1) Fake Razor Ramon and Diesel, WWF RAW 1996
What do you do when your two biggest draws up sticks and join your bitter rivals in the midst of the closest ratings war in wrestling
history? Simple. You own the gimmicks
even if you no longer have the guys the gimmicks were made for. No problemo! Simply get two new guys who look almost-kinda-sorta-if you squint like Scott Hall
and Kevin Nash
, have them watch videos of Diesel and Razor for a week to pick up the mannerisms, and have JR shamelessly hype the 'return' of Razor and Diesel. The result? Even the dumbest, most braindead mark
didn't fall for these two losers, and the angle bombed so badly that the only way out was to put JR
over as having gone insane, and pack the two fakers off to Mexico. FYI, Fake Diesel was none other than Glenn 'Isaac Yankem DDS...sorry, i mean Kane' Jacobs.
2) Heel Goldberg, WCW 2000
and Vince Russo
were so sure. This was, and i quote directly: "The biggest story in wrestling history - and there's not a damn thing Vince McMahon
can do about it!" The wrestling world was on tenterhooks, and the internet smarts were alive with the possibilities. Was it to be a new faction that would blow the nWo
out of the water? Would it be The Rock
signing for WCW? Would it be WCW moving onto one of the broadcast networks? No, it was Heel Goldberg. If an angle ever bombed, it was this one. Within a month, Goldberg was back as the number one fan favourite.
3) The Kennel From Hell Match, WWF 1999
In an angle that began when the evil Big Boss Man
ate Al Snow
's pet chihuahua, Pepper (who himself was a replacement for Pierre, Hardcore Reindeer
), was it not natural that the blowoff
would be one of the most brutal matches in WWF history? A Cage match
. In A Cell. Surrounded by RABID DOGS! Yes, RABID DOGS! On leashes. On sedatives. And, quite clearly on laxatives
. The dogs crapped all over the floor. The match stunk only marginally less. Within months, the Boss Man had elevated his game to the extent that he was stealing the Big Show
's dad's coffin. Ouch.
4) The Goon, WWF 1995
If there ever was a gimmick that persuaded Vinnie Mac to launch 'WWF Attitude
', it must have been The Goon. You see, The Goon was a hockey player. Who was so violent that he was kicked out of the NHL
! And became a wrestler! Poor old Goon, however, did not save any of his win bonuses from his puck-hitting days, because he clearly couldn't afford any wrestling attire. Yes, the Goon wrestled in a FULL HOCKEY KIT. No, it's worse than that. He wrestled in wrestling boots that were made to look like HOCKEY SKATES. With blades. I don't need to continue, do I?
5) Cactus Jack: Lost In Cleveland, WCW 1991
Repeat after me: 'Never do an amnesia angle
'. 'Never do an amnesia angle'. 'Never do an amnesia angle'. This episode is explored at length in Mick Foley
's first book, Have A Nice Day!
Mick had thrown his all into his big angle with Vader
, taking a simply inhuman powerbomb
bump onto the concrete floor. Did this result in a long lay-up for Mick, while the fans clamoured for him to return and wreak his revenge on the evil Mastadon? Not in a million years. Happily, the booking team decided to make poor Cactus lose his mind, leaving his family and becoming a hobo on the streets of Cleveland
. WCW 'investigators' tracked him down, at which point further shame was heaped upon the angle as it transpired that Cactus could remember his previous life - as a fishing boat captain
. At this point, sanity finally got a toehold back into the angle, and Cactus returned to exact his revenge on Vader...as losing his mind had only been HIS PLAN ALL ALONG! HE WAS TOYING WITH VADER! To his eternal credit, Mick has pleaded for nobody to ever watch these vignettes
ever again. Thank god he overcame them.