One week ago I did shrooms for the second time, this is the story of my journey.
Dose: 1/8 ounce chopped up and swallowed in water with a dash of lemon.
I took the shrooms
at about midnight, while my 4 friends, Ryan, Steven, Erin,
and Bryan each took half a tab of ecstasy
. While I was waiting for the
to reach my brain I began to arrange the room so that there wouldn't
be anything to trip over while I was tripping (pun intended). All the lights
were extinguished except for a black light.
The trip started out normally with a spacy feeling and sense of being slowly
elevated. I knew from my first time doing shrooms that I would know when the
trip had started when I could consciously manifest open eye visions. So when I
started to notice an increased sensitivity to light, I laid down on the couch
and stared at the ceiling. The patterns in the ceiling were random and
would provide a good medium for self induced hallucinations
. After a few
minutes the random patterns turned into a bas relief
of tribal patterns, and
the colors of the light began to adjust to the tone of the music. When I
closed my eyes the patters stayed, but transformed into brightly colored
which pulsated and spun in my mind's eye. There was something else
behind the patterns though, a presence, as though a hidden part of myself
were standing on the other side of a stained glass window
I don't know how long I stayed like this, perhaps 20 minutes, maybe an hour,
but here the trip took a slightly bad turn. I started feeling nauseous,
so I began to set up my vaporizer. This was a mistake in the state I was
currently in, because as I was reaching inside to remove the bowl, the
seemed to come to life and grab hold of my hand, while the soldering
iron inside licked at me and threatened to grind my hand like a blender.
I didn't let this freak me out though, I had brought it upon myself, and I
enjoyed the surreal pseudo bad trip
. But there was still the problem of my
ever increasing nausea
, so I finished setting up the vaporizer and took a couple
hits. Unfortunately I only had bammer
, and it didn't help much. I laid back
on the couch and tried to control my body, but was unable to get rid of the
stomach discomfort completely, and at one point decided I had better move into
Due to my sensitivity to light I entered the bathroom in the dark, and tried to
find my way to the toilet by touch. This proved to be more difficult than I
expected, since my sense of size and distance were gone completely by this
point. I tried to control my stomach again and had some more success this time,
perhaps due to the isolation. The nausea was beginning to remind me of the
feeling I get when I drink way too much
, and it was having a definite effect on
my trip. I sat and meditated
on the bathroom floor for perhaps half an hour,
I couldn't really say how long exactly though because my sense of time had
changed dramatically. I think it was about this point that I began to toy
with the idea of leaving my body and taking a more literal trip. I was
worried, however, that something might happen to my body while I was gone,
that maybe it would forget to breathe, or vomit in a bad position and
choke to death without my presence. But I decided I would try it anyway, I
would just prepare my body so it would be ok while I was gone. With
considerable effort I stood up and walked back into the kitchen to find my cup
of water. With my dry mouth taken care of I went back into the bathroom
and emptied my bladder, so there would be no accidents while I was away.
Once again I sat down in front of the toilet and began to meditate. I tried
to project my spirit
into the other room where my friends were, to try
to feel their energies. Perhaps it was just the power of suggestion, but
I think I succeeded in some way, and came into contact with their spirits.
They were all glowing red, while my own was blue. I returned to my body
to check on it. My legs were uncomfortable on the hard bathroom floor, so
I moved them until I was satisfied, and then set off on another journey.
This time I attempted to contact the spirit of the earth and nature.
I felt something, but I wanted to be closer to the earth. I would have gone
outside and walked to the park if I could have, but entering and leaving my
body was very strenuous and I didn't have the energy at the moment. I tried
to call out to my friends without words, to come help me move closer to the
earth, but I didn't reach them. In fact, at this point I had almost entirely lost my ability to speak. Language had become something unnesesary. When my friends would come to check on me, I could only smile at them to let them know I was alright.
A lot of my trip blends together in my memory, but I think this was when I
into the spirit world and communed with fellow travelers.
It was hard to maintain this level of meditation though and I soon returned
to my body again. But this time I had brought something back with me. I felt the
presence again, and it seemed to be the spirit of an ancient shaman, there
to help guide me through this rite of passage. There was another presence as
well, what seemed to me to be a wolf spirit, which I believe was representing
the spirit of nature to me. I was beginning to think of this as a ritual,
part of which involved purging the body. I tried to throw up, but part
of me really didn't want to. I was experiencing ego death
, and the different
parts of my personality were becoming distinct entities in my mind, and
they were arguing with each other. My rational part was telling me that
it didn't really matter if I vomited or not, the mushrooms wouldn't hurt me
and I'd feel better again when they've fully digested. The spiritual part
of me insisted that I purge myself in order to communicate with the earth
spirit, and some other part of me tried to convice the others that the
mushrooms had become a part of me and I shouldn't be feeling sick in the first
place. There was no winner, but I ended up not throwing up anyway.
While I was meditating I learned a few things. I learned that the real evil
in the world is the force that tells people not to be themselves, the
societal pressure that prevents people from doing what they really want to.
I learned that there are senses that humans have long since forgotten how to
use. I learned that my body is not who I am, but rather just transportation
for my spirit, or soul, or whatever you want to call it.
And most importantly I learned that every living thing has a life force
which contributes to the overall spirit of the earth, and now it is very hard
for me to even kill an ant without feeling remorse. Not that I'm totally
against killing, it seems to me that if something is killed for food then
it doesn't diminish the lifeforce, but if something is killed and left to rot
then it is wasted and the earth is injured by it.
I can't think of how to end this properly, so I'll leave you with some links. For a more poetic explaination of what I was going through read the lyrics to The Patient
, and Reflection
, from Tool
's new album. As far as I'm concerned they are all about mushroom trips.