it is hard to settle. it is hard to exist here. i have changed, again, or perhaps i'd already changed and being away just finished the transition off nicely. i am not who i was a year ago, a month ago.. i still don't know who i really am or where exactly i am supposed to be, but at least i know for sure that it is not here.. it is too hard to simply be me, when there is nothing. i am not sad, but my head is not right, i am not so sure as if it will be at any point in the near future.

i am so far away..

am i supposed to be doing something now? where do i walk.. what do i say? does anyone here want to know what i am really thinking? yes, i do, i know the answers to my own questions before they form in tangled thoughts.

i felt so comfortable so many times, i do not get that feeling often.. not often enough. it means a lot.. it means everything, to me.

close your eyes, i'll cut you inside..

i am here and waiting. i do not want to wait, so much, anymore. it used to feed me, the waiting and hoping and knowing something new would come along, and of course it will, in time. there is just too much time, anymore. i wish i could feel one way, strongly.. instead, i simply feel terribly distant.

i am so far away, from here.