The official title of View Askew 5, to be directed and written by Kevin Smith, and scheduled to be released on August 24, 2001. It's going to be the fifth and final film in the New Jersey Trilogy, and the title is a reference to The Empire Strikes Back, Episode 5 in the Star Wars Trilogy. So it's the whole Star Wars fetish all over again, before the movie's even out. Not surprising. And yes it's going to tie into all the previous movies.

The cast members (updated January 18, 2001) include Jason Mewes, Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Chris Rock, George Carlin, Alanis Morissette, Dwight Ewell, Renee Humphrey, Scott Mosier, Shannon Elizabeth, Ethan Suplee, Will Ferrell, Seann William Scott, Jason Biggs, Ever Carradine, Tracy Morgan, Jules Asner, Judd Nelson, Steve Kmetko, Joey Lauren Adams, and Eliza Dushku.

Possible in-movie developments mentioned and speculated on so far include:

  • Matt Damon reprising his Will Hunting character in a parody role
  • Jay and Silent Bob trying to tell people about the events in Dogma, but everyone dismissing it as them being stoned, becuase everybody else had it erased from their memory
  • The death of Jay (even though kevin said neither of them were going to die, and that this was just going to be the last film to feature them)

I'll add more stuff to this as development marches on, if I can remember to. Kevin Smith had an online column about the making of the movie, called "Developing the Monkey", but Psychomic went under like sites tend to do. And as of January 11, 2001, filming began on the movie. May the gods have mercy upon our souls.

Postscript:'s been finished, and released. And it was grand and glorious and a general lovable bastard of a movie. Of course with all the feedback already done on it, anything I would say would just be redundant.

Snootchie boochie noochies!

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is the title of the soundtrack album from the movie of the same name. The CD features songs both contemporary and old school, some drug related, some just plain rock. It also has a dozen hillarious sound clips from the movie (those would be the ones without artists listed). Jay and Silent Bob Strike back is a 2001 release from Universal Records. It's really a great compilation. What else could you expect from a record with Jay, Silent Bob, Stroke 9, Steppenwolf, Bloodhound Gang and others? If you've got a computer handy, you can check out the video of Jay's Rap and trailers for all of Kevin Smith's movies.

Track listing:

  1. Cue Music
  2. Jay's Rap
  3. Stroke 9 - Kick Some Ass
  4. Holden on Affleck
  5. Dave Pirner - Tube of Wonderful
  6. Cyber Savvy
  7. Minibar - Choked Up
  8. Doobie Snacks
  9. Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride
  10. Jay & Justice
  11. Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine
  12. Stealing Monkeys
  13. PJ Harvey - This Is Love
  14. Advice From Above
  15. Marcy Playground - The Devil Song
  16. Idiots vs. The Internet
  17. Run DMC - Tougher Than Leather
  18. Willenholly's Woe
  19. Bob Schneider - Bullets
  20. Touching A Brother's Heart
  21. Thomas Rusiak - Hiphopper
  22. Two Thumbs Up
  23. Bloodhound Gang - Jackass
  24. A Smooth Pimp and a Man-Servant
  25. Morris Day and The Time - Jungle Love
  26. NWP
  27. Afroman - Because I Got High
  28. Stop Stealing Monkeys

I just returned from a riotously entertaining evening of cinema. Let me say that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was an amazingly funny and usually pretty clever piece of film. The title of the 5th View Askew movie, stylized after the old Star Wars titles, is a reflection of "The Empire Strikes Back" as the 5th episode of the saga. (Not a part of the New Jersey Trilogy:) The movie is a maddening, highly humorous romp through Kevin Smith's ever-growing, trashy and pot-filled universe, populated with surreal people, Quick Stops, and Alanis Morissette as God.

This movie makes fun of Hollywood, and primarily consists of Jay and Silent Bob stumbling across America in an effort to mess up a movie production which will cost them their precious reputations. Jay and Silent Bob are a couple of terminal slackers who, if anything, strive to defend their reputations at any cost.

