I think we've all experienced a few of those rare moments that are so utterly beautiful they bring you to tears. At least, I like to think so, anyway. I could digress into a long rant speculating on the human condition, but that's not what anyone wants to read. It's always been my opinion that we'd rather cry than read. Or do both at the same time. Tears on a page, my friend. That is definitely where the party's at. So, my little dreamers, type away. Here are a few moments in my own life that are now burned into my memory.

Walking through a field at 6am, watching the first slant of morning light fall across the greenness in front of me.

Jumping into my bed after winter camping for three days, feeling the warmth coursing through my body and caring about nothing else.

Listening to "Joga," by Bjork, for the very first time.

Singing "Oh Canada" with almost a hundred drunken fellow Canadians on a crowded bus in Ottawa.

Waiting for a bus at 2am, watching a leaf being blown in circles through the dead-quiet street.

Finally realizing that I am interesting.

The Beethoven 9th Symphony, Fourth Movement, the lines from Schiller's An Die Freude:

"Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!"

("O you millions, let me embrace you,
Let this kiss be for the whole world.")

Maudlin and sentimental, I know. But there it is. So desu neh.

Hmm... Let's see...

  • Queen's Own, the first trilogy of books set in Valdemar that Mercedes Lackey wrote. Talia, the main character, is most of what I am and everything I want to be.

  • The Last Herald-Mage, another trilogy of books from Valdemar. The relationships that the shay'a'chern main character has are some of the most beautiful and most tragic things I have ever envisioned.

  • The Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Weber. Besides being an entrancing musical in its own right, I have many sentimental memories attached to this musical.

  • Singing Spirit of Life with my UU church choir on the pastor's last Sunday at our church.

  • Realizing that I truely have friends for the first time in my life - true friends that aren't going to desert me and would stand up for me and with me should the need arise.

  • Kneeling on the grass at sunset with my beloved as I made my promise statement to him at our handfasting.

  • The earth shattering orgasm that I was given a few days ago that finally made me weep because I could not release anymore of the pleasure in any other way.


  • Almost any moment can do it, cause such strong emotion that you cry or at least the feeling of tears behind your eyes and the tightness in your throat. It's those moments you stop for a minute - from rushing to work or home or the store or the bank - you stop and you look around you, and you forget that your bills are late, that you've lost most of your dreams, that you haven't had a good night's sleep in years. You forget all of that and you stop and you just see something, anything.

    The way a 2-year-old girl grabs her father's hand, huge and strong in her tiny palm and holds onto it tightly because she knows he's there to protect her, and she trusts him completely. The kind of trust she'll only have for a few more years yet, and as the harshness of the world gets to her she'll lose that trust and she'll stop grabbing for her daddy's hand and she'll enclose herself within walls that were never meant to really be there. But it's okay, because right then she does trust him and she holds his hand and you can see it in her big brown eyes.

    Or that couple that walks down the street, the couple you would normally make faces at and vomitting sounds because they're so disgustingly in love. But at that moment it isn't disgusting. They see nothing but each other. You can see it in their touch, in their glances, in their shy kind of laughs, where every look and touch still means something.

    The way your hand looks when you really look at it, every curve and line. The way your palm is always lighter than the rest of your skin and softer. and the lines are getting deeper and more defined with age. Just watching your hands move over the keyboard, fluidly and natural, or wave through the air slowly.

    I close my eyes to the music, inclining my head ever so slightly with the lights off and the candles burning. The music is playing, probably Tori Amos or Radiohead, and I can feel every beat pulse through my body. When the music slows down my breathing follows, when it speeds up I can feel it in my chest and I hold my eyes tightly together and nothing but the music can be thought or heard. But I'm crying and it's not because my heart was broken again or because I failed another test, I'm crying because despite the f*cked up crap in the world there's moments like that when it doesn't even matter because you realize there's also so much beauty. And it touches you and you can feel it and you're connected to something and it's an urgent kind of feeling within you that turns into a calm acceptance.

    It just hits you now and then, if you stop and look around, or stop and close your eyes and just sit still. It doesn't matter, look up at a friend and really look, really listen, really touch. And it makes you cry.
    On my birthday my friend Lori stopped by to drop off a birthday gift. All of my other friends already had plans.
    Of all the days they had to pick my birthday to make plans. Buh.

    So anyways, she was my only RL friend that stopped by to say Happy Birthday to me and actually give me something.

    Well the day before we had been out to the mall and I happened to mention to her that I wished I had someone to give me special gifts like she gives to her boyfriend.

    The card she gave me she mentioned what I had said and wrote that she thought this was the next best thing. Included with the card was the cutest damn Teddy Bear I've ever seen. Although I didn't seem very happy about it when she gave it to me, afterwards I started to cry because she cared about me so much.

    When all of my friends ditched me for their selfish lives, she took the time to show her love. And to me that was one of the most beautiful things someone could have done for me.

    The Milky Way

    In fact a projection of the Milky Way in the Hayden Planetarium in New York. The projector is the most advanced in the world. It displays all of the stars that are visible with the naked eye. It displays over 80 objects that are too dim to see with the eye, just to be as accurate as it can be.

    For too long I have been in one city or another. It has been some years since I have seen the Milky Way on a good dark night.

    In the planetarium they tell you what you are about to see, A half baked introduction narrated by Tom Hanks, but then there is a moment of darkness, a moment of silence, and the Universe is hanging there, in front of your eyes. The multicoloured stars surround you. You can reach out, almost touch it.

    It reawakens the child in you, for a moment you are just filled with wonder and as i breathed it in a felt the tear run down my cheek.

    at a Dave Matthews Band concert listening to Crash Into Me and the lights are dim and people have their lighters on and the whole arena looks like stars. Beautiful memories that are associated with that song.

    the last football game of high school, leaving one of my best friends behind, looking at the lights and the empty stands.

    "Freshman" by the Verve Pipe, haunting chords and memories of long ago, of innocence lost and days gone by.

    laying on the couch with her, my soul mate (ModernAngel's definition), enjoying the moment and just being. Listening to the clock on her wall one last time before I leave for months.

    Christmas morning, and my grandmother is dead. Each Christmas after that. The way the material things of Christmas are less than worthless compared to the company of friends and family.

    the mountains of New Mexico in the morning and at sunset.

    my little cousin telling me "I don't want you to get grown up. I want you to play with me." when I told her I had to go help the grownups clean up after a party. I have never felt so ancient

    The fact that life in and of itself is a completely peaceful thing that merely requires alot of death carnage upheaval and disease.

    The way that I wake in the morning to find that nothing has changed for the better or for the worse

    They way that I see the things in people that make them the most beautiful people in the world

    The power I have been given to heal the wounds of the soul and of the mind

    The time when I really and truly realized fear for the first time in Twenty-five years (The birth and subsequent fear of loss of my son)

    The fact that no matter how much my best friend grows up I will always be his true older brother

    The season of fall, every, single, year...

    The true feeling of calm and a true sense of belonging

    In retrospec I have thought about all of these things and their beauty pales in comparison to the simplistic beauty and comfort that I find in Love

    Seeing a friend fall in love for the first time and realizing that he won't mess it up, and he didn't.

    Watching people grow and change into exactly what I knew they could.

    Knowing sometimes, that life will flow away from you (but in the words of one of the best friends I have ever had) you will feel whole again (thanks Clare).

    When watching a movie and for some reason (you know not why) it moves you, deep within and you just break.

    gods forgive me for participating in this mess...

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