My lover is watching the tee vee and my dog is chewing some rawhide bone in the living room and I’m here pounding these keys drinking the remnants of the dinner wine out of a juice glass.
Welcome to my world.
When I was grabbing the paper bag out of the trunk with dog in tow, the hottie betty upstairs neighbor girls stopped by the car.
”Got some wine huh?” The brown haired one asked.
”Yup, “ I replied, “One to deglaze the pan and one to deglaze me.”
The blond one laughed and told me about some tater tot hotdish her mom made or sum such but I wasn’t really paying much attention on account of her sun dress and all.
People think all the time how easy it must be to be me. They’re all the time telling me, “How easy I have it” and “Aren’t I so lucky to have this life to live?”
What the hell do they know? It isn’t easy being anybody. All the time we have to deal with fuckin’ people that don’t have the sense to even pay attention to their own lives. They don’t give a damn, they’re all damn brainwashed with the cell phones and internet and the tee vee stories. I’d ask all these people “What’s wrong with you?”, but then I get thinking about what’s wrong with me.
I go about a process when dealing with my life events. First, I assess the situation then, I either address the situation or ignore it. Ignoring it is far easier to implement earlier in the process, and as we all learn, procrastination produces results. Now, I’ll admit that the turmoil associated with procrastination is awful, but addressing a certain situation immediately can carry the overwhelming bane of hindsight and second guessing oneself. Sure, it’s done, but. I prefer procrastination, you know, sleep on a life event, assess if it is important or trivial and if revenge is necessary you can make a plan.
I had the idea bout a year ago that I would make ceramic fish and that I would sell them for money. I rented a studio space, bought some clay, got a fishing licence I did all sorts of stuff I didn’t think I had to do. I even talked to a business advisor at my old University. His eyes just glazed over when I was talking to him. I also got into a whole political commentary about how Americans always want more and such, and he asked me about the fish,
”What will make this worthwhile for you?” The question had a monetary tone.
“It’s already worthwhile.” I replied, full of superior ease.
People don’t get it. At my art fairs people happen upon my tent and they say the most crazy things. Most people just walk by and say, “Fish.” Some think the fish are real and that I pour clay over real fish, some ask what they are made of, a few even ask me “What are these?” or “What do you do with these?” I don’t have the heart to rip into them, plus I want them to shell out some dineros for my craft so I answer ever so softly.
I better get going because the tee vee story my lover is watching is on it’s second to last commercial break. I have fifteen minutes to deliver a fond conclusion. This is it:
Process is paying attention to the little things. A cicada shell attached to a tree, the crunch of a leaf, an unusually quiet Sunday morning when you can hear your favorite song in some apartment in the building you walk the dog by. The smell of breakfast (not vegetarian) cooking, emotion, potential, being.
Take me for instance, making ceramic fish is easy. I just make them. It comes natural, but then I got the idea to sell them, and everything got corrupted. I started making stuff I thought people would want to buy, but all they bought were the other things full of my emotion. I was making myself and selling little bits of it off, like giving away words on the internet. Man, I wish I had a clue.
It feels good though when someone really gets into it, kids love the fish and their parents always warn , “Don’t touch.” I sure feel sorry for the kids and usually put a fish right in their hands, it’s a great marketing ploy. You just tell their parents they should make the bedroom with a fishing theme. God bless them.
The tee vee story is almost over and I made more than five hundred words, which was my goal. Progress is simple: Keep going, no matter how much time you have.