors and gods had your fucking fun. i'm glad you got to blow off steam. you *do* put up with way, way more shit than you should have to from me, and from other users.


the initial pranks i saw were funny. n-wing's scripts were amusing as all hell. the fake trolls were funny. juvenile as all get-out, but FUNNY. stile was getting out of hand. and when "dman" entered the picture, that was way the hell too much.

and no. i'm not being a "poor sport". that's the worst part of all. due to various (and reliable) sources, i was *quite* aware from early on this was all a joke. well, except for you, general wesc. i believed YOU, hook, line, and sinker. and i'm glad to have you still here. and yes, that was funny.) the rest, i KNEW it was a joke.

i wish i didn't.

i'd have rather it been trolls and hackers.

editors, gods. i respect you guys. i look up to you guys. and until now, i trusted you guys. at one point in time, i hoped to join you. i don't wish that, right now. all these things have been damaged. a lot. yes, i know you're human. i know that. but the difference is *you have power*. you have the power within this system. and you abused it. the worst we can do is fuck up normally. you can fuck up on a much, much grander scale.


you *used* the power you had for your own motives. at least one of you did. maybe more.

like i said before. parts of it were funny. what was *unique*, was funny. when it started to involve real people, it lost its humor.

i was *here*, and i was watching and worrying, when the REAL stile invasion happened some months ago. i sat that out, i watched it, powerless, worrying. your impersonation of it brought up some fairly bad memories of the actual event. but it was still a prank, if not a distasteful one, at this point.

when you involved dman, you crossed the line. you *so* fucking crossed the line. you WERE in the wrong there. i refer, most specifically to the comments made about saige. that was a BLATENT abuse of power.

yes. dman treated saige that way. i know this. that doesn't make it right. i know, also, many of the gods and editors here severely *disliked* saige. some were openly hostile to her. but she's GONE. she left, mostly because of the behaviors she received.


those of you who hated her, you got what you wanted. she left. why was that not *enough*? why did you have to go throw a knife at the back she long ago turned to you?

you used the power you had, the power to open and manipulate at will other user accounts. and you put the words *you* wanted to say, in the mouth of another. another who is no longer here, either, to say if those still *remain* his words or not.

putting words in the mouth of one mute, to throw at another gone, is inexcusable. completely and utterly. it disgusts me you didn't say the fucking things yourselves. you were happy to say what you felt, if you could get away. but you would not take responsibility for it. you're no better than the people who used the everyone account to flame. the same account some of you were responsible for shutting down! you... are... no... better... at... all.


she actually gives a damn about me. she's offered me a listening ear and good advice more times than i can express.

i don't know what you have against her. and it doesn't matter. that's between you and her, and really none of my business.

but i refuse to stand by and watch a friend get knifed in the back, and not do a damn thing about it.

yes. i'm just a punk little kid. a college-aged smart-ass who thinks she knows it all. and one who *is* wrong a good deal of the time. yes, many of you have years on me, or experience i'd never dream of. yes, i'm still fairly new here, yes, i'm low level. that doesn't matter. this one time, i KNOW for certain. i *know* you were wrong here.

not in all the jokes.
not nearly in all the jokes.
humor is good.

but in parts of it, you fucked up. you ARE wrong. you were wrong. i know this much for sure.

e2 was always sort of a home to me. it was the one place online i still frequented that was sacred. sure, there was shit that went down all the time. but it was still ... it was home.

i've shared more with you, e2 as a collective, than i have with any person in the world i know in flesh (save one. but you know all about him already. i've told you that too.)

i've shared my heart. i've shared my thoughts and how i feel. i've shared deeply personal things. and i don't regret a minute of that. i don't begrudge having said the things i did. i'll continue to speak.

but, for a while, perhaps not quite as freely. not quite as openly. because this doesn't feel quite like home anymore. more like i'm visiting. spending the night at a friend's house. a good friend, yes. but not *my* home. and, childlike, in a place not quite mine... i have the tiniest bit of fear of what lurks under the bed. of claws coming up to grab me and drag me down and suck me dry of blood.

because i sat and *watched* as this was done to my friend. she was already dead, really. but i watched, horrified, as her corpse was defiled.

i don't feel safe anymore. not quite. not anymore.

happy fucking april fools yourself. you've done more damage (and NOT just to me) than i think you'll ever really know. have a nice day.