Dear beloved Bed,
Since I started working the night shift, I feel like we've grown so far apart. We just never seem to spend time together. At night, I just want to curl up with you, to feel your comforting warmth, but you seem so impossibly far away. I miss you so much, and sometimes... sometimes I just can't take it.
I have a confession.
I know that you've been suspicious. Yesterday, I came home and even though you were made up so beautifully with your clean, unruffled sheets and your pair of soft, supple, freshly fluffed pillows, I just wasn't in the mood. I think you know why.
I...I've slept with someone else.
Last night my longing for you became unbearable and I... I did something stupid. I slept with the floor at work. I don't know why I did it. Just to fill the void left by your absence, I think. I didn't even enjoy it! The floor left me so unsatisfied! As we slept together, all I could think about was how much better you were, how much I missed you.
I know we've had some hard times. Remember that weekend I was out of town? I know all about how you slept with two of my roommate's guests at the same time! You didn't think I knew, but I did. That hurt.
We've been through a lot and I know we can work out these problems though. I love you, bed.