Just when I thought I had the market cornered on high cholesterol deliciousness, along comes the wizards from Wendy’s with their brand new effort to harden our arteries, expand our waistlines, deaden our taste buds and quite possibly induce some of us into cardiac arrest.
In that light, the marketing geniuses at Wendy’s have deployed The Baconator, the ultimate in the game of bacon cheeseburgers. Even the name, a rip off of Arnold Schwarzenegger and his role as The Terminator is meant to be intimidating and from the looks of it, The Baconator will be around for awhile.
What makes it so special?
According to Wendy’s own website, The Baconator is loaded down with six (6!) strips of hickory smoked bacon. Those six strips of goodness are then piled on not one but two (2!) ¼ pound all beef patties. Then two slices of gourmet American Cheese are added along with a slathering of mayonnaise and ketchup all plopped onto a Kaiser roll. The site also asks that you "obsess a little". I translate that to maybe allow yourself to indulge a bit, to go ahead, that nobody is watching and you know you want to. For only $4.29, that my friends, is a lot of fuckin' food.
Since The Baconator alone (no fries or diet coke) clocks in at about 830 calories and 51 grams of fat many folks are thinking that it should come with a warning label with the following caveats.
- Pregnant women or women who are nursing should avoid eating The Baconator.
- If, after consuming a Baconator you experience chest pains, call 911 immediately.
- The legendary Bill Brasky had a difficult time finishing off just one Baconator.
- If before, during or after consuming a Baconator you experience an erection that lasts for more than four hours, seek medical attention.
- Senior citizens should think twice before ordering a Baconator.
- Children should not order or play with the Baconator without risking severe bodily harm.
- For people with heart conditions, consult your cardiologist before eating the Baconator.
- For obvious reasons, DO NOT TAUNT THE BACONATOR!
What other noders have to say about The Baconator
kozmund says: "re The Baconator: I am saddened by this. I prepare a dish which is refered to as "Baconated Steak." It involved cramming bacon into the middle of a perfectly good cut of meat. Now, it will need to be renamed to avoid confusion."
brassmule says "re The Baconator: Purely on the strength of your writeup, I visited Wendy's this evening on my way home from the store and purchased a Baconator. I didn't know anything at all about it until your writeup. It was decidedly delicious. The bacon added some really great flavour to the burger, and despite the guilty feeling in my stomach, I enjoyed every last bite. Thanks for sharing.
Professor Pi says "re The Baconator: awww, I assumed it was a website asigning bacon numbers to visitors.
Orange Julius says re The Baconator: I get a four hour erection just *thinking* about the Baconator."
Jangie says "re: the baconator: My favorite part about the commercial was seeing three strips of bacon on the burger and wondering how they got to call it a baconator... only to be shocked/disturbed/pleased by three more bacon strips landing on the previously shown three."
shaogo says "re The Baconator: I'm gonna hire a private ambulance and proceed to Wendy's with a fifth of bourbon, and order a half-filled coke with plenty of ice, and a "Baconator." Does Wendy's sell cheese fries? I think that those would be a fitting side order."