Can the type of paper you use have an effect on the quality of your work? Let's leave out, for the moment, the obvious cases of graph paper for graphs, etc. I've found that when I use certain types of paper, I am more careful, more attentive to handwriting and quality, than when using others. I do better, for instance, writing on e2 paper than on (american) standard 81/2 x 11. Things just ... feel better. The pen moves more smoothly, the writing looks more professional.

I'd been nearly two months behind in my Syntax homework. I figured I was doomed -- I'd squeak by with a C. Then I remembered -- it's all about the paper. A few pads of e2 later, and I was golden, scribbling away over the Thanksgiving weekend, catching up. The paper made it enjoyable.

(For the paper-deprived: e2 paper has nothing to do with Everything2. It's a type of paper with a grid on the back which shows faintly through to the front, allowing for neatness without photographic reproduction of the grid.)

Everything Day Logs
Yesterday | Tomorrow
Editor Log | Daily Evil | Dream Log

Everything Snapshot

Time: Fri, 1 Dec 2000 00:20:17 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_ssl/2.4.10 OpenSSL/0.9.4 mod_perl/1.21_03-dev

Number of nodes: 764369 (1449 new since November 30, 2000 [871.4 wa7])
Number of users: 20584 (60 new since November 30, 2000 [33.3 wa7])
Number of links: 2737531 (13371 new since November 30, 2000 [11124.5 wa7])
Number of writeups: 425643 (775 new since November 30, 2000 [459.0 wa7])
Number of cools: 48245 (212 new since November 30, 2000 [192.8 wa7])
Number of votes: 1458720 (9229 new since November 30, 2000 [7027.1 wa7])
Number of hits: 23912932 (137332 new since November 30, 2000 [125312.7 wa7])

Node to user ratio: 37.134 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 3.581 links per node
Link to user ratio: 132.993 links per user
Link to writeup ratio: 6.432 links per writeup
Votes to cools ratio: 30.236 votes per cool
Cools to user ratio: 2.344 cools per user
Hits to user ratio: 1161.724 hits per user

New Nodes: [November 30, 2000] [The Everything British-American English Dictionary: N] [Humans didn't evolve from sea monkeys] [E2 nuke request] [The Everything British-American English Dictionary: L] [Tom Wolfe] [all women] [The Everything British-American English Dictionary: H] [Some guy tried to sell me drugs today!] [The Everything British-American English Dictionary: F] [Socialism] [1595] [November 30, 2000] [The Everything British-American English Dictionary: A] [Boulder Hill]

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JeffMagnus node count: 4056 (1 new since November 30, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 9939 (11 more since November 30, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.450 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.531% (Via alternate method: 0.953%)
JeffMagnus node of the day: Lithium

Formerly at:

Some woman tried to sell me… something… today

So I was with some friends downtown, and I needed a phone. We pulled over in a loading zone, I hopped out, and went to a pay phone which was about a half block away. I stroll along towards it in the cool night air, reach the corner across the street from my phone, and am approached by a woman, who strikes me as a bit of a floozy. She asks:

"You like to party?"

I respond,

"Uhh, no. Thanks."

I scurry across the street and make my phone call, then return to my friends.

To this day I'm not sure what she was offering. . .


So okay, it was actually a couple years ago, but in the spirit of Some guy tried to sell me drugs today! I'll not let that little bit of fact interfere with a good story...
Good Morning Everyone!

Just popped in today and noticed with delight that this Eddie Cool Guy keep messaging about some one or the other cooling some of my nodes. Seems he is a Level 1 Initiate who loves to messages people. ;-}

Anyway, I've updated Statistics Every Writer Should Know as SgtCoolGuy requested. I'll be happy voting next.

See you later ... perhaps a little bit later now that I'm more on dmoz ...

A little bit later. Now I remember, why I spent way too much time on E2. I just found Nightshadow's A Starfleet Officer's Field Guide to First Contact (long humor) via Lord Brawl writeup in Editor Log: November 30, 2000.

Work sux. Rent sux. Ugh.

I finished reading M. Butterfly yesterday, but I really didn't think about it much until today. Interesting story, which I will write up when I get a chance.

I put a new poem up on Danlowlite's Poems, and in doing so I noticed some soft-links which seem really flattering, so I updated my homenode to celebrate my faux-self-esteem. At least I think they were made kindly.

I am at work for 8 hours, in the same room, doing nothing. I suppose I could write something, but I really don't feel that urge right now. And that's the problem. I don't feel anything right now. I'm plainly tired. That's it. Sad, ain't it.

I figure I should add at least 1 chapter before I print it out, so that I can go over it all.

I'm listening to the new GYBE! album, and it's cool, but I still feel bummed.

Rent is due today. Which reminds me that I have zero dollars free cash. I spent money on food today, and it probably wasn't the smartest thing to be doing.

