I just returned from a riotously entertaining evening of cinema. Let me say that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was an amazingly funny and usually pretty clever piece of film. The title of the 5th View Askew movie, stylized after the old Star Wars titles, is a reflection of "The Empire Strikes Back" as the 5th episode of the saga. (Not a part of the New Jersey Trilogy:) The movie is a maddening, highly humorous romp through Kevin Smith's ever-growing, trashy and pot-filled universe, populated with surreal people, Quick Stops, and Alanis Morissette as God.

This movie makes fun of Hollywood, and primarily consists of Jay and Silent Bob stumbling across America in an effort to mess up a movie production which will cost them their precious reputations. Jay and Silent Bob are a couple of terminal slackers who, if anything, strive to defend their reputations at any cost.

The great thing is that Kevin Smith made a movie specifically to mock those immature bastards who trash movies on movie web sites. This is the root of the film. And Kevin managed to get it widely distributed. Jay and Silent Bob get even with these little "ball-licking chicken shits" later on. Clearly in the film, you see a movie info site called Movie Poop Shoot, with a striking resemblance to Aint-it-cool-news.com. However the movie isn't a rip on Harry Knowles, but on the subgroup of trolls which thrives on tearing films apart. In the end, however, Jay and Bob grow as people and learn that Internet punks really don't matter. (word to y'all!)

If you don't want to have the whole movie spoiled, stop reading, but take my advice: If you at least know of the existence of Jay and Silent Bob, you will have a good time at this movie, but your entertainment will increase, the more Kevin Smith movies you've seen. I liked it. In a strong sense, it is like a grand teenage fantasy seen through the eyes of a couple of stoners.

A grand synopsis:

Our tale opens a long long time ago, at a convenience store far, far away... (Yes, it actually says that in silent sans-serif sky blue) Baby Jay and Baby Silent Bob are parked in their strollers outside said convenience store. Bob's mom leaves him messy and covered with food. Jay's mom curses and bitches at everyone she sees. And so Babies Jay and Bob never really leave the gas station, and turn into the greatest slacker/half-assed drug dealers ever.

Immediately the in-jokes begin. The original Clerks are, of course, working inside, and poor Dante isn't even supposed to be there. The in-jokes don't let up, so if you aren't up on your Kevin Smith movies you may feel left out for much of the movie. I've only seen Dogma and half of Clerks, but I was able to follow along without huge difficulty.

The real story begins when Jay and Bob find out that a comic book, based on them, has been optioned by Miramax for a movie called Bluntman and Chronic. They find out from Brody from Mallrats(Jason Lee #1) at the comic book store. Who has been chosen to play Jay and Bob? On the trailers it shows Ben Affleck, as Chasing Amy's cartoonist Holden, answering this as "Probably Matt Damon and Ben Affleck." Which is funny because it's self-referential and meta. However Holden sold all his rights to the cartoon to Banky (Jason Lee #2) from Chasing Amy, who is out in Hollywood being executive producer of the movie. This Jason Lee stuff confused me, but segnbora-T lit the way. Thanks.

As they hit the road, they run into the blowjob-offering hitchiker George Carlin who lives by the Book of the Rules of the Road. Later on Jay tries to give a nun (Carrie Fischer) oral sex because she also lives by 'The Book.' She throws them out of the car.

Immediately they get picked up by a green and blue van stocked with a blond macho doof, a skinny stoner, a hot chick and a lesbian wearing orange. Oh yeah, and a Great Dane. Bob and Jay break out the pot and things start getting pretty funky, and the dog starts to talk and laugh. Until Jay and Bob pass out and get dumped on a park bench. Note to those skimming: This is Scooby-Doo in real life.

The guys wander into a nearby Mooby's. Mooby's was the company run by 'idolators' in Dogma. (Later on, Will Ferrell hits a guy in a Mooby suit mass-center with a shotgun) Jay and Bob post a threatening message telling those bastards at Miramax that they are coming to Hollywood to kick all their asses. Only a moment later, (well shown in trailers) Jay falls in love with the fine Justice (Shannon Elizabeth, American Pie 2), who is ostensibly an animal-rights chick on a road trip with some other fabulously hot babes (Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter and Jennifer Smith)and Seann William Scott. The guys hitch a ride with the PETA types. Quickly Jay claims that Scott is a sheep fucker and throws him out of the van, so he can have less competition. For some reason, the girls don't mind, which is... incongruous.

