The doctor spent 5 hours testing me. She wants me to tell her all the bad stuff in my life. I refuse to tell in certain areas. I don't want to rehash all that garbage open old scars. I'm here to try and understand what part of my brain isn't working right and how to go about adjusting to it. This is supposed to be a step forward, not a look backward.

Did you have lots of friends growing up? she asks

umm No most of the time no, sometimes just one because, I count the reasons on my fingers, I could never bring anyone home with me and well I would be moving away in a matter of months if not weeks so...

I answered 500 kajillion true/false questions. I left a lot blank because it's none of their business,or the statement didn't make any sense whatsoever,or didn't apply to my life.

The comic strip is the best part of the newspaper.

blank-- I don't read the newspaper

I have lots of secrets

blank --That's a secret.

I love my mother (or if she's dead) I loved my mother

crossed it out!!!

I don't like to talk about sex


I like to fix door latches.

True (if she only knew why)

Why is Freedom of the Press so important?

Brain gets a logjam. I have a lot of thoughts about the question they just won't organize themselves into an answer. No offense DMan but all I can hear are DMan rants in my head.
Try harder to tell me, she encourages. I can't so I cry and she stopped, put it aside.

Whats missing in the picture?

The shadow on the chair

Points: What's the most important thing missing?

Me: Oh the rung on the chair

Shows me a picture of a boat I see a lot of things missing, the front bench, an oarlock and my grandfather

What's the most important thing missing?

Me:The person. I say

How would you describe your life?

Me: Flat loneliness

Dense knots formed in my head when I did the math part.

The nice lady from Job Developement didn't call this week about that job I was interested in.

My husband gave the lady our address so she could mail us a check to cover the vet bills from the dog attack. Nothing yet and the court date is September 20th. Two more hours of tests next week. I hope it's worth it because it's been hard on me and my family.

Living with a chronic unpredictable illness is a challenge. I want to be able to function as I once did, with energy and enthusiasm. Instead, some days the simplest chores requires more stength than I'm able to muster. Frustrating? Aggravating? Discouraging? You bet, but I don't have to be overwhelmed by these feelings.

I'm sure it's not the limitations themselves, but the thoughts I entertain about them that are the most likely to cause me trouble. It's so easy for me to give in to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-pity. I remind myself that I rest in God's love, he loves me just because I'm his child and that thought alone fills me with hope. I seek out God's peace and I'm restored again. Instead of giving into complete discouragement, I can acknowledge my complete dependence on God, who encourages me to go on.

If my thoughts are hope-filled, so will my life be!

    Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ
    2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)