That's enough whining, I suppose.

what a mind fuck. i just got back from the vascular surgeon tonight and he seems to think that i do infact need to have surgery to get gid of my thoracic outlet syndrome. after getting the x-rays back from the other doctor, i was under the impression that because the cervical ribs that the x-rays would have shown, are not there, i wouldnt have to have surgery. NOT THE CASE. DAMMIT!!! so now i have to go talk to some other doctors and get thier input, to see if i really do have to have the surgery or if there's anything else i can have done to fix it.

well, what ever does happen, i know that i will be in good hands. when i was talking to my girlfriend about it, she assured me that if i were to go in to have surgery, she'll be right next to me both right before i have it done, and right as i wake up from it. that's a wonderful feeling. and as my good friend yablo says: "sigh"

it is hard to settle. it is hard to exist here. i have changed, again, or perhaps i'd already changed and being away just finished the transition off nicely. i am not who i was a year ago, a month ago.. i still don't know who i really am or where exactly i am supposed to be, but at least i know for sure that it is not here.. it is too hard to simply be me, when there is nothing. i am not sad, but my head is not right, i am not so sure as if it will be at any point in the near future.

i am so far away..

am i supposed to be doing something now? where do i walk.. what do i say? does anyone here want to know what i am really thinking? yes, i do, i know the answers to my own questions before they form in tangled thoughts.

i felt so comfortable so many times, i do not get that feeling often.. not often enough. it means a lot.. it means everything, to me.

close your eyes, i'll cut you inside..

i am here and waiting. i do not want to wait, so much, anymore. it used to feed me, the waiting and hoping and knowing something new would come along, and of course it will, in time. there is just too much time, anymore. i wish i could feel one way, strongly.. instead, i simply feel terribly distant.

i am so far away, from here.
I'm at my mothers for the weekend. She had to get some surgery done, and I'm helping look after her and my little brother Charlie until she recovers.

Jes is working insane hours, and we see each other mostly in passing now. Mind you, I just finished up my contract for CHUM, so I might be working insane hours as well, if they decide to take me on full-time.

...

Juno Reactor is playing a set with Alex Paterson of The Orb, on Sunday. Here's hoping I get to go. I don't think there's gonna be a show as good as this one anytime in the near future.

...

I might be playing another LARP game, on Saturday. I haven't played regularly in at least a year, and it's worth giving another chance, I figure. My character concept is fairly simple, and there's lots of room for development, and with any luck, it'll bounce off other people well.

Again, we shall see. All things are pending, it seems.
I've been late to work three out of four times this week - and that one day everyone was late. Maybe it's because of skill, maybe because I'm a temp and a reprimandation would be a waste of time - regardless, I'm enjoying it, it's nice to be able to show up late without being hassled - I was almost fired from Circuit City for being perpetually late. But that's just how I am, it's a bad habit - I decide to head out, but then I forget my coffee - or my keys. Or I feel the urge to check my email one last time, might as well see how my nodes are doing, well that looks interesting - and then ten minutes have passed. Terrible.

That black dog that always runs in the street in front of the Barn looks like it has rabies. I've never seen that bitch wag its tail and it barks at everything that passes, often growling and acting like it will attack. Today, I was working on a figure by the entrance (fish) when the dog came up to the fence and started growling. On a second glance I noticed that it was foaming at the mouth. Everyone else at work just acknowledges it, after all we are working in the ghetto, people get shot everyday - no one cares about a dog with rabies.

But I do. I don't want to get 26 shots in the stomach, so I'm carrying my blade nearby. If that dog comes close...

After work I picked up Andreea's birthday present, the $270 keyboard - After a bit of haggling, I paid $250. Too bad it weighs 40 pounds, shipping will cost a nice bundle. =(

Hi. Remember me? Sigh. I turn 23 in a week. I haven't been on much since sometime around the Halloween fire in the basement. I don't know why. Something to do with my utter lack of creative energy, maybe. Art is impossible at the moment. My life is confusing. ... Maybe I should go watch Whispers of the Heart again, except then I'd be melancholy afterwards.

Melancholy.

It's a good antique word, and aptly describes my frame of mind.

Today is my birthday. I'm 23 now. Every time I think about it I feel old. It's the same feeling I had when I just turned 22, but after a while I told myself I was only 22, so I felt young again. I hope to get that feeling back soon.

What I'm going to do today? I don't know yet. I've taken the afternoon off from work. I'm not going to celebrate my birthday, I just don't feel like it. Instead, I think I'll watch a movie or go to a record store to see if they have some good records.

My grandmother will probably come over in the evening to congratulate me, as will a few friends (not many. I haven't invited anyone but they can come if they want).

It's been probably more than a month since I've made an addition to everything2. I'll start up small again: a day log.

Date with my new XY chromosome friend today. I think I'm temporarily entertained. He's so captivatingly and childishly inquisitive - we'll be walking along and he'll lag behind to look at an opened chocolate bar or a hole in a wall or something. He reminds me of that certain person - but a pale imitation. Unhealthy? Perhaps. Doesn't feel that way just yet.

