First, clean the marijuana, taking care to get all of the stems and seeds out. Then, you have a couple of choices: you can either cannabalize a cigar for the paper, or you can take the cheap way out and buy so-called "blunt papers", which are usually nothing more than overpriced tobacco leaves. If you're going to take the second option, then there's not much else I can help you with, as it's about the same as rolling a joint. However, if you chose the first option, then read on....Step one is gutting the cigar. Take a razorblade or a sharp knife and slit down the center of the cigar, lengthwise. Then, carefully pull apart the cigar and remove the innards. You should be left with the cigar's outer shell, which I'll call the paper. The second step is to prepare the paper. Lick the paper, and get it very moist. Then, much like rolling a joint, fill the paper with your dope, and roll like normal. When you've got a nice, neat cylinder (or something close to a cylinder), dry the blunt out with a lighter. Run the flame up and down the blunt quickly, and make sure you don't set that bad boy on fire just yet. When the blunt is dry, spark that mutha up. Congratulations! Now you know how to prepare a favorite ghetto cuisine.

Or, for an added treat, try this ghetto fabulous trick:

follow the blunt rolling steps as specified by #include until you get to the step he calls "preparing the paper". Then, instead of licking that philly wrap to moisten it, try coating it with a thin layer of honey. Then fill the sweet shell with your bud and follow the rest of the steps as normal. This method may require a slightly longer drying period, but the sweet taste and high you will get from your honeyblunt is well worth the wait.

You kids with your fancy talk. Phat. We used to play around with that phoneme. In fact, a good friend of mine went by the handle Ph. But it stood for phart. He had gastro-intestinal problems which could empty a car in two seconds. I shit you not, there was this one time we picked up this American Indian dude who was hitchhiking back to Wisconsin or some such place, and we were in this old Chevy that had been wrecked, and the windows didn't work. So Ph lets one fly (and he always prided himself on the auditory quality of his work, but this never ceased to take a back seat to the aroma), and speaking of back seats; that's where the hitchhiker was, trying to take a nap. He woke up suddenly and tried to roll the window down. As the handle just turned in his hand, like some sort of dysfunctional jack in the box, the full power of the air biscuit hit him. I don't think I ever saw, before or since, a person's face actually turn green. He opened the door and puked on the side of Highway 36 at 60 MPH.

But what was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Blunt. What's up with this blunt stuff? Was reefer, joint, nail, doobie, etc. not good enough for you? Gotta come up with one of your own? Well, this one sucks. At least the way we used to roll 'em, it sucks. Why, back in my day, any "blunt" would be as tapered at the end as a pig's dick. No, I have never seen a pig's dick, but this girl told me about them. No, I won't give you her phone number. Shut up.

There were a couple of ways to make a marijuana cigarette actually blunt on the end. One was this contraption with a little handle and a large rubber thing on rollers. That never took off. Too bulky to carry around, and we know that dope smokers must be mobile, eh? The better idea was the little magic carpet roller. I think they were called Bamboo Rollers. This was the ticket to the perfect spliff. The little drug rug was about the size of a dollar bill, but just a bit wider. It had (perhaps) 50 little reeds attached by a couple of strings, just like a little rug. The two ends were pieces of cardboard, about the size of a business card.

You'd lay the little magic carpet down and put your rolling paper on the little reeds. You'd leave just about a quarter of an inch between the cardboard end and the bottom of the paper. There's where you'd put your dope. Then all you had to do was fold the cardboard end over the dope and gently roll the little reeds up until all you could see was the gummed part of the paper. Lick, stick, and voila: The perfect joint. The phat blunt, if you will. Although we would have whipped some hippie's ass if he'd used that term back then. . . Operation Just 'Cause.

A blunt in reality is just a type of cigar. It's not as big as a cigar, yet not small enough to be called a "cigarillo". In marijuana culture, a blunt is different from a typical joint. It's an entirely different experience, from the way you roll it to the way you enjoy it. Blunts are the chosen method of smoking marijuana among today's stoners because of their exceptionally smooth, rich taste, the fact that they look like regular cigars (which makes smoking in public a bit easier), the thickness of the paper (which makes the weed burn slower, which in turn wastes less weed and makes taking big hits a bit easier), and the fact that rappers are always talking about them.

There are many, many, many different ways of rolling a blunt. I've seen people use only their lips to seal, use their palms in kind of a sweeping motion, and some people can even manage to roll without cutting the cigar open at all. In fact, the creativity and individuality involved in rolling "your blunts" is what makes it so much more fun than rolling a joint or using some other type of smoking contraption. Need any more persuasion? Swing by my place any day of the week and you can make up your own mind.