The great thing is that Kevin Smith made a movie specifically to mock those immature bastards who trash movies on movie web sites. This is the root of the film. And Kevin managed to get it widely distributed. Jay and Silent Bob get even with these little "ball-licking chicken shits" later on. Clearly in the film, you see a movie info site called Movie Poop Shoot, with a striking resemblance to However the movie isn't a rip on Harry Knowles, but on the subgroup of trolls which thrives on tearing films apart. In the end, however, Jay and Bob grow as people and learn that Internet punks really don't matter. (word to y'all!)

If you don't want to have the whole movie spoiled, stop reading, but take my advice: If you at least know of the existence of Jay and Silent Bob, you will have a good time at this movie, but your entertainment will increase, the more Kevin Smith movies you've seen. I liked it. In a strong sense, it is like a grand teenage fantasy seen through the eyes of a couple of stoners.

A grand synopsis:

Our tale opens a long long time ago, at a convenience store far, far away... (Yes, it actually says that in silent sans-serif sky blue) Baby Jay and Baby Silent Bob are parked in their strollers outside said convenience store. Bob's mom leaves him messy and covered with food. Jay's mom curses and bitches at everyone she sees. And so Babies Jay and Bob never really leave the gas station, and turn into the greatest slacker/half-assed drug dealers ever.

Immediately the in-jokes begin. The original Clerks are, of course, working inside, and poor Dante isn't even supposed to be there. The in-jokes don't let up, so if you aren't up on your Kevin Smith movies you may feel left out for much of the movie. I've only seen Dogma and half of Clerks, but I was able to follow along without huge difficulty.

The real story begins when Jay and Bob find out that a comic book, based on them, has been optioned by Miramax for a movie called Bluntman and Chronic. They find out from Brody from Mallrats(Jason Lee #1) at the comic book store. Who has been chosen to play Jay and Bob? On the trailers it shows Ben Affleck, as Chasing Amy's cartoonist Holden, answering this as "Probably Matt Damon and Ben Affleck." Which is funny because it's self-referential and meta. However Holden sold all his rights to the cartoon to Banky (Jason Lee #2) from Chasing Amy, who is out in Hollywood being executive producer of the movie. This Jason Lee stuff confused me, but segnbora-T lit the way. Thanks.

As they hit the road, they run into the blowjob-offering hitchiker George Carlin who lives by the Book of the Rules of the Road. Later on Jay tries to give a nun (Carrie Fischer) oral sex because she also lives by 'The Book.' She throws them out of the car.

Immediately they get picked up by a green and blue van stocked with a blond macho doof, a skinny stoner, a hot chick and a lesbian wearing orange. Oh yeah, and a Great Dane. Bob and Jay break out the pot and things start getting pretty funky, and the dog starts to talk and laugh. Until Jay and Bob pass out and get dumped on a park bench. Note to those skimming: This is Scooby-Doo in real life.

The guys wander into a nearby Mooby's. Mooby's was the company run by 'idolators' in Dogma. (Later on, Will Ferrell hits a guy in a Mooby suit mass-center with a shotgun) Jay and Bob post a threatening message telling those bastards at Miramax that they are coming to Hollywood to kick all their asses. Only a moment later, (well shown in trailers) Jay falls in love with the fine Justice (Shannon Elizabeth, American Pie 2), who is ostensibly an animal-rights chick on a road trip with some other fabulously hot babes (Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter and Jennifer Smith)and Seann William Scott. The guys hitch a ride with the PETA types. Quickly Jay claims that Scott is a sheep fucker and throws him out of the van, so he can have less competition. For some reason, the girls don't mind, which is... incongruous.

Jay falls maddeningly in love, while being a misogynistic horny bastard, talking about trouser snakes, and accuses Bob of homosexuality. Eventually Justice accepts the moniker "BooBooKittyFuck" as a softening of jay's usual terms of affection for the women. E2's Atari Avatar TBBK feels enshrined in glory because of his connection with this. Really.