The words on everyone's lips: "But I thought you were gay!". I don't even attempt a reply. Outwardly unconcerned, even breezy. It's uncomforting summer here and I can't manage any other state.

--------------------------------------------------------
Interesting - I just got downvoted for this comparatively non-angsty node. Who downvotes a daylog, honestly?

It is the first day of summer in Australia. Typically, the weather does not reflect this.

In Sydney, it is raining - as it had been on/off for the last 2 weeks. And it's colder... like 17 degrees C right now. It was warmer over the last few days. There were lots of sweet young things in singlet tops!

I've never had a white Christmas.

back | days | forth

The cold rain stings my cheeks,
The chocolate bar has added 4 inches to my tummy,
I wake up to my fiancee's lovely voice,
I don't care that I top up my coffee cup with espresso,
Mark is talking about Fantavision,
I'm wearing a T-shirt when everyone else has a sweater on;
This friday morning is a good time to be alive

9:20 GMT

I went shopping last night, taking advantage of the late night shopping thursday in Basingstoke town centre. It wasn't too busy; everybody seems to have mastered the art of walking with a mobile phone and shopping bags without bumping into anyone. I too was walking with a mobile phone; even though I was talking to my mother to arrange to meet her at work, I felt a part of our modern society. It's nice to run with the flock for once. I managed to conquer my initial urges to spend spend spend by refusing to draw any money from the cashpoint. This allowed me to walk around the different shops unfettered by impulse buying. (I have no valid credit cards, dear reader) As I walked around, I peeked into the different woman's clothing shops, looking for inspiration for Dana's presents. The country crafts store seemed to have lots of nice things, but many were very overpriced. Why does a piece of cheap soapstone carved into a polar bear garner a 20 pound price tag? That would be one thing I dislike about periods of economic prosperity; shopkeepers and businesspeople assume that people will pay over inflated prices. But looking through all these shops has allowed me to formulate my list of presents and christmas trinkets.

I've never really understood the christmas present buying fever before; I've always bought presents quickly and taken little time over choosing them. But having someone to buy for has changed my mind. I wander through the different shops thinking about how pleased she would be to receive this or how nice that would look around her wrist or neck. I am beginning to realise that there is as much pleasure in the giving as the receiving. Looking at small presents for her while Coldplay's Trouble is playing in the background has to be one of the warmest feelings I have felt. It is so wonderful to be so secure in the knowledge that this will induce a squeal of delight and a shower of little kisses over my face. Of course, this could get out of hand; there are so many little things I want to buy that she may feel as though I am overwhelming her and that she needs to reciprocate. I shall have to put across my feelings adequately; I derive great pleasure in the giving, the receiving is nice as well, but seeing her open the presents and smile at me will be a wonderful feeling.

It really is the thought that counts; simply splashing out on an expensive gift can be an empty gesture. It's far nicer to know that the giver has spent time choosing a gift, and is also getting a great kick out of the giving as well.

Hmm, all this talk of presents has made me lose my train of thought... Ah, yes. Shopping in town last night. I spent some time looking at the different home furnishings stores. I want to buy throws and cushions, candlesticks and bedside tables. I want my little house to look homely for Dana, a place where she will be comfortable for the two weeks we will spend together. I think that I can manage to buy some throws and cushions, but the bedside tables will have to wait. It's a pity, the pine furniture I was looking at is very nice, and not really too expensive. I will have to recalculate my money situation and see what I can do.

13:19

...and again, I wrestle with the problems of Waking Up. Well, fortunately nothing to do today...

Last night I made a Rare Thing and spent all cools and votes. That was hard. Really hard.

I saw the haiku node, and then (speaking of poetry) noticed I had not finished the "RGRNCA meets Kalevala" thing. So I finished it...

http://rgrnca.cjb.net/songs/kalevala.html

I might node it, but noding in Finnish would not help many here...

15:26

Five spamules.

Five.

E-mail isn't fun.

17:12

Updated some of my online-RPG-related pages. Sketch updated to newest version. Debian still doesn't seem to have a recent (post-4.0) version of Amaya...

21:19

Well, I drew a picture of a dragon. That's all. I'm supposed to wake up early tomorrow...


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: Battlezone (supplementary)

Updated:

welp, i ordered jenn a blender (osterizer, like she asked for) and an ice cream maker. so that leaves chris and craig to buy gifts for. oh shit. i completely forgot my step mom. doh! i'll figure something out. i'll make something for her. maybe some pretty bars of soap.

today i will work, then go home and grab cozmo for dinner at my sister's house. speaking of my sister, an article in the washington post revealed that three men arrested for attempted murder of a cop in gaithersburg are old friends of hers. weird.

time to start working... more later
this is more of a week log, but here goes..

I had my first real kiss in over a year on sunday, but not just on sunday, Crys and I started sunday night and continued kissing until monday afternoon.