Let's assume I've convinced you to put away the bong and you're ready to roll your first blunt. First off, I would probably not put your bong away yet; chances are you're gonna fuck up your first blunt pretty bad, and you'll probably end up using it anyways. Don't be discouraged, even the pros mess up from time to time. Learning how to roll a blunt is more of a process than anything else; it takes time to understand what you're doing wrong, correct it, fix whatever other problems you're having, and finally roll yourself a quality blunt. Anyways, let's get on with this.

Buying the right cigar

So you're at the corner store casually browsing the tobacco products looking for the right blunt. There are a few factors to consider. First off, freshness. Corner stores and ghetto gas stations usually don't sell a whole lot of cigars or cigarillos, so be prepared to find some really stale blunts among the selection. A stale blunt is very bad. Although it is possible to make do with a stale blunt, they tend to crack during the rolling process and then you're screwed. They also taste like shit, so if you're ever in doubt about the freshness of a blunt, don't even waste your money on it and just buy a pack instead. Packs are better because they're sealed 4 or 5 times, and people tend to buy packs more than singles, meaning they get restocked quicker. Packs are also a better value for your money, so save yourself a trip to the gas station and a few bucks and just buy a pack! The second factor to consider when choosing your blunt is size. Cigarillos are great for rolling blunts; they're just the right size for the average gram blunt, and if you're good you might be able to stuff a little more in there. Cigars are okay, but make sure you take a lot of paper off unless you plan to smoke a few grams, or else your blunt will be harsh and shotguns are out of the question. The last factor to consider is flavor. Personally, I prefer to use Dutchmasters mini Cognac, Honey or Grape flavored cigarillos because the taste blends in with the weed and makes for a great smoke. Brands don't really matter, but certain brands roll their cigars differently, which can make properly rolling tricky. One last thing to consider is "blunt wraps" or "blunt papers" which are usually just tobacco leaves packaged individually. I don't recommend using these products; they're expensive and don't have an outer leaf. There's nothing wrong with using them, I just prefer a dutch.

Preparing your weed

So you've got yourself a fresh, great tasting blunt, and you're ready to roll. No, you're not! Break up your bud first! Too many times have I unwrapped the blunt and gutted it before I realized I hadn't broken up my bud yet. The time it takes you to break up your weed is time enough for your fresh blunt to dry up and become utterly unrollable. Use a grinder if you're lazy, or just break it all up with your fingers. It doesn't matter, just make sure you break it all up. This is also the step where you want to take out any seeds, stems, hairs, eggs, spiders, insects or other undesired objects from your stash. Smoking seeds and stems will give you a massive headache, so make sure you've got them all out before you continue. Also remember to break enough bud for the blunt you've bought; too little bud and too much paper make for harsh hits, and too much bud with too little paper makes rolling difficult. The perfect balance for a normal cigarillo is somewhere between .9 and 1.3 grams. It's definitely possible to get away with rolling less, but if you've got more than a few heads hitting your beauty you probably want to roll upwards of a gram.

Preparing your blunt

The next step in this process is getting rid of all that nasty tobacco. This is a tricky step; too often have I seen people ruin perfectly good blunts by getting impatient and accidentally ripping the paper right through the middle. The first couple of times you roll, you'll probably tear your blunt. It's okay! It happens. If you haven't damaged it too bad, it is possible to surgically repair a torn paper. Simply chop off the part with the hole in it, or use a piece of leaf to cover it up. If it's a huge tear or if it's in a bad spot, it's best to just start over with a fresh blunt.

The first step in preparing the blunt is taking off the leaf if it has one. Most blunts have leaves, if you think yours doesn't, check again. If you're sure your blunt doesn't have a leaf, skip down to the next paragraph. Otherwise, lick your blunt. The entire thing. Then figure out which end is the mouthpiece, and look for the end of the leaf. Most leaves are wrapped in a screw-like fashion, so there should be a clear end to your leaf. Once the blunt is moist, pick at the end of the leaf with your fingernail, and it should peel right off. The rest of the leaf should come off without a problem. Try not to mess this up, as the leaf is a pretty important part of your finished product - it adds taste and makes it burn slower. Take your leaf off and set it to a side, you'll need it at the end.

