Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I solemly swear that 90% of my writeups will be about sports or Jean-Clade van Damme or journalism"

• if I can't be with you, then I'll write about you, or I'll write about something else
• This moment will never come again. Would you rather enjoy it or complain about it?
• "What *should* we be worried about?"; or how too many cooks make a statistically average soup
• Foam on the tide is no more or less real than the sea, it simply is, was, will be
• To women, to hide their teeth, if they be rotten or rusty
• There is not much new to say about snow, or about broken love
• assume the Party Escort Submission Position or you will miss the party
• Forming a bond with someone or something can be liberating in some ways. It can be limiting in other ways, until you unbind.
• The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
• We must remember them or they cease to be.
• Be there or be square
• Or at least it used to be
• Strange man makes permanent visit
• Would you be more of a Jekyll or a Hyde?
• Just Yes Or No Will Do
• there's nothing special about love or heartbreak
• Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool
• You can never be too rich or too thin
• You, standing
• It has been claimed that some or all of this article or section is incoherent and not understandable, and should possibly be reworded if the intended meaning can be determined
• make it two-ply, or I will gut you
• Will perfume or cologne make you more attractive?
• Is it as it is to do or is it as it is to be?
• It's too early to talk about God, or women
• Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
• I need your pain or I will not live
• Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!
• The die is cast, you will cut the mustard or face the music
• You must be 18 or older to enter
• I will be the first thing you will be thinking about after you wake
• ...or Not to Be: A Collection of Suicide Notes
• lost, or trying to be
• Look, I don't mean to be an asshole or anything, but...
• It's not that we're more attractive in the darkness or that one of us may be drunk
• Nothing new about Ancient Greece will be learned until the Vatican is plundered
• I can never be sure if it was real or just another illusion
• I must die or be better
• panamaus does the Antipodes, or Get yer shorts on Sydney, there be a NoderParty!
• Want to be shot in the US or beaten in the UK?
• There was never supposed to be an Episode 7, 8, or 9
• I hate you, or why we cannot be friends
• Rick Deckard, Blade Runner or unscrupulous bastard? You be the judge.
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing
• The UK's farmers, or How to reap a profit without worrying about pesky scruples
• happy as a clam or a lark or as happy as Pacino can be
• You Better Watch Out, or the Insects Will Get You
• Every poem about thunder was written under the protection of a roof, or, at the very least, an empty sky
• You can't predict or control what incidents in your life your friends will remember and retell
• Airport games that will get you arrested or beaten
• Disengage Quickly or the Seams Will Become Transparent
• Someday my life will be interesting, and I will come back and tell you about it then
• do you want to understand? or do you want to be right?
• Don't leave the house or you'll be shot for deserting.
• I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
• The Lord of the Rings IV: Stop or my Gollum will Shoot!
• I will REMOVE your "All your radical touching base are already occurred to the lesbian monkey puppy" philosophy on me if you don't eat my soy google balls, hatt-baby. Real or malarky?
• Until I die there will be sounds. And they will continue following my death. One need not fear about the future of music.
• Race-mixing will happen whether or not you want it
• To be or not to be
• Everything Quest: You kids stop your fighting or I will turn this car around so help me God
• The Tragedy of Prince Hamlet and the Philosopher's Stone, or, A Will Most Incorrect to Heaven by William Shakespeare
• Be a model or just look like one
• As the crow flies, or as the road winds, I promise you, I will arrive
• Get off my lawn or I will grab that vacuum cleaner on your porch and set you on fire
• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• The largest number that can be described in 14 words or less
• I want to be a whale when I grow up. Or a squid.
• Who is more likely to be color-blind, men or women?
• The guy who may as well already be dead and therefore doesn't care about the consequences of his actions and is able to move with perfect freedom for the remainder of what will likely be a tragically short life
• or i may simply be a single drop of rain
• Oh sneff, will you be my cook, my thief, my wife, and my lover?
• Boys will be boys
• she's the reason the dust i finally leave will be better than the dust i came from
• Oh, oh, you will be sorry for that word!
• I will always be weird inside
• False psychics in Florida will be charged with perjury
• Your first writeup will be nuked: Don't give up
• Your first relationship will be nuked: Don't give up
• My RPG will be a work of art
• I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library
• When will Linux be a good gaming platform?
• Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it
• To be this good will take Sega ages
• This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum
• Spiral, spin, ride the whirlwind, knowing when the drumming stops, there will be no second dance
• Marks which will never be broken
• Will the Atomic Bomb Ever Be Perfected, and If So, What Becomes of Robert Heinlein?
• non-standard analysis will never be mainstream
• You will be a tear-stained diary entry, and it will have been all your fault
• It will be a hot day and these two ice cubes. We will melt, become one.
• I fear I will be nothing
• The Rock Revolution Will Not Be Televised
• Carl Everett
• If I can just get Mike to the 24-hour Whipper-Snapper, I will be okay.
• If you tolerate this your children will be next
• There will be time
• If you tolerate this piss then your bitter will be next
• You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part
• The Revolution will be televised
• All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
• You might be a '90s kid if
• The strengths that opposed your will shall be obedient fire in your blood
• I will be your Berlin Wall, and I will never fall
• Someday, someone will be here unearthing my bones
• if everyone were 10% more good, there would be a 90% reduction in evil
• Will the Circle Be Unbroken?
• I have a feeling it will be in my dreams
• The war with the machines will not be fought on a battlefield
• If it be your will
• Survivors will be prosecuted
• Never give an order you know will not be obeyed
• When the log rolls over we will all be dead
• Three people who are spies and a horse who will also be a spy
• After today, for two people, the world will never be the same
• Her perception of how gorgeous she is will be evident in her lack of movement during sex
• If this was an Olympic Sport, I'd be world champion
• When we finally fall, it will be fast and sure
• There will be time, there will be time, to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet
• Someday we will all be crude oil and diamonds
• All scientific theories will eventually be disproved
• It will be in Georgia. It will be Taipei.
• The end will be a sellout
• In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes
• Can the Circle Be Unbroken?
• Will warez and filesharing be the salvation of freedom?
• These trains will be the death of me yet
• This Train Will Be Taking No Passengers
• Maybe when we drown the fish will be our friends
• The next life will be better
• I will be in my trailer!
• When my boat comes in, you will be the first to board
• Questions you will be asked when you study Chinese
• And there will be whores and rumors of whores
• This will be the hardest thing you ever do
• She tells stories as if she knows what the ending will be.
• I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh and they shall be drunk with their own blood like wine
• Will you please be quiet, please?
• All will be devoured within the jaws of terrible time
• Questions will be asked...AND DESTROYED! BY ANSWERS!
• There will never be another you
• I was not made for love songs, and love songs will never be made for me.
• If the earth won't be still, than I will.
• There will be no more stories to read
• One day, E2 will attain sentience. And I'll be there to see it.
• My subconscious is much smarter than I will ever be
• Anything you say can and will be used against you. (e2poll)
• I will always be in the details
• Who Will Survive, and What Will Be Left of Them?
• The revolution will not be webcast
• Even the dead will not be safe
• What life after death will really be like
• The television will not be revolutionized
• We are aiming for the worst and it will not be that bad.
• There will be nobody there to shed a tear
• This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down
• The monsters of the past will be long forgotten by the time the general populace is ever forgiven
• But, my dear sir, if you educate them, they will no longer be Baptists
• Men And Women Will Never Be The Same
• And it's one more good thing that will never be again
• I secretly admire Cruella De Vil. PETA will be kicking down my door any second.
• In the future, all turds will be perfectly round
• Accept this, and your next breath will be infinitely sweeter.
• I will go. I shall go. I'll see where the end may be.
• Will I cease to be
• node that will be my legacy
• A child who will clearly grow up to be as demented as me
• This Will Be Laughing Week
• As you graduate from college, you are the most conservative you will ever be
• When, if ever, will there be permanent peace in the Balkans?
• Time travel, as I think of it, will never be invented
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• Why Deeahblita will never be late again
• You will be wrong. Embrace it.
• We try to be friendly here. Those who are not friendly will be shot.
• It Will Always Be Here For You
• Who Will Be There
• Software Engineering should be considered a contact sport
• all the cute guys will be there
• I am not wrong. I will not be mended.
• Pay attention, this will be important later
• World peace is a beautiful dream that will never be achieved by the human race
• In the future, hairstyles will be just like they are now
• Maybe someday I'll be an M&M the color of your eyes
• Everything will be required of us, and everything will be given
• Job applications with spelling errors will be thrown away
• On the comet there will be much pie
• In twenty years your favorite song will be playing in an elevator

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