On Monday evening, Crys told me that it was a bad idea. She gives many reasons, the first being that she lives down the hall.

On Tuesday evening, we spend hours talking, and to my dismay, Crys decides that we should go back to being just friends.

On Wednesday evening, I sleep over at Pun's apartment, just to get out of the building. She recieves phone calls from her boyfriend, and does not answer them.

I spent most of Thursday with Crys. We act like nothing happened, and we both feel a little more comfortable being friends. However, Thursday night I return to my room for sleep, and curl up under my blanket. My blanket still retains her scent and I think of crys. I write this:

to feel her lips
to taste her mouth
to desire her tongue
wishing for her taste
to be held by her
to hold her close
to pull her near
never wanting to part
to cherish her warmth
to burn in her blaze to lay beside her fire
blowing upon the coals

And the plan for Friday is to get drunk with crys and see what happens.

Arrived at oh-dark-thirty to find that our HP-UX server had not come back up properly after its backup. Worse yet, nobody was answering the tech support line. Uttering a few silent prayers and a few audible curses, I shut off the power, counted to 10 (for emotional, not technical, reasons), and turned it back on again. It worked!

Checked my mail and saw that our Linux server had some filesystem problems during its backup, so I rebooted that the nice way, reboot -n. Everything seemed to be fine, except that it had no earthly idea what eth0 was or why I would want to use it. (This means it was a perfect server except for the fact that it was completely inaccessible on the network. Pretty damn secure, though.)

Rebooted it a few times, checked the ethernet cabling, tried manually configuring eth0. No dice. Decided to blow the dust off the NIC and see if that helped.

Couldn't find the key that unlocks the chassis, so I pried the front of the case off with my bare hands. There was dust everywhere: under the front panel, on the CD-ROM drive, on the floppy in the floppy drive, in the ... the floppy in the floppy drive? Eject. "New Kernel". Oh yeah, that's right. It hadn't worked last time either. Er, I mean, it was dust on the network card. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So finally everything was okay. What do you mean you can't get your e-mail? Oh, crap on a crutch... I started diagnosing the POP3 daemon's woes, and it suddenly decided to start working again. Go figure.

So finally everything is okay. I think...

Oooohhh. This morning I felt GOOD. All day yesterday I had a hangover. The mother of all hangovers and the father-of-all-hangover got together again for one night to make a little baby BASTARD of a hangover just for me. It was self-inflicted of course. No-one ever had a hangover without it being their own fault. I hope not anyway (I'd find it difficult to imagine ... unless you have some pretty evil friend who thinks its funny to feed you Vodka in your sleep...)

Oh yes. Vodka. 50:50 Vodka and Orange. The Screwdriver. HmmmHmmmm. I love Vodka and Orange even more than beer. Between 4 of us we got through 8 cans and 2 bottles of Vodka. So yesterday morning I woke up feeling really thirsty, and like my brain was 2 sizes too large for my head. I felt a bit better after

  1. taking a Shower
  2. 2 glasses of water
  3. 1 mug of tea
  4. 2 paracetamol
  5. A number 2
Sitting down, however, made me very nauseous, and I threw up. Not pleasant. I hate throwing up. I really hate blowing bits of last-night's-rice from my nose after throwing up. I REALLY hate smelling my own puke for 2 hours after throwing up. Not nice. All day yesterday I felt like death. I got very little work done because I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was going to node my hangover but it was too depressing.

Today is the 1st of December. In my Cadbury's Advent Calendar this morning, I got a chocolate in the shape of a Christmas Cracker. I forget what the picture was. The drive to work was heavenly for two reasons.

  1. I didn't have a hangover. Hurrah
  2. BBC Radio 1 was playing some really cool tunes. It was half an hour of a particular year. I never got to hear what year it was (arrived at work too damned soon)
Today was a good day.

E2 activity:

  1. Wrote some lyrics nodes and one on Ace of Base. Not a lot of inspiration. Will research and node the (3? 4?) Ace of Base albums on Monday.
    I don't know WHY I'm noding Ace of Base. It's out there, and it's fair game - but I don't really like them. The guy sat next to me knew all the names of the band members, and even pointed me at their fansite. Scary.
  2. Fixed a couple of typos in Who shall we eat?
  3. Reached 200 writeups. Whoohoo. One-fifth of the way until I get there!
I want to write a story. I have decided this. I'm going to write a story, and it won't just be any story. I'm going to write the elusive great American novel.

The first line, I'm certain, is going to be "This story begins with the day in my life in which I first realized that all human beings are complete idiots."

My friend, Brian, suddenly decided to go [PMS on me on Tuesday, and now he's not talking to me. He's apparently very pissed off at me (why, I don't even know - he keeps telling everyone that he is, but then he never gives them a reason). I guess it's possible that it could be because I'm so friendly with him (but that's his own fault - he thinks I'm just out to use him for sex, I just want the comfort of his touch). Or maybe because I left him at school on Tuesday (again, his own fault - Seth and I left the cyber lab with him inside still noding, and we told him to hurry up, and that we'd be in the car. I pulled up to the door, and 10 minutes later he still hadn't come, and that was after he left about a minute behind us. He can't act like I didn't warn him.).

