Does life go in cycles, respond to themes? Do we create our situations or dramatic arcs? Can I do well only in an academic setting? Why is my social life dependent on being in a lecture at a certain time?
To review: last week, my life was much like the prevailing mood here: I would like a girl. I miss a girl. Tom Waits. Frank Sinatra. Girl. Tales of Phantasia, English hack for an SNES emulator. Etc. Thanks to the timely intervention of somebody who recently joined our community, I gained confidence to rejoin the human race. Today, i went back to university.
An accumulation of small incidents. Receiving back a paper for my Ulysses class-- "awesome essay. However, you were supposed to discuss two episodes, and you only discussed one." Sixty percent(60%). D or F, depending on how they grade in this country. D or F, and a compliment. My own sense of self is unchanged: i wrote a very good description of the Proteus episode, recounting that hour on Sandymount Strand. It will be seen here, soon. My institutional number is threatened by stupidity, however. A triumph or a tragedy? Balances out.
A girl (quite beautiful, known to me before) invites me to her house to see Martin Scorcese's "The Last Waltz", considered by some to be the best concert film ever. If I do not mess things up and I have not misread obvious signs, this Friday will be my best birthday ever.
Catch up on a girl I would have been dating were I not shy, or not on the same wavelenght. Things are complicated. She has a boyfriend (sensetive, with a motorcycle). This does not bother me; the chemistry is there between us. Had I wanted it to be anything, it would have been.
(Interlude: Dad is watching music television. My contemp for the Bee Gees shifts into love as the Clash play Should I Stay Or Should I Go?. Its relationship to today is uncertain.)
More signs. Once again, poised on the edge of possiblity. Things uncertain. Better then a relationship, more fun. Mom's birthday is today; I should node about her. She loves ballet and art and her privacy. Neither her nor my dad would want me writing about her here; suffice it to say she loves and cares for her childern. My next post will take me to level 2; I have revealed too much of the personal here; the SWAT Kats need noding; things do not happen, they simply are.