The guys are used as a diversion for the beautiful women to steal a bunch of diamonds, but Justice feels really guilty for letting them be the patsies in the plan. Bob and Jay escape the police with an orangutan, so a doofus Wildlife Agent Will Ferrell (sp?) is put on the case. In this section Judd Nelson cameos as a bastard sheriff.

In a great segment from E! News Daily, Steve Kmetko and the glorious babe Jules Asner, as themselves, report from Miramax on dangerous domestic terrorists Jay and Bob. Meanwhile the doofs stumble into frame behind her, and Jay starts massaging himself a lot.

They sneak into Miramax and stumble onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season, where Ben Affleck resurfaces as himself, and he and Matt Damon blow the shit out of some intellectual snob bastard in a bar. They also run across Scream 4 starring Shannen Doherty. In both these movies, Gus Van Sant and Wes Craven play themselves.

In fact, Bluntman and Chronic have been cast as Jason Biggs (who gets referred to as "The Pie Guy" multiple times) as Bob/Chronic, and James van der Beek as Jay/Bluntman, and the actors have fun making fun of themselves. Their chimp (orangutan?) beats the actors up, and Jay and Bob take their place as Bluntman and Chronic. They act in a scene in some sort of superstoner hideaway, when Mark Hamill, destroyer of balls, attacks. When Hamill enters, the frame freezes and a giant message appears commanding geeks to applaud. It worked tonight) They fight using bong-based light sabers. Oh yeah, Chris Rock has a little fun with his usual thing about The Man and crackas and all that. At that point, Justice bursts in, wanting to save Jay, even if she has to go to jail. There's a big shootout. Silent Bob breaks his silence to tell Jason Lee that he's seriously angry and ready to sue. Fortunately, Jay and Bob get things sorted out such that: Jason Lee (the demon who wanted to negate all existence in Dogma) helps them realize the Internet assholes really don't matter and they get their cash. They also obtain a listing of every single little bastard who dissed them, and spend their movie royalties beating the shit out of the little 13-year-old boys who were such bastards. (And a priest and a security guard too) Bluntman and Chronic is a grand success for all. (and a reference is made to Chasing Amy as people exit the theater)

Fun things: (there are always lot of cool bits in Kevin Smith movies)

  • Of course, many people reprise roles from older Smith titles, like Dante Hicks from Clerks, reprise their roles and spout catch phrases.
  • There are tons of odd things in the credits, thank yous and such, which were virtually impossible to read as they scrolled.
  • Holden (Ben Affleck) on the Internet: "It's a place used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography together."
  • The credits actually directly diss all the lurkers at Ain't it cool news who hassled View Askew and Kevin all the time.
  • There actually is someone named "Magnolia_Fan" floating around View Askew's web boards. Though perhaps they only got the account yesterday. It'd still be kinda fun to be *the* Magnolia_Fan troll that gets beat up by Jay and Bob in the movie.
  • Apparently there was a big deal over Magnolia on View Askew's boards.
  • The video for Afroman's Because I got high is fucking hilarious, as are the lyrics you hear buring the credits. Almost perfect. Bob pullsa giant joint out of his coat and all that. Fun!
  • If you are a good person who stays all through the credits, you'll see Alanis Morrissette shut the book on the Askewiverse story and walk away, while wearing her silly outfit from the end of Dogma.
  • Silent Bob says only a few things, "Purple Rain," outside the Quick Stop(Yay MN!), he bitches out Jay for not noticing a sign on a station wagon, and his legal tirade against Jason Lee who pinched their royalty rights. Oh yeah, and "AGGHH!" at some point, but I forget what.
  • I was disappointed that Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill's characters never met each other.
  • At various times Jay derisively calls Bob "Lunchbox," "Faggit," "Fatty," and my favorite, "Tons of fun."
  • The monkey that Jay and Bob end up with is called "Suzanne," as was the random monkey at the end of Mallrats. Thanks swankivy.
That's about all for now. Other funny tidbits, let's integrate them into mine because this node is plenty long! /msg me because I know I forgot delicious nutritious details.