I really can't wait to get out of this place. Kara's party's going to be a blast, and we're planning a kickass spring vacation trip. :)

They finally made up their mind. The curriculum was approved and Japanese 5 is getting AP credit. This is good... for me. However, now it's almost like I'm stealing valedictorian from Danchai, and I feel very bad about that. I want to work it out so that we can tie, but... it's very difficult, probably impossible, because of the problems we've all been having with my schedule.

Only time will tell.

I can't believe it's December already!
Tonight, I will be with my Love again but in a very different and unique setting. We'll be in the Royal York in downtown Toronto enjoying my/our first company Christmas Party. I'm looking forward to seeing people in our company dress-up differing from the everyday.

10:22am EST
I just found out that the new Focus RS will be out next year! (Well, at least in the UK.) I am aching to get it even though I've already leased a Focus ZX3. I'm sure my dealer will love me for making the decision to buy it.

on a related event -
I told my Love last night that if she were to go to Japan, I would buy myself a new set of O.Z. Wheels for my car. I figured that something had to make me a little happy if she were to go. I just can't bear feeling all down and depressed if she were to leave. Yeah, a set of high-priced aluminum wheels is the way to compensate for my inadequacies.

11:00am EST
I'm starting to work yet again on my UCD Plan. I don't think anyone is listening to me at work. I also don't think anyone knows the importance of having me and more people like me around, especially in the early stages of development.

Well... a new month... so heres the stuff...

Notable Notables

Here they are, in no particular order:
  • New word of the month:Repugnant (Yes, I saw Pinky and the Brain)
  • Phrase of the month:I must find out how to destroy the world with this Mach 3 Razor!
  • Today is my 7 month aniversery with my sweet girlfriend, Robin. Sad thing is, I don't get to see her until tomarrow... *SNIFFLE*
  • Got in my senior research(ed) paper today... well I hope I get it in today... hum....
  • Best pen to chew on this month: The Papermate Med. Pt. pen. Yum.......

    That's all folks... (One hell of a boring month)

  • Well this happened on Wednesday going in to Thursday according to the time. I can say it was a fun midnight. I got back from work that day with my friend clearpebbles; I opened her gate for her so she could go in. The first thing that popped in to my head was, "I don't want to go home," so I asked, "what are you going to do tonight?" She said, "Node and stuff". I asked her if she wanted to do anything. The first thing out of her mouth was, "it’s late," but she made this funny face and she said, "Ok what?" So I asked her if she wanted to smoke she said she couldn't but somehow I convinced her to do it. So we agreed to meet at 12:00, which was just about 20 minutes away. As I was on my way to her house the phone rings, its her, and she tells me that her step dad is still awake and she can’t go out the front door. I told her to try to get out through her window so she said she would. I walked over and I guess it took her a while to get out the window because 20 minutes later she came, but it was cool. So we said "hi" to each other and go about our business. Out of nowhere her cat popped out. This is a weird cat you see because it acts all innocent but is really evil. This cat licks you and then bites you. We were there for a while, as we headed back to her house we noticed like a light on in the kitchen and well she got worried so we decided to stay and wait while longer. I started to babble about stuff that I guess I needed to get out and I really can't trust anyone else than her so I felt secure telling her what I was. There was one that made me cry it involved my mother and how I think that she doesn't give a shit about me any more. I guess it all started when she found our pot in my room four times already. And well she was the only person that I thought cared for me so I felt sort of sad and lonely because no one cared for me and that is what got me to start to cry. I looked over to pebbles to see what she's doing and well she’s crying too. She said she was crying because she felt the same. So then I started to cry even more and so did she. I wanted to hold her but I knew how much she would hate that because it’s coming from me so that’s what stopped me but in time I guess we got over it. Around 2:00 AM we decided "fuck it." If there was someone there we would just have to take the risk. We walked up to her window I held the screen open with one hand and carried her up so she could go in and then I said bye. What she doesn’t know is that I stayed under her window for like 15 minutes more because I started to cry again. That lonely feeling came back so when I finished crying I went home. That was the first time I had ever helped any one sneak back in to their room through their window.

    There's this Starbucks at Astor Place, near the subway; I stop there after arriving downtown on the 5 and 6 trains to have a cigarette before work. This morning, there was chalk-written graffiti all along the sidewalk, from Broadway-and-8th to the Starbucks entrance, graffiti along the lines of "BOYCOTT STARBUCKS", "$tarbucks OWNS you", and "STOP BUYING, START LIVING", perhaps scrawls in sympathy with the first anniversary of the Seattle protests. There is, unbelievably, a second Starbucks here, on the other side of Astor Place (about a block away); I didn't have time this morning to look for chalk etchings near there.


