I don't say this very often, but holy shit!

I don't know what came over me.

It was an epiphany of biblical proportions.

I was sitting at home watching Seinfeld, and it socked me in the puss like a custard pie. I must have seen the episode about 500 times, but it's never triggered a brainstorm like it did today. It was the episode where George and Jerry are writing a plot for a pilot for NBC.

It got me to thinking, "I wonder if I could write a script". Probably not one for television like in the Seinfeld episode, because if it was successful, then I'd have to come up with plots, and ideas week after week and I only get ideas like this once in a while. But it's a doozy. No, I'm talking major motion picture.

It's an idea that is absolutely shocking in its originality and humor.

It is, plain and simple, a flat out winner. I already have my millions spent.

Picture this:

There's a lacrosse team. Part of the beauty of this is that any sport could work, but there has never been a good movie about lacrosse, so I picked lacrosse.

Anyway, the team who will be the focal point of the movie is the worst team in the league. You could say that they suck - and in fact, their rival team, the best team in the league (who, surprisingly enough, will be the bad-guy/antagonist types) say several times that they suck. But our team is a determined albeit motley crew.

It starts off showing how disorganized our protagonist team is, and they wind up suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of the rival team knocking them out of championship contention. The coach is of course, fired, and is replaced by an aging ex-lacrosse player who loves the game more than anyone, but is a recovering alcoholic who isn't awarded much respect when he joins the team.

Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?

On top of that the team will be owned by an evil sadistic owner who is threatening to sell the team unless they bring home a championship the following year. So he makes a deal with the rival team to make sure that our team loses at all costs.

This will not sit well with the coach, since this is his last chance at glory.

The player captain of the team will be kind of arrogant (hey, he's the captain of a lacrosse team - you don't get to that point without a good dose of confidence, and that sometimes translates to arrogance), but a totally lovable guy. He's kind of a prankster and will spearhead several pranks and tricks against the rival team, particularly against the team's head coach who will be a total asshole, who keeps leaving himself open for the captain's gags. The rival team's coach and captain (who will be a total suck-up to the coach) deserve everything they get including when our captain switches the coach's shampoo with Nair cream and ends up bald as a cueball.

And there's plenty more where that came from.

Like during a road trip about halfway through the movie, and our team puts ex-lax in a bunch of cookies and offers them to the rival team as a sort of "peace offering". Of course the rival team takes the cookies and gives the messenger (who is the weakest member of our team - but possesses incredible speed when he's not distracted by girls in the crowd. Unfortunately that happens all the time, so his speed and coordination isn't revealed until much later in the film) a terrible wedgie sending him back to his own team who watches the frantic crowd at the bathroom, all the while hooting and howling in derisive laughter.

I know it's wild, but I think it will be refreshingly original. I am tempted to use the word hijinx, but I think that's an overused cliche, and I'm reluctant to use it here.

Some of the other characters will be "the big guy" who appears stupid, but is surprisingly smart and sensitive which he will discover and become comfortable with by the end of the film. Also the only girl in the league will be on our team playing the goalie - and she'll be a knock-out! The surprise will come when she makes several incredible saves in one of the opening games, and the whole audience will assume its a guy until she whips her goalie mask off and WOW! It's this bodacious shapely woman.

N0b0dy will see that coming]!

I don't want to reveal too much, because I don't want to ruin it for those of you who will see it when it comes out on the silver screen, but I have to fill you in on some of the more inspiring points of the film. Like when the coach gets fed up with his team's insubordination and walks off. The team rallies behind the captain and to talk to the coach promising victory if he comes back to the team. He does indeed come back and the team performs better than ever.

How inspiring is that?

What I'm picturing right after the coach comes back is a musical interlude. There'll be an upbeat contemporary song playing in the background like "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, or "Holding out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler. During the song, we'll show hints of our team winning game after game after game against teams who were previously superior, but now are no match for our rejuvenated team. I want to have a few shots of some of our team members scoring incredible goals, and doing a brief celebratory dance on the field. Maybe even get the coach shaking his shoulders and butt on the sidelines. A little clapping and a little manly hugging like sports teams are wont to do when one of their own makes a great play.

I won't give the ending away, but I will say that the evil team owner will not be happy! And neither will the rival team. Heh, heh, heh.

Now it may seem a little wild, but I think with a little flash and tweaking, this could be a great movie! I'll just have to make sure that hot fresh and popular actors play the parts. Maybe get Keanu Reeves or Ethan Hawke to play the team captain, and get that guy from Poltergeist to play the Coach.

I wouldn't presume so far as to say it's Oscar caliber, but I think it's a million-dollar idea, and if I see a movie like this before I can submit it to a big Hollywood producer, I'm suing!

Damn right.