It's my last day at
work. This feels like it's going to be one of those big
turning points in my life, something I
judge time by. That makes me feel
older.
My employer decided to take everyone out for
pizza as a going away
present for me. We ate and talked, mostly about a
trip that two of my co-workers had just come back from. As we were walking back to work though, one of my
co-workers said something about how all the really nice people in the world were
gay. She then turned to me and asked
jokingly, "So, do you have something to tell us?"
Actually, I knew that I had wanted to
tell them ever since I started
coming out that I was
gay, they're really great people. I also knew that there were other people in the
office that might not be so
cool. In or out of the office, the question never came up, so I never said anything, but since I trusted everyone there I just said, "Yeah, I'm
gay". Being an
idiot, I tried to say it as
non-chalontly as possible and failed, so at first they thought I was
joking. I had to actually say, "No, seriously, I'm
gay".
I still don't know if that's what I
should have done. I could have just
laughed it off, it wasn't a serious question at all. I still probably would have felt bad though, I would have felt like I
lied to them. Of course, my
sexuality is really no
concern of theirs anyhow . . .
I don't know, sometimes I just feel so
damned confused. I hate the way
society makes the
biggest fuss about the
littlest things. So what if I like to
sleep with
guys? The only thing that changes is the amount of people I get to
sleep with (which is another, slightly more
depressing, story altogether).
I'm
scared,
confused,
tired and it's
raining really hard. I'm glad I don't have to
work again for a long time.
Today's music selection:
Squarepusher - Feed Me Weird Things
Beastie Boys Anthology: The Sounds of Science, both discs
The Prodigy - Music for the Jilted Generation
Muse - Showbiz
Tori Amos - From the Choirgirl Hotel
Zoobombs - Welcome Back Zoobombs
Cassius - 1999