Years have gone by, and now the pain is nowhere near as sharp as it was during those first few months; people tell me that I should be all better now, like I had the flu, or a broken leg… but does that mean that I should stop missing you?

Because I still do…

I miss your smile the most. That warm, infectious, energetic smile could light a room; even in the end, when your smooth high forehead pressed itself pained and feverish against the hospital bed, you smiled and smiled and smiled. I can’t imagine the strength that took, and I can’t tell you how much it helped the rest of us. But there are other things…

Your voice… how does that sound again? Your scent… do you know how many perfumes I’ve smelled, how many types of incense I’ve gone through, how many sachets, powders, and lotions I’ve bought? Even so, how am I to know if I have it right without you around? I miss the way you sang me to sleep when I was younger… “Daisy, Daisy, tell me your answer true… I’m half crazy over my love for you…” I miss your stories… I miss being your “smart little cookie”… I even miss the time I refused to clean my room and instead told you that I hated you and wished you were dead. I would gladly welcome back that small moment of irrational pre-teen behavior if it meant that you would still exist in my life.

I have so many questions I wish I could ask you now… what was your first date like? What was your favorite music as a teenager? Your favorite movies? Why didn’t you ever show off your artwork? Were you happy with your life? What would you have changed if you could have? How did it feel to be beautiful…?

I know you’ll never be back; I know these questions will go unanswered. I know that I’ll probably never remember what your voice sounded like, and that no matter how much I miss you, these things are nothing more than enveloping disjointed memories of light and matter… I know I should be over this by now.

Am I still allowed to miss you…?

I miss you.

I miss your touch and your smell. Your voice telling me my bad day would end.

I miss having lunch with you. Listening to your stories and laughing, forgetting about myself.

I miss crying when you hurt, laughing when you're happy, and being down when you're sad.

It seems so long ago, that you and I could talk. You never took me for granted. So many times I blew you off to have fun, and so many times you sacraficed everything for me.

Now I'm alone. Often I sit here wondering where you are and what you're doing. I realize I screwed up. I know it's too late to ask you to forgive me.

I regret not taking you in. Shoving you out, keeping my feelings to myself. I always knew you cared. But I didn't care enough.

I don't deserve you. I hope he's happy. He better know what he has.

I miss you, and it hurts.

I need you to give me a reason why I feel so depressed. Every time I try to sleep all I see is you. I need a reason why I can’t feel my heart. I hate to admit it but everytime your not right there beside me I just fall apart. I like to watch you sleep and wonder where it is you go. Can you tell me? I really want to know. Why? Because I miss you. This is all I’m trying to say to you. You’re beautiful both inside and out, and I miss you. These three words have said it all, for you know I miss you. I think about you when you’re gone, I guess I just miss you and that’s all that is wrong with me. I don’t need to carry on, yet I will.

I need a reason why I cannot concentrate on anything but you. My world is turning upside down. I’m spinning round and round. Give me a reason why I now understand the beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me. There is a magic in you that you have a way of spreading everywhere you are. This magic makes it so that anywhere I go, I know your always there. I know it sounds ridiculous but when you leave a room part of me goes with you.

It’s such a hard life most of the time that I’m not living, just surviving. This is why I want you to know that in this world where sincerity has lost its meaning, you fill my world with so much hope.

You know that I miss you and this is all I want to do. I know it doesn’t sound too cool but maybe I’m in love with you. I just miss you. Yes, it’s true baby, I miss you. When you walk out that door all I know is I miss you and you make me want to ask for more. I miss you, baby.

Lyrics and inspiration from “I Miss You” by Darren Hayes

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