Jay falls maddeningly in love, while being a misogynistic horny bastard, talking about trouser snakes, and accuses Bob of homosexuality. Eventually Justice accepts the moniker "BooBooKittyFuck" as a softening of jay's usual terms of affection for the women. E2's Atari Avatar TBBK feels enshrined in glory because of his connection with this. Really.

The guys are used as a diversion for the beautiful women to steal a bunch of diamonds, but Justice feels really guilty for letting them be the patsies in the plan. Bob and Jay escape the police with an orangutan, so a doofus Wildlife Agent Will Ferrell (sp?) is put on the case. In this section Judd Nelson cameos as a bastard sheriff.

In a great segment from E! News Daily, Steve Kmetko and the glorious babe Jules Asner, as themselves, report from Miramax on dangerous domestic terrorists Jay and Bob. Meanwhile the doofs stumble into frame behind her, and Jay starts massaging himself a lot.

They sneak into Miramax and stumble onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season, where Ben Affleck resurfaces as himself, and he and Matt Damon blow the shit out of some intellectual snob bastard in a bar. They also run across Scream 4 starring Shannen Doherty. In both these movies, Gus Van Sant and Wes Craven play themselves.

In fact, Bluntman and Chronic have been cast as Jason Biggs (who gets referred to as "The Pie Guy" multiple times) as Bob/Chronic, and James van der Beek as Jay/Bluntman, and the actors have fun making fun of themselves. Their chimp (orangutan?) beats the actors up, and Jay and Bob take their place as Bluntman and Chronic. They act in a scene in some sort of superstoner hideaway, when Mark Hamill, destroyer of balls, attacks. When Hamill enters, the frame freezes and a giant message appears commanding geeks to applaud. It worked tonight) They fight using bong-based light sabers. Oh yeah, Chris Rock has a little fun with his usual thing about The Man and crackas and all that. At that point, Justice bursts in, wanting to save Jay, even if she has to go to jail. There's a big shootout. Silent Bob breaks his silence to tell Jason Lee that he's seriously angry and ready to sue. Fortunately, Jay and Bob get things sorted out such that: Jason Lee (the demon who wanted to negate all existence in Dogma) helps them realize the Internet assholes really don't matter and they get their cash. They also obtain a listing of every single little bastard who dissed them, and spend their movie royalties beating the shit out of the little 13-year-old boys who were such bastards. (And a priest and a security guard too) Bluntman and Chronic is a grand success for all. (and a reference is made to Chasing Amy as people exit the theater)

Fun things: (there are always lot of cool bits in Kevin Smith movies)

  • Of course, many people reprise roles from older Smith titles, like Dante Hicks from Clerks, reprise their roles and spout catch phrases.
  • There are tons of odd things in the credits, thank yous and such, which were virtually impossible to read as they scrolled.
  • Holden (Ben Affleck) on the Internet: "It's a place used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography together."
  • The credits actually directly diss all the lurkers at Ain't it cool news who hassled View Askew and Kevin all the time.
  • There actually is someone named "Magnolia_Fan" floating around View Askew's web boards. Though perhaps they only got the account yesterday. It'd still be kinda fun to be *the* Magnolia_Fan troll that gets beat up by Jay and Bob in the movie.
  • Apparently there was a big deal over Magnolia on View Askew's boards. http://www.viewaskew.com/newboard/messages133/382.html
  • The video for Afroman's Because I got high is fucking hilarious, as are the lyrics you hear buring the credits. Almost perfect. Bob pullsa giant joint out of his coat and all that. Fun!
  • If you are a good person who stays all through the credits, you'll see Alanis Morrissette shut the book on the Askewiverse story and walk away, while wearing her silly outfit from the end of Dogma.
  • Silent Bob says only a few things, "Purple Rain," outside the Quick Stop(Yay MN!), he bitches out Jay for not noticing a sign on a station wagon, and his legal tirade against Jason Lee who pinched their royalty rights. Oh yeah, and "AGGHH!" at some point, but I forget what.
  • I was disappointed that Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill's characters never met each other.
  • At various times Jay derisively calls Bob "Lunchbox," "Faggit," "Fatty," and my favorite, "Tons of fun."
  • The monkey that Jay and Bob end up with is called "Suzanne," as was the random monkey at the end of Mallrats. Thanks swankivy.
That's about all for now. Other funny tidbits, let's integrate them into mine because this node is plenty long! /msg me because I know I forgot delicious nutritious details.