Next, find the glue strip on your blunt. Most mass produced blunts aren't rolled by hand, instead they're sealed with a mild adhesive. Although you won't taste it, it's best to not smoke this part of your blunt. Finding the glue strip is easy, it should be quite visible once the leaf is off. It's a straight line running lengthwise across the blunt. This is where the blunt has been artificially sealed. Once you've found the glue strip, slice the blunt open right next to the strip. You can use a knife or any kind of blade, though I usually just tear it apart with my hands. Have a bag or some kind of disposable vessel close by to dump the guts (tobacco) in. Now use your blade or carefully tear off the glue strip from the rest of the paper. Your "rolling paper" is now ready for use!

Actually rolling

Rolling isn't very difficult. However, rolling well can be quite challenging. Roll too tight and you'll have to suck on that beast for hours to get a good hit. Roll too loose and you'll scorch the back of your throat with even the smallest puff. A good way to judge how well you've rolled is to try to pull air through the blunt by sucking on the mouthpiece. If you get lots of air, try to tighten it up a bit or pack the weed in better with a toothpick or pen. If you get nothing, or close to nothing, roll the blunt between your fingers to loosen the weed. If it's just right, celebrate and find a lighter.

To roll your blunt, first put the weed inside the paper. Spread it out evenly, with less weed at the mouthpiece end (this will eventually be your roach). Some very creative people (including myself, when time allows) put in a little piece of cardboard or thick paper as a kind of filter. This makes getting the last hit out of a roach very easy, and I think the time spent looking for your "filter" is time well spent. If you decide to use a "filter", roll it up into a tight ball (not too tight!), and place it at the mouthpiece end of your paper, and roll with it in there. Good rolling involves your thumbs. The motion you're looking for is a kind of "tuck and fold" type of thing; tuck one side of paper around the line of weed in the center of your paper, and fold the other side down on top of it. Get it? No? Okay, imagine you're holding the blunt with the index fingers and thumbs of both hands, palms facing each other. Push your thumbs down on the weed, and then roll them upwards. This should cause the side of paper closer to you to "tuck" around the weed. Keep your thumbs down, lick the top part of your paper (the inside portion), and use your index fingers to fold the other side of the paper on top of the area around your thumbs. I suggest practicing a few times without using any spit, so you can get an idea of what you're trying to accomplish. A good technique to try out is to seal both sides of your blunt first, and roll the middle portion of the paper at the end. This helps keep the weed in the paper, and makes things a lot simpler in the long run. It might take you a few tries in the beginning, but I have faith in you. After all, why else did God give us thumbs if not to roll blunts?

If your blunt didn't originally have a leaf, you're done! If it did, position the leaf flat on a hard surface, angled at about 45 degrees away from you. So, if you're facing north, put the blunt down running east-west, and put down your leaf running northwest-southeast. Make sure the blunt and leaf are lined up properly. Next, lick both your leaf and blunt excessively, keeping in mind your blunt can still tear. Now put your blunt down, and using the palmer side of your hand, tightly roll the blunt towards the north. The leaf should wrap itself around your blunt fairly tightly. If it isn't wrapping tight enough, use your fingers and execute the same "tuck and fold" motion you learned above to wrap the leaf around tight. The leaf should be very tight, or you'll pull air with every hit. Once the leaf is on, celebrate! You're about to get very high!

Other stuff to keep in mind

First off, the golden rule of smoking blunts is called "roller's greens". This means whoever rolls the blunt, regardless of whose weed it is, gets to spark it. Always keep this in mind, ignorantly sparking a blunt someone else rolled, even if it was your weed, can cause a lot of unnecessary bickering. Also remember to use the dry part of your lips to take a hit when smoking with others. Generally, people don't like spit all over the mouthpiece of a blunt they're about to hit. Additionally, a noder above me mentioned dipping blunts in honey. He's right, it does add taste, but remember what you're doing to your lungs. THC is a fairly compact compound, and can cross the alveolar epithelium relatively easily. I can't speak as a scientist, but honey, being composed of mostly carbohydrates, probably doesn't cross over into your bloodstream very nicely when smoked. There are numerous smoking myths about people getting honey crystals in their lungs from dipping blunts in honey; whether these are true or not, I can't honestly say. Personally, I don't do this. Smoking myths can occasionally have some truth to them. Lastly, disposing of roaches is a complicated business. Please be smart about your weed! I try to avoid tossing roaches as much as I can, mainly because there are days when it's nearly impossible to find any weed, and on those days my nice collection of roaches gets me by. Roaches are full of resin, which has a very high THC content. If you care about burning your fingers and didn't think to put a filter-type thing on your blunt, get a piece (i.e bowl, one-hitter, bong, gravity-bong, waterfall etc.). Tear apart your roach and put the weed in your piece. You'll be glad you saved your roach.

Now go, young grasshopper, and use this new skill to make the world a better place!

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