can't sleep. loaded with caffeine. looks like this'll be another all-nighter, something which has been happening too often lately. my intake of sugary carbonated beverages was supposed to have been limited recently. i've went two whole days without a coke. and look where it left me. depressed as fuck.
the situation was remedied by having several 24 can party packs stashed away here and there. now i am happy. and will be for a few days at least. five cans a day keeps the depressing realisations of utter futility away. i'm not addicted to the caffeine. i'm just scared of what would happen if my system was not saturated with it.
i don't want to go to sleep. symptoms of chronic sleep deprivation are something i have come to depend upon. most notably the disconnection with reality which is evident when stumbling through the day in an almost unconscious daze. i don't want to wake up. when i do it'll be another day and another opportunity to screw up.
my downward spiral into oblivion would be peachy if it weren't for those damned meddling kids. no wait, i mean the insidious contagion that is hope. it has turned my comfortable freefall towards nothingness into a rollercoaster ride from hell. not that such a amusement attraction is without merit but i'm just not in the mood. and i can't imagine that i'll ever be. not in this lifetime.
Don't stop. You can sleep when you're dead. i think that i will...