    I've found an apartment; I wanted a place somewhere south of downtown Manhattan's 14th Street, and, after several grueling weeks, I found one -- in Brooklyn. I saw the place last night, after killing a half-hour walking around the neighborhood; unlike the North Bronx (my hometown and current temporary HQ) and Manhattan (where my job searches were, and where I work), my trips (two) to Queens and Brooklyn for apartment-hunting were like stepping out of my mental picture of what NYC is; it was more like, in the case of Astoria, Queens, like visiting part of Brookline, Massachusetts, while the part of Fort Greene I saw last night reminded me, at various times, of visits and residences in Richmond, Virginia, Pittsburgh, and other cities.

    Getting this apartment was a cinch. In contrast to the madness of apartment-hunting in downtown Manhattan -- having often to see a studio with a crowd of other wannabe tenants (one of the last places I saw, I squoze into a teeny-tiny elevator with three other people to get to a third-floor apartment; the other ten hopefuls took the stairs), then jump through various hoops (at my last trip to a realty office, they made copies of my last three paycheck stubs, my employer's offer letter, my last bank statement, and the dental X-rays of my first born, plus the obligatory running of the credit check, at my expense, of course). My trip to Brooklyn was more like the laid-back atmosphere down South; in the owner's absence and the broker's tardiness, a friend of the owner let me in. I took a look around for a few minutes, said I liked the place. The broker arrived; she spoke a little with the owner's friend, in French (I caught little of it, but he was confirming that I would be the sole tenant). The broker pulls out a lease, and I would have gone ahead and signed it, but we decided to wait until this morning; the owner won't be around until Saturday anyway, so, for now, I'm locked out of my new swinging bachelor pad (/me ducks from the flying Swiss Army Knife).

    Utilities and such (DSL!), I'll worry about later; I still have to go to North Carolina, to finish packing up pingouin World HQ, which wouldn't fit in the car when we drove up here in May.



    I was thinking about the ridiculous rents and rituals one has to endure downtown, and figured that the likes of Debbie Harry, Tom Verlaine, Bob Dylan, and Lydia Lunch, et mucho al, probably enjoyed dirt-cheap rents back in the day when they emigrated there from small-town Middle America. Chelsea Girl probably would experience sticker shock at current rents, and don't get me started on my visits to Soho, where the first thing I saw upon exiting the subway was some Armani boo-teek, and similar wastes of space. Makes you long for a recession that clears out the yuppies. In place of La Lydia and Zimmy, we have people like the guy I saw traipsing down First Avenue the other day, jabbering into a cell phone about his band's next gig and their impending deal with TVT, exuding all the "charm" of a cross between "Baby Huey" (my old manager and radio colleague) and some frat-boy business-administration major. Rock on, ya wuss!


    So I've got a pad. I'll eventually have my crap set up, and begin various projex in earnest, like finishing the Java version of my website, building up a new sound library for my (real and virtual) synthesizers, and somehow integrating open source tools like Csound and jMax with Pro Tools (or a similar audio platform). Once the aforementioned crap is in place up here, I'll begin to have some degree of normalcy in my life again, at least as much as one can have when one would much rather be living in a Fijian tree house, playing a bamboo flute all day.

    But that will have to wait until after the IPO.

    /me takes a look at the YTD for various tech stocks...

    D'oh!

    End of the day or just about. Its 11:07.

    Accomplishments today

    Today is my most nodeful day ever. (going for 3); Acquired some questionable substances from a friend; made dinner; Did some stuff in school; Nothing spectacular, 'cept I am proud to have finally put into words my proof for e^i(theta)=cis(theta).

    Analysis

    Well I am glad to have time to write, but, sometimes it feels like I'm spewing bullcrap. Not this time though. With my proof I really feel a sense of accomplish, far greater than finishing any physics lab or history essay. This was my choice and I feel better for letting the world know about it.

    As for substance abuse, I just think now is time of reflection on change. Since my two years in finland, a great deal of change has occured. I've gone from a somewhat apathetic lazy minded but intelligent person, who gushed what was taught to him; to a more open minded active thinker(largely philosophy), who is beginning to make his own decisions. I no longer repeat what was ground into my head 4 years ago. Instead I decide what is true or not. But still at this time of reflection I do wonder would I be friends with myself two years ago? Then I would've spouted something trite and unthinking about my behaviour now, whilst my now-self would argue to no avail with my past-self.

    The other things seem trite, but nonetheless I've fed myself, and I learned information of a calliber les valuable than knowing the torque of cylindrical ball bearings to spherical. So here I sit sippng my float pondering the irony of life, coming to no conclusion except that it is there.

    There is a speck of cadmium blue acrylic paint on my jeans. I wasn’t painting today. These pants came straight from the laundry. Sabotage? I think so! But it came off with only a little begging, so I have won for the time being. So many enemies.

