It's my last day at work. This feels like it's going to be one of those big turning points in my life, something I judge time by. That makes me feel older.

My employer decided to take everyone out for pizza as a going away present for me. We ate and talked, mostly about a trip that two of my co-workers had just come back from. As we were walking back to work though, one of my co-workers said something about how all the really nice people in the world were gay. She then turned to me and asked jokingly, "So, do you have something to tell us?"

Actually, I knew that I had wanted to tell them ever since I started coming out that I was gay, they're really great people. I also knew that there were other people in the office that might not be so cool. In or out of the office, the question never came up, so I never said anything, but since I trusted everyone there I just said, "Yeah, I'm gay". Being an idiot, I tried to say it as non-chalontly as possible and failed, so at first they thought I was joking. I had to actually say, "No, seriously, I'm gay".

I still don't know if that's what I should have done. I could have just laughed it off, it wasn't a serious question at all. I still probably would have felt bad though, I would have felt like I lied to them. Of course, my sexuality is really no concern of theirs anyhow . . .

I don't know, sometimes I just feel so damned confused. I hate the way society makes the biggest fuss about the littlest things. So what if I like to sleep with guys? The only thing that changes is the amount of people I get to sleep with (which is another, slightly more depressing, story altogether).

I'm scared, confused, tired and it's raining really hard. I'm glad I don't have to work again for a long time.

Today's music selection:

Squarepusher - Feed Me Weird Things
Beastie Boys Anthology: The Sounds of Science, both discs
The Prodigy - Music for the Jilted Generation
Muse - Showbiz
Tori Amos - From the Choirgirl Hotel
Zoobombs - Welcome Back Zoobombs
Cassius - 1999