After just reading gay flirt by Randofu, I can say that I am going through an experience that is just the opposite of what he is going through. I am straight, and until recently, this was something I never even questioned. My interest and knowledge about the gay/lesbian community changed dramatically about a year ago when my brother came out to me and told me he was gay. Unlike many people who found out, I was very accepting of my brother and I helped him through coming out of the closet to everyone he cared about. I also became very involved in seeing what it was like to be gay, and I found myself interacting with many gays and lesbians following my brother's coming out.

Despite this, I was still very certain of my sexuality until I met a gay guy who was recently hired at my job. I became friends with him, and eventually it became clear to me that he was interested in me, despite his knowing that I am straight. Eventually, things got out of hand. I was at his house with a few other coworkers, and I was alone with him for a few moments and he tried to kiss me. When he saw that I did not want to kiss him and that I was a bit shocked, he tried to apologize to me. At that moment I really did not know what to say, and shortly after the attempted kiss I left unexpectedly.

As I sped home, different thoughts raced through my head. I didn't want him to think I was angry at him, but I also did not want him to think I was gay or bisexual. Also, I took a look at myself. Why did I let him even get that close to me? The possibility of being gay was considered; to be honest I really wasn't sure in those first few moments, but in retrospect this experience has only strengthened my certainty that I am straight. In the following days after this experience, I apologized to my friend for taking off and he apologized for trying to go after me. Still, even though everything is resolved, I often wonder if people who don't know me think that I am gay. Have I been attracting the wrong sex all this time?

I don't know XFCrowman well enough to make any kind of guess about how anyone reads him, but I do have a question relating to this node.

If virtually the same thing had happened with a woman who you knew casually, who had misread your signals, let's say, would you be questioning yourself along similar lines? Why worry about a simple (if somewhat embarassing, for you both, I expect) mistake in reading each other's interests?

Yes, this might have been awkward for you and for him, but why does it leave you questioning yourself on how you are coming across? I would be willing to take at face value that the guy in question read your openness as an invitation, in part because it's relatively rare to see whole-hearted acceptance coming from those who identify themselves very strongly as "straight" (and those often as not, are the ones concealing their own conflicted attractions to the same sex, in my limited experience.)

Being a sweet, open sort of guy may leave you with the impression that other people too might be reading you as gay, and maybe some are. But does their misunderstanding change your inner sense of who you find attractive? And would you really feel good about changing the way you act, just to "prove" to some faceless group of "other people" that you are "straight"?

Just a few thoughts on the subject.

Taking this node at face value, I am going to go out on a limb, and treat it as a getting to know you node.

A straight guy can definitely be a gay flirt. Back when I was young and furry, in high school, one of my better friends was quite flamingly bisexual. Pride rings, rude T-shirts, everything he could do to tick people off. But have no fear, he wasn't simply posing - since then, he's dated a few men and a few women, and been equally happy (or unhappy, but that's another node) in his various relationships.

As I said, I was young and furry, and had barely started to flirt with girls, and the thought of flirting with a guy had honestly never crossed my mind.

He was convinced that I was flirting with him, sending him signals, everything. The fact that I professed to be straight stood for nothing in his book, nor did the avowal of a mutual friend, my girlfriend (but that, too, is another node). He was convinced that I would make a wonderful gay boy, and I just didn't know it yet.

Eventually, he moved to another state, and I never really made enough of an effort to see him when he was in town, somewhat motivated, I admit, by an effort to avoid being hit on. I was never particularly angry with him - it was just hard to keep telling him that no, I really didn't want to hold hands, and no, I really didn't want a kiss. As Randofu suggests below, I did consider it a compliment, just one that was very very hard to deal with because I didn't like telling him no all the time.

I still consider myself pretty straight arrow, although I have learned the fun that flirting with guys can bring. But I always try to make it clear that it's all in good fun, and that I prefer my intimate companionship to be of more of a feminine nature.

So yes, a straight guy can be a gay flirt. For the majority of my sexually aware life, I seem to have been one, quite unintentionally, and now, now I only flirt with guys I know and trust not to take it seriously. Fewer people get hurt that way.

There's a natural human tendency to believe what you want to believe. You know when you had a crush on someone completely unattainable for you in high school? (maybe not, but this is my example)... Well, every single tiny thing that person did, you read it exactly as you wanted it to be. "Oh... she just looked at me!" "She said THANK YOU!" Silly things like that. You want it to be true so badly that you convince yourself that it must be the motive behind that person's kindness.

It's like that with gay guys. You probably did absolutely nothing to provoke their interest in you. They probably just liked you, and misread your friendship as your interest in them. Don't be offended, don't be angry, don't be scared... If anything, be flattered.

Can a straight guy be a gay flirt?

Absolutely. As the writeups above this one demonstrate.

And, in my experience, the more hedonistic a man is, the more likely he is to engage in a little harmless same-sex intrigue.

There's something I find incredibly attractive about a man who finds pleasure the most powerful of drugs. It's wholly unique to each person, the things that please and pleasure them. Said pleasure can be found in light, in life, in drugs, in sex, in pain ... just about anywhere one would care to look.

For the man who takes pleasure in sensation, I find that the ... the ... the very vice of homosexuality is a powerful draw for him. Not the culture, not the attendant little rituals that homosexuals adopt. The hedonistic straight man is not interested in anything like that, for he's not truly gay. All he's interested in is that new sensation. It's the naughtiness of it, the rebelliousness, the casting aside of mores and taboos, and the utter self-indulgence of it all.

And these days, you might just find a man who'll have sex with another man to make a political statement. A backlash against radical feminism, just as many radical feminists espouse lesbianism as a protest against a male-dominant society. It's interesting, to me at least.

So, he'll flirt with me, tease me, taunt me, touch me ... he might even kiss me. If he's especially drowned in sybaritic nature, he might even deign to experiment with me.

All of it, though, in his eyes is nothing more than flirtation. A new high. A new glass full of feeling from which to drink.

It's secret.

It's special.

It's erotic.


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