OK, most will hate me for this. But I'm going to rant on why this movie was not really that great. I won't go so far to say it sucked. Because granted, dick and fart jokes will be eternally funny. As will Jay and Silent Bob, no matter what they do. And I'm in awe of Kevin Smith, so this is hard for me, too.

To start with. Kevin Smith started out with an indie flick. It was black and white, no name actors, not the best camera work, and it was fucking hilarious. As the movies went on, Mallrats was funded, it was produced. It had a few names in it. Chasing Amy was worse, a few more names, funded and again produced. Same with Dogma. But Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was a Hollywood movie. And that's all fine and good. We like Kevin Smith, we want to see his films do well and make money and him make more of them. But they didn't do a very good job of making it a satire. They were trying make fun of it being a Hollywood flic by doing exactly what a Hollywood flic would do. And it leaves a very bad taste in your mouth.

First thing. It had a bad plot. Pretty much the movies have always been about Jersey locals and their lives. Dogma strayed from that a bit, but the characters we know and love are Randal, Dante, Alyssa Jones, Holden, Bankie and Brodie, and Steve-Dave. We didn't need the jewel thief chicks. Didn't need SNL's campy Wildlife Officer Will Ferrell. It could have been a great movie without any of that crap.

It could have been filled in by something that was severely lacking. The rants. The dialogue. The sappy comebacks. Kevin Smith trademarks. The oh so wise street wisdom provided by the regulars. Brodie bitching about the foodcourts. The debate over the contractors building the Death Star. Granted, the scene with Silent Bob going off on Jay was quality. But still, those scenes were few and far between.

Another bad aspect. The parodies. And the cameos! This is another thing that was just not necessary! Jason Biggs and James Vanderbeek? No no no. Just bring back the regulars and we will be thrilled. The parodies, The Matrix, Planet of the Apes, Charlie's Angles... Give me a break! I'll not go off on that.

Thank god for the reoccurring jokes. At least Smith was able to remind us of the movies we loved so much before. And let me say a few more nice things, only cause the movie wasn't all bad. The scene in Mooby's was classic. The Bluntman & Chronic scene... well, who DOESN'T like Star Wars, and damnit... if I were making a movie, yeah I would wanna have a lightsaber fight, too. So that was all well and good, especially because Luke was a Cockknocker. The Mystery Machine, again, hilarious. And who doesn't like a name like Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.

And with that I'll shut up.

And really, this movie was still great, I'm just a wee bit tired of people saying it was so great and not having anything to back it up. So I hope I get some kind of reaction for this rant :)

"I know Kevin Smith is not a homophobe, but we feel the movie he wrote and directed is overwhelmingly homophobic, and there's a huge potential for a negative impact on gay people, particularly gay youth."
--Scott Seomin, entertainment media director, GLAAD

"When you have two main characters who've both--at one point or another--hinted at or flat-out copped to homoerotic escapades, how on earth can that be considered 'gay bashing'? It's more than you get in most 'buddy' flicks. Did Murtaugh and Riggs (Lethal Weapon) ever cop to getting dreamy over the male anatomy? I think not."
--Kevin Smith

Y'know, I think I'll side with Mr. Smith on this one. Having seen the movie, I walked out feeling like I was fourteen years old. I laughed my ass off. I got to see lots of cute guys studying the nether regions of a lot of other cute guys in a public venue. It was silly, it was stupid, and by God, it's my right as an American cocksucker to love moronic shit like this!!!! Just what the hell is an 'entertainment media director' anyways?!?

And y'know what? There was at least one gay youth in the theater yesterday, and if he's thinking about committing suicide over this movie, he's going to have to wipe the cheesy grin off his face before anyone's going to take him seriously.

It was a fun movie. It was a stupid movie. It was a guy movie. And if one must come first, then I'll always be a guy before I'm gay. That's the only perspective that makes any sense to me.

I wish more GLAAD-handlers would realize that before they slam a movie and its maker over an inoffensive piece of fluff like this.

Sigh. Quotes taken from E! Online News,

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