    Another day in the life of kaytay. I like being me. This is perhaps the first time I’ve voiced this thought out loud. In fact, this is possibly the first time I’ve had that thought, period. What made today so great, you ask? Nothing in particular. Here’s how it went:

    Anatomy class this morning was rather interesting for being entirely composed of fragmented and often senseless tangents. Mr. Myers loves the circulatory system, and knows more about it than any three doctors stuffed together in one pair of pants. His son was born with four heart defects, and had to have surgery when he was only ten weeks old. His son, Jesse, is five years old now, and in excellent condition. He always relates the content of our lesson to personal experience, which makes it a lot easier for us students to understand him. He’s a nice guy, even if he does mark me tardy every other day.

    Seminar was seminar, nothing special and nothing not special. We filled out the court nomination slips for the Snowball dance coming up on the 16th. I wrote the names of people I didn’t want to win in the provided space -- example:

    1. Please do not elect SO AND SO
    2. SO AND SO eats children
    3. SO AND SO’s mom made me write his name here

    Oh so mature, wouldn’t you agree? The same people win every time for every dance every year.

    Sixth hour was uneventful. Mr. Christopher made the entire symphony band trombone section stand up, just to show how much taller they were than him. The tallest of the group, a certain Mr. Nieuwkoop, is well over 6’6”. Being tall is the shit, even if people like Andy make me feel pathetically short.

    I drove Meagan and myself to lunch today. I made every single green light between Riley and Butternut all the way past James and Lakewood and through to Taco Bell on River. Then I realized I had been going a little too fast. But I got there safely – that’s the important thing. I promise to be more careful in the future. Really. I’m getting a radar detector for Christmas.

    Had my French test on chapitre dix today. It went fairly well, and I was on my way home before two o’clock. We have finals next week, both the oral and written parts. I’ll just be glad to get them over with.

    I’m now on my way back to school to see the student vs. staff basketball game with Bobby. I’m sure it will be exciting, especially since the students lose badly every single year. How encouraging.

    Today was a typical day.

    It did start off badly however, I woke up with a horrible head cold. I am guessing that I caught it from my girlfriend. This is no good. Thank God for Sudafedtm.

    School went fine.

    Work went fine.

    I went to dinner with my little brother on account of my girlfriend being at some Korean church gig. Feh. I am very much looking forward to spending some time with her tomorrow to see if the growing feeling of loathing is really there or not.

    Day after tomorrow is when I am going to Dave Matthews (which also happens to be one of the poorest written nodes on e2 at this point, soon I shall fix that); but not until after I have endured a classical concert with my g/f. Hopes for better, more exciting days is what keeps me going.

    What the fuck do you want from me?

    Nothing? Why then was I dragged all over creation for this? I was not expecting bliss, I just wanted some duct tape and glue to put those delicate pieces of ours back together.

    Yes, I'm being accusing now. What the hell? I am not imaginary, I am not some figment of your personality that you can just tuck behind some grins and charm.

    Don't try to talk your way out of this one. One week and ....nothing? And I thought I'd save you from your brooding, yet here I am the one standing alone. Actually, no, I'm going out, going drinking, even 'get high with my friends'. I do have better things to do than wait, hurting by the phone.

    Your world doesn't change, but mine is set upsidedown, like a Yoplait yogurt, and this is okay? Just who the hell do you really think you are?

    And no, you are not coming out smelling like roses. Something in the mail, my ass! Why can you not just stop hurting me, asshole? Make up your fucking mind. Just make one single, meesly descision. And I know you'll read this, so all I want to know is when do I get to say "Pet me!"?

    The first of December. My thoughts lately have been focusing more on the approaching holiday season, and less on my schoolwork. What to get everyone, what to get everyone and still be able to eat and pay tuition (those are definitely two different things)... I have been thinking very philosophically about the season. So, without further adieu, may I present

    PhysicsChic's Holiday Reflections

    I am starting to see how people can get dishwashers or socks or underwear and actually be happy about it.

    WTF? Am I getting more mature or something?

    Wow, It's been a long time since I last did a daylog. I've been having a little trouble staying on the net; the Highwind (my linux box) has been up for 52 minutes now. That's almost it's record uptime for the week. It's got a bad DIMM and I had misconfigures some X settings. I think it spent more time fsck-ing yesterday than it spent online. Blah

    This morning I grabbed Neuromancer from the library on a lark. The book is fucking amazing, I've been glued to it since morning. I love the way Gibson sees the future.

    I'll end here, I think I've been roped into watching "Airplane" again.

    I am suffering from a 3-year writer’s block. I wanted to tell about my day, about how my faux-professor soured it and that Julie has red hair, that the Fashion Design students always dress up, that my subconscious is swallowing the wrong information (stuff I stayed up nights studying) and spewing out things I'd rather not know, that the psychology survey kept accusing me of being an alcoholic in denial, that my psychology professor looked at me funny, that Alex said my college is fucked up and crooked and that it isn't art, but the frat house with Corinthian columns is. But, I'm sorry, I just can't tell you about that because I don't know how.

