After reading a plethora of breast-nodes pouring through the ENN, this is something I've been wondering about. Now, I understand and empathize with women who don't want to be ogled and pictured topless all day, but I've been glared at more than once when I try to read a woman's shirt as I pass by her, or in class.

I wasn't staring, I was trying to read your shirt!

But they never seemed to believe me. Now, granted most of these girls have been very gifted, but I'm not one to sit and stare at anyone like that. The occurrences where I've gotten the glares back have usually been because I was trying to read part of the t-shirt that was at an odd angle (after all, breasts are three-dimensional, shirts are two-dimensional (practically speaking), and a tighter shirt will form to a large pair of breasts, making part of it harder to read.

Now some of these shirts have been very cute and/or humorous, or just plain puzzling, but I don't like being accosted visually by a woman on the street because she wore a cool t-shirt. I don't know, maybe it's just me, in which case, you can all ignore me as I try to decipher your shirt as we pass by. Oh, and you have beautiful eyes.

Stupid me, forgot to tie into why this actually came to mind today. (It's been a weird facking day...) I was walking to class, an saw this weird colored shirt with cryptic writing on it, and all I could read was HIS and when I got close enough, the rest of it said:
I want to be HISand so much more!
When I was close enough to finish reading it, I looked up at her face to find the biggest, most beautiful smile and that all-knowing look, saying Don't worry, I know you were just reading the shirt.

How to get away with being caught intentionally staring at a girl's breasts
How to get away with being caught intentionally "reading a girl's shirt"

Do you spend hours on end worrying what girls think about you when they catch you staring at their breasts, but you are actually trying to "read her shirt"? Fear no more, as your "shirt reading" activities can now proceed, unimpeded, with the following key phrase:

"Where did you get your shirt/sweater/sari/see-through strapless bra? I think it would make such a great gift for my girlfriend! Red is her favorite color."

Keep in mind that the construction and delivery of the final sentence is key.

Not only have you convinced her that you were not staring at her breasts, like the horny geek boy you are, but you have also complimented her and yet slyly suggested that she cannot sleep with you. What? A super-hot top model like her? She can't sleep with you? Now's she interested...

This line is so brutally effective that you will not get slapped. I defy you to prove me otherwise. Here is your homework for tomorrow:

  1. Find a girl with amazing, huge, round, bulbous, &tc. tits. She's wearing a really tight tank top and no bra but, for some strange reason, would under normal circumstances get really angry if she caught you looking at those breasts that she make such a clear and conscious effort to show off in a striking and arresting manner. And, under normal circumstances, she would be totally out of your league, because you would have nothing to say to her, and if you did, if would be supplicating and obsequious anyhow. Something like: "Nice breasts! They're so big and make me feel thirteen years old all over again!" (wiping drool from side of mouth)
  2. Approach her and stare at her breasts. Wait for her to become angry/clear her throat/say "Can I help you?" in an impatient and unhelpful tone and then, and only then, hit her with the line. Be genuine.
  3. By this point, she is smiling, perhaps even laughing. Proceed to chat her up, seduce her, have children, and fill the gene pool with big-boobed noders.
  4. Receive 25 XP from dem_bones for increasing the average areola size of E2.

If you don't want us to look at your breasts, don't shove them in our faces.

I just hope this writeup does not provoke a rash of So I was intentionally staring at this girl's breasts, when I realized... nodes.

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