The 2 AM Wal-Mart run is a staple of the college lifestyle.

Without the 2 AM Wal-Mart run:

College just wouldn't be college without a 24-hour Wal-Mart nearby.
Because it's the only place open at 2 AM that doesn't serve food or coffee and is full of brightly colored toys to stare at and motorized wheelchairs to ride.

Because your niece's birthday party is tomorrow and you want to get her an inflatable pool. Since your friends dosed you earlier in the evening and you're up for the next several hours, pool or no, you might as well hit walmart.

Because Pikachu wanted you to.

Because the donuts are so fucking pretty.

This writeup brought to you by the letters L, S, and D

A 1998 Chevy Suburban pulls into a near empty parking lot, tires screeching. As it parks, a random cart decides to get in the way and becomes a casualty. For about fifteen seconds, all is calm, and yet, a nervousness is in the atmosphere.

Six men jump out of the car, dressed in, well, mostly black. As they run for the entrance, they split into two groups of three. Five of them stopped as they reached within 20 feet of the door, but one of them, the most intelligent one, finished the run up to the door. Back against the right side of the frame, he peeked into the automatic door that had been propped open, because we all know that's what recon told us it would be like. Coast was clear. As he started to turn his head back, he saw a cart pusher turn the corner of the building. The pusher stopped in his tracks when he saw the man in mostly black, and his eyes lowered to see the man's ammunition, then just shook his head and giggled.

The scout waved back to his flight, and all entered the building, two by two. The three on the left, following the plan, turned left after the clearance and neglected items. Meanwhile, the right 3 went straight on ahead. Screams came from the building employees as the men made their way through, completing the mission as planned. As the left team started darting through women's clothing and Appearel the slightly overweight of the three tripped over a nasty Women's flannels display case. The last of the 3 of them jumped over him with the grace of a woman in seek of 24 hour sales. The first of them looked back only to see the last waving his arms forward, as to say "Leave the lard-ass, and keep going!".

Team two, keeping on schedule, had just passed Children's Shoes and Women's Intimates, when they had their own problems. The leader, and the one most suffering from premature ejaculation, saw the women's bra and panty sets, kept running forward, and slammed into a rack of Children's Winter Foot ware. The other two, obviously not distracted by lightly clad women, continued on their way, making a left at Women's Jewelry. As they ran by Lay-away they noticed 2 people, a woman and a man, coming out to see what was going on. The faces of the initially terrified melted into smiles and giggles as they noticed the men's ammunition. Another left and we'll be home free the second man thought, but that was before an employee getting together a DVD's for less display got in his way and he went sliding into the (Digital) Camera Sales counter.

So, team one, left with two, team two, left with one, armed only with empty bottles of Bawls, finally met up at the soda isle, to pick up a 12 pack of Coke for the each of them. As they stood to legally purchace these fine carbonated beverages their fallen comrades came limping up, each with a case of coke, a smile, and that feeling that they just made the best 2 AM Walmart run ever.

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