    I'm tired and I'm bored. The two combine in my psyche, making my head hurt and my heart feel emptier than it should be. I want to do something, anything. I want to accomplish. I want to do something for the ages. But nothing comes to mind. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut... Nothing is happening. The day goes by, and tomorrow I'll feel the same way.

    Lately, I've been thinking too deeply. I don't know... it just feels like there's absolutely nothing to do. I'll be here, hopefully, for fifty, sixty years more. Then I'll die. And what? What? I'll slip into obscurity... nobody'll go, Oh, there's Mason, he's the person that had 2000 mp3s! or something... maybe I should try to learn a programming language. At least then, I might be able to do something instead of sitting here musing about doing nothing. So how 'bout it? Anybody want to tutor me?
    Dec 2 12:39 AM

    I got a flu shot this morning when I walked into work. I heard they were in short supply this year, so I figured why not (the company was paying). My mom is an RN and even she has not been able to get one yet.

    I accomplished most of my work today. I have to go into work tomorrow though since a cow-orker messed up his script and left me hanging with no data to process. Damn it. Not that I have anything to do on my weekend anyway, but it would be nice to spend it slacking however I want.

    I left work a little early since everyone else did (the boss left early). I had chinese food for dinner, so I waited until 10pm to go to the gym, which closes at 11. I walked for 40 mins, which came to 447 calories burned. That was approximately the input I had at lunch (Wendys chicken salad and a small frosty).

    My belt no longer holds up my pants on the default most-worn-out notch, so I took it up one more, but that's the last notch before I start poking my own holes in it. I'm not losing much weight though. I checked it, and I'm still at 240lbs.

    My mood is kind of neutral tonight. Not feeling too energetic or excited, and not feeling too depressed or lonely. Sometimes it feels good just to not feel anything.

    Proceeded to write amusing day log. Mozilla crashed. Caffeine pills wore off. Decided not to retype day log and went to sleep.

    This morning was boring. This afternoon was boring. Well, I'm boring, but hey, who's counting?

    Spent half the afternoon in a brooding frenzy, ready to split that guy's lip the next time I see him. So is it too much to just ask to be friends? If he doesn't want to talk to me, all he has to do is say, "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk right now." This is not fucking rocket science here!! In the past four days, I've said hello to him, I've asked him a small question here and there, just to see if there's a chance of any type of friendly banter, and what does he do? Nothing. Says not a word. Does not ask how I am. Does not fucking give a rat's ass. Well, screw it. I'm surprised I ever cared. Okay, okay, so I'm still pretty fucking pissed, but I'll get over it.

    This evening got... interesting. Went to the local coffee shop where all my friends hang out, and got to talk to the nice guy again. He bought me some drinks, and we flirted a little... I could really really like this guy, but there's only a slight technicality. He's twice my age. At one point, he actually looked me in the eye and said, "You know, I'm way too old for you." Well, duh, but you're the nicest thing to walk near me in a very long time. Not to mention, very clean cut, sophisticated and "GQ". I go apeshit for those GQ guys. So, does age really matter? Isn't attitude everything? I'm stuck... he left, and in my slightly buzzed state, I could suddenly think of nothing but his eyes, his smile, and my clothes on his floor. Naughty...
    Winter finally hit today here in the Frozen North. Wind Chill is now a term to be respected and feared. It won't be long before I begin to hear bulletins advising no one go out with exposed flesh.

    I had no immediate concerns today, and so nothing was accomplished. Lay in bed far too late with a crippling headache slivering my vision, a bottle of grey-market painkillers lying open on its side, its contents spilled over the small table and rug by my bed. I listened to the clocktower chime out several hours before I managed to upright myself and make the long trek to the bathroom. Stood underneath a stream of pressurized water one degree below the burning point of human flesh for a half-hour. Emerged red as the day I was born.

    Ventured into town to get a haircut and learn the true nature of my dire financial situation. A trip to the bank confirmed that I have roughly sixty dollars to my name and still a couple weeks to go before I have work again. The elder of a father-son barber shop of which I am a patron took the day off. I wasn't up to the two hour wait and so I am still hopelessly shaggy.

    Drove to the used bookstore out in the boonies to sell a box of books that I found in a closet. Sadly, I could not take the store credit and bury myself in literature for the weekend. I took the cash, apologizing to Sam behind the counter. I need the moolah for petrol when I go home for Christmas.

    The cold is currently bleeding its way through the double pane by my head. In this room the heat pipes just cough and are of little use. Tonight the kiddies are enjoying the start of their weekends by weaving from bar to bagel joint and back again is search of a buzz and a place to spend the night. Outside my window a woman is laughing loudly as a frat-boy adds crude appendages to yesterday's snowmen, making them anatomically correct. There's nothing I enjoy more than anatomically correct snowmen.

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